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Author Topic: i need to forgive...  (Read 2765 times)

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Offline belief

  • Member
  • Posts: 72
i need to forgive...
« on: May 14, 2007, 11:25:52 PM »
i have always been a very strong and independent person...but lately i'm just not feeling it.  there have been so many worries on my mind that i can't seem to concentrate on much of anything.  and i know it doesn't do any good to worry about things we can't control but right now i'd love to throw a pity party for myself and wonder what i'm going to do when i get sick...then wonder how i'm going to pay for meds and how i'm going to care for my child and wonder if i'm going to be able to work...etc.  all of that scares the crap out of me.

today i talked with the man who gave this delightful virus to me...he told me that his pregnant wife came back negative and it kind of stopped me dead in my tracks.  i just felt so unloved at that very moment i couldn't even believe it.  he was so relieved that she is ok and that was really all that mattered...like i meant nothing.  and my health wasn't much of a concern...now, he can move forward with her and live this happy life while i'm over here suffering, alone.  i told him how i was struggling today and how scared i really am of my future...he was encouraging.  he talked to me about eternal life and mentioned that we need to accept death as part of life...and mentioned that it is my choice to live optimistically or pessimisticallly...it is my choice.  but honestly, i didn't want to hear it.  not today.  i just wanted to yell and scream and throw things.  just to get it all out.  and at the end of the day, all i really wanted was for someone to hold me close and tell me that everything will be ok.  i haven't had that yet through any of this.  and maybe that is my own fault because i haven't shared my status with anyone who'd do that for me...but it sure would feel nice. 

today was my day to be really pissed off, hurt, sad, scared and worried...and i just wanted to get some of that anger out.  i think (wait, i know...) deep down i'm really angry and i need to forgive, but i'm not sure who?  probably myself...

5/07 - viral load: 28,890  CD4: 514 
8/07 - viral load: 38,710  CD4: 451
9/07 - viral load: 47,000  CD4: 467
11/07 - viral load: 17,600 CD4: 421

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2007, 01:15:46 AM »
I think you said it, you need to forgive yourself. Maybe you do but from what you said in your post, I really don't see what you need to forgive yourself for. For getting with the person who gave it to you? I think we all have kicked ourselves in the ass for whatever bad choice we made that got us in this boat, ya know? It sounds to me like you need to get whatever you're feeling out and doing what you did earlier probably helped.
But do you feel you need professional help? I'll be thinking of you and hoping you feel better soon.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline IzPoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
  • God, grant me the serenity...
Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2007, 06:24:21 AM »
Belief,

It's difficult to go through something like this on your own. Especially with a fairly new diagnosis. Forgiveness starts from within. Forgive your ex, then when you are able to do that, you will be able to move on with your life. By not doing so, you are not allowing yourself the room to grow into a better person.  Give your child an example to be proud of.

It won't be easy, I'm sure. But, it's a good start.

Also, it may be a good idea to talk to someone close to you, that you can trust, about your situation. Talking eases a lot of the feelings you are experiencing. I hope that you will find someone (other than the ex) that you can talk to. Perhaps a mother, brother, sister, aunt, uncle... someone you feel close enough to and that you trust.

Good luck, hun. And keep doing well. Sounds like you were having a rough day.
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2007, 06:52:44 AM »
Belief,

When we forgive others for being human, we in turn forgive ourselves for being human too.

I'm sorry your ex was such a cad to you, but life has a way of evening out things. Try to free yourself.

Be good to you now,

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline BT65

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Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #4 on: May 15, 2007, 09:55:02 AM »
I went through similar when I tested positive and two days later my husband died.  I was angry and it took me awhile to forgive.  I have forgiven him, however, and I don't hold onto the anger.  But it takes time.  Just give yourself time. 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Buckmark

  • Member
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  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
    • Henry's Home Page
Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #5 on: May 15, 2007, 10:14:53 AM »
It's so hard, but so important, to work through the anger.  I think it is an
important step to forgiving yourself.  For the vast majority of us, contracting
HIV was a mistake.  Granted, it is one with serious consequences, and often
one we could have avoided.  But it is a mistake nonetheless.

So try not to be so hard on yourself.  Give yourself some time.  And by all means,
let out your anger. 

Hugs,

Henry

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline sdcabincrew74

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Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #6 on: May 15, 2007, 11:24:01 AM »
Forgiveness of others cannot be acheived until one forgives himself.  Just like one cannot love others until one loves themselves.

SD
The difference between an overnight and a layover is luck!

Offline racingmind

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  • Posts: 236
Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2007, 11:44:49 AM »
I, too, am in the process of forgiving myself for letting this happen to me.  The best thing you can do is to let yourself run through all the emotions you are feeling.  Get it all out.  If you have to break a few things, cry your eyes out, or sleep for two days...do it. 

When you are are feeling calm and clear headed again, sit down and think about the things you can do to take better care of yourself.  Make your health your number one priority (even above your children, because you will be helping them more in the long run if you remain healthy).   I think if you do this, you will be on the road to forgiving yourself and moving on with life.  It's working for me. 

It sucks that we have to deal with this, but such is life.  We all have to play the hand we are dealt. It doesn't mean that we have to like it, but if you think in terms of 'this is how I have to live my life from now on', you will be helping yourself to move into a state of physical and mental well being.  Remember, it's not 1982....you can remain healthy and you have options if your health declines in spite of taking good care of yourself.

And if you are not already seeing one, I strongly recommend meeting with a therapist.  It has helped me in ways I never thought possible.  It's so nice....if you can't afford it, contact your local ASO, they might be able to get you aid through Ryan White.  I did.

Keep your chin up, it's going to be alright.  The best thing you can do is take care of yourself and try not to despair.   We all have our good and bad days.  Here's hoping that you are having a better one today.

I know that nothing is certain, but those of us living with HIV should live life like we're going to live to be 90 years old...just in case=)

rm
Tested Negative: 5/06
Tested Positive: 9/06 
9/06: CD4: 442 (28%) VL: +100,000
10/06: CD4: 323 (25%) VL: 243,440
11/06: CD4: 405 (28%) VL: 124,324
12/06: CD4: 450 (29%) VL: 114,600
1/07: CD4: 440 (27%) VL: 75,286
3/07: CD4: 459 (30%) VL: 44,860
5/07: CD4: 353 (24%) VL: 50,852
7/07: CD4: 437 (29%) VL: 39,475
9/07: CD4: 237 (32%) VL: 372,774
10/07: CD4: 324 (27%) VL: 115,454 
Started Atripla: 10/07
11/07: CD4: 524 (?%) VL: Undetectable!
2/08: CD4: 653 (35%) VL: undetectable
5/08: CD4: 822 (40%) VL: undetectable
8/08: CD4: 626 (35%) VL: undetectable
12/08: CD4: 619 (36%) VL: undetectable
3/09: CD4: 802 (38%) VL: undetectable
7/09: CD4: 1027 (43%) VL: not tested
10/09: CD4: 1045 (43%) VL: undetectable

Offline momoftwo

  • Member
  • Posts: 78
Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #8 on: May 15, 2007, 03:07:37 PM »
Since my diagnosis this October I have had a few momments of self-depracation however I have learned that I cannot change what happened and I find it easier when I control the virus instead of letting it control me.
As for the fear of paying for meds take a momment and jump up and down that you live in Minnesota! We have an amazing Ryan White grant program here and as far as I know everyone is given the opportunity for their meds if you cannot pay for them. You also have more rights through the state since you are a parent and even may qualify for the state health insurance like I do based on income. I would advise that you call the number on this site http://www.mnaidsproject.org/. They have all the answers that you probably need at this point in regards to insurance etc. There is a benefit specialist in this office and she is very informative.
As for the ex, people in general are selfish in nature and the fact that his wife is negative is probably all he is thinking about at this time. Just remind yourself that he too liives with this virus. As for his prepare for eternity, all my drs tell me to make sure that I have a retirement plan so I am thinking that I will be around for awhile unless a bus hits me tomorrow. I am more concerned of cancer coming back than HIV wiping me out in the next five years. I have made this statement before but I would rather hear that I am HIV positive again than be told that I have stage 4 bone cancer again. At least this virus I am able to control with a pill regimen and not an IV of toxic crap.
I am sending you a big HUG! I wish that you had someone there to support you at the momment instead of going through this alone.

Offline asaint

  • Member
  • Posts: 95
Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #9 on: May 15, 2007, 05:32:47 PM »
As your name implies you have to believe that your gonna come out of this stronger then when you went in to it. Life it to short to be worrying about things we can not change. As far as your X goes again time to move on, no need to worry whats going on in his damn life. Time for you to live  yourself, find a new man, make new plans. Life goes on Hun.
Bob
6/11 VL <50   CD4 (9%)   CD8 (54%}

Offline belief

  • Member
  • Posts: 72
Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #10 on: May 15, 2007, 10:10:26 PM »
thank you all so much for being so supportive of me and my really awful day...it was a really tough day for me and with all of the kind words spoken to me here - i really understand that forgiveness plays a huge part in healing...and healing will give me what i need to move foward.  some days i feel so strong and so alive, others, i feel like i've been kicked around and beaten up until i can no longer function. 

i got the virus from someone i trusted.  i trusted him with my life - totally.  but, in no way do i feel like it is his fault for passing this on to me, he didn't know.  i'm just really angry that this is now what i face...i didn't ask for it (no one does) and quite frankly...when i got that phone call that he was positive, i about drove off the road.  i'm scared, and i don't want to do this...i really don't.  i just want to live as i've always lived, without making changes i wouldn't have otherwise made.  i just want to be me.  and you're right, i do need to forgive him and i will with time...and deep down i may have already done so.  of course i need to forgive myself for all that's happened as well...it's definitely not the life i'd have chosen, but i guess it's now mine and i need to make the most of it. 

i've been seeing a therapist 1/week for a couple of months...it's helping (i think).  talking through my feelings/emotions is a good thing, it gives me strength and courage to get through this fight.  i never thought i'd be one to go into therapy, but i recommend it.  it is very costly...unfortunately (momoftwo - i'll check out that website) but worth every penny.  that's where i'll  be tomorrow morning, first thing.
5/07 - viral load: 28,890  CD4: 514 
8/07 - viral load: 38,710  CD4: 451
9/07 - viral load: 47,000  CD4: 467
11/07 - viral load: 17,600 CD4: 421

Offline Dragonette

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  • Posts: 1,190
  • Spring symptoms
    • NotPerfectAtAll
Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #11 on: May 18, 2007, 06:29:14 AM »
I guess I have some growing up to do because when I read your post my first thought was "God what an insensitive prick", and my second thought when I carried on reading and read "he talked to me about eternal life and mentioned that we need to accept death as part of life...and mentioned that it is my choice to live optimistically or pessimisticallly..." was "eternal life my ass! pseudo-spiritual BS".

Don't get me wrong of course we have a right to live "pessimistically or optimistically", and I also agree with all the above posters that you will be around for a looong time (though not for eternity), but it is one thing being told that from your HIV+ peers or even friends or doctor and another being preached by the (I'll say it again) insensitive prick that infected you.

What I am saying is, yes, anger is destructive and it's not good to live a life filled with anger, but anger is also natural and acceptable in some situations. if you try to curb your anger when it is justified, it will turn into depression. People are not "spirits" and a lot of them do very annoying, mean and sometimes unforgivable things. IT IS OK TO BE ANGRY. You have the right to be angry. Sure, it is not "constructive" but it is natural. And after you allow yourself all the anger, I believe that it will dissolve and make place for other feelings. Like the feeling that you need - and will - do everything for yourself!

I know it might be easier for me to say because I do not actually have a someone I can blame for my being poz. After much speculating I can only guess that I was infected by an unhegenic abortion, which of course makes me very angry! Makes me furious! But I can't prove it, just once in a while I get more "evidence" (like a report coming out a month ago about hospitals not screening sperm donations for HIV in my country). I was already very ticked off and resentful towards the "establishment" there, but the fact is that it is a vague blame (I can't assign a face to whoever is responsible even if I am certain as I often am that it happened at that clinic). If I knew that an ex infected me, would I be mad? Probably, but I would acknowledge that I took a risk by having unrpotected sex while knowing the possible consequences. But if that ex would call and tell me about his negative wife (which is very good news in itself for him & her but it also accentuates your own situation, being left out in the cold - I know it sounds harsh but this is probabaly how you must FEEL) and also preach "positive thinking" at me, would I be mad? Hell yeah! I am mad just reading this and I am not even you! So I suggest you give yourself the legitimacy to be angry, and afterwards, it will be easier. Kind of like when feeling nautious, it is better to puke it all up than to fight it down....

Hugs,
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #12 on: May 18, 2007, 07:18:46 AM »
i just want to live as i've always lived, without making changes i wouldn't have otherwise made.  i just want to be me.

Belief,

Your life has changed yes, but you can use that anger to your advantage instead of feeding it, which you seem to be doing by entering into the work of therapy. Good for you! It may not feel like it now, but you’re going to be okay.

You walk past me
I can feel your pain
Time changes everything
One truth always stays the same
You're still you
After all, you're still you

from: You’re Still You
(Linda Thompson and Ennio Morricone)

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline otherplaces

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  • Posts: 398
  • Mutant Super Hero
Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #13 on: May 19, 2007, 12:39:09 AM »

Belief,

You don't need forgiveness.  You have done nothing wrong.  If everyone who made a mistake when it came to love or the search for love got HIV there wouldn't be 45 million people living with HIV, the whole planet would've died round about 1984.

I imagine what is truly bending your mind is just how unfair life can be.  You got it, she didn't...WHY, HOW?  I have found that part of accepting being HIV+ is also accepting that life can be truly truly unfair.  But it is also believing the truth that in the year 2007 you truly have no idea where this road leads.  Illness is a possibility, but when isn't it?  Good health and happiness is also a possibility. 

I wish you the best and much love,
brian


Offline sweetasmeli

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  • Love what you are...
Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #14 on: May 19, 2007, 01:52:13 PM »
Hi belief
I'm sorry to read that you're struggling at the moment.

right now i'd love to throw a pity party for myself
The thing with pity parties is that misery loves company and, in the long term, we find ourselves mainly surrounded with fellow pity party-ers who will only serve to help us indulge in our self-pity, rather than do anything to overcome it. That is in no way meant as criticism, merely an observation of innumerable pity parties I’ve witnessed and taken part in myself.

i just wanted to yell and scream and throw things.  just to get it all out.  and at the end of the day, all i really wanted was for someone to hold me close and tell me that everything will be ok.  i haven't had that yet through any of this.  and maybe that is my own fault because i haven't shared my status with anyone who'd do that for me...but it sure would feel nice. 

today was my day to be really pissed off, hurt, sad, scared and worried...and i just wanted to get some of that anger out.

We all have 'off' days…weeks…months...sometime years even. It’s a natural part of the ebbs and flows of life and life events. I find there is something strangely unnatural about folk who are permanently 'up' and never down. The notion that 'people must experience the downs to appreciate the ups' resonates much truth.

However, your HIV diagnosis was not an 'off' day. It was a bloody huge bombshell; and one that was only dropped on you about a month ago, from what I understand.

You need to give yourself time and space to allow yourself to move through the emotions that follow such an event. Everything you are feeling is natural and necessary. Try not to think you should be doing better than you are; cut yourself some slack. You are where you are where you are where you are.

Allow yourself to feel your pain; allow yourself to be angry, sad, scream, throw things, whatever it takes to get it all out; and allow yourself to grieve for a life you once had that has now changed. Depression after change/loss is a natural thing. The thing is not to let it become all-consuming. This and forgiveness (towards yourself and your ex, whether warranted or not) is where your therapist should be able to help you.

Above all, like Daniel said through those beautiful quoted words, remember that although some aspects of your life may have changed, essentially you are still you: a work in progress, as we all are.

You have been given some good advice regarding how you could pay for meds etc. I hope that results in some support for you that way. And I suggest you reread what racingmind wrote: It was a really great post; spot on.

I’m sorry to hear you haven’t shared your diagnosis with anyone yet. But it is still very soon for you. You are still digesting the information yourself. I suspect that sharing this shocking news will be something you will address when the time feels more right for you.

In the meantime, I’m glad you have at least us here on these forums to turn to. And although I know a cyber hug is nothing like the real thing, I hope you can appreciate that I’m sending you one right now with the same sentiments.

(((belief)))

Melia x
/\___/\       /\__/\
(=' . '=)    (=' . '=)
(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #15 on: May 19, 2007, 05:27:16 PM »
I'm totally with Queen on this one. I don't see anything to forgive yourself for. For having feelings and needs? For feeling discouraged and lonely and wanting to be hugged.

It's time for a group hug here so consider it done and take it in, I mean really take in how much those who have read what you've written appreciate where you're at. There are going to be other times when you are going to feel differently. But this is where you're at right now. So forget about what your not-very-sensitive ex told you about the glorious hereafter.

And man! Where is a castiron frying pan when I need one to knock some sense into someone's head!. Whatta insensitive maroon to be handing that sort of stuff out to you! Maybe he has other fine qualities on other occasions, but they sure weren't showing then when all he had to do was listen and be responsive. So much of the time we don't need for anyone to anything more (or less) than just listen with an open heart.

Anyway, I'm glad you spoke up here. Don't hold it in. You're entitled to your feelings.

Saturday isn't over. Let's see what the rest of the day brings.

Cheers, 
Andy Velez

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #16 on: May 19, 2007, 10:55:46 PM »
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline belief

  • Member
  • Posts: 72
Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #17 on: May 21, 2007, 12:26:09 AM »
What I am saying is, yes, anger is destructive and it's not good to live a life filled with anger, but anger is also natural and acceptable in some situations. if you try to curb your anger when it is justified, it will turn into depression. People are not "spirits" and a lot of them do very annoying, mean and sometimes unforgivable things. IT IS OK TO BE ANGRY. You have the right to be angry. Sure, it is not "constructive" but it is natural. And after you allow yourself all the anger, I believe that it will dissolve and make place for other feelings. Like the feeling that you need - and will - do everything for yourself!

But if that ex would call and tell me about his negative wife (which is very good news in itself for him & her but it also accentuates your own situation, being left out in the cold - I know it sounds harsh but this is probabaly how you must FEEL) and also preach "positive thinking" at me, would I be mad? Hell yeah! I am mad just reading this and I am not even you! So I suggest you give yourself the legitimacy to be angry, and afterwards, it will be easier. Kind of like when feeling nautious, it is better to puke it all up than to fight it down....

Dragonette - after i read this, you know how i felt?  i wanted to shout - "thank God, i can be mad!!"  i can be really upset and it's ok.  so, i am going to let myself be mad and not hold anything in...and then, once it's out, it will be easier.  and really, it's like you said...i am mad at myself for not having safe sex.  am i mad at him, too?  hell yes.  i want to give you ALL a huge hug, a high five or whatever for "shouting and yelling" at this guy for me and on my behalf, because for whatever reason, i don't have the nerve to do it.  isn't that awful.

Daniel...i love your words.  they are very beautiful and give me such encouragement...i am going to look for this song (i presume) and download it. 

I imagine what is truly bending your mind is just how unfair life can be.  You got it, she didn't...WHY, HOW? 

brian, this is absolutely true.  why?  how?  why me?  why not her?  it is so unfair...but that mentality is so immature.  this i know.  each day is different and each day i am stronger, then a day comes along and knocks me off my feet.  time will heal.  it will just take time.

andy...my saturday ended well!  i was extremely productive - which is nothing but empowering for me.

love to you all,

belief
5/07 - viral load: 28,890  CD4: 514 
8/07 - viral load: 38,710  CD4: 451
9/07 - viral load: 47,000  CD4: 467
11/07 - viral load: 17,600 CD4: 421

Offline belief

  • Member
  • Posts: 72
Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #18 on: May 21, 2007, 12:34:35 AM »

We all have 'off' days…weeks…months...sometime years even. It’s a natural part of the ebbs and flows of life and life events. I find there is something strangely unnatural about folk who are permanently 'up' and never down. The notion that 'people must experience the downs to appreciate the ups' resonates much truth.

However, your HIV diagnosis was not an 'off' day. It was a bloody huge bombshell; and one that was only dropped on you about a month ago, from what I understand.

You need to give yourself time and space to allow yourself to move through the emotions that follow such an event. Everything you are feeling is natural and necessary. Try not to think you should be doing better than you are; cut yourself some slack. You are where you are where you are where you are.

Allow yourself to feel your pain; allow yourself to be angry, sad, scream, throw things, whatever it takes to get it all out; and allow yourself to grieve for a life you once had that has now changed. Depression after change/loss is a natural thing. The thing is not to let it become all-consuming. This and forgiveness (towards yourself and your ex, whether warranted or not) is where your therapist should be able to help you.

Melia...thank you for the hug!  :)  again, after reading this i know it's ok for me to feel what i'm feeling - to get it all out.  feel my anger, sadness, worry, etc...not to hide it. 

the words that you wrote that really hit me are "allow yourself to grieve for a life you once had that has now changed."  that is certainly something i need to do.  i know that for me in particular my future was looking so bright...i was (and am) getting a divorce from an abusive spouse, i have an incredible son whom i love dearly, i am young and i was about to get a new start at life...there was so much to look forward to - and that is what i'm longing for.  and that is only one thing i am most angry about.  it just sucks.

thanks again for the cyber hug!

belief
5/07 - viral load: 28,890  CD4: 514 
8/07 - viral load: 38,710  CD4: 451
9/07 - viral load: 47,000  CD4: 467
11/07 - viral load: 17,600 CD4: 421

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: i need to forgive...
« Reply #19 on: May 21, 2007, 04:14:34 PM »
Daniel...i love your words.  they are very beautiful and give me such encouragement...i am going to look for this song (i presume) and download it.

Belief,

The only recording I know of that  exists of "You’re Still You"  is on Josh Groban's debut self-titile CD, Josh Groban.

http://www.amazon.com/Josh-Groban/dp/B00005RGNI

I find personal meaning in several songs from that CD actually.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

 


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