Introduce yourself

[Oh501sguy]

Hi,

My name is Chuck.  A few days ago was Valentine's Day. It was also my 16th anniversary being HIV poz. I'm one of the lucky ones.  I'm 44 and knock on wood I haven't been ill.  My T-Cells have been all over from 300 to 720 where they are now.  Currently undectectable or was at least at my last Doc's appt.  I just did my bloodwork and am going in on Tuesday to see my Doc.  Let's hope all is still good.  My doc switched me from the sustiva combo to Atripla.  I really like it.  Still get the sustiva buzz that helps me relax at night as sustiva is in this one a day pill.

I guess the reason I wanted to "introduce myself" is well... I don't go to the bars, I don't have a lot of friends.  Actually I have very few friends at all.  For the past decade or more I've pretty much closed myself in.  I go to work, come home, go to work come home... bla bla... I work in an office of all women ...and god help them if they haven't figured out I'm gay by now.  Geez... Im the only one who isn't married, has kids etc.  Every staff meeting is a groaner.  Today it was all about potty training their kids!  Or pre staff meeting if you would rather say... we do talk about work! 

In other words, I don't have a circle of friends.  I do have two dear friends whom I email, text or call daily and I've known these people for over 20 years.  Bless them.  But to be honest, I would love to have a circle of friends who can relate to my being poz because they are in the same situation. 

I find myself hanging out in an aol chatroom with a great group of guys that I've never met in person -HIV chatroom.  They are super wonderful.  This christmas we exchanged mail addresses and for the first time in my life I had all of these wonderful cards at Christmas.  I actually cried because it felt so nice that so many of the guys did that.   

It's 11:45pm, I'm in bed with my dog.  I'm feeling pretty alone right now. As I read through some of the postings on this board I see people who whom I would like to get to know.  There is a sense of warmth and caring here.   Usually I have a hard time trusting anyone until I get to know them.  Columbus is a very difficult place to fit in.  Very "cliquish". 

My biggest fear is growing old (er) and ending up alone.  Of course I don't have any family except an older brother and we don't talk.   I'm terrified where I'm going to end up if and when I do become ill.
I think I've had an ok life. Not great at all, but others have had it worse.   

Hey....thanks for letting me ramble -

[OzPaul]

Hi Chuck

Good to hear from you ! Thanks for reaching out to us. I've been around the Forums for about 4 years now and though I don't post much, I always feel welcome and read the posts with keen interest.

I'm fortunate in that I have a supportive partner and friends, most of whom are far from where I live. I keep in touch with them by email and phone calls much like yourself.

I live in a small  beach town on the southeast  coast of Australia and like you, feel isolated at times. The folks in town are friendly enough but are cliquish too, just like your experience in Columbus. I don't have  coworkers as my partner and I have a small B&B. The guests,  who come from all over Australia and the world, are usually quite friendly, but they leave and then it's quiet again. I really love the peaceful environment here,  the bush and beach, but sometimes I yearn for more  social interaction.

I've found the people here at the forums here very supportive and really like a family though I don't know them well personally. I think that if you hang out a bit here, you may find the same thing. I guess we take our friends where we find them. Thank God for the Internet. It does help me feel more connected. Thanks too to Peter Staley who founded Aidsmeds all those years ago.

Feel free to PM me Chuck if you like. I'm far away in terms of geography but also just a few keystrokes away.

Take good  care of your self, okay ?

(((((HUGS)))))
Paul

[aztecan]

Hey Chuck,

Welcome aboard.

I live in Aztec, a small town in northwest New Mexico. OK, I live in the middle of nowhere, but its a fun nowhere.

Feel free to join in, ramble on, or just share a good laugh - or a groan when the feeling hits you.

Glad you are here.

HUGS,

Mark

[BT65]

Hey Chuck,

Welcome!  You know, sometimes I wonder about what it's going to be like as I keep getting older and older, but I try not to stay in that place too long, because I can also project, and that usually turns out not good. 

Anyway, like Mark said, just join in.  Glad you introduced yourself and I hope to see more from you.
  Luv,
Betty

[crag]

Hi.

From NYC. Got poz in 1985/1986 in the US Army. Left the Army in like 1989 (end of the year). Went back to NYC. Didn't really have any issues until like 1994. My face stated to swell. Turned out to be KS under the skin. Did some cemo (ABV) which took care of of the KS in a weekend.

I tolerated that shit (ABV) for a year. Finally in May of 1995 I fell out on Fire island. And it was all down hill from there. Left NYC in September of 1995 with like 10 T-cells and weighed 110LBS (I was a big circuit bunny weighing 200lbs just 6 months earlier). Had a host of illnesses. The KS came back with a vengeance. CMV had hit my eyes and stomach, and various other shit you get when your immune system is in the toilet. I even had a port for easy access. Used to access it myself cause most didn't have a clue.   That was a relief actually. I got SO over being stuck twice a day while in the hospital.

Basically i came to South Florida to die in my mother's arms. Didn't turn out that way. With the help of the Palm Beach VA, and her care I managed to hang on till 1996/1997. With the *new* drugs I bounced back and  here I am.

Almost all of the issues I have now are side effects. Some have been serious (requiring various surgeries).  Took me years to FINALLY accept the fact that i was probably  gonna live past 50 (probably even past 60). So back at life I suppose. Though I admit I see life very different now. Which is good.

Anyway this is the short short version. My way of giving yawl a shout out.

-Crag (Stephen)

[PRMike]

Hi Crag, I'm glad to see that your hanging in there and it looks like your a fighter which is a good thing..
I hope that I will not offened you with what I'm going to say but I sence a lot of anger from your post and in my opinon you should try to let that anger go and try to live the best way you can,,, the reason I say this is because I got to a point that i was so tired of life that I tried to commit suicide, now I mustadmit that I was using Drugs at the time..
anyway I hope and pray that you will be alright and remember that here you have some friends ok bye for now always PRMike

[crag]

Hi Crag, I'm glad to see that your hanging in there and it looks like your a fighter which is a good thing..
I hope that I will not offened you with what I'm going to say but I sence a lot of anger from your post and in my opinon you should try to let that anger go and try to live the best way you can,,, the reason I say this is because I got to a point that i was so tired of life that I tried to commit suicide, now I mustadmit that I was using Drugs at the time..
anyway I hope and pray that you will be alright and remember that here you have some friends ok bye for now always PRMike

Thanks for your concern. But I am far from angry. I just come acrsss as "hard". I mean, like everyone else I've about had it with the American idea of health care, but who hasn't?

Dealing with death so close, for years has a way of calming you down. You realize what is really important. And frankly, I consider all this time after 1996 as gravy. I never expected to live so long. And now it looks like I'll even live longer.

[BT65]

Hey Stephen,

Welcome to the forums.  There's tons of good people here, and I hope we get to know you better.  Feel free to jump in anywhere.
 Luv,
Betty

[Winiroo]

Thank you for serving our country and welcome to AIDSmeds.

[Peter Staley]

Welcome to our forums, Stephen.  Glad you found us!

Peter
Forums Moderator

[rondrond]

Hi Chuck,
It is amazing how many people you can find online, yet can't find a soul in your own hometown.

If I was younger and had the energy and funds, I would be on a constant 'road trip'..   meeting and greeting. Glad you're here,

Ron~

 

[rondrond]

Hi Stephen,

Wanted to say, Howdy, and welcome you to the forums.

Ron~

[OzPaul]

Hi Stephen

I too want to welcome you to the forums ! I'll look forward to hearing more from you.

Cheers, Paul

[blackwingbear]

Hi there. My name is Darren Mitton. I was diagnosed about 5 years ago. I was born in Veedersburg, Indiana (a little one-stoplight town about ah hour west of Indianapolis and an hour hour north of Terre Haute, or 45 minutes south of Lafayette. I first went to college in Vincennes (IN), but was unsatisfied and moved to Danville (IL), where I changed my major over from Broadcasting to Psychology.I then moved to Attica (IN) and then to Williamsport, and settled in Crawfordsville working for a factory. In 1998, I moved to Terre Haute (IN) where I continued my education at Indiana State University in the field of Psychology and went to work for AOL/Aegis-Trilegent.. In 2000, my father passed away..In that time I was dealing with some soul-searching, and moved up to Logansport (IN). While I was working in a factory up there, I was in an industrial accident (luckily, left me with only 1 scar). After that, I moved back to Terre Haute for an short while, and ended up moving down to Byron (GA) in with some really good friends I call "the family".. When my my mother died in December of 2002, I moved back up to Terre Haute and went back to work for AOL/Aegis-Trilegent. I bought a house, and really pulled the 9-to-5 racket.Well, the house ended up being a money pit that drove me into debt and left me homeless with no where to go. Some very good friends of mine (RIP Bert, I love you,bro) asked me to move down to Florida with them and I agreed. Unfortunately, he passed away on the drive down, and after his funeral in Florida I moved back up to live with "the family" that I was lucky enough to have in Byron (GA). I lived and worked there from February 2004 until January of 2006 when THE LAST CASTLE (a specialty retail outlet specializing in gaming RPGs, card games, comics, and anime) shut down. Soon thereafter, I moved up here to Atlanta, in with my friends Hal Doby and Charles Whitenberg. I ended-up moving-in with my best-friend, Doug. 2 years later, I moved back down to the Atlanta area. I'm 35 years old...5'10", 165lbs. Sagittarius. Have 4 tattoos.Hobbies include: reading (fiction to non-), watching movies (particularly horror), RPGing, playing card games,going to concerts (big music buff), camping, and spending time with friends... etc...

Next! *grin*

[Tim Horn]

Hi Darren (and apologies to everyone for the hijack):

Just wanted to let you know that this particular forum is for long-term survivors only. Have a look here, if you wouldn't mind: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=11166.0

Thanks for understanding,

Tim Horn