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Author Topic: Made a realization tonight.  (Read 1040 times)

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Offline Mouse

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  • Posts: 1,463
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Made a realization tonight.
« on: April 21, 2007, 10:44:03 PM »
For the past week or so I was very serious about wanting to break up with my boyfriend. He's been driving me crazy. I felt as though the only reason that I had felt in love with him the first few months we were together was because of the novelty of a new relationship. Last night I found his prescence in my bed almost completely intolerable. I wanted him GONE. I wanted him to go home. I wanted to be alone.


Last night I woke up in the middle of night hysterical for some reason. Despite the fact that we had been grouchy at each other the whole night he was immediately up with me the second I sat up in bed and was there the entire time rubbing my back and making me feel better. I don't think he knew that the reason I was crying had a lot to do with me being unsure of my relationship with him and the stress I felt about that. But there is a lot of shit going on right now that is kind of overwhelming for me. He kept talking to me - like seriously comforting words for like a half hour until I fell asleep again.


Today he kept teasing me and kind of irritated me all day but I found it difficult to get really angry at him.

Some of my animals, as some of you know, are still at my mom's house despite the fact that I moved to my mom's. I have been begging my dad to let me bring my animals to his house and he has been saying no for months. Today Arpad offered to take my newts to his house and helped me talk my dad into letting me bring my three female mice to the house. Now all I have to worry about is getting the rats here.

Thank. God.

He left tonight after I helped him get stuff ready to set up the newts and after he was gone I felt a void that I haven't felt in a long time from him leaving. Lately I've been relieved when he leaves and happy to be alone again, but I feel very very sad. But, strangely it makes me happy. I know when I go to sleep tonight I'm really going to miss him snuggling me from behind and I'm going to continue missing him until I see him again on Wednesday.

I'm not saying that this is a for definite I'm totally not breaking up with him thing. I just think a lot of the reason that I was feeling so poorly about my relationship with him was because a lot of the other stresses going on in my life is making it difficult for me to really care about a relationship, but as the stresses decrease I'm finding it becoming easier to calm down and put up with the annoying things he does that used to send me over the edge.

I don't know. I do know for sure that I definitely love him and I'm glad I don't have any doubts about that anymore. I just want whats best for both of us and I guess I have to figure out what that is. For now I'm glad that I didn't jump and break up with him before I was sure. I really miss him and he's only been gone a couple hours.

Just felt like sharing.

Offline milker

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Re: Made a realization tonight.
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2007, 10:53:43 PM »
Well you didn't sleep in the car like I did to avoid the bf. In my case this crisis lasted 7 years. I can't count how many times I slept in the car. It was a Mercedes 380. Large car but I'm 6'2 so it was not very comfy. But the fucker would always greet me with "so you had a good night?" in the mornings with this stupid grin. And damn I loved him to death. And we forgot what happened and laughed. And it happened again. And we forgot. And again. And forgot. You get the picture. But he never slept in the car. I did. Fucker. LOL.

A little break may be useful for both of you. It doesn't mean that it's over.

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

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