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Author Topic: Note to self  (Read 3364 times)

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Offline DancerBoy

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Note to self
« on: June 24, 2006, 03:44:55 AM »
Note to self


Danny you're a fucking idiot.  You're being played.  You're becoming emotionally involved when you're being used. You saw the messages... You saw him rush out before 2:45.  Yes he still kissed you before he left... He's got a bitch during the day and one at night.  You're just a bitch... The am one...  Danny you're better than that or are you....  Wow.  Just wow... We'll think about it in the am....

 

What the fuck is his problem... What the fuck is my problem... I know what my damned problem is. Ugh... If I had an ounce of self worth, I wouldn't just ignore this...
Boys are Stupid

Offline Cliff

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  • Posts: 2,645
Re: Note to self
« Reply #1 on: June 24, 2006, 04:01:24 AM »
You're not ignoring it, if you're up and writing this.  You do realize you have self-worth, or you wouldn't care.  But you do care. 

Go to sleep and think it over (or stay up and watch a horror flick).  When you feel better, (and are less emotional about what he did), give him a call or drop him an email and try to explain to him, as unemotional as you can, that you deserve better.  Cause you do.
« Last Edit: June 24, 2006, 06:06:45 AM by Cliff »

Offline heartforyou

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  • Posts: 1,105
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: Note to self
« Reply #2 on: June 24, 2006, 04:44:21 AM »
Danny,

You are not an idiot.
Just a kindred soul and too sweet for many cruel/sweet men out there.

Don't blame yourself. Start by telling yourself you are only human and try to find the mechanisms that make you act like this.

At 50 I still think that life is a constant learning process.
You play the leading role in it. Only you.

Hug
Hermie
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline dario

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  • Posts: 80
Re: Note to self
« Reply #3 on: June 24, 2006, 08:02:46 AM »
.... Time will heal everything ...

Most important, you are NOT an idiot.
... when I was young, I never needed anyone, making love was just for fun, those days are gone ... Eric Carmen (Raspberries)

Offline allopathicholistic

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  • Posts: 3,258
Re: Note to self
« Reply #4 on: June 24, 2006, 08:08:00 AM »
YES you're better than that, instincts don't lie. as hermie said, what's happening here is a learning process which YOU have FULL CONTROL of  8) (and no, that doesn't mean you control his feelings and/or behavior - that's stressful manipulation which fails miserably, always)

so - as cliff said, be up front - it's one of the best ways to respect yourself

don't let this dude control you.   8) be strong honey 

Offline Basquo

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Re: Note to self
« Reply #5 on: June 24, 2006, 09:07:35 AM »
Baby Boy,

What??!!  You're the other man for a dude on the down low?  Is that what I'm reading?  Well done, sweetie!  Hermie's right, and being sweet you obviously have the sweets he wants!  Just remember, YOU hold the keys to the candy shop, and YOU decide who gets in and who doesn't.  If you think he's just window shopping, then it's time for you to make the hard sell--or tell him to move along.  He's had his free samples. Ok enough with the retail metaphors, I just don't like you feeling hurt.  if you let him go, it might hurt a little more but you will get over it. I had to do the same thing earlier this year--twice.  And you know what?  Not only am I glad I did it, but one of the horndogs is sniffing my butt again via the telephone these days!

Love You!
C

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Note to self
« Reply #6 on: June 24, 2006, 11:58:20 AM »
Danny, I refer you to the lyrics of one of my favorite songs, which I first heard sung by Bing Crosby no less:

  "Dere ain't no sweet man who's worth the salt of my tears....."

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Online Joe K

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  • 31 Years Poz
Re: Note to self
« Reply #7 on: June 24, 2006, 12:15:42 PM »
Dear Danny,

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this, because evaluating our self-esteem is possibly one of the most difficult things you will have to do.  But do it you must, for one very simple reason: you.  That's because self-worth is what helps to guide you and protect you.  It's what helps to support you during moments of doubt or when you question your own actions or intent.  It's a feeling inside that essentially tells you, that no matter what shit has hit the fan, you are still OK and while it may be difficult, you will survive and hopefully learn from it.

The hardest part of this is the only one who can give you self-esteem is you.  But right now, it's not a lack of self-worth that you lament so much, as this loss.  Give it some time and try to avoid making any major decisions, when you are in crisis mode.  You have time to address this, so take it and do what is right for Danny.

You also seem to be missing the point of how much people here care about you.  If you had no self-worth, then you would also be worthless to us, when that is far from the truth.  You need to take some time and look at who you are and why you feel uncomfortable.  Don't hurry to label yourself, rather take the time and take stock of yourself and I'll bet that you have much more going for you, than you give yourself credit for and that's another drawback to a lack of self-worth, in that you don't always see your own reality clearly.

I think it takes a pretty special person and someone with intestinal fortitude to share events like this one.  Asking for help is hard and to me it says that you do have worth and so much so, that you are willing to work on it and are asking your friends for help.  Doesn't sound very worthless to me.

Offline lydgate

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  • Virgin, can't drive
Re: Note to self
« Reply #8 on: June 24, 2006, 10:10:07 PM »
Amen to the lyrics (and the fact that Bing Crosby sang them).

Only three men have made me cry: two ex-boyfriends and one ex-friend (who said that I had glamorized HIV and the fact that I tested positive "proves" that I was an unconscious bug-chaser). And they're out of my life. It was hard to do, I'm not an up-and-run kinda guy, when I fall for someone, romantically or otherwise, I fall hard. But it was the only way I knew how to stop the tears. And hell, I am SO glad I am not crying over those three boys any more.

Enough about me. Danny, if you're a fucking idiot, you're in good (or at least numerous) company: we're all fucking idiots when it comes to that much-mentioned brilliance (that's one poet's version; another called it a vulgar complaint), love. Who hasn't fucked up when it comes to needing someone? Who hasn't irrationally held on to someone or something even when they've known that it's time to move on? Who hasn't cried over love (and lust)?

So: stop beating yourself up. Easier said than done, I know; but it can be done. You'll feel so much better when you stop blaming/bruising yourself. Obviously this is not to say that you're not responsible for decisions you've made or will make. But the self-blame game isn't gonna make any future decisions easier. (I'm trying not to sound preachy; if I am sounding that way, feel free to send me unlimited flames.) You're human, you're vulnerable to pesky things like emotions (I wish I were a Vulcan, but only sometimes). And that's the name of that tune.

Jay
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline sdcabincrew74

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Re: Note to self
« Reply #9 on: June 25, 2006, 02:46:24 AM »
Hon, your gut instinct is usually right.  You need a big hug.  This too shall pass and you will be strong and more knowledgable because of it.
The difference between an overnight and a layover is luck!

Offline TedEBearNC

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  • ~Cuddly~
Re: Note to self
« Reply #10 on: June 25, 2006, 11:29:29 AM »
Danny,

You are far from an idiot... you're just human.. and that's ok!  And you are worth far more than you realize or give yourself credit for.  You'll get through this because you are strong and we all love you.

Hugs,
Phil
Member since March 2004

Offline CalvinC

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  • Posts: 143
Re: Note to self
« Reply #11 on: June 25, 2006, 12:47:12 PM »

The hardest part of this is the only one who can give you self-esteem is you.


Well put. And this is often the hardest realization.Of course, we are not islands and we do esteem ourselves with our choice of friends and lovers. But they can't do or be everything for us.  And, yes, it's difficult being the one who loves more.

There is one thing that might help you here, as it has helped me. Put yourself in his shoes: if you were him, and you saw another guy (eg yourself, or anyone he might have piqued interest in) chasing you, what would you do? Likely run. ....so you have to let him alone. It's hard but you must. Move on. (I am personally having difficulty doing this at the moment, but I am not chasing the guy, and never once contacted him since he dumped me.) It will tell him at the very least (if he at all thinks on it) that you will not be played, that you are a person who is independent and has self-worth. If he recognizes that, great. But it won't necessarily bring him around.

Sites like this http://www.artofloving.com/relationships/lettinggo.htm I find helpful.

Be good to yourself first.

Andrew

Offline DancerBoy

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  • 5,6,7,8 step touch step touch
Re: Note to self
« Reply #12 on: June 25, 2006, 12:54:46 PM »
Thanks for all the kind words y'all... I will come back tonight and tell the full story... I promise...  but thank you for your responses...
-D
Boys are Stupid

 


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