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Author Topic: Serious problem for me with my doctor  (Read 1874 times)

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Offline bravebuddharich

  • Member
  • Posts: 179
Serious problem for me with my doctor
« on: March 19, 2007, 07:46:44 PM »
I'm hoping people who respond will not be snarky - will try to understand where I am with all of this: I'm so in love with my doctor. When I saw him tonight, at the beginning of my yoga class, so many complex feelings came up for me. There is a part of me that wishes I could be stronger and give him up as my doctor - not that he would date me (or marry me, my real desire) - it's just so hard to have him as my doctor, feeling like I only get to talk to him when there is a problem, and don't get to see him if everything is going o.k. (other than at the beginning and end of the yoga class). But on the other hand, he's the best doctor I have ever had, and he knows HIV better than anyone I have ever met. I owe him so much for his help last year. But I get this weird jealousy feelings that brew up inside of me. I get all repressed and tongue-tied; can hardly say "hello" sometimes! This is just an ongoing "issue" for me, that comes up on Mondays, because of the yoga class.

Metta,
Rich

Offline koi1

  • Member
  • Posts: 713
Re: Serious problem for me with my doctor
« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2007, 08:38:57 PM »
Well,

You can always say you have a strange swelling in your groin to have him take a look. Ah, the joys of unrequieted love. Are you sure it is not a mutual thing? Maybe you give him the vapors too. You can always tell him he's the man that good sustiva dreams are made of. Good luck my HIV brotha.

rob
diagnosed on 11/20/06 viral load 23,000  cd4 97    8%
01/04/07 six weeks after diagnosis vl 53,000 cd4 cd4 70    6%
Began sustiva truvada 01/04/07
newest labs  drawn on 01/15/07  vl 1,100    cd4 119    7%
Drawn 02/10/07
cd4=160 viral load= 131 percentage= 8%
New labs 3/10/07 (two months on sustiva truvada
cd4 count 292  percentage 14 viral load undetectable

Offline milker

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  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: Serious problem for me with my doctor
« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2007, 09:06:04 PM »
Well you have to figure out if there is a feeling because he's saving your life or because you are attracted to him despite him being your doctor, he's charming, witty, you love his smile, his voice, etc :) If this is the second case, then the next thing is to find out if he's available! Then you can offer him to meet for a drink next time you see him at the yoga class and see how he responds to that.

Seems so easy when you write it, I know..
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,160
Re: Serious problem for me with my doctor
« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2007, 09:10:52 PM »
Rich,

I would think that since this chap has been/is your doctor, a romantic relationship is not a possibility from his side of the equation. There are very strict rules about this sort of stuff for doctors. Even if you were to see another practitioner I have the sneaking suspicion it would be considered grossly unprofessional for him to start a relationship with you.

MtD

Offline milker

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  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: Serious problem for me with my doctor
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2007, 09:13:05 PM »
Yeah I think MtD is right. After writing my post I thought "hmm but then he can't be his doctor anymore", but he's making a good point about his professional behavior towards you.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline Val

  • Member
  • Posts: 938
  • Praxitèles -- Satyre au repos
Re: Serious problem for me with my doctor
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2007, 03:04:38 AM »
All bullshit, Rich.  Of course you can have your cake and eat it too!  Remember Susan from  "Desperate Housewives"?  She fell in love with her doctor and...it didn't quite work out.
Jokes aside,  I know you are a smart guy and will find the solution to this delicate issue you're having.  Deep down in your heart you must also know that this is just impossible, right?

Val
___
___
Arthus Bertrand
http://www.yannarthusbertrand.com/yann2/affichage.php?reference=TVDC%20YABFR084&pais=France
Ali Mahdavi
http://asyoudesireme.online.fr/index.htm
Richard de Chazal
http://www.richarddechazal.com/
Daniel Nassoy
http://www.danielnassoy.com/pages/galeries_portraits_2.html
Photography:
The word comes from the Greek words φως phos ("light"), and γραφίς graphis ("stylus", "paintbrush") or γραφή graphê, together meaning "drawing with light" or "representation by means of lines".

Offline egello

  • Member
  • Posts: 899
  • cb
Re: Serious problem for me with my doctor
« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2007, 03:52:14 AM »
just treat him as you would any other person you are interested in, and if things do work out, you can always switch your doctor
Reyataz / Norvir / Truvada/ Androgel 5 g / 2 days
1/29/07 14 T, 300 k V, 1.8 %
2/22/07 197 T, 247 V, 6.8 %
3/27/07 164 T, <50 V, 5.4 %
5/28/07 177 T, <50 V, 8.2 %
7/28/07 214 T, <50 V, 9.6 %
10/3/07 380 T, <50 V, 10 % no more Mepron, Famvir

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,160
Re: Serious problem for me with my doctor
« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2007, 03:38:46 PM »
and if things do work out, you can always switch your doctor

Actually, I really don't think it works that way. I would be surprised if doctors are allowed to romance ex-patients.

MtD

Offline bravebuddharich

  • Member
  • Posts: 179
Re: Serious problem for me with my doctor
« Reply #8 on: March 20, 2007, 04:17:09 PM »
Thanks for the responses. If it becomes something more, great, and if it doesn't, I'll just have to live with some discomfort over wanting more. I tend to get a 24 hour "love flu" when I see him. It passes; I certainly want to be dating, and I have my regular buds to cheer me up, too...

All I need is to know what the right thing to say if he brings this up at our next appointment - I'm going to play it by ear, but I've decided not to bring it up at all... something that says "yes I have strong feelings but I will do my best to live with these feelings the best I can"...

Offline Bucko

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  • Posts: 1,947
  • You need a shine, missy!
    • The Spin Cycle
Re: Serious problem for me with my doctor
« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2007, 06:50:29 PM »
Not for nothing, babe, but if you value him as a doctor I'd refrain from mentioning anything about your feelings for him. It's an ethical dead-end street that will leave you feeling worse.

Brent
(Who is not snarky but merely concerned for a member's welfare)
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline bravebuddharich

  • Member
  • Posts: 179
Re: Serious problem for me with my doctor
« Reply #10 on: March 20, 2007, 07:42:24 PM »
My doctor allready knows about my feelings towards him - we had left it that we would talk about it at our next appointment; which is coming up soon. I've decided to not bring it up, and just need to think clearly about what to say in case he brings it up.

Namaste,
Rich

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: Serious problem for me with my doctor
« Reply #11 on: March 20, 2007, 08:52:15 PM »
Rich,

Interesting and unnerving subject for some of us, isn't it?

I have been dealing with this shit for the last 23.5 years, and in that time, I have been in your position three times.  All the doctors never knew my feelings, as I placed them in the Lust closet.  I realized that there were few and far between HIV specialists who really give a shit what happens to most of their clients.  When we find one, and then they end up being a bit heavy in our romantic parts, well then it is up to us to decide. 

On one hand, you have an HIV specialist who you can relate to and is very good with the disease and it's attendent problems.
On the other hand, you are in a position to start a relationship, but you find yourself questioning the obvious.

Like the others have said, pretty much it is up to you at this point, because the obvious would happen and you would have to leave him in your past. 

You are a good man, and you have the strength to make the right decision for you, so go ahead and do the right thing. 

Love,
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Serious problem for me with my doctor
« Reply #12 on: March 20, 2007, 09:37:14 PM »
I went through eight doctors before I found one competant enough for me to trust, and with an ego not so large that he was p0ut off by my tendency to research and question.

It is my opinion that with HIV,  your relationship with your doctor is as important, if not more so, than any other relationship you will have. Despite what your heart might tell you, love will present itself again. A competant and understanding ID specialist? I'm cynical in that regard :)

By the way, have you socialized with your doctor a lot? He might know an awful lot about you, do you know him as well? Is this love, or infatuation combined with admiration for his work and your professional connection?

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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Offline milker

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Re: Serious problem for me with my doctor
« Reply #13 on: March 20, 2007, 09:43:20 PM »
/edited to remove "humorous" hijack after realizing what post it was. /
« Last Edit: March 20, 2007, 09:45:08 PM by milker »
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

 


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