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Author Topic: I feel so ugly!!!  (Read 9790 times)

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Offline Lis

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  • Posts: 595
I feel so ugly!!!
« on: April 17, 2007, 06:31:35 PM »
Im meeting my sisters this weekend in omaha... they are flying in from all over the country.. I am blessed... BUT... none of my clothes fit.. I havent gotten anything new in 2 years... I looked at the one shop in town and there was NOTHING...  I know that they dont care... but it makes me so uncomfortable... .. red face, big belly... bumps on my face..... ACK!@!!!!!

Just needed to vent... I love them, they love me , my husband is willing to take the 2 + hour drive to drop me off, the pick me up 72 hours later...  i should just stop...

lisbeth
poz 1986....

Offline Sdgirl

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Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2007, 09:01:05 PM »
Honey..........you are not ugly, it's just an ugly day.  Go to Target, Walmart or Ross and find yourself a cute little cheap new pair of sweats with a nice hoodie, or a cheap pair of jeans and a big shirt and you'll be fine.  Retail therapy always works.

Lisa
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves.."Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?"

Offline IzPoz

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  • God, grant me the serenity...
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2007, 10:13:47 PM »
I have mixed feelings when I shop:

I feel good because I'm buying something new for myself
I feel like crap because I can't stand the belly I got from this disease, and have to buy larger shirts than is normal for my pants size. 

Kinda sucks. I know what you mean.

But you gotta do what you can to get past that, and eventually, you will find something that you will like and will flatter you. Don't give up too easily!  And enjoy your time with your sisters :)
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

Offline cjc

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  • Sweet Girl
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2007, 11:56:42 PM »
I have days like that,and usually I will go shopping if I can afford it.But remember you are not ugly. Now go have fun with your family.  Cristy

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2007, 06:35:39 PM »
I have been feeling unattractive lately too but not due to hiv but I guess my body changing as I am getting older. But anyhoo, I agree with SD, go get you some new gear (clothes) and enjoy your family.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline BT65

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Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2007, 11:05:22 PM »
I just went on a shopping spree at Goodwill.  I like to go on their half off days.  I've gained a ton of weight in my belly from the meds.  With Goodwill, I can never go wrong.  Right clothes-right price.  Treat yourself dear. ;D
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline tigger2376

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  • too bad to die youngish!
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #6 on: April 21, 2007, 07:11:44 PM »
I use ebay for still decent but bigger clothes...have gone from a UK 14 to a UK 18 since taking meds so really identify with how you feeling
My ID is sending me to a specific HIV dietician, don't know whether that would be an option for you?
I do agree with everyone that new clothes can help, but it can upset you more when they don't fit....I tend to grit my teeth and think hey, would I rather be alive and more of me to love?
Thinking of you
jo
I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Offline momoftwo

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  • Posts: 78
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #7 on: April 21, 2007, 10:35:41 PM »
I feel pretty ugly too but my belly is huge beyond huge. I have only been taking the meds for this pregnancy so not sure if I will have tummy changes that are not related to two pregnancies yet.

Offline swede_dish

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Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #8 on: April 24, 2007, 02:42:20 PM »
Lis honey, I know what you mean...you just feel..blah. Well all I can say is...NEW SHOES. new shoes can make anyone feel better. You're beautiful and don't you forget it!
"I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me. "
-Bette Midler

Offline Seven

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  • Posts: 108
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #9 on: May 15, 2007, 09:22:12 PM »
this thread just makes me want to cry.
I feel the same way!

red face, big belly and sad sad sad!

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

when will this ever get better?

Offline queenie

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  • Posts: 18
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #10 on: May 24, 2007, 04:18:22 AM »
i was always dressed nicely, but after i got it something in my style of dress changed.
it seemed nothing could look bad on me, i believe it is because had to make up more on the
outside because of what was inside.
and the more i felt good outside, the feeling started getting inside.  i get complements from
men and women every day now, more than i got in my entire life.  and that makes me proud
that i didnt give up.  you are looking on the outside the way you feel inside.
do me a favor, please dont fight me on this, you are going to say you did all that. so let do it again
without being in the mind frame of giving up. do u want your family suffering and feeling helpess
because they dont know how to make you smile.  they do care how you look, not in a bad way,
but feeling that they are failing you.  tell you what, where do u live, if i cant personally drag u
out, lets have a party just us two on our web cames.  play a game of dominos,
have a glass of wine.  play scribble, tell jokes or anyone who would like to join.
if none of this helps. call me, i know what to do.
lol  queenie

Offline ubotts

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  • Posts: 347
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #11 on: June 14, 2007, 02:42:37 PM »

I feel what queenie say was the best post of all..
I too have a big belly.. i just went to the drs office and asked if it was the meds,
they told me no, its mid life..bull...anyway they are sending me for a catscan to
see if i have a hernia..i hope its just a hernia but i doubt it after reading all this
info..
I want to take a drug holiday so i can go back to looking like i did, but i read that after this guy took the drug holiday, he lost his belly, but when he had to get
back on meds it only came back..
So here i sit with my stomach out..skinny legs and arms and there be no bathingsuit for me this year..big top and shorts will do the trick..I just went out
and had to buy new clothes to fit my stomach..Iam bigger and have to deal with it..I dont like it..Iam a women and still very vain about my appearance, but iam doing the best i can with what i have..At least iam not alone, thats for sure.
Glad i got this computer because iam learning alot from these forums..Guess ill
get that catscan anyway on friday.. I know it will be nothing, but regular belly
fat from meds..I too tried to think it was something else going on with me,but
i guess iam just like everyone else whos on meds.....Go with your family
and be happy they love you..Smile and have a good time..
Because if your sad, they will fell helpless and its not fair to the ones who love
us..Just enjoy your day..and btw, queenie..id love to play some games as well, do
you mind ??? :)
Live Love Laugh and dance like no ones watching.
Laughter is the best medicine, so try to have a laugh everyday..Even if your not feeling your best, think about something that was funny at one time in your life and work with it..   :o)

Offline IzPoz

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  • Posts: 332
  • God, grant me the serenity...
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #12 on: June 14, 2007, 07:46:28 PM »
Ubotts...

Sorry you are feeling this way. Having a belly from the meds or disease is just not an easy thing to deal with at times. Just try to exercise and do your best to control it that way. Get the scan done, just to be sure... it won't hurt, ya know? And once you get the results that all is okay, start working on an exercise routine that will help you feel better about yourself and eventually look better too.

Keep in mind, that if it's Lipo, be ready to accept the fact that stopping the meds won't reduce the growth, love. I was on a holiday for two years, and mine didn't go away. And only after I RESTARTED meds again, and started exercising, did I lose two inches from that area.

You need to be dedicated to the routine, and don't give up... the end results are amazing!!

Hang in there!
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

Offline ubotts

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  • Posts: 347
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #13 on: June 16, 2007, 10:01:42 AM »
Thanks for trying to help me..Ill try  to do more exercise..I went for my Catscan
yesterday to see if its a hernia in my stomach..The drs thought that might be
a problem as well..But after reading all the posts, i doubt it.
Ill post my results when i hear from the doctor...
I received in the mail a message from ulong..stating i should try Serostim and th907...dont even know what the heck that is..If someone knows please
can u email me...thank you for your time and patience..Ubotts :-*
Live Love Laugh and dance like no ones watching.
Laughter is the best medicine, so try to have a laugh everyday..Even if your not feeling your best, think about something that was funny at one time in your life and work with it..   :o)

Offline camille07

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  • Posts: 570
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #14 on: June 16, 2007, 10:29:55 AM »
I hope this makes you feel better but around christmas I wasn't even fitting into my fat clothes.  (The clothes you keep buying real cheap to just get you through this period.)  30lbs all in the belly area.  I was horrified.  I'm not on meds!!!  My boyfriend is on meds and he got a huge belly too...I thought it was sympathetic weight but then I started reading about the side affects.  I felt so ugly and miserable.  I was feeling sorry for myself.  My soon to be ex started dating this drop dead gorgeous, great body girl that made "the first  wive's club" light go off.  It's amazing what will motivate you.
 We totally changed are diets and started really exercising.  The kind I really hate stomach crunches and sit ups.   We noticed a difference after a few months.  I lost the 30 (which was incredibly challenging for me) but Jack's body is definitely became more sculpted by the workout.  He also eats alot more than me so the weight came off a little slower for him. I don't know if the meds react differently to a woman's body and is it permanent? 

During my big belly period I did have an attitude like I can still feel good...as long as I'm not trying on clothes.  I would compensate in other areas.  I would get highlights, or buy a facial pack just to try to feel a little prettier.  And it worked, as shallow as that may sound.   Cause what your doing is really taking some time out for yourself.  As carrie from "Sex in the City" would say "BREATHE AND REBOOT".
« Last Edit: June 16, 2007, 10:35:45 AM by camille07 »

Offline apple

  • Member
  • Posts: 36
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #15 on: June 19, 2007, 08:57:04 AM »
well, isn't it nice to hear from women who are facing the same problems like us? I thought I was the only one who feels ugly! But it is not everyday, sometimes I feel better but most of the times, I don't even want to look in the mirror.

I hate it when it is summer because it means short sleeves for tops which means showing off the slim arms with a lot of veins, same with the legs. However, apart from the belly, I hate to see the way my hips are deteriorating............................they are going fast and so fast...........................................

But anyway, maybe we should be thankful for the life first and foremost and everything later..........

Offline Ulong

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  • Posts: 43
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #16 on: June 20, 2007, 10:33:59 AM »
Quote
I received in the mail a message from ulong..stating i should try Serostim and th907...dont even know what the heck that is..If someone knows please
can u email me...thank you for your time and patience..Ubotts Kiss

Sorry Ubotts, I hope my second PM was a little clearer. It was pretty wordy.

What I was basically trying to say is:

1. They're trying out a drug right now (TH9507) to see if it helps with the added-fat kind of lipodystrophy. It's  being used in a clinical trial.

2. If you want to consider it, changing your HIV medications might keep you from being able to try the TH9507. The rules for a clinical trial can be picky and they might not let you in after a recent switch. So I wanted to let you know about it before you changed your HIV meds to try and help your lipodystrophy.

3. I tried TH9507, it worked really well for me. It made a big difference in my lipo.

I didn't mean to imply you should try anything; God knows I cringe when I read posts like "don't touch Sustiva, you'll go crazy!"  ::) What drugs work for me may be totally different than what works for you. People shouldn't be scared onto or away from anything just because of what happened to some other random person. I'll tell you what worked for me, or what I did, but that doesn't mean if you do the same thing that you will get the same results.

 I was just trying to let you know there might be another option. I'm not sure most women have the time and patience to sift through all the information flying around to hear about a clinical trial. Or to hear from another woman who has done one. I don't think anyone else has posted on the women's board here about it. It's just another 2 cents.  :)


Offline SC-Blondie

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #17 on: June 21, 2007, 04:56:57 PM »
Lisbeth,
Hey, I'm new here and I read your post.  Don't worry, I know I've had my days of feeling very unattractive.  I find makeup makes me feel better.  Buy a new outfit and I know you'll feel better about yourself.  Focus on enjoying your time with your sisters.  Good times with people you love will bring great memories for life.
Shari 

Offline ubotts

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  • Posts: 347
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #18 on: June 28, 2007, 02:56:44 AM »
HI Shari..
In my  case i dont even want to go shopping..i was a size 14 for yrs now i need
a size 16..I always had a nice size bust and loved to wear tight fitting tangtops,
but now with my budda belly, i cant do that this summer..Maybe ill get used to this and it wont bother me as much but this is the first summer i look like crapola.
My face still looks good. Infact if got fuller..(go figure) my hair has changed but i
still have alot of it even though it thinned out during the last yr, so i cut it short
and made it work for me..But as far as putting on a bathingsuit..OMG..i look and feel like the cartoon hippos wearing a little tutu....Some how some way, this will change if i have to go to every doctor, read all infomation, and search till i go blind. Iam determined..........aint no stopping a good women, is there.. ;D
Live Love Laugh and dance like no ones watching.
Laughter is the best medicine, so try to have a laugh everyday..Even if your not feeling your best, think about something that was funny at one time in your life and work with it..   :o)

Offline tigger2376

  • Member
  • Posts: 462
  • too bad to die youngish!
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #19 on: June 28, 2007, 09:32:18 PM »
I SO empathise, (see other thread). All the good friends who say at 6'2" 210lbs isnt hideous are kind, but its how I feel. Am a UK size 18 20, even feel like my FEET are fat! Yes sure can get trendy clothes but I'm not the person I used to be/want to be. Have been offered a drug trial for the lipo/drug enduced weight gain and will keep you informed.
In the meantime, try to hang on to what I do...whats in the mirror now is not neccessarily what others see...from your posts and those of others your'e all FAR more beautiful and important than those extra pounds.
I know its hard.
Maybe we should set up a kinda clothes swapshop here?
I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Offline ubotts

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  • Posts: 347
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #20 on: June 30, 2007, 01:41:43 AM »
tHANK U FOR YOUR POST..YOUR RIGHT..IT DOES MATTER WHATS IN THE INSIDE ..I JUST GOT BACK FROMTHE DRS OFFICE TODAY AND THEY GAVE
ME TRUVADA INSTEAD OF COMBIVIAR..THEY SAID THAT TRUVADA HAS NO
AZT IN IT..AND THIS IS THE NEW DRUG THAT WILL STOP THE SKINNY LEGS ARMS AND BIG BELLY..ID REALLY LIKE TO WEAR MY BIKINI AGAIN AND STRUT
MY STUFF ALONG THE SHORE..i FEEL GOT, BUT I DONT LOOK GOOD..I WANT
SOME KIND OF UNITY HERE..DO U UNDERSTAND WHAT IAM GOING THOUGH?
Live Love Laugh and dance like no ones watching.
Laughter is the best medicine, so try to have a laugh everyday..Even if your not feeling your best, think about something that was funny at one time in your life and work with it..   :o)

Offline tigger2376

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  • too bad to die youngish!
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #21 on: July 02, 2007, 07:33:57 PM »
Abso.F@@@ing.lutely. Having this virus is tough enough without all the 'little extras'[ it brings. I now cant take part in the drug trial because one of its constituents is bad for high blood pressure which is caused by my...weight gain!
Sweetheart, We'll offer every support we can. I agree, feeling good about yourself physically as well as mentally can really help. It just goes to show that I'm afraid this is not being rearched/taken seriously enough YET. I want to strut my stuff too. Feel like a desirable and sexy woman again...we need to start really impressing on our treatment providers/ID Doctors that this isnt just vanity...its sanity
xx
I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Offline Ulong

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Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #22 on: July 02, 2007, 10:56:54 PM »
. I agree, feeling good about yourself physically as well as mentally can really help. It just goes to show that I'm afraid this is not being rearched/taken seriously enough YET. I want to strut my stuff too. Feel like a desirable and sexy woman again...we need to start really impressing on our treatment providers/ID Doctors that this isnt just vanity...its sanity
xx

Thank you. If you had breast cancer, would it be considered just cosmetic to have reconstructive surgery? Would you have to listen to doctors say that you didn't die of the cancer, so be happy with how you look? I'm not sure I'm even asking to "strut my stuff", I'd just like to not appear freakish. It's one thing to be overweight, and quite another to have rolls of fat where they shouldn't be, like your feet. The fat gain is a result of a medical condition. Not just too many Twinkies, though those don't help.

I finally got my PA to get me Serostim, I hope it works again for me. But I still have to exercise a lot to get any reduction in the weird fat even when I'm on it. I think part of the reason I got it is that I've lost enough muscle to freak her out.

All that fat around our waists is the kind that gives you heart attacks. We haven't been taking these meds for a long time, who knows what's going to happen?


Offline al

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Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #23 on: February 17, 2008, 01:13:23 AM »
I feel ugly too. i don't no how to stop this fat in the middle. nothing works. I'm shot and it's hard to fit in clother that are petite but big around the belly. i hope you do better than me go see you family that is the best love and they don't care what our bellies look like. have fun.

Offline Snowangel

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Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #24 on: February 18, 2008, 07:38:10 PM »
Try not to get caught up in the sizes.   What used to be considered an XL is like the old Medium, I think.   If the guys stuff fits you better, wear that.  I always wear my mans jeans.  Don't be so down on yourself.  You are around people that love you for you.  You are beautiful, no matter what you say :)
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #25 on: February 18, 2008, 08:53:46 PM »
Seems even if I buy "slim fit" jeams, they still FLAP around my thighs.

Why?

Because my waist is 4 sizes bigger than my flat lipo ass and chicken legs.  *sigh*

But a good brand of jeans that I just bought which really HOLD that belly in are:

Levi's "perfectly Simming" 512's. 

The flap factor is a little less, and there's a tummy-control panel in there.

I'm tryin' to work it the best I can.   :-\
HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline Winiroo

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Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #26 on: February 19, 2008, 02:40:37 PM »
I'm outing myself. I have decided not to be embarrassed by what HIV and pregnancy has done to my body.
Instead, if only for today, I am going to embrace it!

I'm not going to worry about the zits, broken capillaries, spider veins, dark circles, stretch marks, bulging belly and love handles.

I am not air brushed in real life. I am not a super model and I never will be. People love me reguardless of my above listed faults.

Screw it....I took this picture just now. I'm not physically perfect but people who love me don't give a shit.



[attachment deleted by admin]

Offline Snowangel

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Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #27 on: February 19, 2008, 02:50:29 PM »
You are so right, Winiroo! It's kinda like trying to keep up with Joneses but body wise.  We should be proud of our bodies but it is- Oh so hard :)  Thanks for sharing the pic!  I have a lovely c-section scar thrown in there too so mine is a mess of stretch marks, scars and left over skin :)   Crunches here I come :)


Moon- I am definately going to check out those 512's.  I have big time chicken legs too!
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline BT65

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Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #28 on: February 19, 2008, 02:57:23 PM »
Wendy, thanks for sharing that picture.  It shows that you have incredible self-acceptance, and I for one admire that highly.

I buy all my clothes at Goodwill; sometimes the Salvation Army if they don't smell too musty.  I did buy myself a brand new pair of winter boots back in December.  I don't worry excessively about my body's appearance.  Of course, if I ballooned up to 250 or something, I'm sure that would make me take notice.  But other than that, I really don't get too concerned. 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

tendai

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Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #29 on: February 20, 2008, 07:33:07 AM »
for some reason i thought stretch marks dont show on white people's skin ???

Offline BT65

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Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #30 on: February 20, 2008, 08:14:05 AM »
for some reason i thought stretch marks dont show on white people's skin ???

Oh, they do.  Believe me.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Paulette

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Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #31 on: February 20, 2008, 08:26:32 AM »
I can so relate to this topic.  As women we are our own worse critic and having the disease only makes it worse.  Everyone keeps talking about weight gain, I personally haven't experienced that, I'm just the opposite, i have a trouble keeping weight on I'm 5'7 and weigh 118 pounds that's what i weighed when i was in High school. I've been on meds now for 3 years and I'm looking forward to gaining a few pounds.  But only in the right spots.  My late husband  used to tell me that beauty comes from within and no matter what you look like on the outside, because if one holds a true inner beauty, that it will shine on the outside for the world to see.
And i agree with the women here; do a little something for your self,  it always makes me feel better. And always remember that your family loves you just the way you are. And take a look in the mirror and tell yourself how beautiful you are every day and you will start feeling like you are.  
Take care
Paulette





I have HIV; it doesn't me;)

Offline BT65

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Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #32 on: February 20, 2008, 09:54:24 AM »
Paulette, good to see you posting.  I've been wondering how you're doing.  Please stay in touch with us. :-*
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Winiroo

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  • Positive since 1991
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #33 on: February 20, 2008, 10:08:07 AM »
for some reason i thought stretch marks dont show on white people's skin ???

LOL well theres your proof. I'm very light skinned. They dont show as bad as they did when I first got them. At first they where purple but they have faded over the years.
My daughter in law whose due date is today has red/purple streaks all over her belly, thighs and rear.

Offline Winiroo

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  • Positive since 1991
Re: I feel so ugly!!!
« Reply #34 on: February 20, 2008, 01:32:25 PM »

 


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