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Almost in love with a poz guy

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My hubby is positive and I'm negative. It has almost been a year since we found out. We had been married almost 4 years when we found out. We had used condoms for birth control but did other things that are risky before we found out. The Dr's think he had been HIV+ for several years before we got together because of his low CD4s and high VL.

Our sex life sure isn't the same as it was before we found out. He was and still is afraid of infecting me. I have to admit it scared me too. It has gotten better with time and I hope it keeps getting better. You have to learn all you can about HIV. How its transmitted, then only do things YOU are comfortable doing. You need to talk to each other about your fears. We also talked to his Dr. and I talked to our case worker while I was waiting for the results on one of my rapid tests. Communication and knowledge of HIV is the most important.

If you haven't read the lessons here I would suggest you do as it really helped me when we first found out. It hasn't been easy but it is getting easier.

I wish you both the best!


Please forgive my bluntness but as in your first sentence about hoping that your not an (ass) about your writing, well you sure are acting like an (ass).
Again please forgive my bluntness, OK.

You must be very young and your passion for sex or for (love) might just lead you into a real dark cave full of plenty of rocks to walk on?
As for your (love) he must be as blind as you by putting you in harms way for the sake of what alittle love making.....your so silly.
This is the pattern that will make life really tough for everyone all around you!
Even though there are plenty of meds. out there you are the best prevention to make sure that this thing called (H.I.V. or A.I.D.S.) does not affect you.
Be of good sense and learn up on what your doing it could cost you more than you can possiblly imagine.
Don't take (things) for granted especially your LIFE!

                                             Goodhealth & Goodsmarts



I certainly hope you do not take the comments of Cerebus to heart.

There is absolutely NO reason why you cannot have a full, loving relationship with your boyfriend. There have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

Correct and consistent condom use WILL protect your negative status. There are thousands of couples all around the world who will testify to that fact.

As far as not being able to prove a negative result, as long as the negative result is obtained three months after your last incident of unprotected intercourse, you an rely on it. My own partner and I are in a serodiscordant relationship. As the years when by and he collected routine negative hiv tests, we became confident that condoms do work. They can for you too. Make sure you read through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use the correctly and with confidence.


worried dfw:

I ignored Cerebus's advice. Their comment was incredibly ignorant and really not worth considering. Equating a relationship with a random roll in the hay is downright silly.

As to the science not being able to prove a negative, what I meant by that was with regards to the risks of unprotected oral sex. Science can only prove when and why something does happen, not why it doesn't. That's why I worry about oral sex since because transmission in that way is so incredibly rare, science can't accurately come up with a definite answer as to the risk level. The best science can do is say "very low" and "negligible".


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