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cjc:
Ladies, I'm just wondering have any of you single ladies are doing as far as dating. I have meet 2 poz guys from poz personals and they came to see me.1 was a freak and the other we just didn't click. anyone care to share any stories or tips. I would love to find someone to date but they seem to be hard to find. Just wondering. Thanks .  Cristy

Dragonette:
Hi Cristy,

I was diagnosed 1.5 years ago and my then-BF immediately withdrew from the relationship. I had ads in poz and pozmatch and got contacted by a few guys, but most were far away, so it was just talking. I met a poz man locally, I can't say anything bad about him, I tried to be with him for a couple months, but he had issues with his hidden bisexuality, to which he didn't admit (I found it out by accident), and when I also found that he lied to me about a woman he had sex with I got fed up and left. This makes him sound like a real asshole, but he wasn't, he was a very kind, loving and giving man but I was not in love with him and he wanted more. I met my BF at the same time I was seeing this man, but we were just friends for a few months, ultimately we got together, and I am very much in love with him. We have just moved in together, and try to make plans for the future but it is hard because his contract here is up very soon. But we know we want to stay together.  So not really a dating story, although, initially, we were dating (I called and asked him out), and we had a few great dates but I was sure that once he heard my status that would be the end of that. When he heard it, nothing happened, we stayed friends, but the romantic vibe was gone for a while, it came back big time though! I guess what I am saying is from my limited experience in dating a negative, is that it takes longer, there is no kiss on the first date, sex on the third (If you disclose that it). It would take longer for everything to sink in. We didn't meet online but when I went to see an apartment. I have no experience with online dating, the only online "dating" I did was through the poz sites but it remained online and at the friendship level.

Take good care & all the luck. I think it is difficult to find someone, for any woman, at any staus. It is a fulltime job. Big hug,

PS I also met one freak online, perhaps it was the same one? He could be cast as a serial killer...

IzPoz:
I was thrust into the world of HIV and dating after my husband passed away nearly two years ago. Granted, it took about a year and a half before I started really looking, but so far it's not been bad for me.  A friend of mine introduced me to a man who is nearly 20 years older than me, but is such a great guy. When I told him of my status, he didn't flinch and was still wanting relations with me. We have a good friendship, I respect him tremendously, but our relationship is mostly physical.

I recently met this pos guy on HIVnet, who so far seems pretty nice. He's a real gentleman and is very respectful. I haven't known him long enough to decide if he's someone I want to continue dating, but we will see how it goes.

purpledragonfly:
Hi Christy,

I have had some pretty bad experiences on poz personals. The first man i ment on there was nice on the internet and on the phone and we talked for about 2 months. He called one night and said he would be close to me on a job he was doing and wanted to get together and have dinner and a movie. I said ok and that friday i went to the motel to pick him up,well he had other plans and lets just say date rape. I ment another one on the same dating site and he turned out to be a scammer from the group that is in africa scamming people that are hiv poz. So it hasn't been very good to me. I still check out the dating sites, but am very cautious and if someone does send me a message i am very up front about what i will not stand for. I haven't ment anyone yet but i still have hope that one day the man for me will contact me. Hope i am still able to have fun by then lol.
Good luck with your search.

Wendy

Ulong:
If you're looking to date only other people who are poz, it's just a matter of numbers...you're looking through a much smaller pool of potential dates. It's taken me quite a while to start thinking of dating outside the HIV pool. Frankly, I'd rather date someone else who has HIV but that's stopped being my only criteria. So I hang around online but spend much more energy elsewhere.

 I've found that most advice on dating and disclosure is aimed at the gay male community so it also took me a long time to get advice that would apply to me. Let's face it, a gay guy going into a bar can realistically think of disclosing to someone he meets right there without being the talk of the entire place. That's not to say that gay men don't get rejected, but they don't have to deal with the almost universal feeling of "who the **** would date someone with AIDS?"

Two things that I've found helpful: wait on the disclosure. The usual pattern of dating is not very HIV friendly, I like to give people a chance to get to know me before I tell them I'm positive. (BTW, I do that in friendships too).

And if you do end up with a partner who is neg, make sure they have support. The world at large will spend a lot of time telling your partner that they are crazy and encouraging them to dump you. Problem is, there isn't a lot of support for couples other than gay men, you have to really hunt around to find it, if you can find it at all. Most programs at ASO's are funded by grants that are aimed at reducing transmission between two guys, or by IV drug use. Bummer.

But don't give up, the success stories (like here) are one thing that keep me sticking my neck out in the dating world. You just gotta be ready for the occasional slams and figure out ways to deal with them. Like these message boards.  :)

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