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Author Topic: history  (Read 12319 times)

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Offline chubb

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  • Posts: 34
Re: history
« Reply #50 on: May 22, 2007, 04:57:31 PM »
So I am guessing that by that, you mean that my sore throat is just that, a sore throat then.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: history
« Reply #51 on: May 22, 2007, 05:00:29 PM »
Yes Chubb, we mean just that. And after 25 posts you should know it too. Everything you need to know is in this thread and in the Welcome Thread.

Read them.

MtD

Offline chubb

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Re: history
« Reply #52 on: June 12, 2007, 12:02:10 AM »
Ok.  back again.  I am a little worried right now.  I had a sore throat and cough.  sore throat for about 3 days then a cough for about anoher 2 weeks.  These came on at the start of the 5th week after my frottage incident.  Now my GF  has a sore throat and a bit of a cough. 

Just to recap:  The head of my penis was inside a woman's vagina for about 10 seconds or so...no movement reallly and never went in more than that.  Pulled out when I realized what happened.  I am worried only becaus e I am not usually sick.  My GF's body is aching and has a sore throat and some phlem caught in her throat she says.  This is about 5 weeks after sex with me.   No fever in either of us.

Do you still think this is a cold, or are these common symptoms of primary hiv infection?  As well, maybe I need some counselling for this.  Maybe my fears over this are unfounded as many here have said there was no risk as well as on another board.  So, say I go for counselling, how do  I find one who is actually knowledgeable about hiv?  Maybe I need too much reassurance.   Maybe more of my problem is guilt over straying so much.  I am leaning toward this as my problem as well as a fear I could infect r have infected her......she is a good woman but very cold and not very sexual.....can't have it all I guess.....she is a good woman though like I said and do not want to hurt her or put her at risk of anything.

thanks for any help and insight.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: history
« Reply #53 on: June 12, 2007, 12:06:54 AM »
Chubb,

This is in no way an HIV risk situation. No matter how many times you post the same questions or ask about symptoms our answers are not going to change. You don't get HIV from frottage and whatever is making you and your GF ill you should raise it with your doctor.

I really think it's time you sought the assistance of a mental health professional to discuss your various fears about HIV infection. We are not able to provided you with that kind of support.

By the way, have you ever taken the time to read our Welcome Thread? If you had you'd know that those who persist in asking the same questions again and again get a time out (temporary ban) from the Forums.

MtD

Offline Ann

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Re: history
« Reply #54 on: June 12, 2007, 05:26:24 AM »
Chubb,

Are you trying to tell us that you've been having unprotected intercourse with your girlfriend? Have you two tested together in the context of a securely monogamous relationship? (It doesn't sound like you're monogamous to me - frequenting sex workers doesn't constitute monogamy)

Let me remind you of what I told you back in April:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

You need to test after your last incident of unprotected intercourse, and I don't care who it was with. Yes, even the "girl-next-door" can be infected with hiv. Hiv is an equal opportunity infector.

If you're planning on staying with this woman and sticking to monogamy, then I suggest you test together with her at the appropriate time. If either of you are not willing to do this - either the testing or the monogamy - then you need to be using condoms.

You weren't at risk from the frottage - you ARE at risk from having unprotected intercourse with your girlfriend.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline chubb

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  • Posts: 34
Re: history
« Reply #55 on: June 12, 2007, 10:10:19 AM »
Yes we have unprotected sex and have for many many years.  I have not had unprotected sex with anyone other than the condom break last August and subsequently tested prior to having sex with her again.  I was given the ok to do so.  She is faithful as far as I know.....I am pretty sure I am the loser doing all the cheating....chastise away.  I thought there was no judgement here.

So what do you mean Ann, that she may be putting me at risk then?  I highly doubt it....really.......

I have done nothing other than what I have stated here in this thread.  The condom break and "frottage" are my only high risk actions.  The others are all handjobs and oral......that's it.

Offline redhotmuslbear

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Re: history
« Reply #56 on: June 12, 2007, 10:26:54 AM »
I have done nothing other than what I have stated here in this thread.  The condom break and "frottage" are my only high risk actions.  The others are all handjobs and oral......that's it.


Chubb,
Having read your threads and not engaged with you before, I find that you are reinforcing your own hysteria by repeating beliefs that others have repeatedly told you are patently false.  The condom break and the mislabelled "frottage"--that's commonly understood as rubbing cock heads with another man, while poking your penis momentarily in an orifice is called "dipping"--are NOT HIGH-RISK events, and your test results should be bearing this out.

Continuing to mentally abuse yourself with unfounded fear is not a healthful behavior.  As others have suggested, you need to seek out competent mental health services as soon as possible to deal with the fear and any shame or guilt or sexual compulsivity that underlies it.  An internet discussion group is not equipped to offer that level of support, nor can we provide misinformation about your risks to help feed your anxiety.

Peace,
David
"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." - BF Skinner
12-31-09   222wks VL  2430 CD4 690 (37%)
09-30-09   208wks VL  2050  CD4 925 (42%)
06-25-08   143wks VL  1359  CD4 668 (32%)  CD8 885
02-11-08   123wks off meds:  VL 1364 CD4 892(40%/0.99 ratio)
10-19-07   112wks off meds:   VL 292  CD4 857(37%/0.85 ratio)

One copy of delta-32 for f*****d up CCR5 receptors, and an HLA B44+ allele for "CD8-mediated immunity"... beteer than winning Powerball, almost!

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: history
« Reply #57 on: June 12, 2007, 10:40:36 AM »
Chubb,

Nobody's judging you here, just stating the simple fact that if you are not in a securely monogamous relationship, you need to be using condoms no matter who you are having sex with. There are other STIs out there that are MUCH more common and MUCH more easily transmitted.

While frottage isn't an hiv risk, it certainly IS a risk for things like chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, genital warts... shall I go on? If nothing else, you are putting your girlfriend at risk for allsorts.

It's not just hiv, you know.

But one more time, you haven't been at risk for hiv. Whether you continue to put yourself and your girlfriend at risk of other STIs is your call. Too bad she doesn't seem to have a say in the matter.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline chubb

  • Member
  • Posts: 34
Re: history
« Reply #58 on: June 12, 2007, 10:47:38 AM »
Thanks David.  You are right about the fact I think I need help.  I acknowledge that.....for many things including this.  I just do not know how to find one who is 1. an expert on this type of fear and 2. someone who can really help me get thru.  I have tried a psychiatrist and all she ended up doing was prescribing a anti-depressant.  I did not take them.   I am aware of my self destructive behaviors but i can't figure out why I choose to continue them.....

I understand this is not the place for that and am not seeking mental help here although I will have to elsewhere.

I thank you for your post...not sure what i will do but i am relieved that I did not have a risk for hiv anyway.

Thanks to everyone for taking time to respond.

Ann, you are right, of course.  Will be my last post here.  I do thank you for the help.  I obviously have alot of issues to work out and need to stop possibly exposing my GF to potential STI's.  It is obviously not right to do so.  So in other words, I hear you loud and clear.

Thanks again for everything.  Take care.
« Last Edit: June 12, 2007, 03:01:30 PM by chubb »

Offline chubb

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  • Posts: 34
Re: history
« Reply #59 on: July 10, 2007, 09:00:11 PM »
Ann, not to get too personal if you don't want to answer, but as i have read you are with a negative partner.  If you don't mind, do you have unprotected oral sex?and he stays negative.  Just curious as there is so much info out there that says oral is a risk and I just do not see it. 

Are there any other couples here like this who perform unprotected oral and the partner remains negative?

thanks

Offline RapidRod

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Re: history
« Reply #60 on: July 10, 2007, 09:09:48 PM »
Ann's answered this question a hundred times. They use condoms for everything except oral. Along with the other serocouples we have on the forums.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: history
« Reply #61 on: July 11, 2007, 05:23:39 AM »
Chubb.

Rodney's correct - we only use condoms for intercourse. I don't just talk the talk when it comes to hiv transmission and prevention issues, I walk the walk as well.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline chubb

  • Member
  • Posts: 34
Re: history
« Reply #62 on: November 04, 2007, 01:30:14 PM »
Well, my gf and I split up after many years.  I went on a self destructive path full of self hate and self loathing..drinking,binging,some pot too....blah blah blah.  Ended up at a massage parlor one day after smoking a bit of weed and of course drinking again now.  Had sex with her without a condom for a couple of minutes and am living with constant anxiety again.  Story of my life.  What will happen?  had a full std panel done after for syph,gonnorhea,chalamydia, not for hiv they said too soon for hiv.  it ihas been 7 weeks now.  she said she does not have hiv....but people lie all the time....me included.  will I be ok?  I really need some menta;l therapy or something to figure out why I do this to myself.  Well I have ideas why but they are hard to get out of my head.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: history
« Reply #63 on: November 04, 2007, 05:12:44 PM »
Why bother posting? You know the routine.

Offline chubb

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  • Posts: 34
Re: history
« Reply #64 on: November 05, 2007, 09:48:08 AM »
gee...thanks.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: history
« Reply #65 on: November 05, 2007, 10:26:15 AM »
Odds continue in your favor that you will test negative given that HIV is harder to transmit from female to male.

What you've said about being aware of self-destructive behavior is a whole other matter. I urge you to see a counselor, therapist or other such professional. All too often what you have described is exactly the kind of behavior which leads to bad stuff healthwise. Even if you don't think you're worth it, behave AS IF you are and get yourself some professional help to deal with the emotional issues and destructive behavior.

Good luck with your HIV test which you should do at 13 weeks after the most recent incident. 
Andy Velez

Offline chubb

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  • Posts: 34
Re: history
« Reply #66 on: November 05, 2007, 02:57:00 PM »
Odds continue in your favor that you will test negative given that HIV is harder to transmit from female to male.

What you've said about being aware of self-destructive behavior is a whole other matter. I urge you to see a counselor, therapist or other such professional. All too often what you have described is exactly the kind of behavior which leads to bad stuff healthwise. Even if you don't think you're worth it, behave AS IF you are and get yourself some professional help to deal with the emotional issues and destructive behavior.

Good luck with your HIV test which you should do at 13 weeks after the most recent incident. 

Andy,
Thank you for your kind words.  Really.  I went for a test today for at least some piece of mind one way or another.  I figured if I was man enough to put myself in this position I am man enough to face the dreaded test.  No point in worrying over it now. 

The nurse actually talked to me about why I was doing what I was doing.  She said some positive things and helped point me in the right direction for counselling for some help;  I know I need it but one would never know by looking at me or talking to me as I tend to put on the old I dont need help front.  She was very nice and it felt great to talk to somebody.

Anyway, I tested.  I hope it turns out ok. I will test again at 12 weeks if it is negative.  If it is not I guess I will be back on another forum.  I am trying to remain calm and grounded.

I know this is not a site for mental help, but even your kind words are comforting and appreciated.  Thank you again Andy.

Offline chubb

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  • Posts: 34
Re: history
« Reply #67 on: November 08, 2007, 06:15:34 PM »
I got my test results back today.  A 7 week HIV negative.  The clinic said I do not have HIV and no need to test anymore.

I am done with all of this.  Anxiety is gone and I will be seeking couselling for my behaviors.

Thanks to all who helped it was very appreciated.  I am getting off the net for hiv as it has consumed alot of my life now and I am done with it.  It can become an addiction in itself.  To all who are scared to get tested....just do it.  There is no point worrying about what ifs.  I know its hard but it is MUCH better knowing, one way or the other. 

Andy,
You're a good man.  I really appreciate your latest response and for putting up with earlier posts.  You are the most patient poster I have ever seen (read many of your threads/posts) and I am sure all while you have your own personal issues to deal with as we all do.  But the way you present yourself is outstanding and to me, you're a fine human being for doing so.  Thank you.

Good luck and I wish you well.

Chubb

 


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