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Losing the depths in myself

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Andy Velez:
Reminds me of an old Noel Coward lyric:

                 I never realized that you cared for me,
                 that such a thing could ever, ever be.
                 And when you went away I was sad because
                 I realized what a fool I was.

In spite of everything cheers, 

otherplaces:

Calvin,

Hang in there. Believe me I know what you're feeling. It comes in waves, much like a storm. But 10 months in I can say the storms do seem to always pass. You get up the next day because you've got things to do and off you go. And then the next thing you know you're okay. The storm clouds clear and everything is okay for awhile.

I'm still trying to say goodbye to my old self. Letting go is so hard. But I'm trying to be more patient than I was before. All in due time.

much love,
brian

CalvinC:
Thanks all, for the replies on and off line.

It was a tough day, yesterday. In addition to losing my neg status and the now-ex last month, I am not now reacting to traumatic life events or just plain ol' loneliness in ways I used to (eg go to baths, have lots of sex, wonder why I'm lonely, go home and cry). I am refusing to rely on old patterns of coping. It is utterly wrenching, like a full body slam. But today is better.

One note of grace: last night, after my night class, I joined a group of friends for dinner. There were 9 of us, with two people I hadn't met. It was a delight. After, we were all going our separate ways, and I ended up chatting up one of the new guys, Ron. And in the five or so minutes we chatted, I felt myself breathing in that life of possibilities that is promised us when we actually suffer through our troubles and try to take our life in our hands and change it. I felt attractive, open, alive, that maybe romance would some day in the future be possible. A teasing glimpse of that promise. I still have a whack of crap to live through, but this was a very fine moment. Thanks for letting me share all this.

Andrew

allopathicholistic:

--- Quote from: CalvinC on June 23, 2006, 11:40:34 AM ---One note of grace: last night, after my night class, I joined a group of friends for dinner. There were 9 of us, with two people I hadn't met. It was a delight. After, we were all going our separate ways, and I ended up chatting up one of the new guys, Ron. And in the five or so minutes we chatted, I felt myself breathing in that life of possibilities that is promised us when we actually suffer through our troubles and try to take our life in our hands and change it. I felt attractive, open, alive, that maybe romance would some day in the future be possible. A teasing glimpse of that promise. I still have a whack of crap to live through, but this was a very fine moment. Thanks for letting me share all this.

--- End quote ---

see? and you might've never met him if you were still with your ex

heartbreak is overrated

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