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Author Topic: Questions, mostly about oral  (Read 1936 times)

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Offline rodeo99

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Questions, mostly about oral
« on: March 09, 2007, 06:41:58 AM »
Hi, I met someone I really like and so far we have only engaged in pretty heavy kissing.  I am freaking out because the last time I had previously bitten the inside  of my mouth on the inside of my lower lip while eating (I hate when I do that), there was blood.  Two days later is when we had our last session, I'm talking tongue-sucking and the whole nine yards.  There was no open cut, it had started healing pretty good but I still feel like an asshole and am very worried.

Another question, I know when the time comes I am definitely going to use a condom and lube, but what happens if during felatio I cum in their mouth.  Dont get me wrong I am not planning on it AT ALL! and I dont usually have a lot (or any I think) pre-cum but I also worry about passing the virus this way.

The third and last question is more of an ethical dilemma, I dont want to disclose my status at this point and this has the effect of causing me to worry about these types of interactions with this person that I care a lot about.

Thanks guys, I know there's a lot of knowledge and experience out there between the moderators and the members and I'm prepared to get an earful from a lot of you.  Take it easy on me though cuz I have been beating myself up a lot about this already.

Offline Ann

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  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Questions, mostly about oral
« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2007, 08:33:39 AM »
Hi Rodeo,

I've moved your thread to the Living forum because as a positive person, it's more appropriate that you discuss this over here rather than the Am I Infected forum.

Not one person has ever been infected through kissing, so you really don't need to worry about the kissing thing. As long as your mouth isn't dripping blood - and you're hardly likely to be kissing anyone when something like that is going on - then you don't need to worry.

As for the oral, there have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one. This shows us two things. One, condoms are very effective for the prevention of hiv transmission. Two, oral sex is much lower risk than previously believed. We now have the evidence that oral sex is a very low risk activity where hiv transmission is concerned.

You'll have to decide where your own comfort level - and that of your partner - lies. There are other factors here too, such as what level your viral load is at and what your partner's oral hygeine is like. But, it is fairly rare for transmission to occur during a blowjob.

I'm sure others will weigh in as well.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline bravebuddharich

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  • Posts: 179
Re: Questions, mostly about oral
« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2007, 09:24:40 AM »
While I understand the fear of disclosure, I strongly urge you to tell this person you say you care about your HIV status before any more sexual activity ensues. IMO he has a right to this information, so he can make an informed choice as to what he wants to do. I know how difficult this is, and I know many disagree with me, but I believe it is something others get to decide for themselves. I've gotten rejected ALOT when I have disclosed - it's unfortunate, but it's the right thing to do IMO.  Occasionally, what has happened is they have told me they are positive as well!!!

Good luck,

Metta,
Rich

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: Questions, mostly about oral
« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2007, 10:17:57 AM »
I absolutely agree with Rich about disclosing your status pre-sexual activity. I also believe what Ann posted about oral sex being a low risk venture (provided good oral hygiene is maintained). As for the possibility of being rejected, Iíve been left and Iíve left others, although for reasons other than HIV.

If someone is seriously interested in you (and not ignorant of facts) they will not reject you based solely on you HIV status. If they would, I wouldn't want to be with them anyway. Would you?

Daniel
« Last Edit: March 09, 2007, 10:19:36 AM by DanielMark »
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Longislander

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  • Posts: 2,486
Re: Questions, mostly about oral
« Reply #4 on: March 09, 2007, 06:02:13 PM »
Hi Rodeo,
I'm glad you'met someone you can really care about.

I would disclose before any further sexual activity. If I was negative, I wouldn't want someone to tell me in the afterglow that ' oh, by the way, I'm HIV +".

And the longer you hold off telling him, the more hurt you will be if you do get rejected by this man.

these are just my opinions, of course you have to do what you think is best.

Good luck, and I hope he's the one! ;)
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

 


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