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Author Topic: Being Gay Living With HIV  (Read 2799 times)

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Offline Jerry71

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  • {Lexiva, Norvir, Complera} Still Breathing!!!
Being Gay Living With HIV
« on: April 04, 2007, 04:52:55 PM »
Im a Gay 35 male living beside my family that do not support my life style. I can not have friends over of the opposite sex.

Yesterday I invited a male friend of mine to come over for a visit. Well taken him home this morning my Father saw me leaving and pointed his finger at me. I feel like I am just a little child living back in hell again. The reason I moved back was I don't have to pay rent. I have a trailer here on there property. I pay the utilities and now buy my own food to eat and do odd jobs around to help them out and try my best to respect them. But I am human too I need friends just like they do. Seems to me I'm just going to have to quit seeing anyone if I continue to live here. Or take long weekend trip to visit them at there place. It is just a fucking shame that in this day and time they can not get the concept that there son is gay and is never going to change.

Just come's to show that the world is so fucking screwed up and igronant.

He also approached me when I came back and said he did not want to ever see me bring anyone else on there property again. He said he would beat the living shit out of me if I did.

SO I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

That's that.

I will be damned if I ever speak to any of my family again until they realize that they have just lost a son.

I just want to be happy and live the remaining days of my life away from them.


P.S. Sorry If I used bad words in my thread but I just pissed.

Offline koi1

  • Member
  • Posts: 713
Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #1 on: April 04, 2007, 05:04:22 PM »
First of all, I think you might consider getting away from anyone who threatens to do you bodily harm. It is never too late to try to start a life somewhere else. I know it would be scary, but I have met so many people who have relocated here to live an open honest life. I am so sorry that you have to be subjected to such bigotry. I hope that you can save your money and get out. There is  more opportunity elsewhere.

rob
diagnosed on 11/20/06 viral load 23,000  cd4 97    8%
01/04/07 six weeks after diagnosis vl 53,000 cd4 cd4 70    6%
Began sustiva truvada 01/04/07
newest labs  drawn on 01/15/07  vl 1,100    cd4 119    7%
Drawn 02/10/07
cd4=160 viral load= 131 percentage= 8%
New labs 3/10/07 (two months on sustiva truvada
cd4 count 292  percentage 14 viral load undetectable

Offline allanq

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  • still life with pills
Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #2 on: April 04, 2007, 05:09:53 PM »
Jerry,

I'm sorry that moving back to your parents' home is turning out to be so painful. When you said you were returning home, I was hoping that they might have changed and mellowed during the time you were away.

I know that your recent experience living on your own didn't work out, but I hope you'll be able to find some way to move out and be free to lead the kind of life you want.

Please don't give up hope!

Allan
Top (Breakfast): Prezista, Norvir, Isentress, Zoloft (2), Glyburide (2), Aspirin
Bottom right (Dinner): Prezista, Norvir, Isentress
Bottom left (Bedtime): Sustiva, Trazodone (2), Lipitor, Septra (no longer taking this)
Center: Alprazolam (Xanax)
Not shown: various vitamins & supplements

Offline ACinKC

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Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2007, 05:48:34 PM »
Allan speaks the truth.

Im so sorry Jerry.  i too had hoped this would be much better for you.  Maybe you should invite ALL your gay friends over, beat the shit outta dad and point your finger at him and say "Next time you threaten me, they won't be clothed and it wont be your face that's hurtin!"

That should help.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline Strayboy74

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  • tastes like chicken
Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2007, 06:02:53 PM »
SO I GIVE UP!!!!!!!!

That's that.


My dear, only YOU have the power to change your life.  If that means inviting more people who understand you into your family of friends, or moving to guam and abandoning all reason of civilization, it is what you must do and to that end can only be accomplished by you.

I often have to remind myself that expectation is the mother of disappiointment, and if happiness is what I seek, then I'll just have to learn to accept others for who they are to their very faults, and not expect from them more than they are constitutionally able to give or understand.

*hug*

-joseph
« Last Edit: April 04, 2007, 06:05:09 PM by Strayboy74 »

Offline Lisa

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Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2007, 06:33:03 PM »
Just because your home happens to sit on the same piece of property as your parents, does not mean that they have the right to dictate whom you can, or cannot entertain within the privacy of your own establishment.
You are well past a grown man, and you have rights. I would ask you to think about approaching them respectfully, and setting up some boundaries. You can still be polite, AND FIRM, at the same time. Work your nerve up, and see if you can't manage a round table discussion with them. They cannot interfere with your domicile, and that is the law.
You also know that it is not practical to "not speak to them".
If all else fails, I really like AC's advice! ::)
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline Jerry71

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Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #6 on: April 04, 2007, 06:45:36 PM »
They are set in there ways. Have not really know of any other people that have to live in an environment like I have had to deal with. Yeah I should invite as many people that one to come up and visit and throw one hell of a party just for the hell of it. It is just a shame they can have people come and visit them and I don't judge them in any way. It is not like I bring them here and go out an introduce them to my folks. I am just waiting for the day when they see the light that the world is full of different people and we are are different in so many ways.  Im sorry also that im not a straight hetrosexual and I don't pertake in seeing women. Im gay and thats the way its going to be.

Offline GSOgymrat

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  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #7 on: April 04, 2007, 07:00:55 PM »
As long as you are living there rent free they are going to hold that over your head. Get your own place. When I was 19 I told my parents they were going to have to deal with me being gay or deal with me being gone.

Offline Teresa

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Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #8 on: April 04, 2007, 08:45:45 PM »
I too was hoping that things would be better when you moved back. Is there anyway you can afford a small or studio appartment close to your parents...close yet far enough away to live your life as you please.

Hope things work out for ya.

Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #9 on: April 04, 2007, 09:15:37 PM »
Fundamentally (shitty and crappy as it is) it's their house and their rules.  The only resolution, financially difficult as it is -- MOVE.  And while you're at it tell them that it's THEIR decision and the result is that YOU are disowning THEM, not vice versa.

I don't know your past history that had you move back in with them (illness?) but is this really necessary?  If you honestly need them as caretakers then you may just have to put up with it.  Otherwise you need to move.  Way too much stress.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Jeff64

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Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #10 on: April 04, 2007, 10:15:43 PM »
Why can't you have freinds of the opposite sex?

Offline Jerry71

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Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #11 on: April 04, 2007, 11:56:08 PM »
Why can't you have freinds of the opposite sex?

Well Jeff living in the bible belt of Virginia they all believe around here that men and women are always meant to be together. They can not see that two men or two women can come out of anything.

Most people that live in this area have never really had the experience to see two men/women  kiss or hold hands.

That could be one reason that they are so screwed up in setting there ways because they were brought up on the bible. They had strict parents back then and never really encountered a gay person. But when one of there own comes out some are supportive but others are not supportive. Mine being one of them refuse to let me have any friends of the oppisite sex come on there property to visit or spend the night with me.

But having time to think about this and talking too a good friend tonight. I really could give a shit what they think. I'm 35 and I live on there property in my own place just share the same driveway with them but I'm over 250 feet away from there house. If I ever invite someone to come to my home they can visit with me and will have nothing to do with my folks .


Offline mjmel

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Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #12 on: April 05, 2007, 09:08:47 AM »
There must be mutual respect for this living arrangement to work out. Clearly, your dad is an arrogant bully. Save some money and move. Your self-respect is constantly being challenged and there has been verbal warning of escalating to getting worse. This is a nightmare you don't need. You are on his property?  Move.
xxx,
Mike

Offline DanielMark

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Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #13 on: April 05, 2007, 09:19:11 AM »
Jerry,

I left home (if you can call it a home) at age 16 after my first adult love was killed by a car accident and I could no longer go home and hide the fact that I was Gay. It caused a good deal of upset in my family of origin at the time. My father threatened to run me over with the car if he ever saw me on the street. This, after I refused to return to a shrink, who they appointed to "make me straight." The guy was a total loser. Told me to go home and look at some "girlie" magazines. Not only that, he was the spitting image of Freud, no lie.

Would I ever consider moving back with my parents? Absolutely not, not even for financial reasons. Iíd rather live in a shoe box than do that to myself. On the rare occasions Iíve revisited my hometown, I can almost smell that same old oppressiveness I did when I lived there all those years ago. Why would I want to give up my liberation from people whose minds are so small they consider me to be inferior in any way, by virtue of me being HIV positive or even Gay? Makes no sense.

I guess itís a question of whose life is it anyway? * Not to be confused with the Broadway show of the same name.

I donít ever give advice, but I would suggest you give yourself the gift of freedom, no matter what price.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Jerry71

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  • {Lexiva, Norvir, Complera} Still Breathing!!!
Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #14 on: April 05, 2007, 09:25:25 AM »
Hey Daniel Mine also tried to send me to a shrink to get help for being gay also. They think for some reason you can go from being gay to straight over night. Im sorry it is not going to happen.


Offline DanielMark

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Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #15 on: April 05, 2007, 05:18:56 PM »
You have my complete and total empathy on this Jerry.

Sometimes I think Gay and Lesbian people have made great advances in recent years, then I hear of other personal examples of this type of bigotry (ie: hate or disgust) and it honestly breaks my heart. When itís between parent and child, it deifies all logic in my way of thinking.

After forty-seven years I know well who I am and am not. If others are so tiny minded small that they canít see past sexual orientation then they have no business being in my life Ė relative or not.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #16 on: April 05, 2007, 06:16:16 PM »
Hi Jerry. I hope you find a solution. In my case I have a Peter Parker existence because I live with my aunt & uncle. Speaking only for myself, I wouldn't bring someone here even if I had the house to myself for a few days. It would feel weird

Offline Jerry71

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Re: Being Gay Living With HIV
« Reply #17 on: April 06, 2007, 07:59:57 AM »
Hi Jerry. I hope you find a solution. In my case I have a Peter Parker existence because I live with my aunt & uncle. Speaking only for myself, I wouldn't bring someone here even if I had the house to myself for a few days. It would feel weird

Yeah my moms brother is the total opposite of my mom. He supports my ways 100%.

 


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