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have you heard from........

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bobik:
........jon, aka poz82? I haven't seen him on for a long time, has anyone heard how he is doing on his new meds? Jon, are you reading here?

Hug

Coen

pos.82:
Hi Coen!
A big hug to you and another round of beer!

Sweetie, I was so pissed with the going-on’s here, and with the disrupters, then with the mods failure to keep the asshole from more detraction and abuse, and finally with the “new” guidelines, that I did not ever expect to come back here. I am stubborn that way. I mean why should I put myself through such drama when life is damn dramatic all by itself? And with HIV/AIDS who fuckin’ needs it.

I really have missed some of those here who have opened their minds and heart for all of us to share with, and especially those that have tuned a sympathetic and well-wishing ear to my struggles. I hope you know how much I appreciate/ed your thoughts, prayers and incantations on my behalf. And to this day owe an open heart and guest bed if ever you are in my area. You know who you are.

You know my struggles with the meds… the rejection, damage to the already frail nervous system, the anemia, loss of soul, and the entire two classes of drugs that my body simply out-and-out rejects, and the fear and thoughts of death that haunted all of 2005 and early 2006. What a fuckin` ride huh?

All is, however, not lost, nor am I. Although I still go though periods where 10-16 hours of sleep a day is not uncommon, the graph of recovery is swinging slowly into the livable category. Can I hear an Amen, the Durga call, a Hallelujah, the beating of tribal drums and a down and dirty !right-on!?!

It has been tough going, especially for the first 3 months after being put back on meds. The bitch of loosing nearly all sexual function seemed to get worse through those months, but alas, the rising of pride has slowly returned over the last few weeks and along with it some energy to live and dare I say it … to love as well.

I have hooked up with an ASO in my area and am meeting new and good folk that know the ropes and can share a joke or two. I am also getting involved with the GLBT local chapter here, and am pushing to see the center open more. My ‘volunteer’ status is still undecided, but as my strength comes back so will the push forward for equality and community come with it. I have met some great people here who keep me in stitches; Laughter what a damn goddess-send!

As to the meds. I am now on Epzicom & Fuzeon, (basically the only ones left that will work for me). But work they have WITHOUT the horrid reactions that I have had with the others. I get the welts and sore spots with the injections, but they are nothing I cannot handle. I have been very strict with the time schedule, every 12 hours, and then Insurance changes left me without Fuzeon for 2 days…. fuck those damn bean counters and the bureaucratic crap. Then I messed up once after this and was 4 hours late on one injection. Damn, I never thought I could run so fast up those stairs to start mixing the dose. LOL.

In the first month my t-cells doubled from 140 to 278. I had a 3.5% log decrease in viral load to 2300. By the 3rd or fourth month I had a VL of 54... woowhoo .. Nearly undetectable. I just had blood work done and will get results soon to see if the two-days off, or my lateness caused any complications. No matter what I am doing well.

Tonight, I actually went to a local gay bar, which is probably why I am writing -- four Heineken's and counting... hehe. It has been 20 or more years since I have been to that local bar. The people have changed a bit since then. Besides the drunks, there was an openness and freedom that I have not experienced in a while, at least post Regan-devil-presidency!  Eeerrrgg!

My love-life is getting complicated with a 20+ year relationship with a beautiful soul, and needs on the other side of the fence that still need addressed. I have been on a couple other dates with my partner’s full consent, and dammed if our sex life and love for each other didn’t up itself a notch or two. Funny this life in this body!

I guess I have been off the forums too long, but please know I have not been out of touch with life. I really have no idea how much I will participate here in the future. I guess that depends on a lot of things. I promise though. That I will at least check my PM’s weekly from now on and not to let those that I love slip out of my world again. Coen (and the rest), I love you, and wish you all the best of joy and fulfillment. Life goes on … so, damnit, will we cherish it.

Peace to you,
jon

kcmetroman:
Hi Jon,

Like Coen, I have missed your candor here.  I know that you were pissed by the recent attacks.  I am glad to see that things are turning around for you.  Like you, I have found much of my recent solace in face to face interaction.  I pray that things continue to go well with you.

John

pos.82:
John Thanks for that. It is always good to know when the "solace in face to face interaction" is being treasured and remembered.
I can't help but quote you from your recent message to Jerry.


--- Quote from: kcmetroman on July 04, 2006, 09:02:00 AM ---
--- End quote ---

* I think that many people here put too much emphasis on this site (once upon a time myself included).  ...  I think that We all need to keep things in perspective.  We all agree that change is inevitable, and in the perfect world, the changes in our lives for the better would mean less involvement here, and more involvement in our own existence.  There is only so much pleasure that you can gain in reading a post.
--- Quote ---
--- End quote ---

It is good to remember this and keep a balance. Countless hours here will detract from personal involvement with our own real-life communities. For those that can, and I realize many are incapable this, to be active in there own communities; there is nothing more far-reaching and tangible. This on-line community and those that we connect with here is awesome in its own right, but limited.

Be well always,
jon

jkinatl2:
Jon, its good to see things are going well for you! I hope they continue to do so.

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