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Author Topic: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?  (Read 28021 times)

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Offline USNRET

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  • Posts: 19
I was diagnosed with HIV/AIDS in August 2005, CD4 at 11% but was never sick, can't even recall the last time I even had a cold...well over 5 years or more if I can recall and never had any OI's.   I started meds the day after I got my CD4/Viral load results in August.  I did not even think about wether or not I should take meds, I just did it.  The Sustiva was a little wierd for the first week.  I also take Truvada.  My CD4 %  over doubled in about 6 months and I feel normal again.   I do not think about HIV anymore, I consider myself normal and healthier than many people I know.   How many of you don't think about HIV very much any more and live or try to live life normally or better than you did before your diagnoses.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2006, 07:27:45 PM »
I think its great that you have done so well! Not many people do that well for that long.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2006, 07:31:21 PM »
when i have to take meds i think of it. when i boo-hoo over my vanished 9-year career on wall street i think of it. i think those are the main 2 times. the former doesn't make me boo-hoo. the latter does.

Offline jordan

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2006, 07:40:53 PM »
I was diagnosed in February of this year and immediately started Sustiva/Truvada no questions asked.

I kept telling myself "business as usual."  However, I do think about HIV everyday in some small way (e.g. when I take my medicine, when I log onto the forum, when I see a news report, etc).

I don't let it control my life...I just am more aware than I ever was. 

If you think your lonely now, wait until tonight.

Offline blondbeauty

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #4 on: June 20, 2006, 07:45:09 PM »
I live my life better than before my diagnosis. But I still think of HIV every day, but it doesn´t terrify me as in the beggining. Once I start meds I will feel much safer.
The only member in these forums approved by WINBA: World International Nail and Beauty Association.
Epstein Barr +; CMV +; Toxoplasmosis +; HIV-1 +.
Counts when starting treatment:
V.L.:80.200 copies. CD4: 25%=503
Started Sustiva-Truvada 14/August/2006
Last V.L.count (Oct 2013): Undetectable
Last CD4 count (OCT 2013): 52%= 933

Offline AlanBama

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #5 on: June 20, 2006, 07:46:44 PM »
It has a way of reminding me, even when I try NOT to think about it.
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline whizzer

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2006, 08:35:01 PM »
Diagnosed OCT 05.  My life is the same as it was pre-HIV.  Same job, same friends.  Same hobbies.  I hardly think about HIV when I'm working or out having fun, though little thoughts have a way of popping into my head.

But I always think about HIV every day, at least twice a day.  I think about it when I look at the clock and decide what time I need to eat in order to take my meds on schedule.  I think about it while I'm mixing my Fuzeon as dinner cooks.  I really think about it when I hear the hiss of the biojector and feel the stinging kiss of Fuzeon in my belly or thigh.  I don't really think about it when I swallow my oral meds - they look just like my vitamins - but I check a couple of times to make sure I took them.

I've never in my life been so tied to the clock.  Meds.  Every 12 hrs.  Every day.  Forever.  I try not to vary my dosings more than 15 min on any given day.  My life's schedule is planned around eating, mixing, and taking meds.

I am forever changed by HIV.  Proviral DNA has bonded with my own during cell division.  It has become a part of me - I have become a factory for its reproduction.  It is in my brain.  It may  affect my memory.  Will it affect my thoughts as well?  And if it does that, will I still be me, or will I have become some sort of man/virus hybrid?

Maybe in time 'll come to a place where it no longer bothers me and I hardly ever think about it.  But I doubt it.

Offline J.R.E.

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #7 on: June 20, 2006, 08:43:01 PM »
Hello,

You have had a great response to medication. Congratulations !! I try not to let HIV be a controlling part of my life on a daily basis. It's mostly, while I am taking the meds, and depending on how I feel that day. I always try to live my life as best as I can HIV/ aids or not. It does have it's tough times, but I don't dwell on it everyday. I would't be living much if I did.


Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 25 mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


Diagnosed positive in 1985,.. In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started on  HAART on October 24th, 2003.

 As of 8/25/14,  t-cells are at 402, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 11%

  
 62 years young.

Offline Bartro

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #8 on: June 20, 2006, 08:48:40 PM »
It's "business as usual" for the most part.  Sometimes when I'm falling to sleep my mind wanders to a bad place, but this is getting better.  I continue to work, even harder than before.  I seem to have more energy.  I guess the Truvada and Sustiva are responsible for this.  Some health problems I was having have disappeared.   Actually I feel great.
Rusty

Offline cubbybear

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #9 on: June 20, 2006, 08:56:19 PM »
Compared to when I was diagnosed HIV/AIDS/PCP and what ever else 8 Months ago I rarely think about it now that I am feeling better and the meds seem to be working okay. 

Usually when my cell phone alarm goes off to remind me to take my meds, I remember I have HIV, but usually a short while after I'm oblivious to what is going on in my body on a cellular level, unless the Sustiva makes me wobbly on my feet, which is now a rare event. 

When I do think about HIV, it's not in the obscessive, OMG I'm gonna die, fear of death way that I used to think about it.  Now, when I think about it, it's usually because I am logged on here, with friends, or doing personal research, so it's never in a negative context.

There are times when I think about it though and it brings me down, mostly when I think I might have to disclose in future to someone I might have more than a passing interest in, and possibly facing rejection because of my status.  I've not normally met with rejection, so this is perhaps one of those lessons in life I am supposed to learn.

What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger!
There's a bear in there!
Positive since 2000
Diagnosed 17/9/2005 CD4 35 VL 293,000
Meds 23/9/2005 Sustiva/Truvada
Currently CD4 232 VL Undetectable

Offline Sdgirl

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #10 on: June 20, 2006, 09:22:14 PM »
There are days when I don't even think about it, and others when I do.............but like others have said, it is not who I am so I just deal with it.  Although not on meds yet, I'm sure when I go on them, I will be forced to think about it more often..................BUT I am a Diabetic and take shots everyday and I rarely think about being a Diabetic, so maybe not!

Lisa
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves.."Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?  Actually, who are you not to be?"

Offline Life

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #11 on: June 20, 2006, 09:22:52 PM »
I really don't know what to think about "it"?  Do I think about "it"...  Oh yeah..  I have never been sick with an OI,  never lost my energy etc.  It's almost like back in my swim meet days.   I would always size up my opponents and try and figure out how to win.  But for me this race does not seem to have started yet.  But it has......  I have to convince my head that the race has begun and I am "winning".  I am not still on "the block" waiting for the gun to sound.  This is it... No dress rehearsals..   The curtan is up!   Give em a good show!

 :)
« Last Edit: June 20, 2006, 10:03:35 PM by Eric »

Offline CalvinC

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #12 on: June 20, 2006, 09:45:44 PM »

Great thinking, Lisa and Eric!! Very uplifting, thanks! I too am not on meds (yet?), but, yes, it's not who I am and we gotta give 'em a good show! Definitely!!

cal

Offline USNRET

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #13 on: June 20, 2006, 10:10:41 PM »
Yeah I do set my alarm to take my meds, and that reminds me to take my meds aslo.   I guess I want to say is that I don't let HIV control me anymore, I control HIV.   I don't take life for granted or dwell on what is done.   I live my life as normally as possible.   At first I would let it get me down and that wasn't living.  Life is truly short...HIV was a wakeup call, but I put it in the back of my mind and I am moving forward.  I try to squeeze as much as I can out of life.   You don't know what tomorrow holds so live for today and don't dwell in the past.   

Offline USNRET

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #14 on: June 20, 2006, 10:12:20 PM »
I like your post Eric, that is how I feel!! ;)

Offline thirtysomething

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #15 on: June 20, 2006, 10:21:34 PM »
HIV has always been in my mind 24x7 since the day I was diagnosed. I had to take extremely important decisions in last 3 months (changing country, new job).. and I hope I've made rational decisions.

Offline otherplaces

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #16 on: June 20, 2006, 10:33:48 PM »

I have an obsessive nature. On good days I think about HIV all the time. It just doesn't bother me. On bad days, like today, it devours me.

I guess the worst is that when I see a beautiful woman I always think that I have HIV and I would never have a chance.

I'm sure this sort of crap will eventually go away, but nowadays that's how I live.


Offline Life

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #17 on: June 20, 2006, 10:54:49 PM »
One thing that made me feel better about HIV??  Its sorta weird....  I found pictures of the HIV virus..  I blew the virus up to about the size of 8 by 11 (in color!).   I went out to the rifle range, and pinned a bunch of these up and blasted em for about an hour with my friends M16..   Try it, it will make you feel better!   

I screamed, I yelled every dirty Harry one liner as I squeezed the trigger..  YES!

PS... I hate guns, but in this case,  it was really kewl... ;D

Oh yeah,  I forgot to mention...  I am a very visual guy..  "Seeing is believing," type of dude...

I had 30 extra copies of my 8 by 11 "virus" (color).  I ran those through our industrial paper shredder in my office.    Now this shredder does not just make long streamers, it crunches em every which way.   And running 30 pages through the shredder makes the engine really scream and moan like it is really chewing the shit out of what its working on.  Well I ran the virus thru the shredder and that felt great to.   I took the bag of shredded virus home and put it in the grill and lit it at night.   POOF!   INSTANT INCINERATION!..   Way Kewl!!!!

I like to think that's what I am doing to the virus in my body everyday...
« Last Edit: June 20, 2006, 11:24:45 PM by Eric »

Offline DingoBoi

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #18 on: June 21, 2006, 12:10:29 AM »
i think about it everyday... well, because i'm here everyday.   If i didn't need the support this place provides i wouldn't come here so often... even if it's to just chat in offtopic.

I don't think i think about it all the time, but i do think about it often.

i'm 2 years into diagnosis.


Offline Oscar

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #19 on: June 21, 2006, 12:25:47 AM »
Even after 20 years I still think about it everyday. Mostly a lot of what if's and about the former boyfriend I infected. I have quite a bit of guilt about that. We lost contact about 9 years ago. I think about him everyday and wonder if he is doing ok. I think about the person that infected me & how he died in the late '80's. I have shed so many tears over this through the years and have gone from sadness to anger to acceptance, shame and back again. It's a viscious circle for me that I can't seem to break. I could go on and on about what HIV/Aids has taken away from me. But I also have the love and support that this forum has given me with out that I don't know where I would be.

Dan

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #20 on: June 21, 2006, 12:38:33 AM »
I submit that anyone who signs up here, who posts and/or reads these forums, thinks about HIV at least some of the time.

And I also submit that it is in no way a character defect to do so.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline HIVworker

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #21 on: June 21, 2006, 01:18:43 AM »
I think about it a lot.

R
NB. Any advice about HIV is given in addition to your own medical advice and not intended to replace it. You should never make clinical decisions based on what anyone says on the internet but rather check with your ID doctor first. Discussions from the internet are just that - Discussions. They may give you food for thought, but they should not direct you to do anything but fuel discussion.

Offline lydgate

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #22 on: June 21, 2006, 01:37:10 AM »
Oh, I think about it a LOT. Not 24/7 but close; and I don't have the meds to remind me. But, I've been taking anti-depressants for the last 11 years and taking the pills every day is just part of my routine, like brushing my teeth; the act of swallowing some yellow capsules doesn't make me think about depression.

I think it's part of my coping mechanism. I'm the sort of person who over-researches everything, especially all things medical. Some doctors love me, some doctors are exasperated/annoyed by my "presumption," my eight pages of notes and questions. For the past 10 months, I have been reading, almost obsessively, HIV-related material. It's the way, as I said above, a way of coping. For me, the more I know about this damn virus and the impact it's had on all our lives, the more "safe" I feel.

Jay
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #23 on: June 21, 2006, 02:54:01 AM »
some doctors are exasperated/annoyed by my "presumption," my eight pages of notes and questions. 

tough cookies for them  :P that's their job

Offline heartforyou

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #24 on: June 21, 2006, 03:46:17 AM »
HIV is a part of me.

But Herman comes first.
I am a man, and I have HIV.

Nowadays I think of HIV more than in the past, but mainly in a positive way. As it has brought me so many new friends.

Dan

Quote
I have shed so many tears over this through the years and have gone from sadness to anger to acceptance, shame and back again. It's a vicious circle for me that I can't seem to break. I could go on and on about what HIV/Aids has taken away from me.

Then it is time to finally let go and feel and ACCEPT the love.

Do you realise how many people would give their fortune to be in a place like this?
Where can you openly write about your emotions, deepest sorrows and pains, without being judged?
With "strangers", so to say?
I know many people envy what I have here.
HIV has taught me to be open about my deepest thoughts, on here I mean

We have all been very hurt in our lives and yes, a major source is HIV.

But let us never forget:
HIV has brought us together.

How in the world would I  have a :
RICH, who still doesn't believe how true my feelings are, but knows deep inside. 381
DAN, cute and witty, friend and supporter in my hardest days
MOFFIE, my soulmate and source of endless true wisdom
WATER DUCK, with golden hands and heart
JOEMUTT, who I see blossom and heal, and is teaching me every day
ANNIEBC, purest soul, always there, kind and strong person
BUCKO, saviour, writer, pure soul
MATTY, who grabbed that little piece of me in depression and dragged me out
JEFFREY, stranger became friend, and we will meet and share
EIRIN, vibrating with energy and on the same cloud
JODY, my NY connection
TRISH, who comforted me when I had to leave TORONTO, leaving Rich and AM
RAB, who held me in front of the 1000's of AIDS deaths at the memorial site
VAL, optimistic and true
CANUCK, my french Canadian connection, who shares songs with me
MARKMT who came to my resue in spring


I am just mentioning a few........if I sat down and gathered more names I would fill a page

So, do I think about HIV,

yes

Honoured to know you all
I tching to meet you all
Vivifiying my life with AM

Hermie

« Last Edit: June 21, 2006, 11:39:36 AM by heartforyou »
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline edfu

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #25 on: June 21, 2006, 05:47:49 AM »
I have to consciously work at it every single day, every single hour, NOT to think about it.  These efforts not to think about something exhaust me more than anything else I do.  I see a psychiatrist and a therapist, take psychotropic medications, and nothing seems to work for very long.   

I'm a longtime slow progressor, infected in 1982 or earlier but asymptomatic until 2001.  During those almost two decades I lost over 150 ex-lovers, best friends, friends, acquaintances.  I've been living with this fucker for 25 years (I'm 63), having been involved with it since 1981 (when we didn't know what it was) and joined Larry Kramer in spreading the word on Fire Island that something horribly evil was happening during our sexual activity, for which I was ostracized. 

My VL is undetectable, and my CD4 is in low 500's now.  My only OI were two KS lesions, now in remission.  But HIV obsesses me.  It has been the major event--the defining event, the most important event--in my lifetime, in every way I can think of. 
« Last Edit: June 21, 2006, 06:35:31 AM by edfu »
"No one will ever be free so long as there are pestilences."--Albert Camus, "The Plague"

"Mankind can never be free until the last brick in the last church falls on the head of the last priest."--Voltaire

Offline randym431

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #26 on: June 21, 2006, 06:31:00 AM »
Its now easy to ignore it for me. I just make sure I take the meds daily and on time. Thats my big obligation I can not ignore. After hearing VL undetectable three lab times now, since on meds, I plan on trying to take it as the norm. I know a few hiv people, and all have been undetectable for many many years. I know of no one (personally) that does not have great results long term, even before I ever thought I'd see the day "I" was also in this group (hiv+). Still, even now, I find "me" being hiv+ hard to believe. Like a dream you expect to wake from someday, somehow.

But I can get thru the day without thinking about it. I feel normal, look normal and I too am healthier than most people I know. I feel I look better health wise too, than most friends and relatives. I just patiently wait for better meds and maybe even a treatment that will make hiv harmless. I don’t expect a cure, but do think making hiv harmless may be something we see one day.

One thing that took my mind off my hiv sorrows was seeing other family members having troubles of their own far worse than mine. My sorrows seem so self centered. poor poor guy getting hiv, compared to them. I see my brother in law (my age) with very bad diabetes, sores, and he may lose a foot.

My partner has cml leukemia, He takes "wonder meds" (at $3200 a month) to keep it at bay (kinda like us and hiv), but I worry about how long his leukemia magic pill will work. The average is 5 years. I think there are other leukemia meds now available if his current starts to fail. That all worries me, and I try to enjoy every day together rather than bickering like we old married people tend to do.

Also, my 3 year old nephew, a real cutie, started having seizures for no reason and stops breathing. They can't find any cause. I worry about him too.

My dad has had three heart attacks just this year and NOW they found a stomach aortic aneurysm they are watching closely. He's 78 this month.

So me? I feel selfish even worrying when I am basically healthy and normal, as that goes. I guess my "in the back of the mind" fear is going detectable and the meds starting to fail. For me thats something I think about now and again. Not sure why I should. I guess I feel I should have something to worry about. Like just waiting for whatever to come. I know how fast and hard this virus does its damage when there is a vl present. Having seen such great results and getting my weight back and feeling great (again), I fear the virus even more than before. And taking the meds daily and on time is nothing to take lightly.

And I fear going on too long, like writing a book, on the forums....woops!

AND... and I fear GW BUSH. Who the hell does he think he is? What the hell does he think he's doing. And HOW THE HELL DID HE GET THERE  anyway??? ( a little take-off on the end scene of the movie ELECTION with Reese Witherspoon)
« Last Edit: June 21, 2006, 06:40:59 AM by randym431 »

Offline ademas

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #27 on: June 21, 2006, 08:43:05 AM »
I think of it everyday.
Like edfu, it has had a huge impact on my life, both in loss of lovers, friends, acquaintances--hell, my entire peer group from the 80's and first half of the 90's was decimated--and now with my own symptoms and physical appearance.
xox


Offline aztecan

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #28 on: June 21, 2006, 09:00:46 AM »
I am/was a long-term, slow progressor. Tested positive in 1985, my first doc thought I was infected in 1980. I guess that makes me a golden oldie.

Yes, I still think about it daily. Like Edfu, I watched too many people die. Unfortunately, I am still watching too many people die. Right now, there are two whose continued existence is questionable. They are trying very hard, but ...

I think about it when I take my meds three times a day. I think about it when I schedule my meals because my meds must be taken on an empty stomach.

I think about it when I shave in the morning and see what lipo is doing or on those bad days when the PN deadens my feet to the point I catch myself stomping rather than walking because I can't feel the ground.

So, yes, I think about it. But don't I allow it to control my life. I still live each day to the Nth degree. I also am getting older, but obsessing on the fact I am now approaching AARP age doesn't define me. It is there, I see it and (believe me) sometimes feel it, but it is and there is nothing to do about it.

Think about HIV daily? Yep. Let it control my life or destroy my zeal for living? Not yet. I hope it never does.

HUGS,

Mark

"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline ozzie

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT hi5 ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #29 on: June 21, 2006, 09:52:44 AM »
hey guys! im back! I hope you remember me ;)
i've been really busy and without internet for a while. Also my computer had problems but now im back.
back to topic...

I do think about HIV everyday. It might just come out of nowhere or my friends talk about hiv, or i see some ads on the tv or train etc... its always there, 95% of the time i dont mind but sometimes i do. Sometimes Im just sitting in the train and my tears start running down my face and i have to hide it, but i feel way better compared to the first month after knowing. Another thing is that I have this diarrhea  that keeps coming at least 2 times a week and a sore throat every morning. Things that remind me of HIV everyday :(.
But life goes on and we have to learn and live with it, and thats what im doing or trying to do ;)

missed you all!

Offline Christine

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #30 on: June 21, 2006, 10:35:25 AM »
I have some days that I don't think about it, but most days it is right there hitting me in the face. I have had a series of OI's this past year, and a huge amount of nausea, diarrhea, vomiting from med side effects, so it is hard to not think about it.

When I was first diagnosed, I still worked full time, and my health was very good, so I did not think a lot about it. I think it depends on how much hiv impacts ones daily activities and routines.

For example, I went grocery shopping yesterday, and my stomach was bothering me. So I had to make sure I used the bathroom a few times before I went, took some Imodium so everything stayed inside at least while I was in the grocery store, then had to hurry back because I was starting to feel crampy and nauseated. Some days are a challenge.
Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline kcmetroman

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #31 on: June 21, 2006, 10:51:18 AM »
Boy, I have responded to a 100 threads like this.....
Simply put, it is what you make of it.  If you let it overrun your thought process, it will dominate you. It is important to remember that what you have is a virus.  Not a mental disorder as many courts see it.

Offline Trish

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #32 on: June 21, 2006, 11:32:49 AM »
Well, 17 years later, I still think about HIV on a daily basis.  I will not kid myself into believing that it is not a part of me.  I think that's nonsense.  I am on meds and think about HIV as I swallow the pills 2x a day.  I think about it when I sit on the toilet as the diarrhea hits me (this is one of the major side effects for me.)  I think about HIV when I think about my husband who died of AIDS in 1989.  I think about HIV when I want to disclose my status, which is nearly everyday.  I think about HIV when I go to the doctor.  I think about it whenever something just doesn't feel right with my body -- is it the HIV meds, or just HIV fucking up my body?  It's on my mind when I talk to my family and close friends, all of whom know my status.  I think about it and talk about it when I am in therapy (on a regular basis now -- once a week, which helps tremendously.)  I think about HIV when I go to Planning Council meetings.  I think about HIV when I go to bed at night wondering if I will wake up NOT thinking about HIV, which I always end up thinking about every morning (thankfully, I awaken.)  I think about HIV everytime I come to these forums.  I think about all the people I knew who died from AIDS and wonder on a daily basis, "why am I still here?"

So, yes, of course I think about it on a daily basis.  To believe otherwise would do me a disservice.  Is this obsessive thinking?  Who knows... what I do know is that HIV is in me and I can't help but think about it.

For 11 years (from 1989 to 2000) I was in denial... I didn't want to talk about it and I cried myself to sleep every single night.  I tried my best to not think about HIV, but in reality I always had it in the back of my head and it scared the crap out of me.  I was drunk and high most of the time and refused treatment until I got sick in 2000.  Then I was forced to think about HIV and what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.  I decided to live and take the meds.  What choice did I have?  I decided my life is worth living and I must make the best of this situation.  Finally, I am doing just that.  But for me, if I were to say, "I don't really even think about HIV anymore," is preposterous and I feel that those who say they don't think about, are really doing just that -- thinking about it.  It takes alot of effort to not think about something...which in turn means that you are thinking about it.

I don't understand how you cannot think about it when it is a part of you.

Do I allow HIV to control me?  Absolutely not... (there was time that it did for 11 years -- which stifled me.)  Have I learned something from trying to "not" think about it for 11 years?  You bet your sweet ass...I learned it was time to accept HIV, and go on with my life.  IF that means thinking about HIV on a daily basis, so be it.  But I won't allow it to destroy me and my happiness.  I did that already and it cost me 11 years -- 11 years that I spent in oblivion, tears, fear and internally stigmatized.

Yes, I think about HIV everyday of my life.  I can't help it, it's there and will be with me until the day I die or we find a cure.  It's a part of me and I can't deny that anymore.  Denying it in the past nearly cost me my life and my sanity.  I accept HIV and will think about it everyday because it is in me, bottom line.

Trish
  (who is thinking about HIV right now.)
"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is buit."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline Dachshund

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #33 on: June 21, 2006, 11:40:51 AM »
I thought about it this morning when I was stuck on the crapper and missed a nine a.m. appt. I forgot my mantra....no appointments before ten a.m. Hal. Just when I think I have forgotten HIV, something shitty always happens.

I feel your pain Trish!

Peace,
Hal

Offline DCGuy511

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #34 on: June 21, 2006, 11:46:15 AM »
I have no OIs, OK counts, no meds, but yes I think about it everyday. I was in much better shape before HIV, had so much energy and stamnia. Mentally it is hard for me to not think of myself as tainted. Sorry not as uplifting as the others.  I'll get there someday.
Steve
Infected/Diagnosed Fall 2003
"No Man Is An Island" - J Donne

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #35 on: June 21, 2006, 11:52:15 AM »
I'll be honest. The original post seemed a little condescending to me. Am I being too sensitive?
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline The Canuck

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #36 on: June 21, 2006, 11:57:04 AM »
Quote
I'll be honest. The original post seemed a little condescending to me. Am I being too sensitive?

Well..don't know if you are too sensitive but didn't take it as being condescending. To a certain extent we all have difference experiences with this bug, and somehow you'll reach both limits...on the good side as much as on the bad one...in the middle would fit the majority.

Best Regards,

The Canuck
(Who will be careful to what he says to Jonathan..the Canuck doesn't want to be flamed by him)  8)

Offline Moffie65

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #37 on: June 21, 2006, 12:25:41 PM »

I was diagnosed with HIV/AIDS in August 2005, CD4 at 11% but was never sick, can't even recall the last time I even had a cold...well over 5 years or more if I can recall and never had any OI's.   I started meds the day after I got my CD4/Viral load results in August.  I did not even think about wether or not I should take meds, I just did it.  The Sustiva was a little wierd for the first week.  I also take Truvada.  My CD4 %  over doubled in about 6 months and I feel normal again.   I do not think about HIV anymore, I consider myself normal and healthier than many people I know.   How many of you don't think about HIV very much any more and live or try to live life normally or better than you did before your diagnoses.


Like Jonathan, I read the above and my immediate thought was "WELL GOODY FOR YOU!!!" 

I was jerked back to 1983, and placed the author of this thread into that timeframe, and oooo doggie, I think the story would have been different.  I am so glad that you have not had any Opportunistic infections at only one year of diagnosis.  This means that you more than likely cought the disease early in its effects on your body.  I am also glad you haven't been sick in the last five years; and what does that have to do with HIV?  I am glad you didn't think about whether you should take the medications or not.  I hope your decision to start the medications so early in infection does not affect the way the virus affects your body 15 years down the road, and I also hope your heart, liver, speen, biliary tree, and all your internal organs that have to process this poison; last for the duration, without the virus mutating out of control. 

You may be retired from the United States Navy, but they certainly didn't teach you one detail about "Living with HIV" and thriving with it for a very long time.

Do I think about HIV?   Every day!  It is the only way that I keep it under control.

In Love and Curiosity.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #38 on: June 21, 2006, 12:46:53 PM »
The Canuck
(Who will be careful to what he says to Jonathan..the Canuck doesn't want to be flamed by him)  8)


Hey, I'll cut a bitch.

:P
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline AlanBama

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #39 on: June 21, 2006, 02:42:04 PM »
I thought so too Jonathan, but I figured it was just me being overly sensitive.

I really am glad some people are doing so well, and I want to be happy for them.  It's just tough sometimes.
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Londonguy

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #40 on: June 21, 2006, 03:41:29 PM »
I don't think the original post was condescending.

Anyway for the first year I didn't really think about it.  I could go months without it crossing my mind; it's only since my numbers dwindled that I started thinking about it more.  No doubt when I start meds there'll be a daily reminder but on the whole I'm confident that it doesn't now, nor will it ever, consume me.

Offline TugaMan

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #41 on: June 21, 2006, 03:49:40 PM »
Well, I think all of us think about "it" daily. In my case, at least once a day, before going to bed, when I take my meds i remember that "it" is a part of me now.
I'm not obsessed about it. I have fun (or not) during the day just like before, but I can't forget that I'm HIV+. Can anyone? Right...

Offline Rob - Dublin

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #42 on: June 21, 2006, 04:07:05 PM »
I'm only 6 weeks into knowing and I think I WILL want to think about it every day forever and ever. Why, well to stay on top of it means being one step ahead of it all the time and if i'm not one step ahead of it, then it must be one step ahead of me, and im not going to let that happen easily.

Today is June 21st, the longest day of the year (just a little bit of useless info)

Rob
14 Dec 2005 Tested Neg
21 Jan 2006 Infected
09 May 2006 Tested Poz
29 May 2006 CD4 551  (33%) VL 21,000
10 July 2006 CD4 632  (34%) VL 24,500

......when i'm good, i'm very good - when i'm bad i'm even better......

Dream as if you will live forever - Live as if you will die today.....

Offline Jeff64

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #43 on: June 21, 2006, 04:08:35 PM »
Funny thing, I was moving some books and stuff back into my officethis morning and discovered this yellow folder.
It was the folder if information given to me upon my diagnosis.

In this folder are flyers and pamphlets regarding ADAP, counseling, etc.

Also in this folder was my diagnosis.
It is dated 9/16/04...that seems SO long ago.
So far I have been extremely lucky and nothing had gone wrong yet...no meds, either!

It says here at the bottom of the printout "HIV antibody DETECTED".

Talk about a freakout!

Jeff


Offline USNRET

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #44 on: June 21, 2006, 06:44:59 PM »
I just wanted to see how various people are dealing with HIV.  Thanks for all the responses.  I do think about HIV some but I don't dwell on it.  Life is too short.  I have too many things I want to do.   I seen to many children die of cancer and other diseases at such a young age.  I could never come to the term of having pitty for myself.  I personally think there are a lot of worse things to deal with in life than HIV.  The other rare disease I have is worse than HIV overall and I have been dealing with for over 8 years and I am kicking it's butt pretty good.  If I could give one disease it would NOT be the HIV.  Smile...move forward...give your time to someone else... and live!!!   

Offline LYFE

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #45 on: June 21, 2006, 10:58:25 PM »
http:// WELL I GUESS IM JUST NOT THERE YET IM NEWLY DIAGNOSED AND ITS STILL CONFUSING TO ME CONSIDERING MY PAST LIFE STYLE MAYBE THIS WEB CAN HELP ME GET OVER MY FEARS

Offline Life

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #46 on: June 21, 2006, 11:04:47 PM »
LYFE... Welcome to AIDSMEDS.  Start your own thread and introduce yourself..

Love

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #47 on: June 22, 2006, 01:09:08 AM »
I think about it every time I take a hand full of pills, get my disability check, check my bank balance because the disability income does not come anywhere close to what I made at my job. I think about it every month when I do run out of money and have to live off extortionate interest rate credit cards.  I think about it every time I am in a meeting on HIV funding, treatment or care issues.  I think about it every time I look in the mirror and am reminded about the damage of Lypo, when I take a step, I think about it because of the pain of PN, every time I fall from foot drop.  I think about it every time I have an "unscheduled" bowel movement in a public place, in my home, at a friends house.  I have been to over 150 funerals and think about it every time a friend dies.  I think about it every time I log on to the forums and share the pain, the anguish, the humiliation, the isolation, the losses of the people here whom, I will never be able to meet in person but have grown to love and respect.  I think about it every time I pick up a newspaper or turn on the news and hear about funding shortages for programs which benefit all of us living with HIV.  Last night I was looking at the Epidemiology Report of a mid-Western state, found out there were only 2 ASO's in that state, their numbers reflect the same numbers of my county alone and wondering how these people get the needed services.  I am thinking about it right now because as well as you are doing this year, can change next year, or in three years of 5.  That is why I paid for, designed, wrote the copy and continuosly market my web site www.Commission-on-AIDS.org, because with you, me and the other 1.1 million people living with HIV/AIDS currently in our country and the 40,000 newly infected each year, we are going to need a lot more than we currently have just to keep living and the government is going to fight us tooth and nail for every needed service.  Have the best day
Michael

Horonable Discharge U.S. AIR FORCE 1974
« Last Edit: June 22, 2006, 01:13:19 AM by Sonomabeach »

Offline OakMax1

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #48 on: June 22, 2006, 03:17:42 AM »
Well guys after reading all your postings, I was amazed at some of your stories.
I think HIV everyday, even while riding the train to work.  I think about am I the only person on this train who is HIV+.  I start looking around at people saying no or yes in my mind as if I can guess that person status.... silly game but it help keep me sane!

Tonight I start my first dose of sustiva and truvada and boy what in store for me... I will never know... until in the morning :-)....  My world has changed forever and only for the best!

HIV is here to stay!
« Last Edit: June 22, 2006, 03:19:32 AM by OakMax1 »
Go with it and KEEP MOVIN!  Life is good today and I am glad to be here

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #49 on: June 22, 2006, 05:28:33 AM »
I am thinking about it right now because as well as you are doing this year, can change next year, or in three years of 5. 

true enough. y'know that's a good reminder for moi --and others i'm sure. hmmm, guess i do think about hiv beyond the stuff i said earlier. i do know when i eat i soemtimes think 'this is good healthy food, good for strength to fight anything bad' (i.e., physical ailments, hiv, etc.)

Offline manchesteruk

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #50 on: June 22, 2006, 11:26:29 AM »
Yeah i'd say I probably still think about HIV most days when you compare it to what I was like 6 months ago there isn't a comparision really.  I think theres many factors that effect how much HIV dominates your thoughts though.  The amount of time since your diagnosis, your current labs and if you are on medication or not and how well your are responding to it.  I don't see the amount of time that HIV occupies your thoughts as a weakness though it's just different for everyone.
Diagnosed 11/05

"Life is too important to be taken seriously" Oscar Wilde

Offline USNRET

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #51 on: June 22, 2006, 07:08:51 PM »
Wow...got to read some more post to my original thread.  I have to say that I am not too happy with this site.  There are truly a lot of jealous people (Jealousy brew hatred) some..thought my post was condesending. Some who think I have not learned anything about being HIV+.  I am HIV... I have AIDS.   I am sure I know as much as you and I am dealing with it!  Even some that made a snide comment about me retiring from the Navy and giving 20+ years of my life to give you freedom. etc.   I have Jesus Christ in my life and I know it because of him, I have done as good as I have with both my diseases.   I do truly feel sorry for many on here that took my post as condesending...jealousy had NO Place.   That is why your obviously unhappy.  Many post were good.   I will definetly look at other sites to help people...or should I just turn the other cheek.    You don't know me and don't know what I have to deal with in my life.   Keep your negative comments to yourself and your pity for yourself.  Many people have it way worse than you!  Most of you have life, there are 17 18 year old going over to Iraq and never coming back...never got to enjoy there 20 year birthday and your whining about your HIV...   Get over it.  Its life and deal with it...put your pity somewhere else and grow up.  I am out and will post on forums on others sites where people want real discussions and help.    This site is truly sad.       

Offline Cliff

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #52 on: June 22, 2006, 07:17:59 PM »
oh dear.  :(

P.S.- I thought Alan's post was very well-said.  Even if I didn't take the initial post as condescending (which I didn't), I can acknowledge that Alan was being very open and honest with his emotion.  And his emotion is a very normal reaction to these sorts of discussions.  Who hasn't been jealous or envious of others?  Who hasn't thought, "why me" about something?  I think Alan said the same thing others said, but phrased it in a way that should have caused less resentment and animosity.
« Last Edit: June 22, 2006, 07:23:47 PM by Cliff »

Offline Moffie65

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #53 on: June 22, 2006, 07:47:07 PM »
Just thought you all would appreciate this very Personal Message just received from Ed. 

Quote
Wow what an attitude.  If that is truly the way you look at things in life you are truly not Thriving as stated.  You are obviously not a happy person.  Sorry to hear that.   Yeah though I would serve my county so you could have freedom!  Later!

Yours in Christ
Ed

Hope you have a wonderful life Mr. Ed.

Moffie, (Little Faggot, in Afrikans)
United States Army Veteran, Viet Nam Era
Executive Director; BorderLand AIDS Services Team
HIV/AIDS Activist 25 years.

Happy, fulfilled, and Christ Centered Life.  ;D

In Love. Tim.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline DingoBoi

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #54 on: June 22, 2006, 07:48:37 PM »
Jealousy?   Hardly.   I think we can all say we are happy you are doing so well.   That's great for you.   Others are not doing so well.   Others have debilitating side effects of the medication.   Others are dying.

You can feel sorry for others as much as you like.  I don't think it has anything to do with jealousy though.   To make such a statement that jealousy is the reason other people are unhappy is just stupid.  

Quote
You don't know me and don't know what I have to deal with in my life.
 That applies equally to you as well.   Maybe once your health isn't so good, you might have a bit more of a clue what some people are going through.

I submit that by saying
Quote
Get over it.
in a support forum is not exactly being supportive.

Quote
I am out and will post on forums on others sites where people want real discussions and help.    This site is truly sad.  

I wish you well.  This site is about real discussions and providing support and help.  I am glad you need neither the support or help that many of us do and find here on a daily basis.  

I also submit that you are not doing as well as you claim, as evidenced by your attacks on others.
« Last Edit: June 22, 2006, 07:50:33 PM by DingoBoi »

Offline Lisa

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #55 on: June 22, 2006, 08:04:24 PM »
Dearest Timmy, and Bailey....
I am profoundly touched by your ability to be restrained within this thread. I applaud your measured responses, as I am apparently far too enraged by this author's innuendo to be of mindful conversation.
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline ademas

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #56 on: June 22, 2006, 08:30:41 PM »
never mind.
it ain't worth it.
xox

Offline bear60

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #57 on: June 22, 2006, 08:41:07 PM »
I was diagnosed in 1989...might as well have been yesterday.  Each time a friend dies, a lover dies or I have a conversation with my partner ( who has the AIDS designation) or I have a walk in the country I think about HIV.  Every day for the past 17 years.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline whizzer

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #58 on: June 22, 2006, 08:43:56 PM »
Hmmm,

Let's see, do you want real discussions and help?  Or insults and name calling?  I think most of the replies have been quite genuine - consistent with what each member has written in the 10 months I've been reading these boards. You asked the question; don't get all pissy when you don't get the answers you expected.

I don't see a lot of self-pity here, some, but not a lot.  I see regret. Sometimes I see fear.  I the bitterness that sometimes comes with difficult challenges.  I see people having difficulty dealing with various afflictions.  I see people who want information.  I see people who want support.  I see people who are quite happy. I see people who are very sad.  I see people in love, and people longing for love.  I see the well-off, and I see the destitute.  I see religious believers, as well as non-believers.

This is, however, the first time I've seen the arrogance that so fills some of the more zealous followers of Christ so well displayed.  If you're going to be vindictive, I'm sure he'd prefer if you just left his name out of it.  Remember the words of Matthew:

"Therefore, when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do, in the synagogues, and in the streets, that they may have glory of men.  Verily, I say unto you, they have their reward."......."And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are:  for they love to pray standing in the synagogues, and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men.  Verily, I say unto you, They have their reward."

Don't brag how strong the Lord has made you just yet.  It's still early in the game for you.

  

Offline kcmetroman

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #59 on: June 22, 2006, 08:48:55 PM »
USN - You keep talking about another rare disease.  Might I inquire as to what that is?  Also, you said that you have AIDS?  What were your numbers?


Not sure if I missed something with all the posts

Offline AlanBama

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #60 on: June 22, 2006, 09:00:59 PM »
Thanks Cliff, I'm glad you understood what I meant.   It's the same as poor people feeling 'envious' of the rich, it is only natural that someone who is sick would be envious of someone else's good health.   I know that jealousy/envy is not a healthy emotion, and I try to deal with it the best way I can, and I do sincerely attempt to be happy for all those who are doing well with HIV.   I hope the ones newly diagnosed and those just beginning treatment NEVER have to go through what I have gone through....too many hospitalizations to remember, too many blood transfusions to keep count of.

I can't help it that I feel like 'damaged goods', because all those years of being an 'end stage' AIDS patient have taken a toll on me, mentally as well as physically.  My feet are damaged, my nerves are damaged, my veins are damaged (DVT) and my heart is damaged (CHF).   My damaged heart is still capable of giving a lot of love, and my weary brain is certainly willing to receive all the love I can get.   I love my AIDSmeds family.

Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Trish

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #61 on: June 22, 2006, 09:14:13 PM »
Smile...move forward...give your time to someone else... and live!!!   

USN... It's unfortunate that you could not, or rather you chose not to do as you preach.  Perhaps you could have reached out and touched someone, and gave your time, knowledge and support to them.  Heaven forbid... instead you chose to knock people who are not feeling as GOOD AS YOU say you are... and that's a shame.  Too bad, your loss.  See ya USN!  Have a nice time in the other forums.  For we here will SMILE :), move forward, give our time to someone else who needs it, and YES, WE WILL LIVE!!!
"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is buit."  Eleanor Roosevelt

Offline Life

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #62 on: June 22, 2006, 10:45:24 PM »
Gosh, I am scared to even post to this thread now... :-\

Offline Terry

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #63 on: June 22, 2006, 10:50:55 PM »
USNRET,
 
If you’re looking for a suggestion of just where you should go to or where you could share your compassion and concern for others might I suggest where I spent some of my past two weeks? 

At an AIDS HOSPICE. Comforting a friend of a friend of mine. He finally died on Monday.

He was 28 years old and had been diagnosed about seven months ago. Enjoy your good fortune and health.

Terry

PS. I wanted to add this hospice has only four beds. And there is a waiting list. I’m serious, go see what the other side of this disease looks like. It smells real bad too.
« Last Edit: June 22, 2006, 10:57:01 PM by Terry »

Offline edfu

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #64 on: June 23, 2006, 01:14:34 AM »
No, we don't know you, USNRET, but from what you've shown so far in this thread, I don't want to.  You asked us a question, and we responded--truthfully, I believe.  You now have shown you don't want to know about us, either. Many of us have reasons to think and feel differently from you, but you are not interested in learning about those thoughts and feelings, because they don't agree with yours, because it's not what you want to hear, because no one is allowed to feel and think differently from you. 

Unfortunately, your attitude only further proves (if any further proof were needed) how loving and charitable and better-than-thou so many of those with Jesus Christ (who I was taught to believe was Love) in their lives can be.  You so proudly claim his presence in your life, but I was also taught that Jesus said pride was a sin. 

I am happy that your attitude toward your HIV is so positive, but it does not give you the right to look down upon those of us who, for many different reasons, do not feel quite so lackadaisacal about it.   I would suggest you take a few moments from your ecstatic existence with Jesus to learn a little about the history of the AIDS epidemic and how it has traumatized many of us who have lived with it since 1981.  And if you cannot have some Christian compassion toward those who are not doing as well as you are, I would also suggest you show some human compassion--unless, of course, Jesus in your life has already transmogrified you into a pure spirit who does not feel like a human being but judges like a god.   
"No one will ever be free so long as there are pestilences."--Albert Camus, "The Plague"

"Mankind can never be free until the last brick in the last church falls on the head of the last priest."--Voltaire

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #65 on: June 23, 2006, 01:22:49 AM »
Wow...got to read some more post to my original thread.  I have to say that I am not too happy with this site.  There are truly a lot of jealous people (Jealousy brew hatred) some..thought my post was condesending. Some who think I have not learned anything about being HIV+.  I am HIV... I have AIDS.   I am sure I know as much as you and I am dealing with it!  Even some that made a snide comment about me retiring from the Navy and giving 20+ years of my life to give you freedom. etc.   I have Jesus Christ in my life and I know it because of him, I have done as good as I have with both my diseases.   I do truly feel sorry for many on here that took my post as condesending...jealousy had NO Place.   That is why your obviously unhappy.  Many post were good.   I will definetly look at other sites to help people...or should I just turn the other cheek.    You don't know me and don't know what I have to deal with in my life.   Keep your negative comments to yourself and your pity for yourself.  Many people have it way worse than you!  Most of you have life, there are 17 18 year old going over to Iraq and never coming back...never got to enjoy there 20 year birthday and your whining about your HIV...   Get over it.  Its life and deal with it...put your pity somewhere else and grow up.  I am out and will post on forums on others sites where people want real discussions and help.    This site is truly sad.       

Well we should just consider ourselves well and truly told! I must say I'm rather relieved to hear USNRET stomp off down the corridor in a snit. All this "I'm so filled with Jesus, I don't even THINK of AIDS anymore" carry on was starting to grate on my nerves Let us give thanks to USNRET's god that he decided to leave after only 19 posts. I would have attempted a line by line exegesis of his final hissy-fit, but it seems much better quoted as one amorphous blob of blah.

This thread rather reminds me of the one that the NEGuys or whatever their/his name was posted last year in the old forums about how we should all just get over ourselves and stop whingeing about having AIDS and be grateful for what we do have, goddamit. I'm sure many brothers and sisters remember that one. Turned into a rather diverting cat-fight.

Ah good times.

Outside of that there's nothing particularly noteworthy about this thread, other than the ungracious attitudes of USNRET. 'nuff said really.

MtD

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #66 on: June 23, 2006, 01:32:22 AM »
I do sincerely attempt to be happy for all those who are doing well with HIV.   I hope the ones newly diagnosed and those just beginning treatment NEVER have to go through what I have gone through....too many hospitalizations to remember, too many blood transfusions to keep count of.

Thank you for elaborating Alan. Heck, I'll be the first to admit sometimes I feel a little envious of zephyr and ozpaul because they're LTNP's - but it seems like we're all a part of a jigsaw puzzle

Offline Ann

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #67 on: June 23, 2006, 07:11:28 AM »

Outside of that there's nothing particularly noteworthy about this thread...
MtD

I beg to differ Matty. The dignity and good grace with which everyone responded is absolutely noteworthy. I'm really proud of you all - and I'm sure everyone knows what I'm saying here. Good stuff. Thanks.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #68 on: June 23, 2006, 07:14:29 AM »
I beg to differ Matty. The dignity and good grace with which everyone responded is absolutely noteworthy. I'm really proud of you all - and I'm sure everyone knows what I'm saying here. Good stuff. Thanks.

Ann


You're right Ann. I feel so affirmed.

MtD

Online Andy Velez

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #69 on: June 23, 2006, 08:09:46 AM »
Hi All,

You've expressed some great stuff here.

Not the least is how you've managed to step around the provocative minefield trap that was subsequentlly laid down by the thread's originator.

It could easily have distracted from a valid discussion which ironically was begun by someone not really open to it.

Cheers, 

Andy Velez

Offline angels4kelly

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #70 on: June 23, 2006, 08:16:24 AM »
I don't think of my HIV very often anymore. Just when I go for my regular lab tests and check ups. I have never had an OI nor have I ever been sick from my HIV in the 16 years that I've had it. I take meds for HIV. I just have never sat around dwelling on the fact that I have it.
I'm pretty sure this is the most I've thought about it (since I found this forum a few days ago)since I was diagnosed.
 I think I've gotten a cold 3 or 4 x's in the past 16 years.

Peace,
angels4kelly
POSITIVE SINCE-10/1990
CD4-610
CD4%-29.3
VL-UNDETECTABLE
VIREAD,VIRACEPT, EPZICOM

MOST RECENT...
10/9/2006
CD4's-714
CD4%-30%
VL-Undetectable
DIAGNOSES POSITIVE 10/90
SAME MEDS, VIREAD, VIRAMUNE, EPZICOM.

SHOOT FOR THE MOON! YOU MAY MISS,
BUT YOU'LL LAND IN THE STARS :)

Knowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.
 
Failure is not in falling down,
but the staying down

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #71 on: June 23, 2006, 10:30:55 AM »
So ... our tendency to think about HIV is based on our own health? The health of others, the legislation and socio/political stuff that impacts so many people, especially woman, more especially women of color, doesn't matter unless we are personally sick?

God/dess, that's sad.

I submit that if the folks who managed to take the time to type their messages saying how they have never been sick and therefore do not think about HIV were to take that time and energy in writing letters to Congress, petitioning the CDC for accurate and comprehensive HIV education, and even making a rukus here and there, where warranted, we would have strong allies in the war on HIV.

As it stands, it would appear that until some people need that hospital bed, they really don't care whether it exists for others. Maybe I have misread some of the posts, or misunderstood them. But wow.

Jonathan
(who, whatever else you can say, is not afraid to make the occasional rukus)

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #72 on: June 23, 2006, 10:45:30 AM »
I submit that if the folks who managed to take the time to type their messages saying how they have never been sick and therefore do not think about HIV were to take that time and energy in writing letters to Congress, petitioning the CDC for accurate and comprehensive HIV education, and even making a rukus here and there, where warranted, we would have strong allies in the war on HIV.

I'm trying. In my defense, all my friends from 1993-present are corporate fags who de-stress with booze, cigs, illicit drugs and sex. (Yes, they respect my holistic "Carrie Nation" choices) AIDS activism is the furthest thing from their minds. I know zero activists and zero about the subculture. BUT I'm trying, taking baby steps of course - independently and with the help of others. I'm certainly not the rally-scream-get-thrown-in-jail type

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #73 on: June 23, 2006, 10:53:23 AM »
Baby steps are all we need, in a world where so few take any steps at all. Thank you for what you do :)

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Teresa

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #74 on: June 23, 2006, 11:24:39 AM »
I think about HIV every day. Not because i have it but because my hubby has it. I have to admit that before that I never thought bout HIV unless there was something on the news or in the paper.

I dont think that the people here that posted that they dont think about it because they havent been sick are in no way trying to diminish the fact that others here have had a horrible time with their HIV. I think they simply responded to as it implies to them.

How do you know that they havent taken the time and their energy to write to congress?

Maybe im just naive..i dont try to look for hidden meanings or hidden agendas in what people post.

Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline Dachshund

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #75 on: June 23, 2006, 11:24:50 AM »
I am not sure why,but the response "don't really think about HIV anymore" always leaves me puzzled. Is it an age thing, denial, what is it that envokes this response? Visit other HIV sites and it seems to be the common answer...especially dating sites. When asked most people answer "I don't think about it". Maybe it is just me but I would never date a poz person that didn't think about it.

God, I wish it was that easy.

Hal

Offline Terry

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #76 on: June 23, 2006, 12:00:58 PM »
Quote from Matty: (This thread rather reminds me of the one that the NEGuys or whatever their/his name was posted last year in the old forums about how we should all just get over ourselves and stop whingeing about having AIDS and be grateful for what we do have, goddamit.)

Oh Matty, I remember those two-arrogant asses all to well. Could it be that USN has been invited over to enjoy himself/them in their hot tub? Party Time!

I’m just afraid that the attitude of people like USN is contagious within groups not yet exposed to a life of HIV/AIDS. And makes those that are yet to be infected with HIV not really worry much about the consequences of their actions.

Hell look at him! He’s got no problems. So what the hey, get AIDS. There's nothing to it! This is the wrong message to send to anyone at any age of life.

Terry (Who today is thinking about the high cost of toilet paper and is it septic friendly) :-\

PS. We did behave ourselves, didn’t we? Must be the meds.  ;D ;D ;D


Offline jon

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #77 on: June 23, 2006, 01:27:07 PM »
I think about it all the time.  In fact, I'm on this web site now.  I just dont worry about it anymore.
You'll have to kill Me before I die!!!

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #78 on: June 23, 2006, 06:40:51 PM »
I think about HIV every day. Not because i have it but because my hubby has it. I have to admit that before that I never thought bout HIV unless there was something on the news or in the paper.

I dont think that the people here that posted that they dont think about it because they havent been sick are in no way trying to diminish the fact that others here have had a horrible time with their HIV. I think they simply responded to as it implies to them.

How do you know that they havent taken the time and their energy to write to congress?

Maybe im just naive..i dont try to look for hidden meanings or hidden agendas in what people post.

Teresa

 :)  :) Nice post  :)  ;)  Hope your husband's doing good

Ms. Lipstick (your avatar) looks like "Marian the Librarian"!

IMO it would be nice if this thread can be *bumped* --to the bottom of the barrell!
« Last Edit: June 23, 2006, 06:43:44 PM by allopathicholistic »

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #79 on: June 23, 2006, 06:56:27 PM »
I think about it all the time.  In fact, I'm on this web site now.  I just dont worry about it anymore.

Worth quoting :)

I think about HIV a lot, but mainly in the abstract. Risk assessment in the FEARS forum,  looking up scientific stuff, communicating with my pen pal, that sort of thing.

But in my own body, I don't really do the HIV obsession much. When I have a fever (had one for the past two days) I think "Jeez, I wish this fever would break." But I don't think "this is HIV, this is AIDS, this is the death of me." When I get tired easily, I wonder if energy drinks will perk me up (sometimes yes, sometimes no) but my brain doesn't go all AIDSy over it.

HIV is assimilated into my life. I concern myself with the day to day stuff that happens, or doesn't, in my body. And according to some folks, I maybe OUGHT to think more about HIV. And perhaps when I restart meds, I will give HIV more personal consideration on a daily (or twice daily) basis.

But usually I am thinking about other stuff. Even when I am researching HIV stuff, it's all pretty abstract. I've researched my own illness, and my unique illnesses, and I am happy with my current sate of knowledge and awareness regarding them.  HIV as an entity is just too big, too much, to try and carry around part and parcel. It will make you crazy to obsess over it for very long.

If you are healthy, then enjoy that health. If you are sick, work on getting better. Break off chunks you can swallow, if you can. There might be days, or nights, when you can't. That's what a support system, including this forum, is for.  Because we get it. Seriously, we do. A good deal of the war against HIV is fought in the head, and in the heart - most especially for the newly diagnosed and the healthy.


« Last Edit: June 23, 2006, 07:07:53 PM by jkinatl2 »
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Ann

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #80 on: June 23, 2006, 08:08:53 PM »
I'm vaguely in the same boat as Jonathan, in that I think about hiv for hours and hours every day - but in the abstract. I mean, over in the Am I forum, I also get to think about sex all the time too - but that's abstract as well. I never get all hot and bothered about it and I never (ok, rarely) get all hot and bothered about hiv either. It's just part of my life.

I always have to wait six week between having my blood drawn and getting my results. I used to fret a lot about it and dwell on it, but now I don't really think of it until I'm sitting in the waiting room on results day. Then I sometimes get a little butterflyieish... but even that happens less and less.

I think I think about everyone's hiv but my own. And I also realise that I have that luxury because my virus isn't constantly tugging at my skirts, wanting attention like a bratty, screaming, snot-nosed kid. I know how damn lucky I am in that regard and ... there but for the grace.... I know that.

Ann
(who is having a rare moment's pause on behalf of her own virus.)
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline BB

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #81 on: June 24, 2006, 05:46:30 PM »
Have any of you ever had a colonoscopy? The laxative you take the day before the scope gives a person the worst diarrhea.

Well that was my first two years of living with hiv, diarrhea everyday with only three exceptions of time that lasted about 4 days each. All the rest of the time I was tied to a bathroom. The fatigue was also very debilitating and lasted about the first one and a half to two years of living with hiv.

Today however I'm half way into my third year and doing much better. I just tossed and stacked three cords of wood and have been doing some major landscaping in my yard the past two weeks. No fatigue or diarrhea for quite some time, like months. My strength and stamina are back and appear to be increasing. My immune system numbers are just under what is considered normal but having hiv is never far from my conscious thoughts.

I always remember I have hiv least I forget to take my meds and I've been able to associate lunch with meds. Also, the more I push myself with hard physical work or exercise the better my body seems to deal with hiv and the meds I take.

I remember being told that each person deals with hiv in their own time. Some people cope quickly, for me it took two and a half years. I finally figured out how to work out the various problems and side effects and now feel much better. I'm looking forward to getting back to my old hobbies and stomping grounds.

BB
Damn the Torpedoes! Full speed ahead! Adm. D. Farragut.

Started Atripla 8/18/06 and if I eat the right food when I take my meds, I get to go on a-trip-la.

Offline Sinsation

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #82 on: June 24, 2006, 08:19:49 PM »
I'm newly diagnosed as of April 2006 and this is my first post. My CD4 count is 105 and VL is 57,000. I would imagine that since I'm new to this, i do think about it everyday. How can i not. all the fears and worries about interactions and side effects that will put a burden on my life. i know there is no other choice than to take the meds which i will be starting next week sometime. oh ya, the nausea and diarrhea to come..woo hoo! doc, get that prescription ready! yea i say that in gest, of course. how else can i look at it. i also have Hep B to boot. so I'm just trying to grin and bare all the possibilities that await me in the future. i was reading all the postings in here and after just reading a few posts, i just broke down. it came from no where. i think it was an emotional tide that swept over me. it was kind of cathartic though. in the days that follow i can imagine the toll that hiv will put on my life. I've read endless stories, facts and statistics involving the many facets of our illness. i do try to keep a positive outlook about my future as i hope everyone in here does. and I'm sharing this hoping that i might find some online friends who are going through this and maybe telling there stories may help me get through these trying days, and maybe if someone reads this, they will be able to somehow relate and realize that they are not alone. we are in this together! i have some great friends in my life who are poz as well. i look at them and see how active and happy they are in their lives and i think if they remain in that frame of mind that keeps them kicking days to day with a smile on their face, then so can i. I started this post feeling a bit down and yes, thinking about all the negative things that might effect me. but oddly this really has helped me. so off i go to do some more research...but not until i have my chocolate sundae with sprinkles with a cherry on top! till next time friends =)

Offline emeraldize

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #83 on: June 24, 2006, 08:29:32 PM »
The more I read this site, the more I'm inclined to figure out how to get to Montreal. Save for the clinic visits when I chat it up with my medical team and peer counselor, this site is a new television channel for me. Relevant, provocative, funny, wide-ranging. No program director could come up with such diverse topics. Even though USNRET may not be present to read one more response to his thread initiation, I will add simply that if there's been a day, and there may well have been, that I didn't think about HIV, then I missed it. Must have been sidetracked by something or some set of things. I hope it was fun and not stress. No doubt about it HIV has changed me in myriad ways. And, as a direct result of reading this particular thread, I'm going to find out what AIDS hospice providers exists in my region so that I can volunteer if someone has no one to be with them and I intend to contact our local ASOs to see how I can be of service to them. If I've got the time to be here (and I'll concede there's an addictive magnetism to this site) then I can be out in the world providing care, commentary or encouragement. This thread was a wakeup call for me. I thought I was doing some proactive things in the world of HIV, but I dare say, I've not scratched the surface. Thank you, all of you!

Offline sdcabincrew74

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #84 on: June 25, 2006, 02:51:02 AM »
I think about it daily when I swallow cyto-toxic chemicals that are probably killing albeit more slowly than this damn virus would.  I have accepted that this virus is mine and is a part of me.  I will do my best to keep it at bay and I think I have done well considering where I have come from.  However, I do know, in the back of mind that someday it will probably kill me (or the meds will) I only hope it is quick and painless because I do not want to be a burden on anyone.
The difference between an overnight and a layover is luck!

Offline OakMax1

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #85 on: June 25, 2006, 01:09:57 PM »
Yes,  I think about HIV everyday, like everyone else... but today, I am grateful to be alive and healthy and HOPEFUL!  newest member....
Go with it and KEEP MOVIN!  Life is good today and I am glad to be here

Offline Brandon

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #86 on: June 25, 2006, 01:17:04 PM »
I think about my HIV+ status constantly.

It's truly ****ed up my life. I experience a lot of side effects of just being infected, even with decent numbers. I feel pretty crappy on a daily basis, where as before infection, I hardly ever felt ill or sick. You can't see it on the outside, which sometimes makes it worst, because everyone thinks I'm A-ok.

Ringing in my ears drives me crazy. I feel like I have a lump in my throat. I cough a lot. I never really feel too energetic anymore. Etc, etc, etc.

Offline Eldon

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #87 on: June 25, 2006, 10:36:24 PM »
I think about it and how many others we can help prevent it from happening to them.

Offline sdcabincrew74

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #88 on: June 26, 2006, 11:53:43 AM »
Even some that made a snide comment about me retiring from the Navy and giving 20+ years of my life to give you freedom. etc.         

I am sorry you have been brainwashed into believing that that is what you were doing.
The difference between an overnight and a layover is luck!

Offline TampaBob

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #89 on: June 26, 2006, 07:29:23 PM »
I have been poz for 10 years myself. Had VERY low TC and very HI VL, but from day one my Dr. told me to NOT let HIV run my life. I heeded his advice!

Yes, i think about it everry night b4 bed when i take my meds, and everytime my company wants to change health care plans - but i, like a few others on this thread, decided to not let it run or ruin my life.

To date, my walk with HIV has been uneventful! Mostly in part to my RABID attention to takin my meds, NOT taking any of those fucking NASTY drugs like Crystal Meth, or X, or GHB. Hell, ,i don't even smoke pot!

I enjoy my glass of wine wiht dinner most nights, the occational cocktail when out with friends - but i think i have had a hangover mabye 5 times in the last 10 years (gotta watch after the old Liver).

So, YES i do think about HIV from time to time - but in the same way a person with high blood pressure thinks about taking their meds to keep IT under control.

I've not let HIV limit my dreams, goals or aspirations! And, to date - it hasn't!

I see so many guys who find out and jsut give up. They pour themselves into drugs, or booze and bareback anyone they can as often as they can - and wonder why they can't find a lover or why their health is so bad.

I know its not everyone - hell most of us made that mistake and did a stupid thing and got infected. But, as far as i'm concerned - life is a gift. And i plan on seeing my son graduate high school, college, get married, and bouncing my grandkids on my knee!

Offline lydgate

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #90 on: June 30, 2006, 10:11:20 PM »
I just spent a week without reading a newspaper or accessing the internet. Phone switched off. Pile of old books next to my bed. Every movie John Hughes ever made. For the first time in ten months (or is it ten years?) I didn't think about HIV on a daily basis; in fact didn't think about it all week. It simply didn't intrude upon my consciousness. (The one exception was when I posted a brief message here.) A much-needed time-out, break, breather.

Jay
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline steelblue

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #91 on: July 12, 2006, 12:59:23 PM »
I was diagnosed as Positive in May 2003 and was a fast progressor as I went to full-blown in less than 18 months.  I had a hard time accepting the fact that others were doing so much better than me.  When I started on meds last November I waited impatiently for my numbers to rebound.  My Viral load finally fell to undetectable but my TCells have only climbed back to 192 (11%).  The day I got my undetectable test results, I cried.  How can I *not* think of this uninvited guest on a daily basis when it gives me no respite? I have learned bitterness does me no good.  Although my TCells seem to be on permanent vacation, I know that I am more fortunate than many  of those who are on this journey and I rejoice that I am here today.  Tomorrow is not a guarantee for any of us and, at the very least,  I'm still here!
"You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -- Gandhi

Offline krakerjm

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #92 on: July 12, 2006, 01:35:21 PM »
Think about it?; how can you not?  Some of us have complications from HIV(mine PN) that remind us daily whether we want to think about it or not.  And so many other things to consider not to mention the most important: SEX!  Don't really wanna go there, but at first, I never wanted to have sex again.  But with many other things going on, in time things settled and came around.  My first year was a trauma, guess yours has been good to you or you're just still in denial?!  Nothing wrong with early acceptance, it's what you do with it.  I've had no OIs either, put the PN changed my life drastically, just a 'little' side effect, not from meds but the disease itself.  So we learn to cope one day at a time.
GWM, 63, PN w/footdrop
"I swear there ain't no heaven, pray ther ain't no hell"

Offline Chadwick79

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #93 on: July 12, 2006, 02:39:42 PM »
I can't say that I don't think about it often because I do. Its' just in a different way. I have been on meds for almost 6 years and I have a happier, more productive life than ever. But HIV continues to change my life and I continue to be reminded that I am positive. One of the recent ways my life has changed is in my social life. I can hardly stand to drink anymore. One or 2 drinks and I am in bed for half the day the next day with a hangover. I went to college in New Orleans where the bars don't close and a few years ago I could go out, stay out drinking all night, sleep for a couple of hours and head to work. That's not to say that I would still be doing that at this point because I wouldn't do that now anyway. But, I have meds to take at night, so when my friends are leaving the bar and going to the after party, I have to head home and that feels lonely sometimes. So, that's just one example of how I am constantly reminded. HIV doesn't let me forget.

Offline Alain

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #94 on: July 12, 2006, 03:19:52 PM »
.
« Last Edit: November 03, 2006, 05:54:15 PM by cowandalehouse »

Offline funkysaint

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #95 on: July 12, 2006, 04:46:25 PM »
hi guys!
i'm new in this forum!
i got the news last year in september 05. first i got scared but then i got with my life and thought i could face this new "challange" in my life.
first i didn't thought really about it. well i knew what i had. i knew what i had to do but i thought of it as a chronical disease. things got along... then one month ago - in june - i went to the doctor and he told me to start taking meds. i panicked. i thought the end was coming..... it's kinda strange when u have to take the meds. u get more aware of what u have.
i think about it very seriously when i take the meds at night - i'm having truvada and stocrin. but normally the feeling doesnt get out of my mind.... i have something strange inside myself. that's what annoys me the most. 25 years and still no clues!!!!
well i hope i can start being a regular over here
cheers
fran
 :)

Offline angels4kelly

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #96 on: July 12, 2006, 05:03:51 PM »
Welcome, Fran!!
I'm very happy you're here and I hope you'll become a regular too!!!

Peace,
Kelly





POSITIVE SINCE-10/1990
CD4-610
CD4%-29.3
VL-UNDETECTABLE
VIREAD,VIRACEPT, EPZICOM

MOST RECENT...
10/9/2006
CD4's-714
CD4%-30%
VL-Undetectable
DIAGNOSES POSITIVE 10/90
SAME MEDS, VIREAD, VIRAMUNE, EPZICOM.

SHOOT FOR THE MOON! YOU MAY MISS,
BUT YOU'LL LAND IN THE STARS :)

Knowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.
 
Failure is not in falling down,
but the staying down

Offline Shyguy

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #97 on: July 12, 2006, 05:09:40 PM »
I found out I had AIDS/HIV in July of 2000. I'm now 52. I stopped having sex in 1992, so it came as a total shock when I came down with PCP.  I knew I was sick, but HIV never entered my mind. I blamed myself for a while, a little depression creeped in at first. I went back to work after 6 months, never keeping it a secret. No one was bothered buy knowing I had HIV. I think that helped a lot in my mentel state.  Six years later and having two compete hip replacements, due to the treatment for PCP, I just take my MEDS, a handful at a time, twice a day, and don't think about it. I don't feel sorry for my self. The side affects are a royal pain in the butt, literally, if you know what I mean. I am now on MEDICARE PLAN D, which is a big problem, but I'm getting through it. It's not the end of the world, not yet. Hang in there guys & gals.

shyguy

Offline tapwater

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #98 on: July 12, 2006, 07:28:08 PM »
I've lived with aids for 19 yrs.I don't think much of it,just think of getting old  ;D

Offline wellington

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #99 on: July 13, 2006, 10:36:32 AM »
I was diagnosed less than six months ago and began meds the month after. I have experienced a recovery in CD4 levels similar to yours in this first brief period. While I remain optimistic - who couldn't with so many here holding out for years, if not decades - I don't think it will be any time soon that a day goes by without my thinking of my status. I owe it to myself and those around me to remain vigilant!
« Last Edit: July 13, 2006, 10:39:04 AM by wellington »

Offline joemutt

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #100 on: July 13, 2006, 10:57:20 AM »
Isn t logging in on this website proof that I think about HIV? ::)

Offline beyondaids

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #101 on: July 13, 2006, 11:58:09 AM »
Do I think of Aids?  Yes, everyday, in the morning when I have to take my meds and in the evening when I have to take my meds. Whenever I take a shower and look at myself with my big Belle and Skinner arms and legs.

During the day when I have to think of the job that I lost because of aids, and companies do discriminate.  Everytime i go to the doctor office and pay my high premiums, because insurance companies discriminate against aids. Everytime I look at my drained bank account.

How about everytime I think of the future, what future?

No money, no job, what kind of future is that?

Offline rocket

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #102 on: July 13, 2006, 10:45:37 PM »
I think the problem many people have is to use their own personal experience as a basis for dealing with other problems in our lives.People can live in a city and never be mugged,burlarized or raped and insist it is a very safe city.Another who has their apartment ransaked might move away and say nothing good about that city.I think the jerk that started this thread is in this,if I feel good than whats everyone crying about,situation.Ive been reading this forum for a while and it amazes me what others have gone thru.Im not there yet,not on meds,but I could easily get cancer or whatever down the road and I will never take this disease for granted.If this disease is "easy",its only because of the work done by many who have died before us.These are the real heroes,not the ignorant fool who started this thread and thinks he has kept us free for twenty years sailing around the world on a carnival cruise! >:(

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #103 on: July 13, 2006, 10:59:14 PM »
I will never take this disease for granted.If this disease is "easy",its only because of the work done by many who have died before us.These are the real heroes,

 :) very poignant. thank you for stating this so perfectly. i hope what you said touches all the hearts on this site, and beyond  ;)  :-*

Offline dougmac92116

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #104 on: August 21, 2006, 01:58:02 PM »
I realize not everyone has my experience...Tested positive in 1988; only take trizivir and sustiva now. No meds before 1998. T-cells currently (still averaging) around 650. I guess I have been very lucky, and am one of those people with a lot of natural resistance for some reason.
SO...think about it much?? -- nope, take my meds every day, get labs quarterly, but otherwise don't think about it much.
(--> I did spend the first two years, however, in shock and certain I'd be sick and die any day!)
DOUG

There is an old Arab proverb that everything you write or speak should pass through three gates: Is this true? Is this necessary? Is this kind?

Offline dougmac92116

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #105 on: August 21, 2006, 02:04:51 PM »
To "ROCKET" posted 7/13:
Please, no need to be so nasty. Just because someone else has a comment, concern or feeling different from yours do not make them a "jerk." Please be more tolerant and respectful of others' views and experiences, as I expect you would like them to be of yours.
DOUG

There is an old Arab proverb that everything you write or speak should pass through three gates: Is this true? Is this necessary? Is this kind?

Offline Sky

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #106 on: August 21, 2006, 06:31:08 PM »
Hmm, I think about it quite often.  I don't think about it the same way I used to though, I feel a hell of a lot more educated on the subject.  However, going into the medical profession I can't help but wonder if the hospital setting will make me ill.  It's going on four years since my diagnosis, my expartner I contracted it from is still kicking and seems to be living an ok llife (we don't speak at all).  Four years, no meds, and my number's are ok...all I can do is hope and pray that it is either cured one day or they come up with a method to truely keep this bitch in check.  I have noticed more HIV/AIDS news on tv lately as well as commercial's for getting tested, but I try not to let it run my life.  Now if only I could get outta this social anxiety shit I'm in and get over the fear of dating then I think I'll be ok lol.

Sky
Poz since 2003.

tendai

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #107 on: August 23, 2006, 07:11:07 AM »
i think about it when i feel anything funny in my body and i wonder if its an OI. i think of it when i see people walking hand in hand and acting lovey dovey and i wonder if either or both of them might have HIV.  i think of it when i see a guy i might have like to know but will not approach becoz i have HIV. i think of it when i read about famous people who've been married hundreds of times and been involved with thousands of people and are having healthy babies.  i think of it when my sisters talk abouot their boyfriends and my friends talk about their husbands and i think i dont have one becoz of my status. guess u could say i think about it a lot :'(

Offline RobT

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #108 on: August 23, 2006, 11:15:54 PM »
I think about it, maybe not 24X7 but I still do think about it. My meds remind of it and so does everytime that I get sick. I usually get sick nowadays due to something that I have done myself, rather than just an OI. I get sick thinking of all I am not able to do cuz of this dreaded illness. Everytime I get very emotional due to my successive arguments w/ my soon to be partner, Mike; I think of HIV. I do not think of it constantly, but HIV does come to my mind often.
I think of all the stuff I just do not do and constantly blame HIV. I try to keep myself as healthy as possible, but my monthly hospital visits also bring HIV to the forefront of my mind. I hate the visits and the constant jabbing for blood tests, but I only go cuz I know that it only makes me better.
In a way, I think that it does make me stronger. I just do not know y, but whenever I get short  or have limited patience, HIV comes to mind.

RobT

9/27/2005-1st test results
Viral Load >1,000,000
CD4 204
CD4%age 18
CD4/CD8 ratio .23
11/24/2005- Sustiva/Truvada
04/18/2006
Viral Load 140
CD4 402
CD4%age .21
CD4/CD8 ratio .39
06/27/2006
Viral Load 42
CD4 409
CD4%age .21
08/01/2006
Viral load- undetectable
CD4 493
CD4%age .33

Next lab: 09/01/2006


Current meds: Atripla
VL: undetectable
CD4: 630

Offline Rick64

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #109 on: August 24, 2006, 12:53:17 PM »
I remember a day when I didn't thnk about it.My lover had lived with HIV for over ten years, he took meds, was very successful, and would have said the same thing about never really thinking about it on the thirteenth of September 2000.  He had never been "sick", no OI's, always maintained a CD4 above 200. He became a bit sick on the 14th and to keep the story short, after several near death situatons, exploratory lung surgery, his "recovery" and then a diagnosis of "just pneumonia" on the morning of November the ninth. He died in my arms at seven o'clock that evening. I was diagnosed with PCP and "full blown AIDS" on February the first 2001. CD4 56 VL over 250K. I've gone through a few meds and built resistance to a class or two. I deal with joint and muscle pain. I am sick every morning. This, that, the other... At least I can remember when I didn't think about it. Lately it seems to be tainting all of my thoughts.
Lost my lover to AIDS and diagnosed 3 months later with PCP AIDS CD4 56 VL over 250K.Told I had 3 to 4 years. I'm in my 8th year now!!.

Offline Gilles

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #110 on: August 25, 2006, 07:55:48 PM »
I still think about it, pretty much every day, after 5 months of diagnosis. But my mood is rather inaffective to the condition. The thought of HIV is running independently from the main thought processing of my brain if it makes sense. Its like I am walking in a street, but somewhere back in my head a thought of HIV is sitting there, then I ackowledge its existence in me and get on with rest of my day or whatever I was doing. So I am quite glad that even though I think about it everyday, it does not affect my life as it did 3 months ago. Fingers crossed that this will last for a long time.

Offline PETERJC

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #111 on: August 30, 2006, 08:58:08 PM »
I think it less often than I did in the first few months, I just take my meds, watch my diet and live life as normal as possible.  I quit smoking for my own good, and I only have had 2 in the last 5 1/2 months.

I have diarrhea now and then but it is due to sometimes eating food that is not right.

I have my 2nd appointment since I was diagnosed in March, I hope the numbers are better.
"Be still like a mountain and flow like a great river." Lao Tse

Offline Ihavehope

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #112 on: January 31, 2007, 03:32:44 PM »
I think about it everyday and every night. My nights are full of broken dreams and regrets. Each time I see my family I am ashamed of the mistakes I made in my life which led to this. I think about how most of my plans have been altered. When I take a shower I think about it, when I look in the mirror I wonder how long my face will remain looking healthy, when I play with my baby neice I am more careful for her not to scratch me when I bleed. When I watch couples down the street, I envy them and most of all when I am alone thats all I think about. Will this improve? I am sure at least a little, but I feel like this new journey is full of surprises. And I don't like to be surprised.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline heartforyou

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #113 on: January 31, 2007, 04:51:08 PM »
Hope,

I have become the person I am now, through all the experiences I had in my life.
Did not know HIV excisted when I got infected in the early eighties.
But when I look in the mirror now, I see Herman, male, 51 years old and HIV positive.

I think my strength lays in trying to find the positive side in every situation. I admit it does not always work.
HIV has, ( I had no choice) confronted me with myself, with death and life.
I learned from it. It made me stronger. And it changed me utterly.It was my choice to look at it the way I did.
The suffering was not....it made me harder.

Hermie
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline Ihavehope

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #114 on: January 31, 2007, 04:54:47 PM »
Yup HIV makes us stronger people. I think we are the bravest people in the world just like those people fighting in war except we were drafted.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline thunter34

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #115 on: January 31, 2007, 05:05:47 PM »
EEEEP!  Has this old corpse crawled out of the coffin?!  Yipes! 


The short answer for me is this:  Yes, I think about it every single day.  Whether it is when I swig my witch's brew of pills, when I log on here to discuss, when I see commercials on TV for birth control (or even commercials for AOL or Earthlink VIRUS protection) or when I go for good old blood draws and stuff, it crosses my mind many times throughout the day.

HIV just kinda has a way with that, don'tcha think?

AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #116 on: January 31, 2007, 05:15:55 PM »
Hmm... I have scoliosis... which means that I'm pretty much in low-grade to moderate pain for about half of each day.

It's been going on for more than 10 years now... but I've gotten quite good at ignoring it... it's a sort of irritating background white noise.

HIV is becoming irritating background white noise.  Sometimes I have to think about it more than others... but it's sort of assimilated into my life... like a weave, I suppose.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline ACinKC

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #117 on: January 31, 2007, 05:20:13 PM »
Whats HIV?

LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline ACinKC

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #118 on: January 31, 2007, 05:20:49 PM »
Hmm... I have scoliosis... which means that I'm pretty much in low-grade to moderate pain for about half of each day.

It's been going on for more than 10 years now... but I've gotten quite good at ignoring it... it's a sort of irritating background white noise.

HIV is becoming irritating background white noise.  Sometimes I have to think about it more than others... but it's sort of assimilated into my life... like a weave, I suppose.

you weave your pubes?
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #119 on: January 31, 2007, 05:24:15 PM »
you weave your pubes?

Every goddamn day.

I learned how to do it on my... cocaine God-seeking trips in the Andes.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #120 on: January 31, 2007, 10:19:16 PM »
Yes, I am reminded that I am poz everytime I go for bloodwork or I.D. doc visits. When I get lonely, I remind myself why I am because I am poz. Then someone tells me to cheer up you will find love. Ok, they're trying to be sweet even though I'm falling apart on the inside. With how things are in my area, I just can't go out and have a nice time, it's safer to be at home.

As for how things are going lately for me, I am more concerned about my diabetes right now. My doctor is having a hard time getting that under control. So, he increased my doses. When I went for bloodwork yesterday, I had to pee in a cup too. They're checking for protein in the urine. It seems of late I have been having more problems with my diabetes than my hiv. Hopefully I will hear good results when I call.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline thunter34

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  • His name is Carl.
Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #121 on: January 31, 2007, 10:24:22 PM »
Queen,

I'll be thinking about you, girl.  Hoping that things begin to turn your way both socially and with the diabetes.  You know I love ya, gal.

Tim
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline koi1

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #122 on: January 31, 2007, 10:43:23 PM »
I think about it everyday, multiple times. I think about it when I take my sixteen pills  of lomotil or loperamide. I think about it when I take my dapsone, how about my monthly dose of pentamadine? And yes my stern iron mistresses  Sustiva and Truvada.

I think of it when i look in the mirror and see 30 pounds vanished before I knew it. I think about it everytime my ass explodes in a symphony of cocophonous farts, but am happy that I didn't shit in my pants this time.

This was so embarrassing at sunday brunch in Beverly hills with a bunch of west hollywood queens. At least it got them to stop talking about their botox injections at 24. Luckily the Beverly Center was not too far away. That was the costliest accident I've ever had. I pitty the poor dressing room attendant who had to toss out the mysterious bag in the corner.

So yes AIDS sucks for right now.

rob
diagnosed on 11/20/06 viral load 23,000  cd4 97    8%
01/04/07 six weeks after diagnosis vl 53,000 cd4 cd4 70    6%
Began sustiva truvada 01/04/07
newest labs  drawn on 01/15/07  vl 1,100    cd4 119    7%
Drawn 02/10/07
cd4=160 viral load= 131 percentage= 8%
New labs 3/10/07 (two months on sustiva truvada
cd4 count 292  percentage 14 viral load undetectable

Offline Boo Radley

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    • Animal Rescue New Orleans
Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #123 on: January 31, 2007, 10:46:10 PM »
All this time I thought I was using AYDSmeds.com -- thanks for pointing out my error!!

I love the rich chocolate flavor myself.

Boo
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write © 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline Ihavehope

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  • Posts: 1,366
  • Yes, I'm a cry baby, AND WHAT?
Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #124 on: February 01, 2007, 10:23:59 AM »
Yes, I am reminded that I am poz everytime I go for bloodwork or I.D. doc visits. When I get lonely, I remind myself why I am because I am poz. Then someone tells me to cheer up you will find love. Ok, they're trying to be sweet even though I'm falling apart on the inside. With how things are in my area, I just can't go out and have a nice time, it's safer to be at home.

As for how things are going lately for me, I am more concerned about my diabetes right now. My doctor is having a hard time getting that under control. So, he increased my doses. When I went for bloodwork yesterday, I had to pee in a cup too. They're checking for protein in the urine. It seems of late I have been having more problems with my diabetes than my hiv. Hopefully I will hear good results when I call.

Hi Queen

You stay strong there girl, me and you needs to be there for our loved ones. Science is moving rapidly and better meds will be available for diabetes and even HIV. I heard on the news that now they have some kind of way to measure your blood sugar without poking your finger everyday or taking shots of insulin so much. My mother has diabetes and she is doing very well even though she at times wishes she could eat all the foods the rest of the fam could but she splurges once a month with her favorite foods. I am starting HIV meds next week so i know I will be at home alot more these days watching re-runs of VH1, Janice Dickenson Model Agency, Dance Life, Simpsons and of course I love New York. Ugh, what would i do without TV? Anyway girl, just because you have DB and HIV don't mean your doomed, so far you have controlled HIV without meds so thats good sign your body is very effective and I bet your body will fight back the DB. You are a strong Queen.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline marco23

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Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #125 on: February 01, 2007, 11:10:28 AM »
There's this quote from the movie "Jeffrey" that I like: "I get very tired of being a person with AIDS. A red ribbon. So sometimes I forget. Sometimes I choose to forget. Sometimes I choose to be a gay man with a dick. Can you understand?" - Steve talking to Jeffrey.
Love that movie..for those who don't know about it, it's about a man (Jeffrey) who is negative deciding to give up sex and struggling with emotions he feels for a man whose positive (Steve).
« Last Edit: February 01, 2007, 11:19:04 AM by marco23 »
Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline Amosboy

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  • Music is the panacea.
Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #126 on: February 01, 2007, 02:30:49 PM »
Firstly, I hope you have great and continued success with your medicine.  And by all means, go on LIVING!  Life offers no guarantees for any of us.  The only thing I can tell you or anyone else for sure is that at some point, we all are going to die.  All the more reason to keep on pushing and fighting.  Some have longer and more trying battles than others.  Consider yourself very lucky!  I'm not trying to play Chicken Little here, but you should still be aware (conscious) of the fact that you do have a virus in your body.  Be gentle with yourself.  You never know when you may have to dig really deep to pull out some armor and battle that ugly beast that's hiding out somewhere.  Be prepared to go to war if you have to and don't ever give up hope.

And yes, I think about being HIV positive everyday.  I don't really think of it in terms of "fear" but as an impetus for better behavior and more savoring of life.  I think in some odd way, being HIV positive has made me a more compassionate and forgiving person.  And yes, being HIV positive really blows sometimes.  I miss the carefree days of my late teens and wish I didn't have to have so much unpredictability in my life...how much longer will this medicine work?...can I take the side effects of this medicine?...can I safely pass gas without worrying about pooing in my pants?  I think the proper name for that is "sharting"...figure it out  :o 

For the most part though, I think I've got a pretty damn good life and I'm able to smile and bring smiles to people's faces on a daily basis.

Happy trails to you and keep on riding high, friend!!

Brooks
« Last Edit: February 01, 2007, 02:40:40 PM by Amosboy »
"Love isn't love unless it's not painfully absurb."

-Charlotte Martin

Offline heartforyou

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  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #127 on: February 01, 2007, 03:25:39 PM »
Brooks,

I can  see that you did not turn bitter on life.
On the contrary, you are fully embracing it.

One thing I am trying to do as well.

Thank you for showing us your loving heart. You are such a warm man.

Hermie :-*
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline Optimistic

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  • An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctors Away!
Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #128 on: February 01, 2007, 03:31:01 PM »
After about 4 years, I still think about HIV on a daily basis.  The fears and concerns are what keeps me going.  I try to eat healthy, exercise, and get plenty of rest.  I pay very close attention to myself and whenever something is wrong, I get it checked or ask questions right away.  This doesn't mean that I'm not living my life, it just means that I am more aware of my own health.  I want to beat this disease as much as the next person, that is why I have to remind myself that I have poz and that certain things about my lifestyle needs to change.  I will always have hope for that miracle cure...and when this cure arise, I will continue to remind myself what I had to go through as well as a reminder not to take life for granted.

Justin  
12/06 (Atripla): cd4 - 260; cd% - 33%; vl - 169
1/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 267; cd% - 38.1%; vl - 132
4/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 373; cd% - 33.9%; vl - <50
7/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 287; cd% - 35.8%; vl - <50
9/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 356; cd% - 39.5%; vl - <50
12/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 517

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #129 on: February 01, 2007, 03:40:45 PM »
Hi Queen

You stay strong there girl, me and you needs to be there for our loved ones. Science is moving rapidly and better meds will be available for diabetes and even HIV. I heard on the news that now they have some kind of way to measure your blood sugar without poking your finger everyday or taking shots of insulin so much. My mother has diabetes and she is doing very well even though she at times wishes she could eat all the foods the rest of the fam could but she splurges once a month with her favorite foods. I am starting HIV meds next week so i know I will be at home alot more these days watching re-runs of VH1, Janice Dickenson Model Agency, Dance Life, Simpsons and of course I love New York. Ugh, what would i do without TV? Anyway girl, just because you have DB and HIV don't mean your doomed, so far you have controlled HIV without meds so thats good sign your body is very effective and I bet your body will fight back the DB. You are a strong Queen.

Ihave~~~ Thanks for the encouragement, it's appreciated. I haven't heard of a glucometer that you don't have to poke numerous times. I start out doing good checking it, then I get frustrated when the fingers don't want to give any more blood. I know there are other injection sites but I just get nervous sticking myself somewhere else, I guess I think I'm going to hit something I'm not suppose to. I can pretty much tell when my sugar is high, I start getting migranes or sometimes I just shake uncontrollibly, glad that I'm usually in the house when this happens. I got my diabetes meds refilled today, so hopefully it will get better.

As far as my bloodwork, I got part of that back today. My cd4 in December was 307, it is now 378. The results to the viral load won't be back til Monday. I have been noticing that when my cd4 goes up my viral load tends to go down, so I am hoping for the best.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline AustinWesley

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    • HIV Discussion Group on Myspace!
Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #130 on: February 01, 2007, 04:00:45 PM »
Well, I have to admit I do think about HIV everyday especially over this last week since I logged back on here.   I've heard many people say the first year is the worst and I'm approaching that time frame along with the whole med decision which is why I've dropped everything lately.

I'm angry with myself for allowing HIV to consume my every thought once again.   I've managed to move on with my life and then suddenly once again I'm freaked out and totally obsessed with it.    Who knows, maybe it's also my birthday coming up and I've just got a litany of concerns that seemed to overwhelm me at the thought of having to be on meds.

Now, I read people's thoughts on how the meds are a daily reminder.   That's not helping me as I read through these posts.   I thought oh Jesus I'm gona do that too.   Grrr.

I've intentionally put off a career goal and blown off recent date offers because I have a huge fear that I'm gona have God awful side effects if I do start HIV treatment etc.   I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't.

I am almost regretting dumping my ex because as dysfunctional as he was at least I focused on something else during that time ;)   Ugh!

Anyways, I've just needed to bitch and vent and actually get some facts along the way.   I think we all have times we need to just go apeshit and ramble away and this is clearly my time ;)

I agree with the one person who said I'm online reading this so that's a given.   

I guess the more important topic which I almost posted would be titled

How do you learn to live in Ambiguity, a Life in Limbo?     That'd be me over the last few days for sure.    If anyone wants to take that and run with it please do.   I'd love to hear how others have done that successfully with thier life except I doubt many on here could honestly answer that.

Thanks for letting me ramble and work through my present anxiety.  I've learned a lot and found some really interesting topics which have been a great distraction as well. ;)
Diag. 3/06  Infected aprx. 2 mo. Prior
Date        CD4   %      VL
4/6/06     627    32    36,500     NO MEDS YET!
6/7/06     409    27    36,100
8/23/06   408    25     22,300
1/2/07     354    23     28,700
2/9/07     139    30     23,000  Hep A Vaccine same day???
2/21/07   274    26     18,500 
3/3/07    RX of Truvada/Sustiva Started.
4/5/07    321     27      Undectable 1st mo.  
5/16/07  383     28    Undectable 2nd mo.
8/10/07  422     32   UD <48 on new scale!

Offline koi1

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  • Posts: 713
Re: DON'T REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT HIV ANYMORE, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO?
« Reply #131 on: February 03, 2007, 08:22:48 PM »
I think the degree of thinking about it every day is different for those taking meds or not, and of course the experience you have had with the little particles. I for one, came close to disaster after a great stint of denial. So for me it has been a daily reminder, because I have not yet climbed back up to any semblance of being/feeling healthy. I am sure that as time goes by, and I hopefully begin to look and feel healthier, AIDS will not consume so many of my thoughts every day. Right now I can't help it though. No matter how much I try. It begins from the moment I wake up and look at myself in the mirror, and wonder will I ever feel like myself again? No, the old me was not perfect, but I liked him. Not sure I like myself now, even though I am fighting this with all I have. Normal feelings of why me? I guess.

rob
diagnosed on 11/20/06 viral load 23,000  cd4 97    8%
01/04/07 six weeks after diagnosis vl 53,000 cd4 cd4 70    6%
Began sustiva truvada 01/04/07
newest labs  drawn on 01/15/07  vl 1,100    cd4 119    7%
Drawn 02/10/07
cd4=160 viral load= 131 percentage= 8%
New labs 3/10/07 (two months on sustiva truvada
cd4 count 292  percentage 14 viral load undetectable

 


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