Main Forums > Someone I Care About Has HIV

My Husband Just tested positive.

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Hi Wife and Migue, my name is Juan Carlos and i am two months diagnosed.

Well, i know how it feels to be newly diagnosed... as for me the first month was a disaster. I could not stop thinking about it... and feeling i would die immediatly, but to talk to other people helped me to understand i was wrong.

Wife why don't you bring your husband to the forums? he might find lot of info and stories here that will help him to realise he is not alone, plus we are very cool bunch of guys and girls and i am sure we can cheer him up :). Hiv is an illness we can deal with, many people live over 20 years after starting meds. Still with it, this is not all candy and chocolate... one has to evaluate our current lifestyle and prepare to make some changes.

Next thing I would suggest you three (Migue, Wife and Husband) is to find a counsellor to talk to, or perhaps a support group, to talk to someone always help. During first days... shock is big and it may hit us different ways (i used to cry a lot...) but it is ok, it happens to anyone, and none of us (not even you wife) needs to prove stronger than anyone... just let the things flow and you will see everything comes to the balance in some time. This is not good or bad... it is just a different path.

You can also start with the lessons of Aidsmeds, reading different articles on poz or reading the blogs where i personally found powerful stories that helped me after my diagnosis..

 To get used to this new situation takes time... but it do happens. I am two months in this and i am quite ok, none of my co workers ever suspect i am ill, my family and friends know and they support me, i am just more conscious about my habits, what i eat, and learnt to look after myself.... everybody got sad and scared at first.... but after two months... i am still here :) same as usual... making jokes, working hard, eating lot, and slowly they got to learn more about hiv, what to expect from it and hope came back to all of us....

My plans have not changed, in fact i have re gained interest in achieving my goals after diagnosis, i guess it is a bigger challenge, and since we will be around for long time yet... there is no reason for big changes in our plans.

Find people you can trust and get yourself informed about this. We are here for you, and you will see everything will be fine :)

Juan Carlos

Worried, this is a beautiful story of love and forgiveness.

Migue, life is not over. Post your thoughts on here.


Thank you everyone. You all have already been a big help to me and it has only been one day since I joined. I am truely blessed to have people that understand and are willing to help.


Welcome Worried and Migue. Everyone is here to help in what ever way they can..

Worried, i wish I had people in my life as understanding and forgiving as you....

I have been poz for 1 year and month (that I know of) and I can assure you that things do get better.


It has been a while since I posted.... and I always hesitate before I go down this path. But I need to share a bit of my story, mostly because I am a lot farther down the path than the others who have posted previously.

I have been with my husband 22 years. In the early 80s he was told he had lymphoma (who knew much about AIDS then?). We met, fell in love, and enjoyed dating. After 6 years we decided to get married. At that time the state where we wanted to marry required an HIV test as part of its pre-marriage screening. My husband started to prepare me for the worst (little did I know that a Dr had suggested a test a year previously because he had an incredibly bad case of shingles on his face and torso). He had already done some research and suspected with worst case scenario. He was correct.

I won't go into the details, but the news definitely changed our lives and our relationship right away. He pulled away - I stood firm and assured him that I loved him "no matter what". We got married anyway, and never told anyone. BIG MISTAKE. I did not have a place like this to share and it nearly ruined our relationship - it was the elephant in the livingroom syndrome. If you do not have a release for your emotions - they will eventually overwhelm you.....

Having said all of that, here is some advice from someone who has been going through this a long time:

- Stay with him if you feel that is what you want/need to do. Honor your feelings.
- Know from the onset, this will be the most difficult thing to do. There will be days when you will resent him for putting himself at risk. There will be days were he will resent you for not having it yourself. Love does not conquer all and you will need your faith, all the strength you can gather and a very good support system to get through this.
- People will tell you they understand and they will be there to help. But when the going gets tough and things get ugly - you will find out who you can really count on. It might surprise you.
- He will make his own decisions about his treatment and you may not always agree. As he moves through the illness his feelings about meds and side effects may change. You will have to deal with his decisions. You can suggest and support - but ultimately, he will be in control there.
- Learn as much as you can. Your perspective will be different than his. You will hear things from doctors differently because you approach this differently. That difference can often be helpful. Because I can remove myself emotionally (somewhat), I usually catch things that doctor's share differently than he does.
- There will be days when you will question your decision to stay. Just know that and know you can come here for support. Also, see if you can find a local support group as well (they are hard to find for "affected" not "infected" in some cities).
- Take care of yourself. It is very easy to get totally caught up in what is happening to him. It is very important that you take care of yourself as well.

In closing, let me say I will keep you in my thoughts. I will be checking here often and you can always "private message" me.

Take care of yourself and him.
Sincerely - Trixie


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