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Author Topic: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?  (Read 2853 times)

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Offline netta

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  • Posts: 396
Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« on: March 19, 2008, 03:19:55 PM »
Hello,
 I am hiv+/aids and a long term suvivor. I have a brother who is co infected hiv+/hep c. He is ten years older than me. I love him very much. He has always been my rock. We almost lost him in December 07. My family never told me he had an addiction problem years ago. But I knew he  was gay, from the time I was a teenager. I never forget when he told me, he took me to his apartment in Greenwich villiage in New york, where we smoked a joint and then he told me. iIt made no diffence to me, this was  my brother whom I loved and looked up to. My brother has been with his lover for over 30 years! more than any of my marriages!! lol . I don't know if his partner - my brother in law , is ill but he seems very healthy. My brother has a masters degree and had a great career, untill he found out a few years ago. He is a trooper, he has done everything and traveled every where since finding out his status. He is not able to have a liver transplant for some reason . We live in different states, but keep in touch.
I was wondering how many people infected have siblings infected andhow you are coping. sincerely, Netta
« Last Edit: March 19, 2008, 03:31:25 PM by netta »
"to thine own self be true"

Offline BT65

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  • Posts: 9,626
  • Diagnosed + 1989
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2008, 03:22:39 PM »
Hi Netta, although I don't have an infected sibling, I would think the best way to cope would be to take care of yourself and just maintain that special relationship you and your brother have i.e. keeping in touch, maybe an occasional visit etc.  I'm sorry you're going through this, babe.  We're here for you.
   Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2008, 04:50:19 PM »
As far as I know, I don't have any sibs that are infected. And if I did, they wouldn't tell me because of the grimy things they have done to me. I think it is great yourr brother has been with his partner for so long. How is he doing these days?
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline hartiepie

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  • Posts: 94
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2008, 04:52:50 PM »
My gay brother died in 1986 of HIV. I miss him so much.

He was smart, handsome and funny. Whenever we went out, he always got the attention and I admired him for being magnetic. I secretly hoped I could learn from him on how to up my charisma, but it wasn't to be.

We never got to build an adult friendship really since he was sick beginning at age 19 and he died at 25. His suffering was immense in those days before there was a name for what is now call AIDS, and he had no treatment for the virus.

i admit that sometimes I feel cheated because I imagine that we probably would have had a closeness that being gay could bring.

There will always be a hole in my heart from when he left.

Offline netta

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  • Posts: 396
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2008, 10:07:33 PM »
Hartipie, I am sorry for your loss, even though its been a long time, I know u wish he were around for the new meds , that may have saved his life. andI'm sure you are a vey sweet person. :-*
Queen- my brother is very sick at the momen but getting care at home.
Betty- thank you ,
"to thine own self be true"

Offline AlanBama

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Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #5 on: March 19, 2008, 10:13:25 PM »
Vannetta, I don't have an HIV+ sibling, but lost a very close cousin in 1990 to AIDS....it was tough.

I feel for you honey.   Sounds like your brother is a great guy, with a great partner.   I'm sure I don't have to remind you, but just tell him how much you love him and how much he means to you.   It never hurts to hear it one more time....

hugs,
Alan

PS -   keeping your brother in my prayers
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Jeffreyj

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Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2008, 03:09:12 AM »
It is a beautiful thing that you lovingly accept his lover as your "Brother in law"
I found that so sweet!
Positive since 1985

tendai

  • Guest
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2008, 07:02:58 AM »
i have a sister who's also infected.  i havent told her i'm also infected. i dont think i can. i've told noone in my family. 

Offline wishful

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  • I am pretty content nowadays..Life is gud..
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #8 on: March 25, 2008, 04:28:38 PM »
I dont have any siblings that are infected that i know of but i have a very dear friend who is poz and she herself lost a sister and a brother to AIDS...
My mother is also Poz and my sisters father died of AIDS in 1988 or 89...
Live life to the fullest...

Offline next2u

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  • Posts: 1,760
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #9 on: March 26, 2008, 12:37:22 AM »
hello netta,

i don't have any siblings who are positive. but, my auntie is positive and so is my cousin. it's affects my mom more than me, its her closest sister, her closest niece and her only child. coincidentally, excluding the time my mom lived with her parents, we are the only family members she has ever lived with.

we cope by being there for each other. it helps to have someone to share this experience with. empathizing is great, but sometimes it helps to know someone is directly engaged with our struggle. my aunt has been in and out of the hospital all this year. her hospitalizations have affected my mother much more than me. we cope by talking about it and maintaining constant contact with her. we send her care packages when we can and support her partner. giving ourselves to her has helped ease my mother's pain somewhat, but she is still going through the wringer.   

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

Offline netta

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  • Posts: 396
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #10 on: March 26, 2008, 10:41:25 AM »
wow,  I see now how we all are in the same boat, Its strange how  people cn be so oblivious to aids when it seems every family has someone infected. no one is exempt so why the stigma????
bless you all.
"to thine own self be true"

Offline wishful

  • Member
  • Posts: 342
  • I am pretty content nowadays..Life is gud..
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #11 on: March 26, 2008, 01:18:01 PM »
I know this has nothin..  to do with this thread , but NEXT..u are so fine! :P
Live life to the fullest...

Offline Jeff64

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  • Posts: 255
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2008, 11:00:34 PM »
my older brother has Hiv as do I

he lives in Spain and we do not talk too much. He seems fine and is not on meds and neither am I


Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,760
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #13 on: March 27, 2008, 12:40:06 AM »
thank you wishful, pink is doing you well ; )~
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

tendai

  • Guest
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #14 on: March 27, 2008, 04:47:04 AM »
Its strange how  people cn be so oblivious to aids when it seems every family has someone infected. no one is exempt so why the stigma????

maybe its more embarrassing. like having a mad aunt in the attic/basement or something.

Offline netta

  • Member
  • Posts: 396
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #15 on: March 27, 2008, 12:22:06 PM »
 off topic ;Next,I agree with Wishful, you are a looker!!!
Jeff, glad u and ur brother are doing well.
« Last Edit: March 27, 2008, 12:24:45 PM by netta »
"to thine own self be true"

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,760
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #16 on: March 28, 2008, 06:02:44 AM »
netta, wishful - thanks!!! wow, you two are gonna make me go straight...er : )-- now if only i could find someone local who felt the same. lovely ladies giving a guy like myself a compliment, geesh, im gonna be smilling for days.

netta, have you found an answer to you question?

midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3

Offline wishful

  • Member
  • Posts: 342
  • I am pretty content nowadays..Life is gud..
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #17 on: April 01, 2008, 11:06:09 AM »
COme on over to the other side baby...COme on over... :-* :-*
Live life to the fullest...

Offline netta

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  • Posts: 396
Re: Sibings both have hiv/aids, how do you relate?
« Reply #18 on: April 07, 2008, 10:11:07 PM »
yes I got my answer! hope all are well
"to thine own self be true"

 


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