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Your views on taking the guy who gave you HIV to court?

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JR Gabbard:
OOps!  Sorry, hit the wrong button.  This is the end of it.


   And then let it go.  Anger will drag you under if you don't, but you can't let it go until you work through it.  Believe me.

   I know your anger. I daresay most of us do.  For my part, I have the "perpetrator" narrowed to two possibilities, each at opposite ends of the 1980's, and both long since dead.  One I remember fondly, the other not so much.  The one I like, Karlis, shared with me a very intense, very passionate, and very brief affair.  That's how it worked back then.  I have never been angry at Karlis.  No one knew back then, and the sex was too good.  He died a few years later, but I didn't find out until years later, after I had tested positive.

   The other, Craig, was also great sex, but an unmitigated liar.  (And British.  Hmmm...)  He told me he was negative, and that he didn't want to use a rubber with me because he didn't think he would catch anything.  Charming, n'est-ce pas?  I later found out that the "with me" bit meant that he was turning tricks, for cash, behind my back.  He died a few years after I dumped him.  Those were the pre-treatment days.  When I tested positive, I was angry with Craig.

   My point is this:  the one who infected you, wheter innocently or maliciously, will not escape fate.  Do you really need to throw your bit in too?  Entirely your call.  Assessing blame is a natural desire, and comforting, but it is only a temporary fix.  You will never be able to blame everyone who deserves it.

   I hope this was helpful.  If you want to chat privately, I think you can get my e-mail from my profile.

Best wishes,

J. R.

Intent is not necessary in UK law in this case, reckless will do.  Indeed all the successful prosecutions, most of which have not gone to a jury cos of guilty please, have been for reckless transmission.

"perpetrator" is an odd word to use in the context of a health epidemic.  The "perpetrator" in this case invented neither HIV, nor lying, nor trust, not lust, nor poor judgement, nor gay casual sex outside a committed relationship. The number of gay men with HIV in the UK has doubled everywhere in the last 10 years - in Brighton and London it is reliably and conservatively estimated to be 1 in 8 of us, perhaps 1 in 20 in the UK on average. But, strangely, strangely, many believe this microcosm of an epidemic of African-style prevalence is somehow separate from them.

- matt "British" the newt

just a few points , did this guy know his status ? if he said he wasnīt sure but thought he was negative, would you have still gone ahead ?

its difficult ex lied to me , i considered taking legal action but to be honest it wouldnīt change my status, i didnīt want to go through with a court case iīm not strong enough for that especially the fact of disclosure willing or unwilling

all the best


How ironic that this particular subject has generated so much "discussion".  A lot of good points have been made and I can't help but wonder WHAT GOOD WOULD COME OF SUCH LEGAL ACTION?
Even if he were called to the matt for his actions / his lies....What would stop him from doing again and again.

These cases are popping up all over the place these days....  I fear more "bad" will come of it than good.
I hope I'm wrong........


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