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Author Topic: dating  (Read 26012 times)

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Offline cjc

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  • Posts: 1,011
  • Sweet Girl
dating
« on: May 21, 2007, 10:29:50 PM »
Ladies, I'm just wondering have any of you single ladies are doing as far as dating. I have meet 2 poz guys from poz personals and they came to see me.1 was a freak and the other we just didn't click. anyone care to share any stories or tips. I would love to find someone to date but they seem to be hard to find. Just wondering. Thanks .  Cristy

Offline Dragonette

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Re: dating
« Reply #1 on: May 22, 2007, 03:33:14 AM »
Hi Cristy,

I was diagnosed 1.5 years ago and my then-BF immediately withdrew from the relationship. I had ads in poz and pozmatch and got contacted by a few guys, but most were far away, so it was just talking. I met a poz man locally, I can't say anything bad about him, I tried to be with him for a couple months, but he had issues with his hidden bisexuality, to which he didn't admit (I found it out by accident), and when I also found that he lied to me about a woman he had sex with I got fed up and left. This makes him sound like a real asshole, but he wasn't, he was a very kind, loving and giving man but I was not in love with him and he wanted more. I met my BF at the same time I was seeing this man, but we were just friends for a few months, ultimately we got together, and I am very much in love with him. We have just moved in together, and try to make plans for the future but it is hard because his contract here is up very soon. But we know we want to stay together.  So not really a dating story, although, initially, we were dating (I called and asked him out), and we had a few great dates but I was sure that once he heard my status that would be the end of that. When he heard it, nothing happened, we stayed friends, but the romantic vibe was gone for a while, it came back big time though! I guess what I am saying is from my limited experience in dating a negative, is that it takes longer, there is no kiss on the first date, sex on the third (If you disclose that it). It would take longer for everything to sink in. We didn't meet online but when I went to see an apartment. I have no experience with online dating, the only online "dating" I did was through the poz sites but it remained online and at the friendship level.

Take good care & all the luck. I think it is difficult to find someone, for any woman, at any staus. It is a fulltime job. Big hug,

PS I also met one freak online, perhaps it was the same one? He could be cast as a serial killer...
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline IzPoz

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  • God, grant me the serenity...
Re: dating
« Reply #2 on: May 22, 2007, 07:21:40 AM »
I was thrust into the world of HIV and dating after my husband passed away nearly two years ago. Granted, it took about a year and a half before I started really looking, but so far it's not been bad for me.  A friend of mine introduced me to a man who is nearly 20 years older than me, but is such a great guy. When I told him of my status, he didn't flinch and was still wanting relations with me. We have a good friendship, I respect him tremendously, but our relationship is mostly physical.

I recently met this pos guy on HIVnet, who so far seems pretty nice. He's a real gentleman and is very respectful. I haven't known him long enough to decide if he's someone I want to continue dating, but we will see how it goes.
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

Offline purpledragonfly

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  • Posts: 149
Re: dating
« Reply #3 on: May 22, 2007, 12:08:43 PM »
Hi Christy,

I have had some pretty bad experiences on poz personals. The first man i ment on there was nice on the internet and on the phone and we talked for about 2 months. He called one night and said he would be close to me on a job he was doing and wanted to get together and have dinner and a movie. I said ok and that friday i went to the motel to pick him up,well he had other plans and lets just say date rape. I ment another one on the same dating site and he turned out to be a scammer from the group that is in africa scamming people that are hiv poz. So it hasn't been very good to me. I still check out the dating sites, but am very cautious and if someone does send me a message i am very up front about what i will not stand for. I haven't ment anyone yet but i still have hope that one day the man for me will contact me. Hope i am still able to have fun by then lol.
Good luck with your search.

Wendy

Offline Ulong

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  • Posts: 43
Re: dating
« Reply #4 on: May 22, 2007, 12:55:18 PM »
If you're looking to date only other people who are poz, it's just a matter of numbers...you're looking through a much smaller pool of potential dates. It's taken me quite a while to start thinking of dating outside the HIV pool. Frankly, I'd rather date someone else who has HIV but that's stopped being my only criteria. So I hang around online but spend much more energy elsewhere.

 I've found that most advice on dating and disclosure is aimed at the gay male community so it also took me a long time to get advice that would apply to me. Let's face it, a gay guy going into a bar can realistically think of disclosing to someone he meets right there without being the talk of the entire place. That's not to say that gay men don't get rejected, but they don't have to deal with the almost universal feeling of "who the **** would date someone with AIDS?"

Two things that I've found helpful: wait on the disclosure. The usual pattern of dating is not very HIV friendly, I like to give people a chance to get to know me before I tell them I'm positive. (BTW, I do that in friendships too).

And if you do end up with a partner who is neg, make sure they have support. The world at large will spend a lot of time telling your partner that they are crazy and encouraging them to dump you. Problem is, there isn't a lot of support for couples other than gay men, you have to really hunt around to find it, if you can find it at all. Most programs at ASO's are funded by grants that are aimed at reducing transmission between two guys, or by IV drug use. Bummer.

But don't give up, the success stories (like here) are one thing that keep me sticking my neck out in the dating world. You just gotta be ready for the occasional slams and figure out ways to deal with them. Like these message boards.  :)


Offline cjc

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  • Sweet Girl
Re: dating
« Reply #5 on: May 22, 2007, 11:14:05 PM »
Thanks ya'll. Wendi, I remember you mentioning that before and all I can say is that sucks big-time. I have been through similar situations and not a pleasant experience. Not since I have become poz though.  Ulong, great poiint, The pool to chose from is very small. i guess I just am a little frustrated because I do serosort and the fear of rejection from someone negative is scary. I might get to that point but not yet.Thanks for the responses and thought ,ladies. All are welcome.  Cristy

Offline englishgirl

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Re: dating
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2007, 04:03:56 PM »
im wondering if we should let eachother know which guys on poz personals we should steer clear of! sadly i have not got as far as any dates, i seem to live in the wrong country!

as far as neggies go ive found that my policy of disclosing on a first date limits me somewhat, but what limits me more is that i'm far too choosy! im not sure yet whether i will ever be able to have a relationship with a neggie. ive made it past the first date but i havent made it past a month. and as far as only dating poz guys, seeing as the only poz heterosexual man where i live is my ex i think i will have to widen my horizons if i decide to only date poz guys!

good luck with the search ladies
xx
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Offline IzPoz

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  • Posts: 332
  • God, grant me the serenity...
Re: dating
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2007, 06:50:50 PM »
Disclosing to a negative person is pretty risky, but also subject to your own personal trusts and instincts.  Personally, I won't dislcose on a first date, probably not the second date either. I want the guy to get to know me, understand me for who I am, not what I have. After he gets to know me, and if I think that I can tell him, then I will. My instincts thus far have been spot on, and I haven't had any bad experiences. Although I did have one 'rejection' from a life-long friend who had his own inhibitions to deal with, and all I can say is: "His loss!!".
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: dating
« Reply #8 on: May 23, 2007, 09:44:35 PM »
Good Topic! The dating game has sucked for me. I don't know anyone who is poz in my town unless they are gay. And it is actually taboo to even mention it in the black community. Real Taboo. I have tried the personals but it seem like nothing was popping. I did meet someone a few weeks ago that I thought might have been a hopeful but I think he is wrapped up in his own demons. He was abused by his ex wife, not that it bothered me because I had been abused in the past twice, so I could relate but I just get the feeling something else is going on.

I go other sites but if there is an interest, they live too far away. It really sucks. As of late I have been really lonely and craving some attention or a relationship. Glad to know it isn't just me...
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline cjc

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  • Posts: 1,011
  • Sweet Girl
Re: dating
« Reply #9 on: May 23, 2007, 10:51:04 PM »
Queen, It's definitely not just you. guess we just have to keep looking. Best to you all,   Cristy

Offline queenie

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  • Posts: 18
Re: dating
« Reply #10 on: May 24, 2007, 04:39:30 AM »
same here, a couple of these jerks put pics of models on their profile
finding mature non whinning man he is like finding a needle in a hay stack
 :o

Offline sweetasmeli

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  • Love what you are...
Re: dating
« Reply #11 on: May 24, 2007, 10:03:27 AM »
Dating? What's that then? ???

Melia the Monkess
/\___/\       /\__/\
(=' . '=)    (=' . '=)
(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: dating
« Reply #12 on: May 24, 2007, 04:59:19 PM »
Well ladies, we gotta come up with a game plan... ;) Mission, should you decide to take it,is called "Get a man or sex friend"...I don't know about y'all but my main concern or problem is the disclosure issue. I have had nothing but negativity whenever I try to disclose to someone.I would definitely have to know them for awhile before I'd even consider it.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline cjc

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  • Posts: 1,011
  • Sweet Girl
Re: dating
« Reply #13 on: May 24, 2007, 11:27:48 PM »
Well ladies, we gotta come up with a game plan... ;) Mission, should you decide to take it,is called "Get a man or sex friend"...I don't know about y'all but my main concern or problem is the disclosure issue. I have had nothing but negativity whenever I try to disclose to someone.I would definitely have to know them for awhile before I'd even consider it.
                                                                              Queen, I have been working on the mission for a while. I have problems with the disclosure thing as well. And I don't want to risk sharing this so that does narrow our choices quite a bit. Hell, I'd just take a sex friend if the sex was good. Cristy
« Last Edit: May 24, 2007, 11:36:56 PM by cjc »

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: dating
« Reply #14 on: May 25, 2007, 01:16:17 PM »
Cjc~~

Believe me, I know what you mean. Besides being poz, I just think it's hard to find a good man much less a decent one.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline bluelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 178
Re: dating
« Reply #15 on: May 25, 2007, 05:09:42 PM »
The dating game when your poz is harder l find in some way's then when l was neg.In other way's it's the same.I have done both looked for poz men and the two l found were very messed up at being poz and very angry at the women who gave it to them.When l said to them you might want to deal with your issues l was of course the messed up one.

As for neggie men as soon as l have told them my status it's always the same "We can be friends".

For me l don't disclose l feel like l am hiding a part of me not fair to the person getting to know you.I find for me l much rather get the "talk" done sooner than later and then well see above happens.

I just find the whole dating thing frustrating so l have decided to take a break from it and do things l enjoy for now.

And l always have chocolate!!!

Offline purpledragonfly

  • Member
  • Posts: 149
Re: dating
« Reply #16 on: May 25, 2007, 09:23:51 PM »
Hi Christy,

I have had some pretty bad experiences on poz personals. The first man i ment on there was nice on the internet and on the phone and we talked for about 2 months. He called one night and said he would be close to me on a job he was doing and wanted to get together and have dinner and a movie. I said ok and that friday i went to the motel to pick him up,well he had other plans and lets just say date rape. I ment another one on the same dating site and he turned out to be a scammer from the group that is in africa scamming people that are hiv poz. So it hasn't been very good to me. I still check out the dating sites, but am very cautious and if someone does send me a message i am very up front about what i will not stand for. I haven't ment anyone yet but i still have hope that one day the man for me will contact me. Hope i am still able to have fun by then lol.
Good luck with your search.

Wendy

Offline cjc

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,011
  • Sweet Girl
Re: dating
« Reply #17 on: May 26, 2007, 08:40:54 AM »
Thanks Wendy. I am sorry for what happened to you.   I understand the comment about hoping by the time someone contacts you, you will still be able to have fun.I have the scammers,too. I just delete their messages , usually they start with"Hello Dear" Or some such nonsense as that. I will just keep searching also. And we always have Chocolate, as Bluelove said.   Though I'm not sure how good the 3 dove Ice Cream bars I ate last night are for me. oh,well. Good luck to us all.  Cristy

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: dating
« Reply #18 on: May 28, 2007, 03:41:42 PM »
I don't feel all that comfortable with dating sites anymore, especially after watching that one show on Lifetime about the dude who was meeting women online and marrying them. I think he married over 15 women.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Coffeechick88

  • Member
  • Posts: 431
Re: dating
« Reply #19 on: May 28, 2007, 05:33:41 PM »
Dating with HIV can be hard and if you go long term with an HIV- man, it takes a special, mature man to make it work.  I haven't dated another postiive guy, only the negative ones (not on purpose--it just happens that way) and I have had good and bad experiences.  I ended a relationship with a wonderful guy recently, but only because we were ready for different things (he wanted marriage and kids, I didn't--hell I'm still in my 20s!)  HIV separates the men from the boys, but the disclosure issue will never be easy.  I always disclose before it gets to the time when we might be starting to have sex, since even though I always use protection and have never had a condom break or anything, I operate under the principle of informed consent.  I don't really take rejection very hard anymore, since I realize they are rejecting a disease not me and if they can't see past HIV, then I figure they weren't worth my time to begin with.  But I have had some good ones, who even if they aren't educated, they are willing to learn more and find out how a magnetic relationship can work both sexually and otherwise.  Others, it has been a look of shear terror and they suddenly have things that have come up.  A few I have theorized probably would have gone to the 'Am I infected' page just to make sure that kissing me didn't get them infected.  But it hasn't been as bad as I thought and I don't beat myself up anymore if they say no.  Right now, I am toying with the idea of a younger guy, who is 21, but incredibly hot--I've never gone to the younger ones, but I am very much lusting after this one, but not sure how the youngin' would be able to handle the HIV thing, but maybe since he grew up with drug using, criminal parents and had to grow up fast, maybe he wouldn't take it as bad as I fear.  I haven't told him yet, though.
Lucas James is here
Born 6-14-08 at 1233 am
8 lbs 14 oz, 22 in long

Offline Coffeechick88

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Re: dating
« Reply #20 on: May 28, 2007, 05:34:40 PM »
I don't feel all that comfortable with dating sites anymore, especially after watching that one show on Lifetime about the dude who was meeting women online and marrying them. I think he married over 15 women.
I think I remember that vaguely.  Was it a true story?
Lucas James is here
Born 6-14-08 at 1233 am
8 lbs 14 oz, 22 in long

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: dating
« Reply #21 on: May 29, 2007, 12:52:57 AM »
Actually it was a true story, I think it happened a few years back but all dude got was a small amount of jail time and a fine. I think this took place in Virginia...
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline cjc

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  • Posts: 1,011
  • Sweet Girl
Re: dating
« Reply #22 on: May 31, 2007, 10:49:50 AM »
Ladies,  do not give up hope. I found this really sweet guy on the personals and we are talking and I got a kitten so even if he doesn't work out , I still have a kitten.                                    Cristy (who wishes she could teleport to Florida)               

Offline IzPoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
  • God, grant me the serenity...
Re: dating
« Reply #23 on: May 31, 2007, 11:27:59 PM »
At this point in the game, I have to say that I agree with Cristy on this. About a month ago I reached out to a guy on an HIV personal ad site. After a few emails and a couple of phone calls, we decided to meet in person and have lunch together.

First was lunch, then dinner, then spending any time we can together. He's an awesome guy, one that I'm so at ease with.

So, don't give up too fast. :D
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: dating
« Reply #24 on: June 01, 2007, 12:12:53 AM »
I try not to give up but it really is frustrating especially when I've had nothing but horrible results from trying to be honest about my status. I have yet to run into another poz person in my town and when I do, they are usually gay. As Benj would say......*Le Sigh*
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline cjc

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  • Posts: 1,011
  • Sweet Girl
Re: dating
« Reply #25 on: June 01, 2007, 07:38:17 PM »
Queen, I hear you. the one I am talking to is in Florida, over 600 miles away. I couldn't find anyone to suit me any closer, certainly not where I live. The closet is 40 miles away and yucky. I only want to date someone else that is also positive and apparently poz hetero men are scarcer than hen's teeth, yet we have at least 1 thread in Living with some , so they do exist. I'll let ya'll know if this works out.  Cristy

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: dating
« Reply #26 on: June 01, 2007, 11:57:00 PM »
That''s how I feel about the men in my area. I would like to meet a poz man too. I just don't have the energy to try to have a relationship with a neg man. And most would run for the hills. I'm sure there are some here but if I was to start a thread it would prolly have a short life span. Folks would think I was trolling for booty. Now if something was sent to me via PM that would be different..... ;)
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline remo2008

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: dating
« Reply #27 on: June 02, 2007, 09:50:59 AM »
Interesting comments, personally with the divorce rate in the general USA population at 50%, one would think that people would be aware of the hit and miss too romance in general, funny thing about romance/love, it starts out beautiful, blissful, over looks many blemishes in the lovers character, etc, but when it ends, that thin line between love and hate crops out its ugly head, thats why divorces become ugly, bitter affairs, and I mention this too remind anyone who has been married before how prior too the divorce everything was so blissful, beautiful, and then that person you vowed undying love and devotion too became a enemy, hated, reviled, and many women and men turn vengeful, evil and hateful in their desire too gain advantage in the divorce, or merely wishing too punish the soon too be ex-spouse or lover, my point here is for those who date the HIV negative you run a risk, of when and if the relationship ends, being accused falsely of non-disclosure, you might not think of these things now in bliss of passion and love, but so did not the many who went thru divorce think that loving dear spouse would turn hateful, vengeful, in their divorce. I have read of one particular case where a man HIV+ fell in love with a HIV- woman, as happens, and the woman being truly in love for the moment anyway, accepted his condition, gave him her undying vows of love and acceptance, and 3 years later in a bitter divorce/custody battle accused him of non-disclosure, had him criminally charged in court all out of bitterness, desire too gain upper hand in divorce, the poor fellow ended in front of a jury of 12 HIV- people trying too convince them anyone would knowingly & willingly become involved in a sexual relationship with a HIV/AIDS infected person..! One does not have too do much thought too figure how the case ended..., not well for him. Now I am not telling anyone too not date the HIV-, since it would do no good, since many brag on how they will not let HIV change their lives and go on dating as if nothing has changed, nor they have any fears or worries, but a bit of advice too those who feel this way, as with a pre-nupital agreement in pre-marriage, a written, notorized statement that you did disclose is maybe unromantic but its wise too protect yourself from a down the road disaster when that loving prince charming, or princess, turns into a hateful, vengeful person you no longer know or can stand..! And as too dating yes if you exclude the HIV- out of your dating pool, you do limit your pool, but you also limit your risks legally, since in some states actual infection does not need too occur too be charged with a felony non-disclosure crime, simply being HIV+ and not telling is a crime, and do not think just because your particular state does not have a HIV transmission statute on the books you cannot be charged, any USA prosecutor can bring felony criminal charges under the felony attempted murder statute which carries maximum of life in prison.., as if that was not bad enough, if anyone is curious of other ramifications, of a conviction of HIV criminal transmission go too the Florida Department of Corrections and do a search under "sex offenders" and one will find many ladies and men convicted under floridas criminal HIV transmission statutes now being listed as 'sex offenders', and one might think this a insignificant issue, but imagine your a mom or dad too kids, being told you cannot now live with in so many feet of a school, play ground..., and or having your kids taken by a ex-spouse since your now considered maybe a unfit parent...for this criminal violation and conviction. If you think it cannot happen too you then live on in delusion and maybe you will be lucky or not...., kind of like playing the lottery, maybe or maybe not..! I know the die hard who date the HIV- will see this as fear mongering, but reality is people every day run afoul of the law in this matter, HIV scares the be devil out of the average person who is not infected, and if one wishes too see how irrational one can be when faced with human fears of disease and those who carry it, just look at the infamous case of the man with the untreatable TB today, being treated as a modern day "Typhoid Mary", reviled, despised, hated, denigrated for his unfortunate fate of having this form of TB, in Arizona a man with same type of TB has been involuntarily committed for over a year, isolated, up till lately was not even allowed a television, computer, anyone see the irrational reaction from those who fear infection? We live in a society with "lynch mob attitude" when it comes too protecting those who deem themselves above others, and anyone HIV- feels they are priveledged and the HIV+ are less than them, not all, surely many christians do not see it this way, but sadly many do not adhere too Jesus teachings who ministered too the biblical lepers who in their time were viewed as many view us HIV+ today, modern day biblical lepers who deserve our fate, for sinful lives, and who cannot be convinced of HIV being mere bad fate, for many, but all are lumped into the same pile and it matters not if you got it via blood transfusion, birth by your mom, the truly innocents who did absolutely nothing wrong, they are lumped into the pile of us who got it via unprotected sex, all modern day lepers..! Anyone remember the 1980's when HIV first came out, the radicals on the far right demanded all with HIV be done as they did TB in the 1950's, arrested, placed in HIV Sanitariums, too waste and die..? Fortunately the sane majority of Christians would not allow the radicals too have this done, but it was suggested, and the mere fact it was suggested shows how irrational people can be when faced with fear..of disease..! Do some historical reading on the "Black Death" of middle ages, more commonly called Bubonic Plague, which killed 1/3 of mankind, people abandoned their own kids, wifes, husbands, family, simply walked away out of fear and let them die in misery, entire cities became fortified, denying entry too those fleeing infected cities, killing them if they tried too enter their domains..! This of course is a extreme example but shows the irrational attitude which can occur, and putting it into individual fears, imagine some legislator wanting too protect society by demanding all with HIV be ordered too put a HIV+ tag on their automobile plate, or drivers license, state ID card, seems irrational and unthinkable, well let some HIV+ who date indescriminately and with arrogance infect people and become some notorious case, and see how societies "lynch mob attitude changes over night"..! Yes I might seem like a fear monger too many, but being isolated, and deciding too date only HIV+ has given me time too reflect on the possibilities, how ever unlikely they might be or seem too others..! Anyone ever wonder where are the 1.9 million HIV+ diagnosed today? Does anyone see even 50% of this on any HIV+ dating site? No you will not, one can guess what they are doing, some are dating and being responsible, using condoms, maybe not disclosing, hiding in fear of being discovered, some arrogantly not caring and not using condoms, some maybe have loving relationships and do not need too seek a  mate, and some isolate, become monk/nun like and celibate, one can guess and its likely all of the above...! The harm will come from those who arrogantly think their lives have not changed, in selfishness do as they please, could care less whom they hurt, these will be the ones you read about in the newspapers being arrested for non-disclosure, going too prison for intentional HIV transmission, and we all get painted with same brush as them, modern day lepers, and society will have a hue and cry too be protected from them all..., with who knows what kind of draconian laws...! Will it ever happen, who knows, but all one has too do is read the news and see what can happen when irrational fear occurs, mass hysteria, and the unfortunate "lynch mob mind set", sadly I read too often how people just do not get it, when we got HIV, our lives did change and not for the better, and one can live in delusion, all they like, but society is not kind, forgiving or us, a great majority deem us like the biblical leper, deserving of our fate, for some sin we committed..., cursed by god, and mankind..!

Offline cjc

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Re: dating
« Reply #28 on: June 02, 2007, 10:43:15 AM »
Interesting comments, personally with the divorce rate in the general USA population at 50%, one would think that people would be aware of the hit and miss too romance in general, funny thing about romance/love, it starts out beautiful, blissful, over looks many blemishes in the lovers character, etc, but when it ends, that thin line between love and hate crops out its ugly head, thats why divorces become ugly, bitter affairs, and I mention this too remind anyone who has been married before how prior too the divorce everything was so blissful, beautiful, and then that person you vowed undying love and devotion too became a enemy, hated, reviled, and many women and men turn vengeful, evil and hateful in their desire too gain advantage in the divorce, or merely wishing too punish the soon too be ex-spouse or lover, my point here is for those who date the HIV negative you run a risk, of when and if the relationship ends, being accused falsely of non-disclosure, you might not think of these things now in bliss of passion and love, but so did not the many who went thru divorce think that loving dear spouse would turn hateful, vengeful, in their divorce. I have read of one particular case where a man HIV+ fell in love with a HIV- woman, as happens, and the woman being truly in love for the moment anyway, accepted his condition, gave him her undying vows of love and acceptance, and 3 years later in a bitter divorce/custody battle accused him of non-disclosure, had him criminally charged in court all out of bitterness, desire too gain upper hand in divorce, the poor fellow ended in front of a jury of 12 HIV- people trying too convince them anyone would knowingly & willingly become involved in a sexual relationship with a HIV/AIDS infected person..! One does not have too do much thought too figure how the case ended..., not well for him. Now I am not telling anyone too not date the HIV-, since it would do no good, since many brag on how they will not let HIV change their lives and go on dating as if nothing has changed, nor they have any fears or worries, but a bit of advice too those who feel this way, as with a pre-nupital agreement in pre-marriage, a written, notorized statement that you did disclose is maybe unromantic but its wise too protect yourself from a down the road disaster when that loving prince charming, or princess, turns into a hateful, vengeful person you no longer know or can stand..! And as too dating yes if you exclude the HIV- out of your dating pool, you do limit your pool, but you also limit your risks legally, since in some states actual infection does not need too occur too be charged with a felony non-disclosure crime, simply being HIV+ and not telling is a crime, and do not think just because your particular state does not have a HIV transmission statute on the books you cannot be charged, any USA prosecutor can bring felony criminal charges under the felony attempted murder statute which carries maximum of life in prison.., as if that was not bad enough, if anyone is curious of other ramifications, of a conviction of HIV criminal transmission go too the Florida Department of Corrections and do a search under "sex offenders" and one will find many ladies and men convicted under floridas criminal HIV transmission statutes now being listed as 'sex offenders', and one might think this a insignificant issue, but imagine your a mom or dad too kids, being told you cannot now live with in so many feet of a school, play ground..., and or having your kids taken by a ex-spouse since your now considered maybe a unfit parent...for this criminal violation and conviction. If you think it cannot happen too you then live on in delusion and maybe you will be lucky or not...., kind of like playing the lottery, maybe or maybe not..! I know the die hard who date the HIV- will see this as fear mongering, but reality is people every day run afoul of the law in this matter, HIV scares the be devil out of the average person who is not infected, and if one wishes too see how irrational one can be when faced with human fears of disease and those who carry it, just look at the infamous case of the man with the untreatable TB today, being treated as a modern day "Typhoid Mary", reviled, despised, hated, denigrated for his unfortunate fate of having this form of TB, in Arizona a man with same type of TB has been involuntarily committed for over a year, isolated, up till lately was not even allowed a television, computer, anyone see the irrational reaction from those who fear infection? We live in a society with "lynch mob attitude" when it comes too protecting those who deem themselves above others, and anyone HIV- feels they are priveledged and the HIV+ are less than them, not all, surely many christians do not see it this way, but sadly many do not adhere too Jesus teachings who ministered too the biblical lepers who in their time were viewed as many view us HIV+ today, modern day biblical lepers who deserve our fate, for sinful lives, and who cannot be convinced of HIV being mere bad fate, for many, but all are lumped into the same pile and it matters not if you got it via blood transfusion, birth by your mom, the truly innocents who did absolutely nothing wrong, they are lumped into the pile of us who got it via unprotected sex, all modern day lepers..! Anyone remember the 1980's when HIV first came out, the radicals on the far right demanded all with HIV be done as they did TB in the 1950's, arrested, placed in HIV Sanitariums, too waste and die..? Fortunately the sane majority of Christians would not allow the radicals too have this done, but it was suggested, and the mere fact it was suggested shows how irrational people can be when faced with fear..of disease..! Do some historical reading on the "Black Death" of middle ages, more commonly called Bubonic Plague, which killed 1/3 of mankind, people abandoned their own kids, wifes, husbands, family, simply walked away out of fear and let them die in misery, entire cities became fortified, denying entry too those fleeing infected cities, killing them if they tried too enter their domains..! This of course is a extreme example but shows the irrational attitude which can occur, and putting it into individual fears, imagine some legislator wanting too protect society by demanding all with HIV be ordered too put a HIV+ tag on their automobile plate, or drivers license, state ID card, seems irrational and unthinkable, well let some HIV+ who date indescriminately and with arrogance infect people and become some notorious case, and see how societies "lynch mob attitude changes over night"..! Yes I might seem like a fear monger too many, but being isolated, and deciding too date only HIV+ has given me time too reflect on the possibilities, how ever unlikely they might be or seem too others..! Anyone ever wonder where are the 1.9 million HIV+ diagnosed today? Does anyone see even 50% of this on any HIV+ dating site? No you will not, one can guess what they are doing, some are dating and being responsible, using condoms, maybe not disclosing, hiding in fear of being discovered, some arrogantly not caring and not using condoms, some maybe have loving relationships and do not need too seek a  mate, and some isolate, become monk/nun like and celibate, one can guess and its likely all of the above...! The harm will come from those who arrogantly think their lives have not changed, in selfishness do as they please, could care less whom they hurt, these will be the ones you read about in the newspapers being arrested for non-disclosure, going too prison for intentional HIV transmission, and we all get painted with same brush as them, modern day lepers, and society will have a hue and cry too be protected from them all..., with who knows what kind of draconian laws...! Will it ever happen, who knows, but all one has too do is read the news and see what can happen when irrational fear occurs, mass hysteria, and the unfortunate "lynch mob mind set", sadly I read too often how people just do not get it, when we got HIV, our lives did change and not for the better, and one can live in delusion, all they like, but society is not kind, forgiving or us, a great majority deem us like the biblical leper, deserving of our fate, for some sin we committed..., cursed by god, and mankind..!
                                                                           Interesting And true , which is  why I will only date someone that also has HIV. And even among us HIVers, there is some of that because I only want to date someone with HIV only, not HIV and HPV,not HIV and Herpes,not HIV and, well, you get the point. Society has never been kind, we kill what we fear and there will always be some of that.   Also Welcome to the forums, Why don't you introduce yourself.   Cristy

Offline remo2008

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Re: dating
« Reply #29 on: June 02, 2007, 10:50:04 AM »
Hello Cristy, yes I do realize some even in the HIV+ group discriminate out of fear, I found myself guilty of this on two occassions with meeting someone who is HIV+ and Hep C+, just could not get past the Hep C thing, did not understand it, did not understand how it was passed, etc. As too Herpes, HPV, have no fear of anyone with these conditions since read of them years ago, 80% of american population has Herpes virus in the form of oral or genital, and truly is insignificant disease when compared too the more deadly things. Hep C for example has 4 million plus diagnosed cases today in USA, a very famous actress Pamela Anderson has Hep C, I feel guilty at not dating the two times I ran into two persons with Hep C, might have been the person whom I could have most been compatible with, will never know now. It proves my point of setting such restrictive conditions we doom ourselves..! I am just as guilty as the next of these mistakes, but am doing better at self reflection..! I normally do not visit any of these blogs, since too often one is attacked for ones views, opinions and I try too avoid that unwanted headache..!

Offline cjc

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Re: dating
« Reply #30 on: June 02, 2007, 02:09:00 PM »
Hello Cristy, yes I do realize some even in the HIV+ group discriminate out of fear, I found myself guilty of this on two occassions with meeting someone who is HIV+ and Hep C+, just could not get past the Hep C thing, did not understand it, did not understand how it was passed, etc. As too Herpes, HPV, have no fear of anyone with these conditions since read of them years ago, 80% of american population has Herpes virus in the form of oral or genital, and truly is insignificant disease when compared too the more deadly things. Hep C for example has 4 million plus diagnosed cases today in USA, a very famous actress Pamela Anderson has Hep C, I feel guilty at not dating the two times I ran into two persons with Hep C, might have been the person whom I could have most been compatible with, will never know now. It proves my point of setting such restrictive conditions we doom ourselves..! I am just as guilty as the next of these mistakes, but am doing better at self reflection..! I normally do not visit any of these blogs, since too often one is attacked for ones views, opinions and I try too avoid that unwanted headache..!
                                                                              insignificant, huh. Anything that makes me break out in painful sores on my mouth or genital  area is not insignificant, Still , I am not attacking you for your views  but I am just expressing my view as you say. We  can cover all kinds of things with that statement. Such as HPV causes several types of nasty cancer, not all but some. Hep C I need to research a little more. Introduce yourself on our introduction thread, we would love to know  more about you. And keep posting, you do have some interesting things to say.  Cristy

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: dating
« Reply #31 on: June 02, 2007, 03:01:12 PM »
Hmmmm, nice to meet you, Remo. I can relate to some of the points you made. Poz people deserve to be happy too but it's a shame that contracts have to be made in order to protect yourself. Does that really work? I will not go into detail but I have put myself in that situation in the past when it comes to being with someone neg. Not in a relationship now but if I was to have one in the future, it would have to be with another poz person. I just can't see myself with a neg person because I would constantly be worrying if they were infected even with the use of the condom. Yeah, I know the stats with using a condom but still....

Funny you should mention this. I told my ex I was poz and since we broke up everytime he sees me, he runs for the hills. Before ending our relationship, I urged him to go get tested even though we used condoms but there were a few breaks here and there. From the comment he said to me, "I don't want to know", tells me he didn't do it. Being from a relatively small city where everyone knows each other,the next female he got with was "rumored" to be poz due to being very out there drugwise and sexually. What floats around in my mind is if he becomes poz and blames me when it is rumored the other girl is poz. Whose strain would he have especially since I was told it is harder to females to give to a man? And couldn't they draw blood from me and the other female? I doubt this will probably happen but I'm just saying.......
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline remo2008

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Re: dating
« Reply #32 on: June 03, 2007, 10:58:07 AM »
I appologize too anyone who might have been offended by my comments of herpes, hpv being insignificant, am sure if you have it, as I do not it is truly significant too you. It is just that I do not fear either disease since I have read extensively on both, the cold sore one gets in mouth and genitials is of the same virus family, and has been around a long time, first time I read of it, was in a "Readers Digest Magazine" article and they at the time many, many years ago, made it out as some horrible disease and we know today 80% of all americans have the virus in either the oral or genital form..! As too hpv, again, its been around a long time and accounts for cervical cancer, etc, and again, one can worry, but I choose not too. And too answer the question of can your virus being identified too you specifically, some articles I have read say yes, DNA testing for your strain, a infamous case on court television where a doctor in anger at his ex-lover injected her with HIV virus, was proven guilty via DNA strain from one of his male HIV patients blood, proved too a jury of 12 he was guilty. In Australia they are now trying too track individuals whom indescriminately refuse too use condoms, and pass on HIV via the DNA tracking of the strains....! Just as many years ago criminals who raped with impunity are being caught by old DNA files, so one day might someones indescriminate sexual behaviour come back too haunt one depends on how vindictive the victim is, or how zealous the prosecutor is...!

Offline Ulong

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Re: dating
« Reply #33 on: June 03, 2007, 11:20:41 AM »
Quote
my point here is for those who date the HIV negative you run a risk, of when and if the relationship ends, being accused falsely of non-disclosure,

I never really thought about it this way, but I'm not overly concerned about this because I'm semi-open about my status. There's an advantage in having other people know your status, if you have discussed it with other people in front of that vengeful ex, they'd  have a pretty hard time making a case in court. Probably the most vulnerable situation to be in (as far as this concern) is to be in a relationship where only you, your partner, and your doctor know that you're HIV positive. I've found it helpful in relationships with HIV negative partners to make sure there is some kind of support for them, but that's been for reasons other than legal protection---I'm just saying that it's one of the side benefits.

Quote
go too the Florida Department of Corrections and do a search under "sex offenders" and one will find many ladies and men convicted under floridas criminal HIV transmission statutes now being listed as 'sex offenders',

My internet skills aren't that great, so I couldn't find anyone listed in there for criminal HIV transmission. I do think I remember a case in the papers a couple years ago,and it was a woman who was really being vilified, so it does indeed happen. Here in Georgia, being prosecuted for not disclosing (it's a crime here, regardless of if you use protection or transmit the virus) is pretty rare. In the few cases that come to mind, they tend to be like the last one that was big in the papers. A Grady ER doc was picking up teenagers via MySpace and showing up with lube and sleeping bags. I wouldn't want to explain any of that to a jury. But I think that's a far different case than an ex-spouse of three or four years claiming they didn't know you were positive.

I worked for a local health department, and we got numerous calls from people saying they knew someone was HIV + and not being safe, and not disclosing. The general advice is that there was little we or anyone else could do about it unless there was good proof plus a string of infected partners.

The TB flying guy does show how people love to hate the "diseased". However, I think that guy painted a target on himself by running and sneaking back into the U.S. and generally not looking real truthful...now they're saying that he changed his plans after meeting with health officials and left two days earlier than he had told them.

 
So I guess my overall point: honesty is the best defense. Yeah, there are always prosecutors or juries who may get a wild hair and go after anyone who's positive, but it seems rare, in these parts anyways. And the circumstances are mostly unusual.

Quote
I normally do not visit any of these blogs, since too often one is attacked for ones views, opinions and I try too avoid that unwanted headache..!

I hope you don't feel attacked by my comments, remo, I'm just offering my viewpoint. I think sometimes women get far more hung up on transmission than men, maybe it's our estrogen, maybe it's the society we live in...I dunno. So I try to walk a line between encouraging responsible behavior and spending a whole lot of time thinking of the worst-case scenarios. I agree with you that there are people who should care more about the worst-case, but I hate to see anyone deny themselves a life based mainly on "what if" fears that may not be as likely as they think. Fear can get in the drivers' seat and take you some crazy places.


Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: dating
« Reply #34 on: July 07, 2007, 06:03:41 PM »
Thought I would bump this back up since I have a lil to share. I don't know what made me do it but I opened another Poz Personal because I actually forgot my password to the other one. I also think cause I hadn't been on it in so long they took it off...Anyhoo, I did my usual browsing of the personals and actually responded to someone. At the time, I was like, I will probably never hear back from this guy especially since I don't have a pic posted. Not my fault but the damn site wouldn't let me post one! So, I mentioned this in my ad to let people know.

Lo and behold, I heard from the guy whose ad I responded to. We messaged back and forth on the personals a few times. Now we talk on yahoo. We are both amazed at the fact that we have so much in common. Last night we actually talked for hours, well til 7 am this morning. I got bold and even put my webcam on, he did too and we both liked what we saw. I was as giddy as a school girl. I smiled so much even my cheeks hurted. It's just a relief to talk to someone and not have to worry about disclosure. Of course, he doesn't live close by but that doesn't matter to me. Ladies, keep your fingers and toes crossed for me.... ;)
 
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline cjc

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  • Posts: 1,011
  • Sweet Girl
Re: dating
« Reply #35 on: July 07, 2007, 09:02:33 PM »
Thought I would bump this back up since I have a lil to share. I don't know what made me do it but I opened another Poz Personal because I actually forgot my password to the other one. I also think cause I hadn't been on it in so long they took it off...Anyhoo, I did my usual browsing of the personals and actually responded to someone. At the time, I was like, I will probably never hear back from this guy especially since I don't have a pic posted. Not my fault but the damn site wouldn't let me post one! So, I mentioned this in my ad to let people know.

Lo and behold, I heard from the guy whose ad I responded to. We messaged back and forth on the personals a few times. Now we talk on yahoo. We are both amazed at the fact that we have so much in common. Last night we actually talked for hours, well til 7 am this morning. I got bold and even put my webcam on, he did too and we both liked what we saw. I was as giddy as a school girl. I smiled so much even my cheeks hurted. It's just a relief to talk to someone and not have to worry about disclosure. Of course, he doesn't live close by but that doesn't matter to me. Ladies, keep your fingers and toes crossed for me.... ;)
 

                                                                                    Hello, glad to hear that you found someone to make you smile. I still go on the personals and keep looking. It does eliminate the disclosure thing.  Best of luck to you, you deserve to be happy.  Cristy

Offline zachysmom

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Re: dating
« Reply #36 on: July 08, 2007, 12:26:27 AM »
Ok ladies, first off keep your hopes up, I had to go through a lot of bad apples, before I found my guy who is now my husband. Let me tell you there are some weird and stranger than fiction characters out there.
Unfortunately this is the process you have to go through either way, whether you are poz or neg.
But just  for shits and giggles here are 2 really bad stories.
1. this guy I dated for about 1 month before I went backpacking through Europe, was great untill I left, then it was emails and phone calls all the time to check on me. it made me feel really unconfortable, like he was stocking me. Which apparently he was , he had hacked into my computer passwords and was reading all my personal emails, credit card info, bank info, etc......
So when I got back to the States he had to go......later crazy guy

2. second story is alittle bit strange, because I went to a book reading (topic of the book was HIV) and this guy who apperantly helped organize the meeting, approached me and asked me out. And I thought wow, this guy has to know my status because i'm here talking about the book and it's relavince to me and he still wants to go out on a date? Cool no disclouser issuse this should be easy.
Well come to find out he just wanted to sit in his car and hear my story from top to Z, invite me into his apartment, to have coffee, but all he wanted me to do was to get naked except my socks on and watch me masterbate in front of him as he masterbated himself. It was almost a date rape situation, but stranger. I felt really used by him, after the fact and never wanted to see him again.
So if these horror stories don't want to make you want to stop dating all together, keep inthere you will find what you need......like the stones song
"If you first can't get what you want, you just might find you'll get what you need."  I know my lyrics are off, forgive me, i'm on Abiem right now and 2 glasses of white wine.

Ok the moral of the story is keep trying it will happen for you, it may not be exactly what you are looking for, but when you least expect it, it will find you.
good luck to all of you
Nicole
infact i'm going to set an im accountant soon. I'll keep posted on how it all goes.... ;)
From Russia with love,
Nicole

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: dating
« Reply #37 on: July 08, 2007, 01:11:37 AM »
Dating is nuts, and I have been trying to turn over a new leaf lately.  I am absolutely crazy about guy #1 who I met about 2 months ago.  He is neg and I have not disclosed.  I am really, really interested in taking things further, but as we all know, the better the guy, the more difficult it is to disclose, for fear of rejection.  He and I are going out on date #5 next weekend and I am planning on disclosing.....Meanwhile, I have been IMing more neg guys, trying to distract myself from #1 in case things don't work out, trying not to put all of my eggs in one basket as they say.  Well, this one guy came across as stand-offish in an IM, so in order to scare him off, I disclosed online.  I figured that would be the end of it.  He is 49, I am 37, we have both lost spouses.  Turns out I calmed him down a little and we can really talk together well, he just needed to warm up.  Better yet, he is a Washington DC native and is very well off, has a great family, and a good head on his shoulders.  I know he is seeing me through rose-colored glasses, but he is very accepting of my status.  Who would've thought?  His very words were, "Its not the end of the world, it makes you even more special....."

Oh goodness, it boosts my ego!  I am keeping my chin up, plenty of men out there, we just have to TRY and see who we connect with.  Wish me luck, I have a few dates lined up for the week already, trying to deal with the fact that if they run, then they weren't right for me anyway. 
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: dating
« Reply #38 on: July 09, 2007, 12:15:43 AM »
Zachys~~~ Damn, those are some horror stories for real. He hacked into your computer, I hope he didn't try to take your money etc. I hope you pressed charges...and the other guy just seems to be preying on poz women to me and your prolly were not the first. I am glad that you did find someone in the end. Those experiences sounds like something off of Lifetime on cable.

Moonlight~~ You sound like me with this guy I met on the personals. It has amazed us both on how much we  have in common, even to the point of our names, they are very close. We both like video games. Both indulges in the green, which is a plus for me. It's just so much we have in common that I would be here all day listing it. We both are feeling cautious cause it sounds too good to be true. For the past 2 days we have been online til the next morning just talking about everything..Gotta go, am chatting with him now... ;D
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: dating
« Reply #39 on: July 10, 2007, 09:43:49 PM »
OK, I really need some advice ladies....It's prolly nothing and me just tripping because I like to analyze every damn thing.. ;D...Remember the guy I met on the personals? The one with who I have so much in common. As I said in my earlier post, the first few days we talked online for hours and I mean hours. Yesterday and today, the convo has come to almost a screeching holt. Yesterday, he was talking with bro and I stepped out for a minute to go visit a friend. Today I caught him just as he was going out but I also had something to do as well. Came home, signed on to the messenger. Did our code to alert him and NOTHING. Am I making something out of nothing? One thing I do know, I must really like him since I seem to care and am asking for advice. What do you guys think?
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline zachysmom

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Re: dating
« Reply #40 on: July 10, 2007, 10:20:41 PM »
Hi,
Noticed you are online, sent you  a PM for response.
From Russia with love,
Nicole

Offline IzPoz

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  • God, grant me the serenity...
Re: dating
« Reply #41 on: July 11, 2007, 06:32:36 AM »
OK, I really need some advice ladies....It's prolly nothing and me just tripping because I like to analyze every damn thing.. ;D...Remember the guy I met on the personals? The one with who I have so much in common. As I said in my earlier post, the first few days we talked online for hours and I mean hours. Yesterday and today, the convo has come to almost a screeching holt. Yesterday, he was talking with bro and I stepped out for a minute to go visit a friend. Today I caught him just as he was going out but I also had something to do as well. Came home, signed on to the messenger. Did our code to alert him and NOTHING. Am I making something out of nothing? One thing I do know, I must really like him since I seem to care and am asking for advice. What do you guys think?

It's awesome that you found someone with lots in common! Don't look too deep into not being able to connect up on a few nights. It's possible he's got other things going on in his life that he hasn't disclosed to you yet. Is he positive also?

Give it some time, and don't rush to conclusions too early. I tend to leave my IM's on 24/7 and respond to messages when I get back from work or wake up in the morning.

Hopefully soon, if things go in the right direction, you can move your conversations to the phone, and perhaps a nice quiet lunch or dinner  :D

Good luck, Queen!!
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: dating
« Reply #42 on: July 11, 2007, 01:28:04 PM »
Awww shit...The plot thickens.....

I went to bed feeling kinda bummed because I didn't get to talk with my friend who I will refer to as Boo. I get up today and saw that I got a few messages from him. I was psyched about that. I replied back but he was afk and hasn't heard back from him yet but he reassured me that he's still interested and hopes that we get to talk today..... ;D

So after getting those, I looked on my IM list of buds to see who was on. I see this guy who I had met in the personals the first time I placed an ad there. We haven't talked in awhile, so I figured I would say hello. BAD MOVE....The first thing that comes flying out his mouth is his undying love for me and that knows that I will not move to where he is which is Canada. The next thing I know, he is offering me a plane ticket and a proposal. I am like WTF? So, I had to break it down to him that I am already married but has been separated for 6 yrs, the marriage lasted 6 months. But I am also wondering where the hell this came from because we haven't spoken in months. I put on the brakes with him because he is neg, wants to be with someone poz but does not believe in wearing condoms. I know I could have my cake and eat too but the thought of it did not sound appealing.

And better yet, I'm digging Boo now. Yes, Iz, he is poz, has been longer than me. He wasn't taking meds but has started them again. We were talking about our strains the other night. And it just felt nice to talk to someone who could relate.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline zachysmom

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Re: dating
« Reply #43 on: July 11, 2007, 02:59:11 PM »
Glad to hear that he did IM you, see all that worrying for nothing.
This is so fascinating it's like reading a romance novel, Queen you have to keep us posted, as the romance blossoms.
Stay away from the guy in Canada, he's not right in the head, and it could turn into some psycho situation real fast.
Good luck,
Nicole
From Russia with love,
Nicole

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: dating
« Reply #44 on: July 11, 2007, 11:17:31 PM »
Glad to hear that he did IM you, see all that worrying for nothing.
This is so fascinating it's like reading a romance novel, Queen you have to keep us posted, as the romance blossoms.
Stay away from the guy in Canada, he's not right in the head, and it could turn into some psycho situation real fast.
Good luck,
Nicole

I plan on staying far away from the one in Canada. I think I'm going to have to stay invisible for awhile on my messenger. I will promise to keep you posted as things progress or I should say if they progress. I guess I'm still being cautious.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline camille07

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Re: dating
« Reply #45 on: July 12, 2007, 12:35:49 PM »
Hey Ladies-

One of the problems I found was "positive singles" should really be Herpes.com    Not a lot of HIV guys.  And its quite annoying because some of the women talk about how destroyed their lives are since they've had HPV or herpes. 

Anyway I meant some really great guy, which we were corresponding back and forth through emails.  Then we spoke on the phone for hours.  Well that all came to a halt when he told me he was 40 living with mommy and daddy. GEeesh.

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: dating
« Reply #46 on: July 13, 2007, 12:55:12 AM »
Hi Queen,

Yes, that Canadian one is what I would refer to as a "leg humper."  You know, like a dog humping your leg and you can't shake him no matter how hard you try?  They will cling tighter than saran wrap.  Don't feel bad about letting him IM you "one last time" so that you can click "Ignore" lol!  I always feel a little bad doing that to someone, but usu its rude guys that are pestering me, and VOILA!  They are soon gone, so choose "Ignore" if you're on Yahoo.
 
Moonlight~~ You sound like me with this guy I met on the personals. It has amazed us both on how much we  have in common, even to the point of our names, they are very close. We both like video games. Both indulges in the green, which is a plus for me. It's just so much we have in common that I would be here all day listing it. We both are feeling cautious cause it sounds too good to be true. For the past 2 days we have been online til the next morning just talking about everything..Gotta go, am chatting with him now... ;D

I met Mr. "Accepting of HIV" tonight for the first time, the one you refer to above where you say I sound like you, and he is funny, very very wealthy, kind, but NOT my type.  I kind of knew that before I met him, but wanted to give it the effort bec he was so accepting of my status.  He may turn into a leg humper, I dunno, I'll keep you posted.  I may give him another chance, but he is so much older than me and we feel that the age difference is in the way. 

I still have not disclosed to Mr. Wonderful, aka #1, hell his name is Jay, ladies (see Afraid's post on "Scared of Getting Close")!  This month marks a one year separation for Jay from an alcoholic crazy bitch wife and its the beginning of final divorce proceedings.  Furthermore, I thought I would see him this weekend, and turns out he is going away to his weekend place to work on the house, etc.  Boy do I feel sad, down and dejected, but I think he needs to clear his head, and maybe cut the grass, too, lol!  Jay has been distant and actually apologized to me for that.  (YAY! Good sign....) We were IMing last night and he asked if I wanted him to call.  "Yes" I politely typed while my brain was screaming "Hell YES, Hot Stuff, call me while I dream about those long legs and hazel eyes and.....lol ahhhh, I digress......Anyway, we never talk on the phone, always IM and email throughout the day.  Queen, I am obsessed with him like you are with your guy.  I absolutely can't stand it when I get online and he isn't there, and the fact that I am not seeing him this weekend makes me insane.  I have even cried many days during the week because I want to be with him so much and I am dying inside, trying to be patient, waiting to disclose.  Turns out, we get on the phone last night, and here I am, the girl with the messed up head, putting this man on a pedestal and him not even knowing it!  I finally made myself tell him how I felt about him, just a little, and very gently, because I was so nervous!  He is worth the wait to me, if this all works out.  He started talking to me about his soon to be ex and how much stress he has been going through and I took the lightbulb moment and ran with it!  I told him it would be easier if he had someone to talk to, and that my life isn't peaches 'n' cream, either (little does he know..... :o), I suggested that we lean on each other a bit more, and he said I could call anytime.  Well, he kept on talking, and I admitted to him that I wasn't sure about what to do.  I want to be supportive of him, but I also don't want to push him away by putting my nose in his business, his private life.  Turns out he really enjoyed talking to me and it helped him to sort things out (YAY!  Score 2nd point in same call!).  So, here I am feeling like the shrink while I am abso-friggin-lutely dying inside because I WANT to disclose so badly.  I just won't do it on the phone.  I told him this "dating" is going at a snails pace, but because I like him, I would be patient and respectful of him and his personal issues.  Of course, I am lining up other dates in the meantime, getting ready for the fallout with him, should it happen when I disclose. So, now I am looking at another two weeks possibly until I can see him, and finally disclose?  OMG OMG OMG, a girl can only take so much. Ugh!

Also, on a side note, Jay had a good friend help him move a BBQ grill to his house this week.  The friend asked if he was seeing anyone and he told the friend about me.  Turns out the friend was someone I knew from elementary school!  Small world!  Jay said he WAS in fact "seeing someone", so hey, if thats what's he's calling this, I feel even better!  Just so damn impatient, waiting, waiting....and he didn't email or IM today.  Oh fuck it all, lol!  Patience, patience, patience.....a virtue I have never had and am just learning now, lol!

Cindy

P.S. - This is the best damn thread ladies!  Keep posting, keep posting, lol!   ;D
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: dating
« Reply #47 on: July 13, 2007, 01:45:43 AM »
Moonlight~~

It will prolly be you and me that mainly keeps this thread alive...The others may tell us to start our own thread.. ;D. I think the Canadian wants the virus more than me. More like a bug catcher than a humper and since he doesn't like condoms, is more into it as a russian roulette...Sorry, I'm not playing...He was on today but I was lurking.

I am kinda kicking myself because I really am digging Boo. We agree we have a lot in common but I am trying to figure where his head is. As in, is he digging me like I am digging him. He says he is but I sense a bit of caution. And it seems like we are both trying not to jump the gun but am also feeling like if we both keep feeling like this, we may never get anywhere. I think I may have said too much because all of a sudden he has gotten quiet even though he is playing a video game. Yep, I am chatting with him now as I write this. We have discussed seeing each other, he wants to very soon but I can't afford it. It would be something I would have to plan for since SSI doesn't leave you much for vacations after paying the bills..Sometimes I wonder why dating has too be so damn complicated.....
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline cjc

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Re: dating
« Reply #48 on: July 13, 2007, 07:17:10 AM »
Queen and Moonlight, I really hope that something works out for you. I have a couple guys on poz that are talking to me and some of those   leghumpers( very appropriate) . They are neg and even though I keep telling them, I DO NOT DATE, They still keep asking. None of them is my type anyway. One is married and that's a huge no-no, The other is old enough to be my father, which is not such a big deal, but every time I see him, he smells of alcohol. I do not mind the occasional drink, but not at 9 am in the morning.                                                      If you want to start your own thread, I will not be offended. I will just post there as well. It is interesting to see what other pos ladies are dealing with.  Best of luck to us all.    Cristy                           
« Last Edit: July 13, 2007, 03:39:21 PM by cjc »

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: dating
« Reply #49 on: July 13, 2007, 09:25:03 AM »
Hi cjc and Queen,

I don't know what the "rules" are as far as posting your own thread, so just let me know, lol!   This thread is getting mighty long and a lot of people have been viewing it.  I think we are all in the same boat when it comes to men!  I wanted to let you know that Jay only lives 10 miles away, VERY close by!  He gets his kids every other weekend, so this weekend they are out of town with their mother.  That's why I thought I could see him and FINALLY disclose!  Maybe he'll stay in town tonight, I can disclose, he'll be fine with it, and then I can jump his bones every night for a week to make up for lost time!  Maybe if I concentrate enough it will happen?  LOL  I always say "Whatever you think, will be....."   ;D

Cindy


Gheez, more news to add........I emailed him this morning suggesting we see each other tonight, trying to be all happy and positive (ha ha) about things.  I get a reply saying he needs to go clear his head at his weekend place.  He has to think through the scenarios of his divorce.  He is restoring an old home and I know that helps to relax him and calm his nerves.  The thing I don't get is, he says he's sorry to lead me on, and he doesn't quite know what to say.  Its all in present tense, not like its over, but I wasn't sure.  So, I emailed back, asking if he was writing me off completely, saying I hoped that wasn't the case and I respect what he's going through with his personal life.  Happy Friday the 13th.  Maybe I'll never have to disclose to this man, but I want to be there for him so badly.  What's that saying about setting someone free?  Its not like I am getting married tomorrow to anyone, lol, so if Jay takes a few weeks and comes back around, I'll just see where I am at that point.  Oh goodness, this sucks..... I am trying to be so gentle with him and not have him give me an ultimatum.  Who am I kidding, he's not like that!  Shit.  :'(
« Last Edit: July 13, 2007, 01:29:40 PM by MOONLIGHT1114 »
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

 


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