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Author Topic: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?  (Read 28458 times)

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Offline joemutt

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #100 on: July 13, 2006, 10:57:20 AM »
Isn t logging in on this website proof that I think about HIV? ::)

Offline beyondaids

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #101 on: July 13, 2006, 11:58:09 AM »
Do I think of Aids?  Yes, everyday, in the morning when I have to take my meds and in the evening when I have to take my meds. Whenever I take a shower and look at myself with my big Belle and Skinner arms and legs.

During the day when I have to think of the job that I lost because of aids, and companies do discriminate.  Everytime i go to the doctor office and pay my high premiums, because insurance companies discriminate against aids. Everytime I look at my drained bank account.

How about everytime I think of the future, what future?

No money, no job, what kind of future is that?

Offline rocket

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #102 on: July 13, 2006, 10:45:37 PM »
I think the problem many people have is to use their own personal experience as a basis for dealing with other problems in our lives.People can live in a city and never be mugged,burlarized or raped and insist it is a very safe city.Another who has their apartment ransaked might move away and say nothing good about that city.I think the jerk that started this thread is in this,if I feel good than whats everyone crying about,situation.Ive been reading this forum for a while and it amazes me what others have gone thru.Im not there yet,not on meds,but I could easily get cancer or whatever down the road and I will never take this disease for granted.If this disease is "easy",its only because of the work done by many who have died before us.These are the real heroes,not the ignorant fool who started this thread and thinks he has kept us free for twenty years sailing around the world on a carnival cruise! >:(

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #103 on: July 13, 2006, 10:59:14 PM »
I will never take this disease for granted.If this disease is "easy",its only because of the work done by many who have died before us.These are the real heroes,

 :) very poignant. thank you for stating this so perfectly. i hope what you said touches all the hearts on this site, and beyond  ;)  :-*

Offline dougmac92116

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #104 on: August 21, 2006, 01:58:02 PM »
I realize not everyone has my experience...Tested positive in 1988; only take trizivir and sustiva now. No meds before 1998. T-cells currently (still averaging) around 650. I guess I have been very lucky, and am one of those people with a lot of natural resistance for some reason.
SO...think about it much?? -- nope, take my meds every day, get labs quarterly, but otherwise don't think about it much.
(--> I did spend the first two years, however, in shock and certain I'd be sick and die any day!)
DOUG

There is an old Arab proverb that everything you write or speak should pass through three gates: Is this true? Is this necessary? Is this kind?

Offline dougmac92116

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #105 on: August 21, 2006, 02:04:51 PM »
To "ROCKET" posted 7/13:
Please, no need to be so nasty. Just because someone else has a comment, concern or feeling different from yours do not make them a "jerk." Please be more tolerant and respectful of others' views and experiences, as I expect you would like them to be of yours.
DOUG

There is an old Arab proverb that everything you write or speak should pass through three gates: Is this true? Is this necessary? Is this kind?

Offline Sky

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #106 on: August 21, 2006, 06:31:08 PM »
Hmm, I think about it quite often.  I don't think about it the same way I used to though, I feel a hell of a lot more educated on the subject.  However, going into the medical profession I can't help but wonder if the hospital setting will make me ill.  It's going on four years since my diagnosis, my expartner I contracted it from is still kicking and seems to be living an ok llife (we don't speak at all).  Four years, no meds, and my number's are ok...all I can do is hope and pray that it is either cured one day or they come up with a method to truely keep this bitch in check.  I have noticed more HIV/AIDS news on tv lately as well as commercial's for getting tested, but I try not to let it run my life.  Now if only I could get outta this social anxiety shit I'm in and get over the fear of dating then I think I'll be ok lol.

Sky
Poz since 2003.

tendai

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #107 on: August 23, 2006, 07:11:07 AM »
i think about it when i feel anything funny in my body and i wonder if its an OI. i think of it when i see people walking hand in hand and acting lovey dovey and i wonder if either or both of them might have HIV.  i think of it when i see a guy i might have like to know but will not approach becoz i have HIV. i think of it when i read about famous people who've been married hundreds of times and been involved with thousands of people and are having healthy babies.  i think of it when my sisters talk abouot their boyfriends and my friends talk about their husbands and i think i dont have one becoz of my status. guess u could say i think about it a lot :'(

Offline RobT

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #108 on: August 23, 2006, 11:15:54 PM »
I think about it, maybe not 24X7 but I still do think about it. My meds remind of it and so does everytime that I get sick. I usually get sick nowadays due to something that I have done myself, rather than just an OI. I get sick thinking of all I am not able to do cuz of this dreaded illness. Everytime I get very emotional due to my successive arguments w/ my soon to be partner, Mike; I think of HIV. I do not think of it constantly, but HIV does come to my mind often.
I think of all the stuff I just do not do and constantly blame HIV. I try to keep myself as healthy as possible, but my monthly hospital visits also bring HIV to the forefront of my mind. I hate the visits and the constant jabbing for blood tests, but I only go cuz I know that it only makes me better.
In a way, I think that it does make me stronger. I just do not know y, but whenever I get short  or have limited patience, HIV comes to mind.

RobT

9/27/2005-1st test results
Viral Load >1,000,000
CD4 204
CD4%age 18
CD4/CD8 ratio .23
11/24/2005- Sustiva/Truvada
04/18/2006
Viral Load 140
CD4 402
CD4%age .21
CD4/CD8 ratio .39
06/27/2006
Viral Load 42
CD4 409
CD4%age .21
08/01/2006
Viral load- undetectable
CD4 493
CD4%age .33

Next lab: 09/01/2006


Current meds: Atripla
VL: undetectable
CD4: 630

Offline Rick64

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #109 on: August 24, 2006, 12:53:17 PM »
I remember a day when I didn't thnk about it.My lover had lived with HIV for over ten years, he took meds, was very successful, and would have said the same thing about never really thinking about it on the thirteenth of September 2000.  He had never been "sick", no OI's, always maintained a CD4 above 200. He became a bit sick on the 14th and to keep the story short, after several near death situatons, exploratory lung surgery, his "recovery" and then a diagnosis of "just pneumonia" on the morning of November the ninth. He died in my arms at seven o'clock that evening. I was diagnosed with PCP and "full blown AIDS" on February the first 2001. CD4 56 VL over 250K. I've gone through a few meds and built resistance to a class or two. I deal with joint and muscle pain. I am sick every morning. This, that, the other... At least I can remember when I didn't think about it. Lately it seems to be tainting all of my thoughts.
Lost my lover to AIDS and diagnosed 3 months later with PCP AIDS CD4 56 VL over 250K.Told I had 3 to 4 years. I'm in my 8th year now!!.

Offline Gilles

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #110 on: August 25, 2006, 07:55:48 PM »
I still think about it, pretty much every day, after 5 months of diagnosis. But my mood is rather inaffective to the condition. The thought of HIV is running independently from the main thought processing of my brain if it makes sense. Its like I am walking in a street, but somewhere back in my head a thought of HIV is sitting there, then I ackowledge its existence in me and get on with rest of my day or whatever I was doing. So I am quite glad that even though I think about it everyday, it does not affect my life as it did 3 months ago. Fingers crossed that this will last for a long time.

Offline PETERJC

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #111 on: August 30, 2006, 08:58:08 PM »
I think it less often than I did in the first few months, I just take my meds, watch my diet and live life as normal as possible.  I quit smoking for my own good, and I only have had 2 in the last 5 1/2 months.

I have diarrhea now and then but it is due to sometimes eating food that is not right.

I have my 2nd appointment since I was diagnosed in March, I hope the numbers are better.
"Be still like a mountain and flow like a great river." Lao Tse

Offline Ihavehope

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #112 on: January 31, 2007, 03:32:44 PM »
I think about it everyday and every night. My nights are full of broken dreams and regrets. Each time I see my family I am ashamed of the mistakes I made in my life which led to this. I think about how most of my plans have been altered. When I take a shower I think about it, when I look in the mirror I wonder how long my face will remain looking healthy, when I play with my baby neice I am more careful for her not to scratch me when I bleed. When I watch couples down the street, I envy them and most of all when I am alone thats all I think about. Will this improve? I am sure at least a little, but I feel like this new journey is full of surprises. And I don't like to be surprised.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline heartforyou

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #113 on: January 31, 2007, 04:51:08 PM »
Hope,

I have become the person I am now, through all the experiences I had in my life.
Did not know HIV excisted when I got infected in the early eighties.
But when I look in the mirror now, I see Herman, male, 51 years old and HIV positive.

I think my strength lays in trying to find the positive side in every situation. I admit it does not always work.
HIV has, ( I had no choice) confronted me with myself, with death and life.
I learned from it. It made me stronger. And it changed me utterly.It was my choice to look at it the way I did.
The suffering was not....it made me harder.

Hermie
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline Ihavehope

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  • Yes, I'm a cry baby, AND WHAT?
Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #114 on: January 31, 2007, 04:54:47 PM »
Yup HIV makes us stronger people. I think we are the bravest people in the world just like those people fighting in war except we were drafted.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline thunter34

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  • His name is Carl.
Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #115 on: January 31, 2007, 05:05:47 PM »
EEEEP!  Has this old corpse crawled out of the coffin?!  Yipes! 


The short answer for me is this:  Yes, I think about it every single day.  Whether it is when I swig my witch's brew of pills, when I log on here to discuss, when I see commercials on TV for birth control (or even commercials for AOL or Earthlink VIRUS protection) or when I go for good old blood draws and stuff, it crosses my mind many times throughout the day.

HIV just kinda has a way with that, don'tcha think?

AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #116 on: January 31, 2007, 05:15:55 PM »
Hmm... I have scoliosis... which means that I'm pretty much in low-grade to moderate pain for about half of each day.

It's been going on for more than 10 years now... but I've gotten quite good at ignoring it... it's a sort of irritating background white noise.

HIV is becoming irritating background white noise.  Sometimes I have to think about it more than others... but it's sort of assimilated into my life... like a weave, I suppose.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline ACinKC

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #117 on: January 31, 2007, 05:20:13 PM »
Whats HIV?

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline ACinKC

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #118 on: January 31, 2007, 05:20:49 PM »
Hmm... I have scoliosis... which means that I'm pretty much in low-grade to moderate pain for about half of each day.

It's been going on for more than 10 years now... but I've gotten quite good at ignoring it... it's a sort of irritating background white noise.

HIV is becoming irritating background white noise.  Sometimes I have to think about it more than others... but it's sort of assimilated into my life... like a weave, I suppose.

you weave your pubes?
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #119 on: January 31, 2007, 05:24:15 PM »
you weave your pubes?

Every goddamn day.

I learned how to do it on my... cocaine God-seeking trips in the Andes.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #120 on: January 31, 2007, 10:19:16 PM »
Yes, I am reminded that I am poz everytime I go for bloodwork or I.D. doc visits. When I get lonely, I remind myself why I am because I am poz. Then someone tells me to cheer up you will find love. Ok, they're trying to be sweet even though I'm falling apart on the inside. With how things are in my area, I just can't go out and have a nice time, it's safer to be at home.

As for how things are going lately for me, I am more concerned about my diabetes right now. My doctor is having a hard time getting that under control. So, he increased my doses. When I went for bloodwork yesterday, I had to pee in a cup too. They're checking for protein in the urine. It seems of late I have been having more problems with my diabetes than my hiv. Hopefully I will hear good results when I call.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline thunter34

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  • His name is Carl.
Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #121 on: January 31, 2007, 10:24:22 PM »
Queen,

I'll be thinking about you, girl.  Hoping that things begin to turn your way both socially and with the diabetes.  You know I love ya, gal.

Tim
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline koi1

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #122 on: January 31, 2007, 10:43:23 PM »
I think about it everyday, multiple times. I think about it when I take my sixteen pills  of lomotil or loperamide. I think about it when I take my dapsone, how about my monthly dose of pentamadine? And yes my stern iron mistresses  Sustiva and Truvada.

I think of it when i look in the mirror and see 30 pounds vanished before I knew it. I think about it everytime my ass explodes in a symphony of cocophonous farts, but am happy that I didn't shit in my pants this time.

This was so embarrassing at sunday brunch in Beverly hills with a bunch of west hollywood queens. At least it got them to stop talking about their botox injections at 24. Luckily the Beverly Center was not too far away. That was the costliest accident I've ever had. I pitty the poor dressing room attendant who had to toss out the mysterious bag in the corner.

So yes AIDS sucks for right now.

rob
diagnosed on 11/20/06 viral load 23,000  cd4 97    8%
01/04/07 six weeks after diagnosis vl 53,000 cd4 cd4 70    6%
Began sustiva truvada 01/04/07
newest labs  drawn on 01/15/07  vl 1,100    cd4 119    7%
Drawn 02/10/07
cd4=160 viral load= 131 percentage= 8%
New labs 3/10/07 (two months on sustiva truvada
cd4 count 292  percentage 14 viral load undetectable

Offline Boo Radley

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #123 on: January 31, 2007, 10:46:10 PM »
All this time I thought I was using AYDSmeds.com -- thanks for pointing out my error!!

I love the rich chocolate flavor myself.

Boo
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline Ihavehope

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #124 on: February 01, 2007, 10:23:59 AM »
Yes, I am reminded that I am poz everytime I go for bloodwork or I.D. doc visits. When I get lonely, I remind myself why I am because I am poz. Then someone tells me to cheer up you will find love. Ok, they're trying to be sweet even though I'm falling apart on the inside. With how things are in my area, I just can't go out and have a nice time, it's safer to be at home.

As for how things are going lately for me, I am more concerned about my diabetes right now. My doctor is having a hard time getting that under control. So, he increased my doses. When I went for bloodwork yesterday, I had to pee in a cup too. They're checking for protein in the urine. It seems of late I have been having more problems with my diabetes than my hiv. Hopefully I will hear good results when I call.

Hi Queen

You stay strong there girl, me and you needs to be there for our loved ones. Science is moving rapidly and better meds will be available for diabetes and even HIV. I heard on the news that now they have some kind of way to measure your blood sugar without poking your finger everyday or taking shots of insulin so much. My mother has diabetes and she is doing very well even though she at times wishes she could eat all the foods the rest of the fam could but she splurges once a month with her favorite foods. I am starting HIV meds next week so i know I will be at home alot more these days watching re-runs of VH1, Janice Dickenson Model Agency, Dance Life, Simpsons and of course I love New York. Ugh, what would i do without TV? Anyway girl, just because you have DB and HIV don't mean your doomed, so far you have controlled HIV without meds so thats good sign your body is very effective and I bet your body will fight back the DB. You are a strong Queen.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline marco23

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #125 on: February 01, 2007, 11:10:28 AM »
There's this quote from the movie "Jeffrey" that I like: "I get very tired of being a person with AIDS. A red ribbon. So sometimes I forget. Sometimes I choose to forget. Sometimes I choose to be a gay man with a dick. Can you understand?" - Steve talking to Jeffrey.
Love that movie..for those who don't know about it, it's about a man (Jeffrey) who is negative deciding to give up sex and struggling with emotions he feels for a man whose positive (Steve).
« Last Edit: February 01, 2007, 11:19:04 AM by marco23 »
Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline Amosboy

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #126 on: February 01, 2007, 02:30:49 PM »
Firstly, I hope you have great and continued success with your medicine.  And by all means, go on LIVING!  Life offers no guarantees for any of us.  The only thing I can tell you or anyone else for sure is that at some point, we all are going to die.  All the more reason to keep on pushing and fighting.  Some have longer and more trying battles than others.  Consider yourself very lucky!  I'm not trying to play Chicken Little here, but you should still be aware (conscious) of the fact that you do have a virus in your body.  Be gentle with yourself.  You never know when you may have to dig really deep to pull out some armor and battle that ugly beast that's hiding out somewhere.  Be prepared to go to war if you have to and don't ever give up hope.

And yes, I think about being HIV positive everyday.  I don't really think of it in terms of "fear" but as an impetus for better behavior and more savoring of life.  I think in some odd way, being HIV positive has made me a more compassionate and forgiving person.  And yes, being HIV positive really blows sometimes.  I miss the carefree days of my late teens and wish I didn't have to have so much unpredictability in my life...how much longer will this medicine work?...can I take the side effects of this medicine?...can I safely pass gas without worrying about pooing in my pants?  I think the proper name for that is "sharting"...figure it out  :o 

For the most part though, I think I've got a pretty damn good life and I'm able to smile and bring smiles to people's faces on a daily basis.

Happy trails to you and keep on riding high, friend!!

Brooks
« Last Edit: February 01, 2007, 02:40:40 PM by Amosboy »
"Love isn't love unless it's not painfully absurb."

-Charlotte Martin

Offline heartforyou

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #127 on: February 01, 2007, 03:25:39 PM »
Brooks,

I can  see that you did not turn bitter on life.
On the contrary, you are fully embracing it.

One thing I am trying to do as well.

Thank you for showing us your loving heart. You are such a warm man.

Hermie :-*
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline Optimistic

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #128 on: February 01, 2007, 03:31:01 PM »
After about 4 years, I still think about HIV on a daily basis.  The fears and concerns are what keeps me going.  I try to eat healthy, exercise, and get plenty of rest.  I pay very close attention to myself and whenever something is wrong, I get it checked or ask questions right away.  This doesn't mean that I'm not living my life, it just means that I am more aware of my own health.  I want to beat this disease as much as the next person, that is why I have to remind myself that I have poz and that certain things about my lifestyle needs to change.  I will always have hope for that miracle cure...and when this cure arise, I will continue to remind myself what I had to go through as well as a reminder not to take life for granted.

Justin  
12/06 (Atripla): cd4 - 260; cd% - 33%; vl - 169
1/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 267; cd% - 38.1%; vl - 132
4/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 373; cd% - 33.9%; vl - <50
7/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 287; cd% - 35.8%; vl - <50
9/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 356; cd% - 39.5%; vl - <50
12/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 517

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #129 on: February 01, 2007, 03:40:45 PM »
Hi Queen

You stay strong there girl, me and you needs to be there for our loved ones. Science is moving rapidly and better meds will be available for diabetes and even HIV. I heard on the news that now they have some kind of way to measure your blood sugar without poking your finger everyday or taking shots of insulin so much. My mother has diabetes and she is doing very well even though she at times wishes she could eat all the foods the rest of the fam could but she splurges once a month with her favorite foods. I am starting HIV meds next week so i know I will be at home alot more these days watching re-runs of VH1, Janice Dickenson Model Agency, Dance Life, Simpsons and of course I love New York. Ugh, what would i do without TV? Anyway girl, just because you have DB and HIV don't mean your doomed, so far you have controlled HIV without meds so thats good sign your body is very effective and I bet your body will fight back the DB. You are a strong Queen.

Ihave~~~ Thanks for the encouragement, it's appreciated. I haven't heard of a glucometer that you don't have to poke numerous times. I start out doing good checking it, then I get frustrated when the fingers don't want to give any more blood. I know there are other injection sites but I just get nervous sticking myself somewhere else, I guess I think I'm going to hit something I'm not suppose to. I can pretty much tell when my sugar is high, I start getting migranes or sometimes I just shake uncontrollibly, glad that I'm usually in the house when this happens. I got my diabetes meds refilled today, so hopefully it will get better.

As far as my bloodwork, I got part of that back today. My cd4 in December was 307, it is now 378. The results to the viral load won't be back til Monday. I have been noticing that when my cd4 goes up my viral load tends to go down, so I am hoping for the best.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline AustinWesley

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #130 on: February 01, 2007, 04:00:45 PM »
Well, I have to admit I do think about HIV everyday especially over this last week since I logged back on here.   I've heard many people say the first year is the worst and I'm approaching that time frame along with the whole med decision which is why I've dropped everything lately.

I'm angry with myself for allowing HIV to consume my every thought once again.   I've managed to move on with my life and then suddenly once again I'm freaked out and totally obsessed with it.    Who knows, maybe it's also my birthday coming up and I've just got a litany of concerns that seemed to overwhelm me at the thought of having to be on meds.

Now, I read people's thoughts on how the meds are a daily reminder.   That's not helping me as I read through these posts.   I thought oh Jesus I'm gona do that too.   Grrr.

I've intentionally put off a career goal and blown off recent date offers because I have a huge fear that I'm gona have God awful side effects if I do start HIV treatment etc.   I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I am almost regretting dumping my ex because as dysfunctional as he was at least I focused on something else during that time ;)   Ugh!

Anyways, I've just needed to bitch and vent and actually get some facts along the way.   I think we all have times we need to just go apeshit and ramble away and this is clearly my time ;)

I agree with the one person who said I'm online reading this so that's a given.   

I guess the more important topic which I almost posted would be titled

How do you learn to live in Ambiguity, a Life in Limbo?     That'd be me over the last few days for sure.    If anyone wants to take that and run with it please do.   I'd love to hear how others have done that successfully with thier life except I doubt many on here could honestly answer that.

Thanks for letting me ramble and work through my present anxiety.  I've learned a lot and found some really interesting topics which have been a great distraction as well. ;)
Diag. 3/06  Infected aprx. 2 mo. Prior
Date        CD4   %      VL
4/6/06     627    32    36,500     NO MEDS YET!
6/7/06     409    27    36,100
8/23/06   408    25     22,300
1/2/07     354    23     28,700
2/9/07     139    30     23,000  Hep A Vaccine same day???
2/21/07   274    26     18,500 
3/3/07    RX of Truvada/Sustiva Started.
4/5/07    321     27      Undectable 1st mo.  
5/16/07  383     28    Undectable 2nd mo.
8/10/07  422     32   UD <48 on new scale!

Offline koi1

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #131 on: February 03, 2007, 08:22:48 PM »
I think the degree of thinking about it every day is different for those taking meds or not, and of course the experience you have had with the little particles. I for one, came close to disaster after a great stint of denial. So for me it has been a daily reminder, because I have not yet climbed back up to any semblance of being/feeling healthy. I am sure that as time goes by, and I hopefully begin to look and feel healthier, AIDS will not consume so many of my thoughts every day. Right now I can't help it though. No matter how much I try. It begins from the moment I wake up and look at myself in the mirror, and wonder will I ever feel like myself again? No, the old me was not perfect, but I liked him. Not sure I like myself now, even though I am fighting this with all I have. Normal feelings of why me? I guess.

rob
diagnosed on 11/20/06 viral load 23,000  cd4 97    8%
01/04/07 six weeks after diagnosis vl 53,000 cd4 cd4 70    6%
Began sustiva truvada 01/04/07
newest labs  drawn on 01/15/07  vl 1,100    cd4 119    7%
Drawn 02/10/07
cd4=160 viral load= 131 percentage= 8%
New labs 3/10/07 (two months on sustiva truvada
cd4 count 292  percentage 14 viral load undetectable

 


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