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Boyfriend is HIV+

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JM2230:
After dating my boyfriend for several months he just told me a couple nights ago that he is HIV +. He has known for about 6 years now and said he feared telling me because he knew it would destroy our relationship. He said he finally had to come clean about his status because on Sunday we had our first sexual encounter beyond kissing and he couldnt handle the guilt any longer.

His reaction to my parionoia about my HIV status now seemed be one of anger and hurt. He told me that receiving oral sex, rough kissing, and rubbing penis's together held no risk to me for transmitting HIV. I dont think my reaction is too uncommon though espcially after having my trust in him hurt so badly. He recommended that I come to site like this and discuss what happend to help ease my fears.

I'm still unsure where I relationship will be now, after him not telling me for so many months and letting us be sexual together.

I don't think Im in the wrong here, though I do feel some guilt and I still think he is a great guy, im just hurt and confused.

Thanks

milker:
Hello JM,

well there have been hundreds of discussions in those forums about disclosure, how to, when to, etc. It's interesting to have someone like you from the other side that can relate his emotions when this happens.

Your bf is right, he didn't put you at risk, and he disclosed at a time when he believed he could put you at risk if things were going to be more intense, although you will see from the Lessons that when safe everything is fine. You reaction of shock and paranoia is not unusual, read the lessons about HIV transmission on this site there http://www.aidsmeds.com/lessons/StartHere1.htm , and feel free to ask us any question.

This is called "someone I care about has hiv". It's as simple as that. You can care about him, he has hiv, be safe, and enjoy your life with him :)

Milker.

izprince1984:
Well, he could have been one of those jerks that just didn't bother to tell you at all, in the end it's your right to decide just how much of a risk he's worth to you, and the risk is very real and is something you should not take lightly.

Of course most people on these forums try to make HIV sound like the common cold, it is a natural part of the grievance process to refuse to accept your fate, HIV is a very serious disease that will during the course of it's progression, kill everyone who has it, the only way he's not going to die of that is if something else gets him first.

Some people are lucky and live a long time with it, that's largely the exception, I've seen people take their meds every day  religiously and die in less than 5 years, it's another thing to consider is that when he dies, how that will affect you.

milker:
What a great heart warming and positive answer, iz.

Maybe you should read the Living With HIV forums with a bit more of attention, because i'm not sure there are many people on here that say "ooo hiv is just a cold, don't worry about it". Maybe in other sites, but not here. It is a very serious disease.

I don't think you have read the posts about serodiscordant couples that live a happy life either. Starting your post suggesting that JM's bf is a jerk and finishing by stating that he may die in the next 5 years is so much of a positive answer!

JM is shocked and lost, it's normal, we should help him get this relation working rather than trying to break it by giving false scares. It is very important that he did post his story in the forums, it proves that he does care.

JM, it is not a funny disease, and I suggest that you search the forums for keywords like "disclosure" you will find out why your bf didn't disclose the first day, and I hope it will help your couple. Talk together about it :)

And feel free to ask questions on here !

Milker.

izprince1984:

--- Quote from: milker on April 26, 2007, 10:02:26 PM ---What a great heart warming and positive answer, iz.

Maybe you should read the Living With HIV forums with a bit more of attention, because i'm not sure there are many people on here that say "ooo hiv is just a cold, don't worry about it". Maybe in other sites, but not here. It is a very serious disease.

I don't think you have read the posts about serodiscordant couples that live a happy life either. Starting your post suggesting that JM's bf is a jerk and finishing by stating that he may die in the next 5 years is so much of a positive answer!

JM is shocked and lost, it's normal, we should help him get this relation working rather than trying to break it by giving false scares. It is very important that he did post his story in the forums, it proves that he does care.

JM, it is not a funny disease, and I suggest that you search the forums for keywords like "disclosure" you will find out why your bf didn't disclose the first day, and I hope it will help your couple. Talk together about it :)

And feel free to ask questions on here !

Milker.

--- End quote ---

Yeah, cause I know I intentionally go out and trick people into developing feelings for me so I can tell them six months later.

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