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the bruise of the family peach

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swede_dish:
These last few days I have been a little bit of a debbie downer. Weird dreams and recent turns of events have left me feeling less than kosher. 

In a nutshell, I am afraid of dying alone. Not saying that I am dying anytime soon...but I dreamed I was last night...and while I was laying there, waiting for someone to come wish me fairwell or to say I love you, no one showed up. I just lied there waiting.  I woke up feeling very empty today. Not necessarily depressed, but hollow.

I don't entirely blame this on my lack of a love life...but it seems to play a part in it. Seeing friends go out on dates, building relationships and such makes me resent them to a point.  I know..I know...I should be happy for them and I am. I just wish I had the same thing...no such luck...

Alot of this has to do with my lack of family really. I DO have a family...it's that they show up when someone dies (recently David) and when I do something to make them mad....like before my knowing my status they heard a family rumor that I was a whore.. (WHICH I WASN'T)... causing me to get multiple phone calls and emails...nice to know they are there during the REALLY important times..  :-\ 

Financialy, my situation is getting better. With the new job and my recent sale a few "gems" I had put up on eBay, I have made enough to cover rent -which includes utilities- and my car insurance. Tution is another story.  Have to go into the financial aid office today to see if I can get another student loan...sigh. Why must a basic post high school education cost an arm and a leg? It's almost more tempting not to go and pay off all my debts...but I know if I stop now I won't go back.

THAT'S ANOTHER THING THAT BOTHERED ME. My auntie and I have never seen eye to eye. I was on the phone with her the other day when I mentioned my tution and what I wanted to do when I got out of college. Here's how it went........


Lotus: "Well I'm taking Life Drawing III, PotteryII, Painting Advanced and Physics 101 this summer semester and the tuition is killing my bank account. Oh well, they have loans I can take out"
Auntie Ave: "Now Jennifer, I know this is a sore subject...but is all this money worth it? I mean, with your condition and all..are you going to be able to get much use out of your degree? With your situation, you can't expect much of a career."
MY CONDITION!? WHAT, DO I HAVE CRONIC HEADACHES? also...what does this woman know of careers.....she has never held a job for more than 3 weeks and married a rich old guy a month after her husband died so he would buy her Chanel bags and liposuction on her ghastly saddlebags...sorry...I'm bitter.
Lotus: "Auntie Ave, I don't know what condition you're referring to but I can assure you I will get plenty of use out of my degree. More than your son's french degree..but I really must go. kiss kiss."

CLICK.


Her son's French degree is a sore subject. He's now working at Ikea after having had his degree for 5 years...and she still refers to him as the "jewel of the family"...while I remain the "bruise" on the family peach. 


ugh. I just wish things would get better...


thank you for letting me rant.

love,
lotus

Nadine:
((Big hugs to you, Lotus))

Don't let this world and the people in it get you down, you are a wonderful person, just don't you forget that!

swede_dish:

--- Quote from: Nadine on June 20, 2006, 08:06:39 AM ---((Big hugs to you, Lotus))

Don't let this world and the people in it get you down, you are a wonderful person, just don't you forget that!

--- End quote ---


aw thank you nadine! :) That means the world to me <3

allopathicholistic:

--- Quote from: swede_dish on June 20, 2006, 08:10:00 AM ---what does this woman know of careers.....she has never held a job for more than 3 weeks and married a rich old guy a month after her husband died so he would buy her Chanel bags and liposuction

--- End quote ---

 :D  :D
sounds like (hope I'm wrong) she's a button-pusher. don't waste an ounce of mental energy on the deliberately unhelpful words of needlers & button-pushers

jkinatl2:
Lotus, I agree with allopath. Sounds like this is one "classy" lady.


People like that are spiders. They gently weave you into civilized cocversation, then once you are firmly trapped, they bite.

Good to bite back like you did.

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