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Author Topic: Regrettable Incident.  (Read 4050 times)

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Offline Stupidboy

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Regrettable Incident.
« on: March 08, 2007, 10:41:26 PM »
I appreciate you taking the time to read this post and any helpful advice that may follow. I'm not particularly proud of my actions and I would appreciate some feedback - you have no idea what a relief it is to be able to put this down in writing rather than carry it around inside me.

For the last 2yrs I have used the services of working girls, without exception I have always used protection and only ever received oral sex..until 3 weeks ago. (My last std test was 6 mths ago and my last HIV test 9 months ago - both negative).

I visited a working girl at a hotel and arrived to find 2 girls there. One of the girls briefly gave me unprotected oral until I stopped her, I then proceeded to have protected sexual intercourse with both. One of the girls removed and replaced with a new condom for each activity. My concern is that as I suffer from sexual dysfunction I may not have been fully protected for the entire incident. I've read other posts regarding condom breakage and I'm sure there was none or I would have noticed and I'm pretty sure it never slipped off.. I was unable to complete intercourse and finished with a handjob.

2 weeks ago I again visited a working girl and engaged in full protected intercourse, my only concern regarding this is that she used a tissue to remove some of the lubricant for oral sex but she did apply new lubricant prior to engaging in intercourse. The condom stayed intact for the duration.

Now, 3 weeks after the first incident and 2 weeks after the second for the last couple of days I have had a really sore throat, persistent headache, a high temperature and have had muscle aches in my legs and arms which has prompted me to post here, especially as it is really rare for me to feel ill like this.

I have a wife and two children which my actions don't deserve and I'm now concerned that I may of contracted HIV from either of the above incidents.

I would appreciate advice on whether it is felt testing is warranted.

Offline Stupidboy

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Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #1 on: March 08, 2007, 10:43:03 PM »
I failed to mention that my glans are very swollen, particulrly in my neck.

Offline Central79

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Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2007, 04:44:32 AM »
Hey. I'm not sure what you mean in your third paragraph when you say "I may not have been protected for the entire incident". If the condom didn't break or come off I am not sure how you consider yourself unprotected.

Apart from this ambiguity, you are not at risk of HIV transmission. I wouldn't personally test over this. I would suggest you have the flu.

You are at risk of contracting another STD from unprotected oral sex, but not HIV.

I would really encourage you to take a deep look at why you are seeking sex outside of your marriage and do something to address whatever issues are there. Please don't think I'm judging you here, but I wish to God I'd gone and seen a therapist before breaking up with my ex- and putting myself at risk. Whilst I don't think you're putting yourself at risk for HIV, you are risking your marriage, and your family.

With best wishes.

Matt.
Diagnosed January 2006
26/1/06 - 860 (22%), VL > 500,000
24/4/06 - 820 (24.6%), VL 158,000
13/7/06 - 840 (22%), VL 268,000
1/11/06 - 680 (21%), VL 93,100
29/1/07 - 1,020 (27.5%), VL 46,500
15/5/07 - 1,140 (22.8%), VL not done.
13/10/07 - 759 (23.2%), VL 170,000
6/11/07 - 630 (25%), VL 19,324
14/1/08 - 650 (21%), VL 16,192
15/4/08 - 590 (21%), VL 40, 832

Offline Stupidboy

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Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2007, 06:26:48 AM »
Matt,

Thank you for your reply, appreciated.

I understand your comments re therapy, unfortunaetly in the UK there does not seem much help available outside of London.

I've taken the day off work today as my head is pounding, my throat is sore and I can't seem to get out of bed for long. It just seems a bit of a coincidence 21 days after initial exposure that I am feeling like this?

Offline Stupidboy

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Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2007, 02:17:12 PM »
I'd really appreciate any more comments re the need to test

I am feeling really bad going hot and cold and sweaty and my throat is terrible.

Offline ACinKC

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  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #5 on: March 09, 2007, 02:20:01 PM »
You were protected for everything.  No HIV risk whatsoever!  None.  Keep using condoms if you choose to procure the services of the working girls and you will be fine as far as protection from HIV.

No need to test.  Nothing you have indicated would be considered HIV specific as there really are no symptoms SPECIFIC to hiv.  See a dr if they continue.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #6 on: March 09, 2007, 04:22:31 PM »
As long as the condom didn't break then you don't have any cause to be concerned about HIV.

Your symptoms? Discuss them with your doctor and make sure you don't keep squeezing, probing and otherwise bothering your swollen glands. It will only make them worse and you can create a big problem where none exists.

Condoms provide very effective protection against HIV no matter whether it's with a civilian or a professional.

However, they don't do a thing about guilt for straying husbands. That's a whole separate issue. You're a dawg like the rest of us and you went sniffing in another stall. You can't undo that bit of your personal history. The best thing for all concerned is for you to take a deep breath, see what happened clearly and then let it go before getting on with your life. No kidding.

This is not an HIV situation.
Andy Velez

Offline Stupidboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 12
Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #7 on: March 10, 2007, 12:55:50 AM »
Thanks everybody for your reassurance.

Having the ability to get this off my chest has been really important, thank you for not judging.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #8 on: March 10, 2007, 07:29:05 AM »
Stupid,

The virus doesn't judge people and neither do we. As long as you use condoms, you'll be fine where hiv is concerned.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Keep using those condoms and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Stupidboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 12
Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2007, 02:59:48 PM »
Thanks for your previous replies everyone, I went to the doctors and he told me one of my tonsils had an infection and I was given antibiotics. The fever, headaches etc went away but I am still left with pain when swallowing and I also have a sore back and upper body.

It's been two weeks nearly since this started and whilst I am trying to remain calm its proving hard.

Does any of this sound like ars? would some symptoms go and some remain even with antibiotics?

Is infection in the tonsils a factor in ars, the main overriding symptom was a horrendous sore throat to start.

Offline thunter34

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  • Posts: 7,310
  • His name is Carl.
Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #10 on: March 20, 2007, 03:04:37 PM »
No, it sounds like a tonsil infection.  End of story.  Get well soon.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Stupidboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 12
Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #11 on: March 30, 2007, 07:45:20 AM »
Thank you for your replies to date. Having been told by the doctor one of my tonsils was enlarged (it also had white spots on it) I have since discovered on various internet sites that this is a common symptom of ars!

Given the fact that all my symptoms started 22 days after exposure I am so scared right now given that with the exception of a rash most of the other symptoms this and various other sites highlight were present, white tongue, fever, night sweats, fatigue etc.. The illness lasted 14 days approximately and then disappeared. It just seems so coincidental to be unreal.

Tonsil infection is not common at my age (35).

I had sex with my wife a week or so ago which was partly unprotected to start, but protected for ejaculation.

I am very scared right now, my concern is that either the condom broke, or because the prostitute removed and replaced the condoms there was a problem I wasn't aware of.

I contacted the prostitute via email posing as a new customer and was given the assurance that they are std free and get checked regularly but then if I'm posing as a potential client then she is not going to say anything else is she?

I have been quietly reassured by the original comments made but the initial event was such a blur that I am now beginning to question what happened and whether I am indeed ok. I know my actions in visiting working girls are wrong but I have always been so careful being protected and refraining from full sex. I'm pissed that I let myself be railroaded in terms of control in this situation and I'm sure I will pay the price in terms of hiv infection.

I'm aware of the power of the mind in terms of symptoms of stress which I have now, but the doctor diagnosed an infected tonsil, I had fever, headaches, was wiped out in bed for four days, night sweats etc...

Please help.

Offline ACinKC

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,994
  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #12 on: March 30, 2007, 09:33:52 AM »
Symptoms don't make it so.  You were protected.  You didnt have a risk.

HIV isnt a "punishment" it is a virus.  A virus that acts very predictably, for the most part.  Right now guilt is playing with you, my advice is to keep seeing the Dr. if your symptoms continue. The symptoms you describe are associate with a range of causes not just HIV, even though you are focused on it.

Go test if it makes you feel better.  It shall be negative.  Just be sure to do it at 13 weeks, so you dont come back here with all the what if's.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline Ann

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  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #13 on: March 30, 2007, 09:37:47 AM »
Stupid,

Anyone of any age who still has their tonsils can have them become infected.

You didn't have a risk, but if it makes you feel better, test at six weeks or more and collect your negative result. The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks. If you cannot believe your six week negative, then test again at three months for what would be a conclusive result if you'd actually had a risk.

I'm not expecting you to test anything other than hiv negative.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Stupidboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 12
Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #14 on: March 30, 2007, 10:02:11 AM »
Ann, AC.

I appreciate your comments.

I understand the knowledge in the forum is far greater than mine. As strange as this may sound I do not want to test not just because of the apprehension regarding the result and the waiting time but because I want to be able to trust the fact that I do not need to test every time I have protected intercourse in what on the surface is a no risk activity.

As detailed previously I have tested for HIV and STD's and provided I have the willpower to do so I do not intend to carry on with the lifestyle I have, given that I have so very much to lose.

It just appeared to me that the timing and symptoms were so coincidental to be meaningful.

I am scared and in moments of clarity..rational and understanding of your comments.

Offline Stupidboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 12
Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #15 on: April 16, 2007, 08:16:47 AM »
I thought I was getting on top of my concerns following your replies however this week, 3 weeks after my wife and I last had intercourse she had a sore throat for 3 days which disappeared and now she has a blocked nose which is making me think I have infected her.

I'm at my wits end at present, she is constantly asking me whats wrong and I don't know what to do or say. As time goes on my memory is such that I'm beginning to wonder whether I had a condom on for the duration of my initial incident. I know myself I'm not stupid enough not to but I'm sick with worry and am finding it difficult to think of anything else other than what I have done to my wife and family.

What are the chances I would have contracted HIV from a one time incident?
What are the chances I would have passed this to my wife in a one time incident?

I just can't get away from how spot on my symptoms were 22 days after the initial risk especially the tonsil infection, night sweats and fever combined.

Please help, I know from when I have tested previously in the UK they wont test until 12 weeks and I am going out of my mind at present.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #16 on: April 16, 2007, 08:26:05 AM »
Stupid,

Your chance of becoming infected from a one-time vaginal exposure is exceedingly low. Your chance of becoming infected from a one-time PROTECTED encounter (it's not an exposure, because the condom PREVENTS exposure) is NIL.

It is common for people to get colds and flu when the seasons change. The seasons are a changin right now.

You are allowing your guilt over this incident to cloud your thinking. You used a condom and you didn't have a risk. There are thousands and thousands of couples around the world where one is positive and one is negative and the negative partner remains negative through condom use. I'm in such a relationship myself for eight years and he's still negative.

If you can't shake your bad case of the guilts, I would suggest counseling. Relate is an excellent place to start.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Stupidboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 12
Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #17 on: April 16, 2007, 08:31:36 AM »
Ann,

It is the tonsil part of the equation that is hard for me to ignore with regard to my symptoms especially given the time frame of the incident and the night sweats etc that accompanied it.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #18 on: April 16, 2007, 08:44:20 AM »
Stupid,

Well, it's up to you whether you want to ignore the science of hiv transmission and continue to torture yourself. However, you won't be allowed to use this forum as an instrument of that torture. Symptoms mean nothing and anyone who has tonsils is liable to have them become infected now and then. It has nothing to do with hiv.

If you've read the Welcome thread, you will have read this:

Quote
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

You didn't have a risk and whatever was wrong with your tonsils could not possibly have anything to do with hiv.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Stupidboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 12
Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #19 on: April 16, 2007, 08:52:18 AM »
Ann,

Please do not think I am being disrespectful to either you or the advice provided, I am not intentionally being so.

The fear of the incident is all consuming.

I totally appreciate the patience and information provided and understand the foundation for your answers even if my brain cannot currently accept them.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #20 on: April 16, 2007, 09:54:59 AM »
Fortunately feelings including fears are not facts. The facts of the sexual situations you have described, including the most recent one with two women, indicate clearly that you were not at risk for HIV transmission. Period.

Tonsilitis notwithstanding this is not in anyway an HIV situation. Really.
Andy Velez

Offline Stupidboy

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Re: Regrettable Incident.
« Reply #21 on: April 16, 2007, 10:35:42 AM »
Andy, Ann

Thank you very much, my apologies for any offence/frustration caused.

 


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