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Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

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Recent Posts

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81
If that is an accurate transcription of this communication -- you will notice that neither of you said anything straightforward about your HIV statuses...  You didn't get the info you wanted and also you didnt ask for the info you wanted and finally you didn't tell him you are HIV+ with a destroyed immune system.

Your message to us about how you feel about him is much more straightforward!

For the near future, you won't find any good energy in conversing with your ex because its just a mess, so I suggest you back off at this point.  You will have to own your choices - the drugs, the years of unprotected sex, the "dirty syringes" -- you did that.  You will have to assimilate being HIV+ and eventually when you do you will also find a new partner and build a relationship and future that you want - accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative - as they say, some irony intended...  ::)


I know I shouldn't be talking to him, he makes me a very bad person inside.


I own my choices, I blame no one but myself, I knew about HIV and it's causes and how to prevent it from a young age. I lost an uncle at the beginning of the epidemic, and my aunt was an activist, and when my family found out I was having sex they sat down with me and talked to me about diseases and stuff and my dad bought me a box of condoms. I chose not to listen and while I regret that, regret doesn't retrieve T cells. I've made so many positive changes (not a pun) in my life and I am just going to continue doing the right thing for myself.

And as for that conversation, I got the info that I needed and so did he, my ex is a lot of things and stupid is one if them but he knows my thought process and way of speaking and from that conversation he knows I have *it* and I know he does too because he started the conversation off with "do you have aids?". He won't admit it to me because he is an ass like that and always has been, but he didn't deny it. The whole exchange was unhealthy and I know that I needn't focus on the past because the fact is that I have this thing to deal for the rest of my life.

I haven't cried at all until just now though when you said  "you are HIV+ with a destroyed immune system". It's not as if I don't own my choices, I do and that's why I'm clean and have made so many changes for myself, because I want better than what I had. It seems that was all in vain now because I'm dying...


I don't think I am going to take the HAART route, I did this to myself and actions have consequences, I'm not suicidal...but I don't feel comfortable committing to HAART right now because I am afraid that I will relapse and my mind will say something like this:
"if I could take this pill and still be clean, why can't I take this pill...I am in pain and OxyContin is a medicine for pain and I am nervous so why don't I throw in a few Valium too"

I don't know if you're an addict but I am and that's how an addicts brain works. I have a sponsor in NA who I spoke too and he told me that addiction isn't about the drug, it's about instant gratification to "fix" something instead of just letting nature take it's course, he suggested that if I allow myself to take a pill for relieve of my immunodeficient symptoms, what's the difference for me to then take some heroin to cure my "opiate dependence" symptoms. In essence, he said that HAART would be the start down a slippery slope that ends with a needle in my arm and me overdosing and dying anyway. Just more drawn out and expensive.

My sponsor is a smart guy and he basically told me that me taking those meds would open Pandora's box to relapse and he said that even if I live longer from those pills, is the life of a junkie a life worth preserving.

He told me that it's my choice in the end, but he would consider it a relapse and he wouldn't sponsor me anymore if I got on HAART and I wouldn't be able to keep my clean time and say "I have 9 months clean." I would have to go back to 0 and everyday I took the pills I would be considered using and that would crush my soul and might make me suicidal because that is my proudest achievement, my sobriety. I know it sounds harsh but that kind of discipline is the only thing that kept me off heroin.


I try to listen to him because he hasn't steered me wrong before, but I am curious to hear other addicts' on HAART justification for this...I know that there has to be some addicts on this site due to the unfortunate prevalence of this disease amongst drug users.



Thank you so much.
82
I Just Tested Poz / Re: too stressed
« Last post by mecch on Today at 03:18:49 AM »
I won't sugarcoat it or deny it. Stigma is a lot to deal with and overcome. However if you hide inside you lose. If you kill yourself over stigma you lose the haters win. I hope you realise that people who persecute others over a disease are wrong, and small minded.  One tiny silver lining is that it does sort out and make very clear who is an ally in living well and who is a black hole of negativity - so do NOT send an ounce of your life energy to them - certainly not now, when you are weak.  Don't spare the haters but an electron.
Its quite difficult to deal with stigma but on the other hand its a manipulation, an adjustment, a click, in your own mind. 
There can be real losses and pain that come with the rejections based on stigma but also be aware that people recently diagnosed HIV+ can easily OVER estimate how bad it will be.  When its done and dusted a lot of people really could give too shits and some people are quite nice and kind or supportive about another person's challenge in life.
83
If that is an accurate transcription of this communication -- you will notice that neither of you said anything straightforward about your HIV statuses...  You didn't get the info you wanted and also you didnt ask for the info you wanted and finally you didn't tell him you are HIV+ with a destroyed immune system.

Your message to us about how you feel about him is much more straightforward!

For the near future, you won't find any good energy in conversing with your ex because its just a mess, so I suggest you back off at this point.  You will have to own your choices - the drugs, the years of unprotected sex, the "dirty syringes" -- you did that.  You will have to assimilate being HIV+ and eventually when you do you will also find a new partner and build a relationship and future that you want - accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative - as they say, some irony intended...  ::)
84
Someone I Care About Has HIV / Re: Uprotected sex, Serodiscordant couple
« Last post by Waltern on Today at 01:54:38 AM »
Thank you Jeff, I am now feeling better that there is no recorded case where the viral load was suppressed and transmission was possible, though i stil have headache about contracting the virus. would like to hear some more serodiscordant couples who dont use protection and are only relying on undetectable viral load/ARV as prevention.
85
Questions About Treatment & Side Effects / Re: Rash treatment
« Last post by oksikoko on Today at 01:28:38 AM »
According to aidsmap:

“Rash is also common in people taking efavirenz, affecting around a quarter of people in trials. It can usually be controlled using antihistamines and tends to resolve within a month of starting efavirenz-based therapy.”

It’s possible you need to wait a bit longer than the 10 days you were expecting.

{I AM NOT A DOCTOR. THIS IS NOT INTENDED TO BE MEDICAL ADVICE.}
86
Update: I texted my ex to tell him. I didn't want too because I hate him but I felt like I either had to know if he knew he had it  (and if so, when he knew and if he knowingly gave me it) or of he didn't know I had to tell him because I'm not evil. He is the only one who could have given it to me because I've only slept with 3 people in my life: the guy I lost my virginity too who I haven't seen since I was 13 ( we didn't use a condom but I was tested when I was 15 and came out negative), this guy I hooked up with a handful of times awhile ago when me and my ex took a break for about a month in early 2013 (but I topped him and wore protection at his insistence) and my ex who came in my ass about 75000 times (hyperbole) and shared dirty syringes with.

The conversation went like this -

Me: hey, are you doing alright?

Him: why?

Me: because I want to talk to you about something

Him: do you want to work things out

Me: honestly no. but there is something that you should know about

Him: are you gonna tell me you have aids or something?

Me: why would you say that, do you?

Him: i don't know but I (name withheld) told me he does

Me: well did you f**k (name withheld) while we were together, at this point I already know a lot of what you did so don't spare my feelings

Him: yeah we screwed around a couple of times but I don't think he had it then

Me: get tested

Him: so you do have it.....


Me: if I did, it would mean you had it too


Him: whatever...so you do have it lol???

**I didn't respond to that last message**


I mean he just confirmed what I already knew but his lack of sympathy or urgency is what makes me mad....:(

He's a junkie and sex-fiend who "doesn't see the point in having sex if he has to west a rubber" (those are his words to me when we were together.) and he hooks up with different men and women all of the time.....he has probably spread it to so many people..
87
Living With HIV / Re: Needing info fast please
« Last post by initforlife on Today at 12:34:51 AM »
Nope had nothing to do with that.. It wasn't my car  and my daughter had to be back at work the first time I came through Ga and the last time Monday I was with my friends and you know how all that was playing out in my mind sorry I will stop when I'm by myself or in my car for sure!
88
Don't tell you mom now if you can't deal with that but that means you have to go out there and get treatment by yourself.  If you don't go get treatment, you will get very sick and then the cat will be out of the bag. You wouldn't be able to hide AIDS and hospital stays and death from mom, that's for sure, nor would you want to do that to yourself or to your parents and loved ones.
Your parents will be proud of your strength fighting back for your health. Its really part of the same story they are already proud of you about.

I do for myself anyway, my relationship with my parents is over Skype and the telephone. I live in Astoria in my own apartment...they retired to the suburbs of Austin, Texas almost 2 years ago. Before I lived in my own place I lived with my bf and his family in the projects in Spanish Harlem. The only family I have here is my aunt, her husband and kids, and my elderly grandma who already lost a son to this disease 30 years ago, I make my own money (I work in construction and have 10 paid sick days that I plan on using very wisely ... I refuse to disclose to my employer I don't ssnt to wind up like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.
89
Living With HIV / Re: Needing info fast please
« Last post by zach on Today at 12:28:49 AM »
what?! jeez hell no, i've got strong feeling about disclosure. we wouldn't do that.

is that why you didn't stop for lunch.  ???
90
Estoy infectado? / Re: Posible contagio VIH?? ayuda!!
« Last post by Hope123 on Today at 12:27:52 AM »
Hola andy, han pasado 82 dias desde lo que relate, hoy por la mañana la chica y yo fuimos al laboratorio (ella se hizo el examen), y los resultados fueron los siguientes:

HIV-1/HIV-2

ESTUDIO:

RESULTADO DE HIV-1/HIV-2
Metodo: INMUNOENSAYO ENZIMATICO DE MICROPARTICULAS

RESULTADO:

NEGATIVO

UNIDADES: -----

VALORES DE REFERENCIA:

NEGATIVO
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