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I'm new... 5 days new

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Just found out 5 days ago that I am +..Had a rapid test took 10 miinutes 2 change my life and that it did.  I feel stupid posting this since I don't have anything 2 say other then I am scared I am scared I AM SCARED.
I'm scared of finding out my viral load im scared of germs I am scared of sex I am even scared in some ways 2 masterbate. I'm all of a sudden washing my hands 50 times a day and cleaning everything I can reach with a rag.  I'm freaking out because I drink waaaaayyyyyyyy 2 much and smoke even more so im trying 2 give myself a week 2 quit both...
I'm giving myself a month 2 start eating right and exercising
I don't mean 2 bitch and complain so I am sorry but at 2:30 in the morning 5 days into this and sitting here alone this is the only outlet I have.......


Geeeeez, Jag,

Go easy on yourself.  Damn, you gotta make it through this night, before you can do all these things you have promised yourself.

My suggestion is take a deep breath, hold it, now let it out slowly.  I mean it dude, do this now, right now. 

Now, let's see.  First off, you need to read the lessons right here on this site, learn everything you can about this disease, and try to let it sink in.  Then, read about the people here in the Blogs, and mine would be one place to start, but read them all, and learn how some of us HIV Dinosaurs have been dealing with HIV for the better part of 20+ years.  Then have a smoke, drink or anything else that will help you calm down a bit.  You have loads of time to make life changes, but today and this week and month, are not that time.  You have just started down the new path for your life, and from what I see, it aint all that bad. 

Welcome to this Site, and these forums, and I wish you peace with this new change in your life path.  Walk calmly and peacefully, and learn all you can about this disease, as survival is often times connected very closely with knowledge about what this disease can and cannot do to you. 

You will be fine, so just stay here and keep communicating over the next week or two and you will find a host of people that will be glad to help you and guide you through this very strange time in your life. 

In Love and Support.

Poz Brit:
Hello Jag,
Welcome to these forums, and a new way of living Life, itís still here, it can still be as much fun as it always has been, itís just different?
Moffie has given you some good advice, please listen to him and the other long timers, as Knowledge of this bug, is the key to surviving this bug.
I wish you well and the strength to come to terms with it. Ask what you will, there is always some one listening and willing to help here.


Hi Jag

Welcome to the family.

I agree with Moffie, you need to slow down a bit..what you need is time, time to think about your situation, don't rush things, what you are going through is a normal reaction to your diagnosis, and stress, although natural, can cause physical symptoms..something you don't need right now.

HIV will bring on anxieties and one of the best ways to handle this is through information (the lessons here will help you)  learn as much as you can, all decisions relating to your life will be made by you from now on, so if your are unclear about anything talk and work with your ID Doctor, and of course you can always come here for advise.

Ideally, you need to get to a place where you can gain some peace or at least co-existence with HIV..that will come in time and believe me it is possible.

Personally I view HIV as part of my life and not something that defines it...but we all learn to deal with this differently, what works for one doesn't always work for another, in time you will find your own way of dealing with this.

Jan :)

Hello Jag,

Welcome ! I am sorry you had to join us, but that fact that you found us, means somethiing. Receiving a positive diagnosis is a very tough thing to deal with. And those words are very mild... A big part of dealing with HIV, is to be able to be open and discuss it. It's not good to bottle things up. I speak from experience, as I bottled things up for the first few years, after I was diagnosed positive in 1985. As Tim, has said, you need to slow a down a notch or two. My emotions ran wild for about the first year, and in order to help keep myself subdued, I drank myself to sleep every night. Which is also not a smart thing to do, but that is how I reacted. Emotions will run wild, but eventually wiill settle down .

Take your time, take a deep breath and try to relax. If you haven't already, I suggest that you read the lessons, on this site. Once again, no rush... Take your time. If you have questions, and I know that you will have many, ask away !!

Click below, to get started :

Stay in touch ---------Ray


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