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Author Topic: A Cause for Celebration?  (Read 1583 times)

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Offline carousel

  • Member
  • Posts: 821
A Cause for Celebration?
« on: April 11, 2007, 09:14:38 AM »
I have been having a real problem connecting with this site of late. 

It may be necessary to ban people for their behaviour and posting in other names.  What worries me is that, having rid this site of them, the celebrating, jokes and bad mouthing that follows their exit.

At the end of the day, all of these people are living with the ups and downs of HIV.  We do not often know the circumstances that has led to this behaviour and they have no right to reply to the repartee.

Is this what we want from this site?

Offline ACinKC

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Re: A Cause for Celebration?
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2007, 12:50:50 PM »
HIV has nothing to do with how these people (other than the Boo-ster) are abusing this forum.  Not to mention they called out some of the most vocal members on this site who utilize humor and self depreciation as a mode of communication with each other.

We have kept it ALL off topic from what I've seen and by the way guys im very proud of that! 

So I am sorry you feel unconnected, but I dont see our sense of humor going away.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: A Cause for Celebration?
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2007, 04:41:25 PM »
I agree with Carousel on this one - there is no need for some of the gloating that goes on around here after a banning or a time out. To be honest, it makes me cringe when I see it happening. I sometimes feel a sense of relief when a disruptive member is TOd or banned, but I feel a sense of sadness even more keenly. I hate having to TO or ban people, but sometimes we are left with no other option.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

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HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline sweetasmeli

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Re: A Cause for Celebration?
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2007, 05:40:18 PM »
I have been having a real problem connecting with this site of late. 

It may be necessary to ban people for their behaviour and posting in other names.  What worries me is that, having rid this site of them, the celebrating, jokes and bad mouthing that follows their exit.

At the end of the day, all of these people are living with the ups and downs of HIV.  We do not often know the circumstances that has led to this behaviour and they have no right to reply to the repartee.

Is this what we want from this site?

I've been revisiting this post on and off today. I have to say it doesn't make much sense to me. I actually find it rather vague and ambiguous. Carousel, would you mind being more specific? 

Melia
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(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

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Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline Teresa

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Re: A Cause for Celebration?
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2007, 05:51:43 PM »
I agree with Carousel and Ann. Makes me sad when this happens.
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: A Cause for Celebration?
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2007, 07:16:04 PM »
Like Ann, except in obvious spamming and other like situations, deciding to give a Time Out or a Ban is something I really weigh and worry about very carefully. I sometimes find myself giving repeated warnings because after two times outs the only thing left is a ban. Knowing how people they can (re)act and speak impulsively I can see sometimes where things are headed.

The gravedancing that sometimes goes on after a ban makes me wince depending on who the subject is. As far as I am concerned we are none of us very far from losing it at times. And having to exclude anyone who might otherwise benefit by being here is a hard thing to do.

But ultimately it's a matter of weighing that against maintaining safety here.

 
Andy Velez

Offline way.out.west

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Re: A Cause for Celebration?
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2007, 09:23:28 PM »
As I read Ann’s reply above, the first word that came to mind was “grave-dancing”, and then I read a little further and saw that Andy had used that exact term in his reply.  My feelings on this are similar to what they've already expressed.

Yes, one can argue that it’s helpful to find humor in most situations - and I absolutely agree we need humor in dealing with HIV.  But I think in this case the response isn’t really humor, it’s something else.  There is a german word called “schadenfreude”, which, means taking delight in the misfortune of others.  And that’s what I see happening here.

Let me be clear in saying that the people who were banned did some bad things and they deserved to be ejected.  But I didn’t feel joy about that.  Instead, I felt relief that the situation had been resolved.  I  also I felt hope that things would soon return to normal, whatever “normal” happens to be in these forums.

Saying that the “humor” was kept to the Off Topic forum is simply another way of trying to justify grave-dancing – as if restricting it to Off Topic makes it okay.  The bottom line is that all of these forums supposed to be supportive.  And I’m just sorry that there isn’t more of that.

 


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