Main Forums > Living With HIV

How do I keep hope alive?

<< < (2/5) > >>

The HOPE in our lives depends on ourself and our view/or take on life. HOPE is every breath you take.

I am 54 and have been on drugs since 89. I have many days like you are having now, and several long dark periods, but they always seem to end, and the sun shines again.
These meds do begin to control your life. I love trying to sneak 12 horse sized pills at a dinner with people who dont know. Business meeting are the worst,especially when trying to hold off a nuclear rancid reyataz fart,that would surely kill everyone in the room, while your stomach is making noises everyone can hear. I used to go to a small chapel to start each day, but had to stop cause of stomach noises and gas attacks.
Your two posts really hit home and to me were beautiful.
Knowing my luck, the day I die, they will find a cure for this shit, so they are gonna have to drag me out or find some new PIs that are worse than liquid norvir combined with sustiva and crixivan.

My best advice to anyone when they find it all too much is to get a good night of sleep.  If you can do that, the next day, you might just wake up feeling better.  If not, get a good night's sleep the next day...

There is an illusion that we cultivate in our society that we are in control.  It is utterly laughable.  The only thing we can be certain of is what we are experiencing at this very moment.  If you feel sad, feel sad.  If you feel like dancing, dance. In the end, you will have lived your life.  It is never the quantity of life, but it is always the quality of life that matters.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself, to your body and to your mind.  Let go of drama and stress...they may be familiar, but they are not allies.  

When we seek the meaning of life, we often only seem to want to hear the type of thing that would be described as epiphany.  Life seems to me to be what you pour into and get out of it, plain and simple.  My therapist says we are often only as sick as our secrets...and I try to live that.  By being open with my HIV status, I let other's have and own their reactions and I don't have to worry about what they are thinking.  If you can live your life genuinely, all that energy spent hiding your issues will drop away and you can put it into more appealing things.  I take my pills at dinners without shame and look people in the eye while doing it.  After all, it is a disease we are dealing shame required.


Some times you  just. Go. On.

I can't explain it any better. You do something, sleep, kiss an animal, write a letter, make the hours churn from night until day into night again. You sleep, you bathe. You go on.

I take it one day at a time.  When I go to sleep, I know that I tried to do the best I could during that day.

Also, I'm trying to allow myself to 'feel' my emotions, to really experience them.  If I feel like I need to cry, I cry.   Then I usually feel better (not always but usually).

Some days I wonder why I have survived, when so many have not.   Am I stronger? smarter? I don't think so.   Some days, I don't feel like my life has much purpose.   Then something good will happen, or someone will say something really sweet to me, and it makes me appreciate the gift of life. Oh, and I'm still learning things every day.   I've just begun Ballroom II and then there's Ballroom III on the horizon......

Alan (who's finding it difficult to do the rhumba, 'cause he doesn't have a butt to wiggle.....) ;D


[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page

Go to full version