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Note to self

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Baby Boy,

What??!!  You're the other man for a dude on the down low?  Is that what I'm reading?  Well done, sweetie!  Hermie's right, and being sweet you obviously have the sweets he wants!  Just remember, YOU hold the keys to the candy shop, and YOU decide who gets in and who doesn't.  If you think he's just window shopping, then it's time for you to make the hard sell--or tell him to move along.  He's had his free samples. Ok enough with the retail metaphors, I just don't like you feeling hurt.  if you let him go, it might hurt a little more but you will get over it. I had to do the same thing earlier this year--twice.  And you know what?  Not only am I glad I did it, but one of the horndogs is sniffing my butt again via the telephone these days!

Love You!

Andy Velez:
Danny, I refer you to the lyrics of one of my favorite songs, which I first heard sung by Bing Crosby no less:

  "Dere ain't no sweet man who's worth the salt of my tears....."


Joe K:
Dear Danny,

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this, because evaluating our self-esteem is possibly one of the most difficult things you will have to do.  But do it you must, for one very simple reason: you.  That's because self-worth is what helps to guide you and protect you.  It's what helps to support you during moments of doubt or when you question your own actions or intent.  It's a feeling inside that essentially tells you, that no matter what shit has hit the fan, you are still OK and while it may be difficult, you will survive and hopefully learn from it.

The hardest part of this is the only one who can give you self-esteem is you.  But right now, it's not a lack of self-worth that you lament so much, as this loss.  Give it some time and try to avoid making any major decisions, when you are in crisis mode.  You have time to address this, so take it and do what is right for Danny.

You also seem to be missing the point of how much people here care about you.  If you had no self-worth, then you would also be worthless to us, when that is far from the truth.  You need to take some time and look at who you are and why you feel uncomfortable.  Don't hurry to label yourself, rather take the time and take stock of yourself and I'll bet that you have much more going for you, than you give yourself credit for and that's another drawback to a lack of self-worth, in that you don't always see your own reality clearly.

I think it takes a pretty special person and someone with intestinal fortitude to share events like this one.  Asking for help is hard and to me it says that you do have worth and so much so, that you are willing to work on it and are asking your friends for help.  Doesn't sound very worthless to me.

Amen to the lyrics (and the fact that Bing Crosby sang them).

Only three men have made me cry: two ex-boyfriends and one ex-friend (who said that I had glamorized HIV and the fact that I tested positive "proves" that I was an unconscious bug-chaser). And they're out of my life. It was hard to do, I'm not an up-and-run kinda guy, when I fall for someone, romantically or otherwise, I fall hard. But it was the only way I knew how to stop the tears. And hell, I am SO glad I am not crying over those three boys any more.

Enough about me. Danny, if you're a fucking idiot, you're in good (or at least numerous) company: we're all fucking idiots when it comes to that much-mentioned brilliance (that's one poet's version; another called it a vulgar complaint), love. Who hasn't fucked up when it comes to needing someone? Who hasn't irrationally held on to someone or something even when they've known that it's time to move on? Who hasn't cried over love (and lust)?

So: stop beating yourself up. Easier said than done, I know; but it can be done. You'll feel so much better when you stop blaming/bruising yourself. Obviously this is not to say that you're not responsible for decisions you've made or will make. But the self-blame game isn't gonna make any future decisions easier. (I'm trying not to sound preachy; if I am sounding that way, feel free to send me unlimited flames.) You're human, you're vulnerable to pesky things like emotions (I wish I were a Vulcan, but only sometimes). And that's the name of that tune.


Hon, your gut instinct is usually right.  You need a big hug.  This too shall pass and you will be strong and more knowledgable because of it.


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