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Author Topic: Please Help! Need advice on this!  (Read 2457 times)

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Offline worried78

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Please Help! Need advice on this!
« on: April 01, 2007, 07:58:47 AM »
Hi guys,

Please bear with my rambling and I hope you can offer some advice. About 2 years ago, I had unprotected oral (insertive) and protected penetrative (insertive vaginal) sex with a social escort. I was kinda drunk and cannot really remember whether the condom was intact after the whole act (but I doubt it broke), but I do remember that it was on the whole time.

Exactly 2 weeks later, I came down with a high fever, nausea, sore throat, muscle aches, a canker sore on the 4th day and the whole gamut of symptoms that might be coincident with ARS. I also had serious nasal congestion which started on the 2nd day of my illness and these symptoms stayed for 5 days in total.

Needless to say, I was freaked out beyond measure but after visiting this site, and reading your views on protected sex, I left feeling relieved. That being said, I've since then had this nagging fear of being HIV+ in the back of my mind.

Now, I've just got into a serious monogamous relationship and we started having sex about a month ago, and had a few sessions of unprotected sex. I'm not concerned with her previous status, but I worry if I have somehow passed the disease to her.

My girlfriend just came down with high fever, muscle aches and nausea over the last couple of days, and this is really freaking me out! I mean this is about the time frame that ARS would manifest itself...I went online looking for information on ARS and now I'm even more paranoid than ever!

I'm wondering if Nasal congestion is a symptom of ARS? Can people with ARS get serious nasal congestion too? Should I even be worried?

Thank you for your help and advice...

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please Help! Need advice on this!
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2007, 08:47:27 AM »
Worried, you have no reason to be concerned about that past incident in terms of HIV risk. Condoms provide very effective protection. If it had broken you would have known it. It's not a subtle event when that happens.

However, you have no business having uinprotected intercourse with anyone including your current gf. The only time when it is safe to do that is if 1) both partners have tested negative together at the same appropriate time and 2) have agreed to be in a securely monogamous relationship. Until if and when that happens you should be wearing a condom everytime you have intercourse.

It doesn't matter what you think you know about your partner's history or anything else. A condom is a must. Period.

We also recommend that anyone who's sexually active do a full STD panel regularly. That means at least annually and every six months is even better.

Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Please Help! Need advice on this!
« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2007, 03:29:12 PM »
worried,

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline worried78

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Re: Please Help! Need advice on this!
« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2007, 09:17:56 PM »
Thank you for the responses and your advice. I do understand the need to use condoms consistently. However, thanks for reinforcing that once again.

My last test was a month before the encounter with the social escort and I remember receiving my negative result with a huge amount of euphoria. The tension while waiting for it was unbearable though. So, when the incident happened, and I fell ill with all these flu-like symptoms exactly 2 weeks after...I guess I freaked out. I've tried to be rational about it but these fears keep popping up. And now, with my girlfriend falling ill, I guess I'm doubly freaked out. I just spent the night taking care of her.

So, you reckon I have nothing to fear from that previous encounter once again?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Please Help! Need advice on this!
« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2007, 09:31:48 PM »
You had protected sex. You don't have anything to worry about.

Offline worried78

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Re: Please Help! Need advice on this!
« Reply #5 on: April 02, 2007, 05:25:35 AM »
My gf just developed a sore throat and swollen glands under her jaw, I know that it is irrational to think that I might have given her the disease but I'm really freaking out. Posting here and reading your replies does give me a sense of perspective though. Her fever has come down but I'm really worried about her symptoms.

Do the symptoms for ARS all appear at once or can swollen lymph nodes and trouble swallowing appear later? 

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Please Help! Need advice on this!
« Reply #6 on: April 02, 2007, 05:36:39 AM »
YOU CAN NOT GIVE SOMETHING YOU DON'T HAVE. Period....Take your gf to a doctor. It doesn't have anything to do with HIV.

Offline worried78

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Re: Please Help! Need advice on this!
« Reply #7 on: April 02, 2007, 05:57:48 AM »
Hi Rapid,

Didnt mean to piss you off. I guess I'm just looking for some way to reassure myself. And it would kill me if I did anything wrong by her. But I'll take your advice and try to be rational about it.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please Help! Need advice on this!
« Reply #8 on: April 02, 2007, 07:58:35 AM »
AND you and your gf need to be using condoms until if and when you decide to be monogamous and get tested and test negative together.

 
Andy Velez

Offline worried78

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Re: Please Help! Need advice on this!
« Reply #9 on: April 02, 2007, 11:05:45 AM »
Hi Andy,

Yes. I do understand that. Just to clarify, I stated in my first post that we are in a serious monogamous relationship. We havent dragged each other to the clinic to be tested but we do understand each other's status and history (and yes...I accept your position about testing together). That being said...I will make sure that we will use condoms consistently from now on.

The only encounter that I have any worries about is the one that I described 2 years ago with the social escort. And I tested negative a month before that with no other risky encounter in between. Once again, its just that I've had this nagging fear after I came down with the illness exactly 2 weeks after that has been worrying the crap out of me ever since. And all these alarm bells just started ringing in my head when she fell sick about 3 weeks after our first unprotected sexual contact.

Once again, I do appreciate the fact that you guys are consistent about the usage of condoms, and it's good advice which I shall take from now on.

But her symptoms are still worrying to me, her throat has gotten worse, the fever is reduced. I dont know if I'm paranoid but I'm starting to wonder if the condom broke and exposed me. I truly appreciate the time you guys put into this and have tons of respect for you guys.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please Help! Need advice on this!
« Reply #10 on: April 02, 2007, 11:16:28 AM »
You would have known if the condom broke. It's not like a tiny teensy weensy hole happens that you wouldn't have noticed. Once it gives you end up with fringed hula hoop on your johnson.

So you are worrying needlessly about that incident.

I'm wondering if there is other stuff on your mind that is causing you to focus on something for which you have no basis in HIV science to be concerned about. Just a thought....

To relieve your anxiety why not just get tested (and better yet with her) and put the whole issue to rest. She should be seeing her doctor if her symptoms persist. Nothing you have said leads me to believe this is an HIV situation. Really.
Andy Velez

Offline worried78

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Re: Please Help! Need advice on this!
« Reply #11 on: April 02, 2007, 11:26:56 AM »
Hi Andy,

thank you very much for your kind words. Your words do put my fears to ease by truckloads. I'm trying to work up the balls to take the test (the last time I took it...I remember how terrified I was), but I accept your risk-assessment for me. I'll try to go away now and leave you guys to better work!  :)

Once again, thank you for you patience and your advice. You honestly have no idea, how you help people like me.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Please Help! Need advice on this!
« Reply #12 on: April 02, 2007, 11:33:54 AM »
EVERYONE gets anxious when getting tested. It just comes with the territory.

But believe me, it's much to be preferred to the torture you have been putting yourself through over this issue. No kidding.
Andy Velez

 


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