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Anger!

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Teresa:
I have been dealing with hubby being HIV+ since May 5 of this yr. I have tried to be strong for him. I only cry now when hes not around. You would think I would have run out of tears by now. I have done the feeling sorry for myself..feeling sorry for him..feeling sorry for us...but over the weekend i dont know what happened.. i got mad. It was like an uncontrollable anger. I wasnt really mad at hubby but he felt the wrath of it. I was yelling and crying and I screamed God damnit and hit my computer desk with my fist. Things went flying off my desk and that sorta brought me back from my insane fit.

I dont know what brought it on. Hubby goes wednesday for his first set of blood work since starting his meds and while hes getting that done they are going to do another HIV test on me. Im fairly certain that i was in the 13 week window of the last time we had sex with no condom but the dr thinks i should be tested again to make sure. Im ok with that. I want to know for sure and im not stressing like i did the first time.

Maybe i need to get counseling...maybe im not handling this as good as i thought.
I felt so bad for going off like that in front of hubby.
I have never felt such anger and rage before...it really scared me.

Teresa

Life:
Hi Teresa... Anger is part of our mental make up... Nothing to be worried about.  But, you know.. You can be supporting and loving and caring and all those things that make up a relationship, but, in the end, you have absolutely know control over your husbands action in how he deals with them.  I know from experience about my husband being supporting loving and caring about my dealings with being pos (my hubs pos to).  I have found that this outlet (aidsmeds) has given him some breathing time and he is so supportive of me coming here and finding some answers and good ideas that I take back into my relationship with my husband...   Remember, you can do everything under the sun and still his outlook maybe a bit different.   Open up more communication lines with him.   Or, stand back a bit and let him make some decisions and I would bet, he will start approaching you on his feelings.  But whatever you do, if you feel a wall going up,  stop it immediately.  Its harder to tear them down once they are up..

Love

Moffie65:
ANGER AND RAGE

Duh!

Who the hell do you think you are?  .....   ....  "Wonder Woman!"     Geeeze Louise....... give yourself a  break. You guys have only been dealing with this for barely two months, and this is your first Anger event.  Not bad, I would say.  

Teresa, you have been more than a hero in my estimation, and the fact that you didn't go screaming from the room when you found out your hubby was infected, speaks volumes about your strong nature, and your desire to deal with this head-on.  Gee girlfriend, do I have to come over there to Texas and read you the riot act.  You are doing more than fine with the way you have handled your situation in the last month or two.  So, now it is time to clean up that damn computer desk and find out what all those little pieces were that flew all over the room when you blew a fuse.  Hey girl, it is just Goddesses way of telling you that it was time to clean up the desk.  ;D

All kidding aside.  It is now time for one of my women rants, which I have not done in a year or so, and I think I will do it with a new thread so that all of the women can see it.

In Love and Support.

Teresa:
Moffie...If you gonna read me the riot act in Texas you better speak loud cause im in Kansas..LOL

You know just the right things to say to me. I have never busted out laughing and crying at the same time but I did when i read your post.

I feel so much better Moffie and its all because of you! I may be going to Phoenix next month to visit my neice who just moved there. I might just kidnap you and bring you back to Kansas with me..at least till its time for your Montreal trip.

Hugs & kisses
Teresa

Ann:
Theresa,

We all go through a grieving process when hiv comes on the scene. Anger is one of the accepted stages of that grieving. It's normal, it's natural and it's nothing to be ashamed or worried about. None of the stages are. They only become a problem when you get stuck in one of them.

The best way to not get stuck is to allow yourself to feel your feelings. It might help you to sit down and list the ways you're feeling and why. Kinda like this -

I feel angry because of this.
I feel angry because of that.
I feel angry because of the other.
I feel angry when this happens.
I feel angry when that happens.
I feel angry when I think of this.
I feel angry when I think of that.
etc.

It's ok to feel angry sometimes - it's what we do with emotions that counts.

By the way, according to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, there are five stages to grief. They don't only apply to situations where there has been a death, they apply to any situation where there has been a significant loss. We do experience loss with an hiv diagnosis - loss of health, loss of dreams, loss of self-image... the list goes on. You won't necessarily experience them in this order and you can move between the stages as well, going through some of them more than once. The five stages of grief are:

Denial and Isolation.

Anger.
 
Bargaining.

Depression.

Acceptance.

Aside from Kubler-Ross's book "On Death and Dying", she also wrote a book called "Life Lessons: How Our Morality Can Teach Us About Life and Living." I found it to be a very helpful book, you might too.

Hugs,
Ann

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