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Author Topic: Update...feeling down  (Read 1724 times)

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Offline LatinAlexander

  • Member
  • Posts: 599
  • Bogota, Colombia
Update...feeling down
« on: March 19, 2007, 01:06:44 AM »
Hi all:

I have been around for sometime. Life is not thhhaaattt bad. I stopped meds, and I 'll start my new combo in one week. Pain is not gone. It's still here... Less strong, but there.

For some reason, I am feeling sad. I mean, yes, I guess I know the reason. Not only HIV, but loneliness. Deeep loneliness. St Valentine's day was a mess. I couldn't help it and sent an e-card to the guy I left in Buenos Aires.

Why do I feel so miserable? I am just plain sad. I just see nice guys, and hey see me, but I get scared, and runaway.. Plus, there is this horny-110%-of-the-time feeling. It's just driving me crazy. And sometimes I just need to "rest" from that feeling... And I go, to sex places, just to end up feeling empty.

I suck.

Alex


Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline ndrew

  • Member
  • Posts: 695
  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: Update...feeling down
« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2007, 02:08:56 AM »
Hi Alex,

I am sorry, I think many of us shared that feeling.  A few days ago I just felt this huge void inside that was swallwoing every last ounce of happiness that I deserve!

I am lonely 2  :'(

Just trying to keep busy and focus on friends I guess.

I hope you feel better soon.

Drew

Offline frenchpat

  • Member
  • Posts: 516
  • Love your friends, don't eat them.
Re: Update...feeling down
« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2007, 05:47:22 AM »

I suck.


YOU DON'T!  You hurt, now maybe more than at other times.

Always difficult to envision a better time when you are low. You are not alone, even if you can not share with everyone what you are going through. Then there are places like this, where real people connect, listen to you and sometimes may be crying when they read what you say. Granted, a lover, a friend that you can hug for real is better. I wish one finds you.

I read this text this morning, found it so gloomily realistic yet also full of hope:

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=10388.0

hope this helps,

Pat  :-* :-* :-*
People have the power - Patti Smith

Offline david25luvit

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,409
  • Member since March 2005
Re: Update...feeling down
« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2007, 09:28:11 AM »
You Suck???  Do you mean that figuratively?  Just kiddin.... :P

Just thought I'd send you a little {{{{CHEER}}}} :-*
Sounds like you need it .....
Of course it sounds like you need to get laid too  ::)


Hang in there good buddy....
In Memory of
Raymond David McRae III
Nov. 25, 1972- Oct. 15, 2004
I miss him terribly..........

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: Update...feeling down
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2007, 10:18:31 AM »
Hey honey

Maybe you're sad because of el guapo y Buenos Aires. When the right man comes along things will get better

{{HUGS}}

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: Update...feeling down
« Reply #5 on: March 19, 2007, 11:58:30 AM »
Hi Alex,

Loneliness does suck.  But you don't.  Hope the sun starts shining in your life soon~
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Ihavehope

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,366
  • Yes, I'm a cry baby, AND WHAT?
Re: Update...feeling down
« Reply #6 on: March 19, 2007, 12:00:21 PM »
Hang in there Latin

Most of us feel the same way. Just appreciate the things you do have and don't focus on the things you don't. It will help you out in this bumpy ride. I hope the new combo works out for you.

Al
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline milker

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,034
  • Protected phone sex
Re: Update...feeling down
« Reply #7 on: March 19, 2007, 12:04:21 PM »
HUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSssssssssssssssssss

What's that i'm feeling? are you THAT happy to see me ? :D

You don't suck. Takes time to find "the one", so go out, enjoy the spring coming and go get him, Tiger!
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline Robert

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,646
Re: Update...feeling down
« Reply #8 on: March 19, 2007, 12:24:14 PM »
I know the feeling about the empty sex.  That's what got me here.  Too much of it.  But you know I was just telling Alex the other day that when I win the lottery, I'm going to fly over to Colorado, pick up Eric, then on to NYC where we will catch up with Alex.  Then the 3 of us will fly down there, pick you up and hope over to the Continent.  All on me, of course. 

Is this an unfulfilled fantasy?  Maybe but you know you're in my thoughts.

robert
..........

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: Update...feeling down
« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2007, 07:35:34 AM »

Alex: I hope you're feeling better about things today.  :-* Remember what I said about our lives being like books and pages. Each page is like a day in our lives and slightly different from the previous pag. Personally I love seeing how each day will be subtly different from the previous one ...  Hang in there!!

Alex

when I win the lottery, I'm going to fly over to Colorado, pick up Eric, then on to NYC where we will catch up with Alex.  Then the 3 of us will fly down there, pick you up and hope over to the Continent.  All on me, of course. 

And we'll all be rosey-cheeked with laughter (and maybe a little Chardonnay)  :D

« Last Edit: March 20, 2007, 09:32:29 AM by allopathicholistic »

Offline LatinAlexander

  • Member
  • Posts: 599
  • Bogota, Colombia
Re: Update...feeling down
« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2007, 09:25:14 PM »
oh my dear friends!!!!!

You cannot imagine ... I cried reading your responses... I really did. Damn it!!! I hate this virus.... I really do.

not feeling that good ....
Alex
Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline tigger2376

  • Member
  • Posts: 462
  • too bad to die youngish!
Re: Update...feeling down
« Reply #11 on: March 21, 2007, 09:30:00 PM »
Sweetheart, I'm so sorry your'e feeling so bad. Sometimes I just wish I could just wave a magic wand and take all the pain away. I could give you all the plattitudes, say it'll get better, say we're all here etc, but just at this moment would love to give you a real hug!!
Take care of yourself, try not to let it overwhelm you, and if hating the virus gets you angry, maybe thats a good thing...then you can REALLY fight the thing
Love and comfort
always
I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Offline koi1

  • Member
  • Posts: 713
Re: Update...feeling down
« Reply #12 on: March 21, 2007, 09:31:24 PM »
I am going to channel my energies to send yo a prince charming. I feel for you. You seem like such a sweet guy. Hope you find some happiness. I hope love is just around the corner, not on a corner.

hugs,

rob
diagnosed on 11/20/06 viral load 23,000  cd4 97    8%
01/04/07 six weeks after diagnosis vl 53,000 cd4 cd4 70    6%
Began sustiva truvada 01/04/07
newest labs  drawn on 01/15/07  vl 1,100    cd4 119    7%
Drawn 02/10/07
cd4=160 viral load= 131 percentage= 8%
New labs 3/10/07 (two months on sustiva truvada
cd4 count 292  percentage 14 viral load undetectable

Offline koi1

  • Member
  • Posts: 713
Re: Update...feeling down
« Reply #13 on: March 21, 2007, 09:31:49 PM »
I am going to channel my energies to send yo a prince charming. I feel for you. You seem like such a sweet guy. Hope you find some happiness. I hope love is just around the corner, not on a corner.

hugs,

rob
diagnosed on 11/20/06 viral load 23,000  cd4 97    8%
01/04/07 six weeks after diagnosis vl 53,000 cd4 cd4 70    6%
Began sustiva truvada 01/04/07
newest labs  drawn on 01/15/07  vl 1,100    cd4 119    7%
Drawn 02/10/07
cd4=160 viral load= 131 percentage= 8%
New labs 3/10/07 (two months on sustiva truvada
cd4 count 292  percentage 14 viral load undetectable

 


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