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Author Topic: Please help me.....  (Read 4147 times)

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Offline Worried1974

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Please help me.....
« on: May 04, 2007, 01:31:16 AM »
Hello Friends.
Thanks for the very informative messages and guidance.
I am a 32 yr old, single, hetero sexual, smoker, uncircumcised  male. I have never been in a committed relationship. Never used drugs, never been in a homosexual situation. Yes I have read the lessons on transmission and didnt understand the statement and probably part of worry "For men, HIV must enter through a cut or abrasion on the penis, through the lining of the urethra inside the penis."

All of my adult sexual life has been with Sex workers.This was here in the US (I immigrated here about 7 years ago), in Singapore and in India. I dont remember a single incident where i have had unprotected sex. If there is no condom, i havent participated in sex (oral once but NEVER vaginal sex). I also suffer from Candida from time to time, so i dont know if that increases my potential for an infection.
I do not recall (The ones that i dont remember, i was intoxicated) of any condom breakage, however i have cum inside sometimes with the condom.
With that history, on to my recent exposure and question.
About 3 and a half weeks ago  I had invited a sex worker to my hotel room. She seemed upscale, i have read reviews of her, where people have raved about her, so i felt a bit safe wrt the legality of the encounter, but not the health situation. Before she arrived, i have used scissors to trim my pubic hair and accidentally cut a little bit on my testicle. There was a lot of blood, and i wiped it using tissues. The blood wouldn't stop, so i thought i needed to apply something for it to clot. The only thing i had that would *probably* come to close to an antiseptic was the perfume i was carrying.(no pun intended, but feel it funny) I had applied it and the bleeding stopped. For the fear of STDs i have decided i wouldn't participate in vaginal intercourse. I should not let anything happen actually, but my loneliness got to me. After she has arrived, we took a shower. (Sorry to be so detailed, but i wanted to give all the facts. If nothing, helps me feel silly when i come back and read this and even that helps in the anxiety i am in). While we were body rubbing later,  her vagina might have touched the cut i was having and since it was less than half an hour i am freaking out. I have read and reread posts related to a cut and i understand this is pretty low risk. However, I am freaking out since i had a swollen lymph node under my left ear (near the jaw). This started 8 days (2 weeks after the incident) ago and slowly healing, i think, but the pain is still there. No fevers, diarrhea yesterday (21st day), and chronic fatigue. Coincidence? probably.
To relieve me from the anxiety i have scheduled a DNA by PCR test for the 27th day (May 9th). I understand many of you might think this is over kill, but given my history with prostitutes, and in different continents, i wanted to test. My last encounter (vaginal sex, covered, came inside of her) was around 6 months ago in Canada.
My concerns/questions are:
1) What level of risk do i have given my sexual history? (not just the last one, but in general)
2) Is it ok (Again, I understand it is probably unnecessary) to take DNA-PCR on the 27th day? This would be by Qwest Labs.
3) Could i have contracted it and not know about it until now? I am extremely scared of this, and of a false positive with DNA-PCR. How are the odds?
4) Does the risk become higher even with the 'sexual position', like woman on top , like cowgirl (excuse me), where the vaginal fluids could be flowing down, hence the risk of 'forcing down the virus'?

I have come to a point in life now where i have decided to completely stop my escapades with the sex workers. It is immoral from my upbringing and i feel guilty everytime i do it. This is also part of my anxiety, I understand.
Thanks for your Patience with me and my writing in this most anxiety driven time of my life.
I appreciate you! Each one of you, for the most dedicated service you are doing to the society by educating.
Thank you. Much light to you.
(I promise that i wont start multiple threads, but might have some follow up questions, if you will.  ;) )
« Last Edit: May 04, 2007, 03:06:14 AM by Worried1974 »

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #1 on: May 04, 2007, 05:34:51 AM »
Worried,

You're worrying over nothing and you certainly don't need PCR testing.

A half hour is plenty of time for your skin to start healing on a microscopic level. Not only that, but successful hiv transmission happens INSIDE the human body, not outside and your incident happened outside the body. If you cut your penis and then proceeded to have unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse immediately after, then you might have something to worry about. As it is, you don't.

Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. There have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

These are real-life people, having real-life sex, with occasional cuts and spots and whatnot. The important thing is that they use condoms, just like you. So, your level of hiv risk, given your history, is nil.

Not only is PCR testing unnecessary in your case, but DNA testing is a recipe for disaster. DNA PCR testing has a high rate of false positive results and is therefore not approved for diagnostic use.

The only way to know your hiv status is through antibody testing. Even if you do go against advice and have the PCR done, no matter what the result, it still has to be confirmed with standard antibody testing.(ELISA, or ELISA and Western Blot if positive)

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

It doesn't matter what positions you assume during anal or vaginal intercourse, what matters is that you wear a latex or polyurethane condom correctly in order to prevent hiv transmission. The position of your body is irrelevant.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Given your history, I fully expect you to test negative. You don't need to test because of this incident, you only need to test because that's what responsible, sexually active adults do.

Ann
 
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Worried1974

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2007, 03:34:29 PM »
Ann,
Thank you for your insights, advice and assurance. I have a couple of followup questions.
I agree with your assessment of my risk form the last encounter. It is the encounter a couple of years ago that i am more worried. I was in Singapore and picked up a Thai sex worker, with whom i had protected vaginal intercourse. I was intoxicated but i very well remember that i didn't cum inside of her. I pulled out (dint remember the condition of the condom, but i would have freaked and would have done what i am doing now, so i would give myself the benefit of doubt) and masturbated outside. Note sure of the risk here.
With the DNA-PCR test on the 27th day, my idea is to clarify, to myself. I understand there are quite a few false positives with this one and i am truly scared (paranoid, freaking out and shivering if you will) of one. However, the lab i am speaking to, says it is only rare (i know they are selling it to me) and will be followed up with other tests, in case of a positive. Another reason i have opted for the DNA-PCR test is because i am unable to take this anxiety. This is stressing me out and future looks so bleak for me when i think of a positive(you have heard this one before).
I will definitely follow it up with a standard test at 8th week and 13th week. For sure. But in case of a false positive i dont know how i will cope up. At the same time i dont have the support system (friends, family etc) to get through to the 6th week without testing. I dont even have a good health insurance for me to go to a psychiatrist, even to just let out all these feelings.
The left lymph node is showing improvement after 10 days and the GP said it isnt ear infection and the dentist claims of no infection in the teeth or gums.

If you think its not advisable to go ahead with the DNA-PCR testing,  I will muster my courage and wait till the 6th week. It will be very hard for me (I live alone, dont talk to anybody since i work from home, except for one day at work per week, no friends...zero).
Your advice would be very precious to me.
Thanks!
« Last Edit: May 04, 2007, 09:59:55 PM by Worried1974 »

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #3 on: May 05, 2007, 05:37:19 AM »
Worried,

You can go right now and get a standard ELISA test for a conclusive result. I repeat, you do NOT need PCR testing. Nothing you have written about is a risk for hiv infection. Protected intercourse is just that, regardless of cuts or whatever on your balls.

One swollen gland is NOT indicative of hiv infection. Hiv is an infection of the blood - it is an infection of the whole body. If it causes lymph glands to swell, it's usually more of them than just one. A single swollen gland in your neck is usually an indication of ear/sinus/throat infection, just as your doctor indicated.

Just go get a standard ELISA. I'm fully expecting a negative result and so should you. Why? Because you consistently use condoms for intercourse and that is how hiv infection is avoided.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Worried1974

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2007, 04:38:52 PM »
Ann,
Thanks again for your understanding and insights.
I dont have a question, but I just wanted to let you know that I was unsuccessful in cancelling/rescheduling the DNA-PCR test, since i have already scheduled it (and paid for it). I have the test scheduled for tomorrow (27th day after the last *exposure*, but i am increasingly getting worried about the other escapades from my past, inspite of your reassurances).
I hope i will test negative and please pray for me.
Thanks!

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2007, 04:49:26 PM »
Worried,

This test (PCR) is entirely unnecessary and as Ann told you above has an unacceptably high rate of false-positive results which is why it's not approved for diagnostic use. You are undoubtedly HIV negative. It would be better for you to kiss your money goodbye and not have the test done.

MtD

Offline Worried1974

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2007, 06:03:49 PM »
Matt,
Thanks for your comments. I think its a waste of money too, but they are saying they will retest( with no cost to me , i guess)  if it comes back positive. Still no go? let me know.
Appreciate your support and advice.

Offline Worried1974

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  • Posts: 14
Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #7 on: May 07, 2007, 08:43:25 PM »
Also, my doctor gave me a Hepatitis B vaccine today (1st shot). Would this in anyway conflict with the DNA by PCR test, for a false positive? Woudl this create anitbodies that would be detected by the DNA by PCR test?
I am not excited to take the DNA by PCR, after your advice, but i have no other way. 
Please advice.
Thanks! Much light to you.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #8 on: May 07, 2007, 08:47:48 PM »
No it will not affect the results of your test. We don't mind that you take a PCR test. It's your dollar not ours.

Offline Worried1974

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #9 on: May 07, 2007, 08:56:38 PM »
Rod,
Thanks for the quick response. Albeit, I am stressed and nervous of a false positive (or a true positive). You guys have been a Rock to a hopeless, friendless paranoid lump and I sincerely thank you for that.
Also, the lymph node miracolously disappeared today and there is no pain. could this be the end of the 'symptom period'? It was there exactly for 2 weeks. And I have diarrhea on and off (more today).  ???
Do you think i will test negative?
« Last Edit: May 07, 2007, 09:01:26 PM by Worried1974 »

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #10 on: May 07, 2007, 09:12:57 PM »
If you would test positive. It isn't from the situation that you described above. It would mean you had a risk that you didn't tell us about. You do not get infected by having protected sex. You do not get infected by having vaginal fluid come into contact with a cut that happen a half hour previous, or ten minutes previous. You were just never at risk.
« Last Edit: May 07, 2007, 09:36:14 PM by RapidRod »

Offline Worried1974

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #11 on: May 07, 2007, 09:20:27 PM »
Well, atleast i dont remember a single instance where i didnt wear condom for vaginal sex. Do not remember of any condom breakage. However, my worry is that all of the above was with sex workers, who could be high risk? But, you are right. I shouldnt be worried.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #12 on: May 07, 2007, 09:38:16 PM »
Those sex workers were no more higher risk than you were to them.

Offline Worried1974

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #13 on: May 10, 2007, 06:39:38 PM »
Ann,
Just wanted to let you know, I finally took the test on the 27th day (05/08/07) and waiting for the results. VERY Scared and nervous.  :(
Thanks!

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #14 on: May 10, 2007, 06:45:20 PM »
worried,

Your incident 27 days ago was not a risk. Your test result will be conclusive and I'm still fully expecting a negative. So should you.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Worried1974

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #15 on: May 10, 2007, 06:51:03 PM »
Ann,
Thanks for the kind words. I do expect a negative, but my mind is playing games with me. I am thinking 'oh could i have gotten and not know about it, could it from 2 years ago, or 6 months ago, how am i going deal with it...'. Whats really irritating is , logic, statistics, your assessment of my risk everything tells me i am negative, and still i am unable to push these thoughts away. I have read a lot of posts here in this forum and using all the positive suggestions, like deep breathing and keeping busy, praying, focusing on how i will change my life for better health and planning ahead in general. However, these thoughts do creep up and they are very disturbing.  :(
Just wanted to say that, not expecting to cry over here. Thanks for the support, and especially your compassion.
Thanks!
« Last Edit: May 10, 2007, 06:52:44 PM by Worried1974 »

Offline Worried1974

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #16 on: May 14, 2007, 07:52:10 PM »
Hello Ann and Everyone,
I just got my results back and i was tested negative. This was DNA by PCR test done on the 27th day. This also ocnfirmed that i wasnt positive even before the recent exposure, I think. I am not sure if i need anymore testing though.
Thanks for all the support and assurances. I REALLY appreciate it.
Much light to you.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #17 on: May 14, 2007, 07:59:03 PM »
I am not sure if i need anymore testing though.

Matty the Damned is sure. You don't need any further testing.

MtD

Offline Worried1974

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #18 on: July 21, 2010, 09:13:43 PM »
hello folks!
Looking for some reassurance here. I was here about 3 years ago When I was scared and then it turned out to be a false alarm.
I have protected myself since then and abstained from sex.
However, just about 2 hours ago (after 3 years), I gave in and had sex with a sex worker.
I DID use a condom, and she gave me a blow job first WITH the condom on. She put the condom on me.
Then we went on to have vaginal sex with the condom ON. When I came and pulled out, i noticed there was blood, outside the condom (red streaks). first thing she said was that it was her lipstick (it is possible, she was wearing pinkish-red lipstick). the lipstick could have come in contact with her vaginal fluids and got to become bright red.
I am scared. I am thinking it could be blood. When i pulled the condom out, the semen inside the condom stayed intact, probably proving that there was no tear. I removed the condom and there was on no blood on my penis.
Then, just to reassure myself, I asked her to tie the condom at the top and let it hang for a few minutes. We wiped the (now balloonish thing hanging there ) from outside, and the semen inside didnt drop outside and there appeared to be no leaks. Again, probably proves that it didnt break.

The concern I have is  : How risky is that for HIV? she might be susceptible to it, coz she is a sex worker. no, not judging her, just staing what is. But, without judgement to her or me, I am looking at the facts. The condom didnt seem to break.
I DID bring the condom with me. is there anyway to test the condom (and the semen inside it, and the blood strains outside?) instead of waiting 30 days or 90 days for me to get tested? should I even get tested? whats is the risk level? I am 36, heterosexual, never engaged in MSM and uncircumsized.
Your help and advice is much appreciated.
Thanks!
« Last Edit: July 21, 2010, 09:41:22 PM by Worried1974 »

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #19 on: July 21, 2010, 09:32:21 PM »
Thank you for returning to you original thread.

Protected sex is just that, protected. You were not at risk of HIV infection from this encounter and you do not need to be tested.

And yes I have considered the lipstick/blood aspect you raise.

MtD

Offline Worried1974

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #20 on: July 21, 2010, 10:06:06 PM »
Matty,
Thank you! appreciate your prompt response.
Not to extend the topic, but one more quick question:
How do we determine what is low risk and what is zero risk? especially when you see blood? How is blood even seen on the condom?
The possibility of it being lipstick is higher, because , right after the BJ and when i was getting ready to go in, i looked at my penis (condom was on) and she made a comment 'oh its my lipstick probably got all over it' and when i looked at it, there was nothing. i wasnt sure what she saw and why she made that comment. she probably did see something and thats why she said it.
however, in the off chance that it IS blood, does it appear as streaks on the condom? actually, there were no streaks or anything on the tip of the condom (where the semen was collected) when i pulled out. it was above my penis (not the tip) , over the condom and at about 3 spots. lipstick?
if it were blood would it be all over? as a thin layer? on the tip of the condom too?
one reassuring thing though is (nothing reassures right now, but hopefully this paranoia will go away after your answer) that i didnt see any blood on my penis after we took the condom away. I immediately ran into the bathroom and washed it anyways.
your help is much appreciated.
Thanks Again!

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #21 on: July 21, 2010, 10:14:53 PM »
As Matty has already advised you, you were never at risk of contracting HIV. You had protected sex.

Offline Worried1974

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #22 on: July 22, 2010, 01:17:41 AM »
Hi Rapid,
I understand what you are saying. but I wonder if i should get tested?
Agreed the risk was low, but there was blood. :( VERY worried about that. I have been feeling burning sensation all afternoon and weird palpitations if you will. I dont know. my mind is going nuts.


Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #23 on: July 22, 2010, 01:24:35 AM »
Hi Rapid,
I understand what you are saying. but I wonder if i should get tested?
Agreed the risk was low, but there was blood. :( VERY worried about that. I have been feeling burning sensation all afternoon and weird palpitations if you will. I dont know. my mind is going nuts.



Worried,

You are not listening. Your risk was not "low" it was non existent. You were not at risk.

You do not need to be tested for HIV.

You will not be allowed to post obsessively about non risk situations. Please take the time to read our Welcome Thread and familiarise yourself with our posting guidelines.

MtD

Offline Ann

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #24 on: July 22, 2010, 01:32:11 AM »
Worried,

You've already been told that a sexually active adult should be tested at least once a year.

However, you wore a condom and it doesn't matter if the red colouring on the condom was blood or lipstick. You were protected and that means you weren't at risk for hiv infection.

You did NOT have a risk.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Worried1974

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Re: Please help me.....
« Reply #25 on: July 22, 2010, 01:47:47 AM »
hi Ann,
Thanks for your response. Glad to hear from you!
I wasnt sexually active. Hence I wasnt testing regularly. I abstained completely. After last time (3 years ago), today was my first time. and this is how it happened. :(
I thank you again for your reassurances. i'll try to keep calm.
Thanks!

 


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