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Author Topic: In all seriousness...  (Read 4471 times)

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Offline Strayboy74

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In all seriousness...
« on: March 19, 2007, 05:54:50 PM »
I just had an amazing conversation with my half-sister on the phone.

She wants me to come back to Iowa and live with her.  To be honest with you, it might be nice.

I mean, I could go back to college, and finish getting my degree (in what, I don't know).

But what appeals to me is the sense of family.  Something I'm not getting here, in SF.

Yet at the same time, just as I remember when I was a child how I would beg in relent for the cereal I wouldn't eat just to get the prize inside, Only then finding myself left with the cereal, a substandard prize, and the knowledge that if I didn't throw it all out, I'd have to try and make it fit back in the box and eat it as I'd promised.

SCARY STUFF!!!

She and I have always gotten along.  I miss and love her, but her husband did hit on me in the bathroom, at our other sister's wedding.  Hrm.

-joseph




Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2007, 05:58:44 PM »
She and I have always gotten along.  I miss and love her, but her husband did hit on me in the bathroom, at our other sister's wedding.  Hrm.

That's scarier than the cereal honey. I say play him like a fiddle!

Offline ACinKC

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2007, 05:59:05 PM »
Family with "benefits" just doesnt have the same ring to it does it?
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline woodshere

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  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2007, 06:02:31 PM »
After losing my self in Atlanta, I moved back to live with my mom and run a family business in a small town.  I loved everything about it except, couldn't be gay.  It was the best of times and the worst of times.

Good luck with your decision,
Woods
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Teresa

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2007, 06:09:23 PM »
When my brother was diagnosed with cancer 4 yrs ago, me, hubby and my son moved in with him to help take care of him and his place. He has a big house out in the country on 2.5 acres. We saw him thru his lung cancer then a year later he had 2 tumors. One in his brain and one behind his left sinus. He beat all those and is cancer free. Then we found out about hubby's HIV. When we told him about it he said he said that we are all family and we will get thru all this together. So we are still here with my brother and it is our home now also. We all get along so good. So it has worked well for us. Hope it works as well for you if you decide to move in with your sister.

Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline aztecan

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  • 29 years positive, 56 years a pain in the butt
Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2007, 09:38:06 AM »
Joseph,

I moved back from Los Angeles to Albuquerque for much the same reason you mention here. For me, it was a good move, albeit only the beginning.

I now am living in the northern part of the state, near enough to visit family,  not close enough for them to continually butt in. That works well for me.

That said, you should consider why you would like to move from SF to Iowa and whether it is enough to give up whatever it is you have in San Francisco.

For me, I wanted more than I had in L.A. I wanted to build a future, start a career and purchase my own home. To cut a long story short, it would have been much more difficult to accomplish this in California and possibly have been financially impossible.

I don't regret making the move. There are times I miss the beach, the ocean or some aspect of life in L.A. But I like where and how I live now.

So, get out the scales and start weighing your options. That may give you a better foundation for a decision.

Editied to add: One thing I forgot. Before contemplating the move, check our the situation for AIDS/HIV services, such as the local ASO, ADAP, etc. Make sure you can provide a continuity of care for yourself.

HUGS,

Mark
« Last Edit: March 20, 2007, 09:41:23 AM by aztecan »
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Strayboy74

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2007, 10:12:12 AM »
...wise words from all of you.

I should probably give you all a bit more information.

My sister's name is Karen.  She is 7 years older than me, and we share the same birthday.  She has four children, and has just purchased a home with her husband (they have lived in a trailer for a long time).  One of her children, the oldest, is constantly in trouble with the law (I come from a long line of hellians - he is no exception - though most of us are smart enough to elude the law).  Karen's other children are ages 9-13.  Karen cannot have any more children. (thank god!)

Karen and I have a great many similarities.  We both love to sing at karaoke. (though my voice is much better than hers.)  And several times at karaoke she has announced that she loves me, her gay brother (mind you karaoke is usually in some redneck bar somewhere.)  Anyway, we both sat together at our sister Connie's wedding and made fun of everyone else, while drinking mimosas and giggling in the back pew.  She and I both tend to have loud mouths, and vocalize our opinions - often to the detriment of what we're trying to accomplish.  However, I do have more of a filter that prevents me from saying whatever comes first to my mind.  -- oh, and she doesn't write nearly as well as I do. :)

Anyway, my reasons for wanting to move back are kinda strange.  Because Karen is a half-sister, and did not share my mother, (unlike me) she doesn't have homozygous familial hypercholesteremia - the genetic disorder which killed my mother and sister.  I'll be lucky to see my 40's.  Because of this condition, I feel like I'm winding down in my life, and I am trying to find happiness.  I was certain that I'd find someone out here in SF who would make me happy - but alas, happiness still eludes me.

I just think that by going back and helping my sister with her kids, and by getting a job and helping her afford her house payment, that maybe I will feel like my life has been worth something.  Funny, the thoughts you think, when you're faced with mortality.

And, no.  She doesn't know about my status.  Perhaps I'm selling her short, but I don't think she's capable of #1, dealing with it, and #2 keeping her trap shut.

Anyway...  She told me that she would love for me to come live with her and she's even got a room for me.  I know her children could use some culturing, and would benefit from many of the things I could teach them.  And, instead of a boyfriend, I could have a dog. :)  yay!  I miss having a dog.

So, that's the back history.

-joseph

Offline aztecan

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  • 29 years positive, 56 years a pain in the butt
Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2007, 10:25:11 AM »
That gives a much clearer picture.

Hmmmm, well, I think it might be a good thing. It is always good to have family around, even if they are hellions.  ;)

Besides, you never know. You may find Mr. Right in Iowa. The most incredible things happen when you least expect them.

My only concern is for your HIV care. At some point, you may have to tell Karen just because you will be seeing a doctor from time to time.

Forgive my memory, but are you on meds? If so, this also could be something that will make it difficult to keep your status a secret.

Is there a way you could muzzle her on this one topic, get her to swear on life of her eldest she won't breathe a word, or something like that?

Aside from that, it seems like a win-win situation. But only you can decide that.

So, what do you think of moving to Iowa? How would you be able to handle it?

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline racingmind

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #8 on: March 20, 2007, 10:27:52 AM »
Joseph,

That sounds really nice.  And you never know, you just might be able to have a dog and a boyfriend!

all the best.
Tested Negative: 5/06
Tested Positive: 9/06 
9/06: CD4: 442 (28%) VL: +100,000
10/06: CD4: 323 (25%) VL: 243,440
11/06: CD4: 405 (28%) VL: 124,324
12/06: CD4: 450 (29%) VL: 114,600
1/07: CD4: 440 (27%) VL: 75,286
3/07: CD4: 459 (30%) VL: 44,860
5/07: CD4: 353 (24%) VL: 50,852
7/07: CD4: 437 (29%) VL: 39,475
9/07: CD4: 237 (32%) VL: 372,774
10/07: CD4: 324 (27%) VL: 115,454 
Started Atripla: 10/07
11/07: CD4: 524 (?%) VL: Undetectable!
2/08: CD4: 653 (35%) VL: undetectable
5/08: CD4: 822 (40%) VL: undetectable
8/08: CD4: 626 (35%) VL: undetectable
12/08: CD4: 619 (36%) VL: undetectable
3/09: CD4: 802 (38%) VL: undetectable
7/09: CD4: 1027 (43%) VL: not tested
10/09: CD4: 1045 (43%) VL: undetectable

Offline Strayboy74

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2007, 10:35:33 AM »
My only concern is for your HIV care. At some point, you may have to tell Karen just because you will be seeing a doctor from time to time.

Forgive my memory, but are you on meds? If so, this also could be something that will make it difficult to keep your status a secret.

Is there a way you could muzzle her on this one topic, get her to swear on life of her eldest she won't breathe a word, or something like that?

I'm not on meds, but I could easily just tell Karen that my doctor's appointments and meds are actually for my genetic disorder - I could tell her that I'm on some experimental regiment.  She'd never be the wiser.  She's got a REALLY big mouth, and I definitely couldn't trust her with this information. :)  She also knows that I don't have much of a shelf-life left, which is probably why she asked me to come live with her.  Who knows what her motivation truly is?

So...  as far as Iowa?  I used to spend my days, as a youth, fishinng off the Mississippi bridge in my home town, and swimming in the river.  As Josephine Baker said about America, I feel the same with regard to Iowa.  "I can love it only when it allows me."  It is a place from where I've hurt a great deal.

However, pain usually is the motivator for spiritual growth. :)

-joseph
« Last Edit: March 20, 2007, 10:38:07 AM by Strayboy74 »

Offline woodshere

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #10 on: March 20, 2007, 10:57:16 AM »
I think you have sound judgement for moving. However, I would be concerned about living with someone and trying to keep your status a secret.  Of course you aren't on meds yet, but when you do the regimen might be easy to hide or rather difficult.  I think it would cause a great deal of stress trying to keep it a secret.  And when the time comes that she must be told, will have keeping your status a secret cause more problems. 

Lots to ponder,
Woods
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Strayboy74

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #11 on: March 20, 2007, 12:49:39 PM »
Lots to ponder,

Yep.  Karen is known for her inability to keep secrets. :)

-joseph

Offline Robert

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #12 on: March 20, 2007, 12:55:51 PM »
Joseph

I was thinking about this on my morning walk this morning.  I'm familiar with your somewhat abbreviated shelf life and that, coupled with dogs and family makes for a great reason to return.  I "partnered" up when I was living in SF and Michael and I were able to establish a good life (still together and no complaints).   But I always knew when I moved to SF from Colorado that if it didn't work out I'd be back home in 2 shakes and without regrets. 

robert

home is the hunter home from the hill (housman)
..........

Offline Bucko

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    • The Spin Cycle
Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #13 on: March 20, 2007, 03:53:27 PM »
We all have our destinies to play out, baby. If you'll really end up ahead by moving then go for it.

But I truly cannot imagine it for myself.

 :-*
Brent
(Who wonders why school in SF is impossible)
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline MSPspud

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  • Joined Mar 2005 - Formerly UofMurbs
Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #14 on: March 20, 2007, 04:22:12 PM »
Keep in mind, if going to school is one of your reasons, there usually are residency requirements of 6 months to a year before you get any in state tuition (assuming you'll go to one of Iowa's fine public schools). 

Offline shepsmom

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #15 on: March 20, 2007, 07:05:34 PM »
sorry about your situation. I admire your strength. Good luck...whichever path you choose.

Offline Strayboy74

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #16 on: March 20, 2007, 08:22:11 PM »
Keep in mind, if going to school is one of your reasons, there usually are residency requirements of 6 months to a year before you get any in state tuition (assuming you'll go to one of Iowa's fine public schools). 

yeah, I think they would consider me a resident, regardless.  That's how it worked when I moved back from New York.

Strangely, I was offered a job today.

I think I'm gonna take it.

Offline Longislander

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #17 on: March 20, 2007, 08:26:58 PM »
woo hoo! Destiny speaks??
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline tigger2376

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #18 on: March 20, 2007, 08:29:22 PM »
Why not the whole lot? Boyfriend, job, study part time, AND dog?
Whatever makes you feel good, and right for you.
From what you've said, your sis would be shocked, but supportive of your status. I can't give you a magic answer, but all I'll say is that life is too short for messing about....I really hope things clarify soon for you and the very best love and joy to you
Let us know please,what you decide
x
I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Offline purplerain

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #19 on: March 20, 2007, 09:02:15 PM »
Is the job offer in S.F. or in Iowa?  Did u go ahead and take it?

Offline Robert

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #20 on: March 21, 2007, 12:06:08 AM »
Is this the job where you put on some clean undies AND black socks for the interview? ???

robert
..........

Offline Strayboy74

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #21 on: March 21, 2007, 01:32:04 PM »
Hiya!

Yeah, I did put on clean undies and black socks for the job interview.  It is for a created position at an assisted living home for high-functioning adults.  I'll basically be an administrative assistant, but since the job is created, I'll be able to make it what I want, and my strengths can grow from there.

The position was originally advertised as a clerical/driving position, but at the interview, I discovered that it was supposed to be only a 'driver' position, so I thanked them and told them that it wasn't exactly what I was looking for, and further stated that I thought the job would be similar to the one I had a little over a year ago, and we began talking from there.

I told them about my old position at the rehab center, and explained why I liked the job so much (it was constantly changing and there were new challenges daily).  I guess they were impressed.

I know that I'm excited because I have a feeling that the job will become much like the one I had at the rehab center, which was my all-time-favorite position (aside from on my back).

Anyway, they called me yesterday and told me that they want to bring me on board, and that there will be paperwork waiting for me today.  So, I slept in this morning, I'm getting dressed after this email and then I'm going to go get my driver's license re-issued (It got stolen with my wallet a couple weeks ago).  Then I'm going to fill out the background paperwork at the new job.

The new job is in San Francisco.

YAY!

-joseph

Offline Ihavehope

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #22 on: March 21, 2007, 01:37:34 PM »
I know that I'm excited because I have a feeling that the job will become much like the one I had at the rehab center, which was my all-time-favorite position (aside from on my back).

lol - you heffer

The new job is in San Francisco.

so that means you are not going to Iowa?

It would be a nice idea for you to move in with your sis, but only if the type of medical care is the same as the one you are receiving in SF. I've neva been to Iowa, but I doesn't sound to me like it's a gay/hiv poz friendly place but I may be wrong.

Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline Longislander

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #23 on: March 21, 2007, 06:33:04 PM »
congratulations, sweet man! ;D
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Strayboy74

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #24 on: March 21, 2007, 06:42:45 PM »
I've neva been to Iowa, but I doesn't sound to me like it's a gay/hiv poz friendly place but I may be wrong.

yeah, you're right. ;)  I am a heffer. LOL

I've been hoping to the universe that I find clarity, and sure enough, here I am.

Thank you, everyone who posted, for helping me look at this situatuation in a less subjective way.

It seems that San Francisco wants to keep me.  For the time being.

-joseph
« Last Edit: March 21, 2007, 06:46:47 PM by Strayboy74 »

Offline Strayboy74

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #25 on: March 21, 2007, 06:43:55 PM »
congratulations, sweet man! ;D

How dare you say such a thing... I'm vulnerable right now, and might have to move to Long Island unexpectedly, having heard such a nice thing from you.

:)

-joseph

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #26 on: March 21, 2007, 06:44:26 PM »
WOW, Joseph!

Man, you are doing GREAT! Making choices and making things happen in your life. Way to go! It's wonderful that you showed up for yourself at the interview and that your new employers were sharp enough to appreciate that.

Congratulations!
Andy Velez

Offline Strayboy74

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #27 on: March 21, 2007, 06:51:00 PM »
WOW, Joseph!

Man, you are doing GREAT! Making choices and making things happen in your life. Way to go! It's wonderful that you showed up for yourself at the interview and that your new employers were sharp enough to appreciate that.

Congratulations!

Andy-  Thank you!

You're wonderful to say such a thing.  I think I was just getting fed-up with the whole interview process and I started to just cut through the bullshit and assert what I wanted since it didn't seem that I was going to get it, anyway. :)

I've learned a lot through this job search.  I'm just glad it is over.

...for now.

-joseph

Offline Robert

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #28 on: March 21, 2007, 11:57:04 PM »
Joseph....

I am so happy for you.  There is nothing better than doing something you like, especially if you can make it up as you go along.  And you're getting paid to do it!  Even better.

robert
..........

Offline Strayboy74

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My two week notice!
« Reply #29 on: March 22, 2007, 06:57:00 PM »
Following is the letter I sent to my coworkers telling them that I've found a new job:

HELLO EVERYONE!  FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING MY CAREER
CLOSELY, I WANT TO SAY THAT I THANK YOU IMMENSELY FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND
WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT.  THESE LAST FEW WEEKS HAVE BEEN DIFFICULT
AND QUITE STRESSFUL FOR ME.  AFTER WHAT SEEMED TO BE AN UNENDING
CAREER OF ITS OWN, MY JOB SEARCH HAS FINALLY ENDED.  I HAVE FOUND MY
DREAM JOB!  AS OF APRIL 9TH, I WILL BEGIN SELLING HOTDOGS FROM THE
KAREN CARPENTER MEMORIAL HOT DOG CART ON THE EMBARCADERO.  THANK YOU
ALL FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT.  I COULD NEVER HAVE GOTTEN THERE
WITHOUT YOU!  -JOSEPH

Let's see if that gets me fired. LOL

-joseph

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: In all seriousness...
« Reply #30 on: March 22, 2007, 07:10:37 PM »
I will tell you to go with your first feeling. It seems like you miss family and look at the perks, no dickhead room mate! You say you get along with her, so no strain there. I'm sure she benefits from you being there too. Helping with the kids and allowing her to have a Calgon moment or whatever. You know more than me.

Even though you are single now, maybe you will find Mr. Right in one of those rednecks around there. Sometimes, redneck is just an image, ya know.. ;) I loved the letter to the co-workers, I wonder what the replies were when they read it!
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
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