Main Forums > Someone I Care About Has HIV

My Husband Just tested positive.

(1/5) > >>

Ok I hope nobody minds but I would like to share my story with all of you in hopes that anyone can give me some advise on how to deal with all of this. I am so scared.

My Story:

In August of 2004 I left home and went to Iraq leaving behind my husband and 8 month old daughter. While I was gone apprentely my husband had an affair. We just found out that he is HIV Positive. Fourtunally, I tested and my test was negitave. I dont know how. I am relieved but I am still shocked that I am not positive. I guess my angles have been putting in some serious overtime.  :)

Im not mad at my husband and I dont plan on going anywhere. I am here for him and together we are going to make it through this. Is this strange? Should I be mad? Or even hurt? I dont even feel a little mad. Im thinking that their is something wrong with me. Anyone else I know would have taken the child and ran the other direction away from all of this crap. Is my love for him that strong? I guess it is because that is the only way I can describe it.

We went to the infectious diease doctor last week for the first time and they took more blood tests to find out what his T cell count is. On Friday the doctor called us and told us that my husband needed to start taking medication to keep him from getting phnomia ( sorry I cant spell that one :) ) and she told him that his T cell count was below 200. It is actually 191. I dont remember what his viral load is. Well that night I ended up taking him to the ER because he was having a hard time breathing fourtunally it turned out to be nothing. Is this going to happen alot? I kind of expect for him to have a hard time dealing with all of this and to blow everything out of porpotion right now but I didnt expect it to be this bad. How long with this last? How am I suppose to deal with this myself and help him deal with it also?

We are going on a trip with a couple of friends this week and I am hoping getting him out of here will help him not think about all of this. How do I get him to not dwell on this? I have told him that we will just take this one day at a time and not worry about what can go wrong until it happens. We will cross that bridge when we get to it. We go back to the doctor next week to start him on a treatment plan and I think after that things will get better (at least I hope). In the meantime I need to know how to keep my sanity along with keeping my family together and comforting my husband all at the same time. I have noticed that if he is thinking about it. It makes me think about it and all of the bad things that can happen. How can I keep from doing this? Is it just because this is all so new to us and we are still trying to accept it?

Please Help

Hi, your are my first post or email  on this site.  I just joined.   Im going through the same thing.  I have been healthy as a horse all my life, 36 yo, laywer succseful.., etc.  never promiscuous, but i had a condom break last summer.  Tested a few times in the folllwing months and tested negative.  I was re-tested a month ago and found out two weeks ago im positve.  My cell count is 250 and i need ot go on medication immmidiatly.  Honestly, I'm aslo scrarred shitless, since all I' have ever taken is aspririn and vitamins.  I see all my lifes work and plans go down the tubes, fast.   

I cant tell you all the things goign on in my head, but they are probably the same... " I'm going to die or this is a gay disease" thoughts going on in your husbands head.  Both he and you, need to take care of your phycological and physical needs at the same time.  Go and see a therapist, I did the next day, even though I've never bene to one.  This is bigger and both you and he. 

Like you, all i knew about hiv was put on a condom, dont exchange bodily fluids etc. I didnt know anything treatments, effects etc,. bodychanges etc.  Dont abandon him, at least until he has a handle on this.  Unfortunatly, I dont have anyone to hold my hand while I go through this, but please dont abandon him at this point.  Right now, I'm sure hes feelig nwhat im feeling, hoplessness and that his life is over.  Be by his side, and accpet whatever god gives you.  Miguel


This was also my first post to this site. Thank you for the reply. Im sorry that you dont have any support while you go through this. I dont plan on EVER leaving my husband. Over the past week all I have heard him say is I love you and Im sorry I am putting you through this. I think he expected me to run away. But I didnt and Im not ever going to. If you need anything you are more than welcome to email me I may not be able to hold your hand but I will listen. I am new to this so I dont know how much help I can be but I know that sometimes having someone to listen is a big help. My email is I also have a yahoo messanger account stacy_scott_us. Thank you so much for the reply I am trying to stay strong for both of us but sometimes it is so hard.

Hi WorriedWife,

Welcome to the forums. I'm glad you found us.

Everything you are feeling is perfectly normal. Last May we found out my hubby was HIV+. I tested negative and like you was very surprised, and in shock. While we were waiting for my results I told hubby that no matter what we were in this together. When we got hubbys test results he had AIDS, CD4 85 and VL over 280,000. He kept having a fever and the Dr said the meds would take care of it. When his fever was a little over 103 I took him to the ER. After a lot of tests they found out he had meningitis. Was in the hospital for 3 days. After he started on his meds he started feeling great and still feels great. He was undetectable in 2 months after starting meds.

The advice I can give you is to learn all you can about HIV/AIDS. The lessons here is the best place to start. They really helped me. I know you are scared, I was and still after a year of dealing with this I still get overwhelmed at times. But when I do I always post here and the people here are amazing. They have saved my sanity on more than one occasion. Talk to your husband. Keep the communication open. Talk about your feelings, your concerns, listen to his. Talk to his Dr. don't be afraid to ask questions. Keep a notebook and write down your questions so you can remember them. I have a notebook that I take to the Dr with us everytime we go.

When you think things are getting so bad you don't think you can take it...stop...take some deep breaths. Things do get better...I promise they do. Your husband is so lucky that he has you. And you are not have all of us here at the forums. We are here for you and your husband. You hang in there. If you ever want to talk I am here for ya. You can PM me (you have to post 3 times before you can send a PM) or my email is



Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and the encourgement. That is exactly what I needed. Your story really made me feel good if your husband can go from 85 to being undetectable in just 2 months that gives me some great hope. I also like your idea of taking a notebook with you for the doctor that is a great idea. I think I will have to do that also. I have been doing searches on the internet trying to find as much information as I can but Im not sure I am understanding everything I am reading. I also think I am trying to learn to much at one time. I just want to be prepared for anything that might happen so that I know how to help my husband.

I was really debating with myself if i really wanted to open myself up to a forum like this. Now I am greatful that I did and I am greatful for people like you who are willing to help. Thank you so much for all your help.


[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

Go to full version