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Author Topic: You just don't understand..  (Read 1948 times)

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Offline milker

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You just don't understand..
« on: April 15, 2007, 04:31:37 PM »
I was talking to my friend and it suddenly struck me that there was a bit of a disconnect between him and me when talking about this condition in terms of mental health. He's neg, never had an incurable disease, never saw people die of aids, at one point in the conversation he told me "You really have to stop thinking about it." In my mind I said "You don't understand.. you will never understand..". I replied to him "I will I will".

I was wondering if you lost friends because of that disconnect?

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline swede_dish

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Re: You just don't understand..
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2007, 04:36:02 PM »
Milker,
Yes I have. One of my best friends and I have become very very distant since I told him about my status. It's hard for anyone with any sort of disease to convay how exactly it feels to someone who has never had to deal with the same situation. I know a lot of neg people who really try to put themselves in my shoes but no matter how hard they try they can't fully understand. I don't fault them for it, because they are trying none the less.
"I married a German. Every night I dress up as Poland and he invades me. "
-Bette Midler

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: You just don't understand..
« Reply #2 on: April 15, 2007, 04:39:28 PM »
I've had negative friends get slightly distant for small periods of time, if I'm OD'ing them on HIV.  You always have to balance things, and they can suffer from HIV overload.  I'm not saying this is the case in what you described, because obviously I was not there.  Just throwing it out there to munch on.  Even one of my best friends (neg. female) who went through thyroid cancer at a young age before I met her will OD on HIV though obviously she can handle more than most other neggies.

On the other hand he could just a jerk, and you'll find yourself at some points along the HIV road cutting out useless friendships like that.

Mind you, I've been positive for so long my neggie friends have had to listen to frequent bitching.  My ex who was neggie had to occasionally tell me to shut up about it too... hee hee.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline milker

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Re: You just don't understand..
« Reply #3 on: April 15, 2007, 04:42:27 PM »
Philly I think in his case I'm ODing him with HIV :o  I didn't realize I may be at fault here, thanks for pointing that out.

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: You just don't understand..
« Reply #4 on: April 15, 2007, 04:45:02 PM »
Well, communicate that with the person.  It will probably help for the next time you need to moan... or that's what I've done in the past.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline DanielMark

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Re: You just don't understand..
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2007, 04:46:11 PM »
I was wondering if you lost friends because of that disconnect?

Nope. My friends are not the sort who would do that. Then again, HIV isn't my whole life so I don't talk about it much after 18 years.

Dates on the other hand, well let's just say those ones it was all for the best.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Online GSOgymrat

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Re: You just don't understand..
« Reply #6 on: April 15, 2007, 05:50:15 PM »
I've told very few people about my HIV status. Other than my partner and my doctor I think I have only two friend who know. A few years ago we were friends with another gay couple. One of the guys, Alan, used to workout, jog and bike with me. After being friends for about a year we were all having dinner and somehow the topic of HIV came up. I revealed that my partner and I were HIV+. That brought the evening to a screeching halt. I got an email from him a couple of days later from Alan saying it really upset him, he couldn't handle it and he wished I hadn't told him. So that was the end of that friendship.

From that experience I learned that HIV can be a much bigger deal to other people than it is to me. I haven't told anyone since, even people who have told me they are HIV+. If I have a HIV issue to discuss I can discuss it with one of the few people who know or discuss it on this forum.

Offline otherplaces

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Re: You just don't understand..
« Reply #7 on: April 15, 2007, 05:54:03 PM »
Milker,

Yeah, totally...egad!  My 'friends' were often really dismissive.  They'd say stuff like, 'Oh, you'll be fine.'  I'm still waiting for a friend to say, 'Whatever happens I'm with you and we'll get through it together.'  I guess that's too much to ask.

Overdosing on HIV info is part of dealing with it, and there's nothing wrong with it.  I'd think your friends can just deal with you talking about it.  They should recognize it as part of the process.   Maybe they can complain 3 years from now if it's still all you talk about. 

I often got the sense that my 'friends' would cop a woe is me attitude.  Gosh, it's so hard to deal with a friend having HIV...sigh!  I just don't want to deal with you having this.  You want ME to feel sorry for YOU?  What???  I ended up questioning what the hell I'd been up to the past 7 years that I ended up with so many self centered 'friends'.

So yeah, those are my thoughts.

best,
brian

Offline milker

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Re: You just don't understand..
« Reply #8 on: April 15, 2007, 06:11:13 PM »
My mother who died of lung cancer in 1996 actually wrote a satirical novel about her experience with over reactive friends, friends who "know a doctor who knows someone who knows better", nurses, care, "everything is fine, why do you worry so much", family treating her like a child etc. I will re-read it.. I didn't think I would be part of the comedy this time ..

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline sdcabincrew74

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Re: You just don't understand..
« Reply #9 on: April 16, 2007, 12:30:36 AM »
Hey Milker, if you need HIV to be the main topic of your life right now, then your friends should deal.  I am sure you have had to put up with them going on and on about bad relationships, job issues, etc.  However, remember to temper it a bit, there is more to you than just your virus.  It is a very small part of you and your life. 
The difference between an overnight and a layover is luck!

 


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