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Recent Posts

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I am relatively new to HIV having been diagnosed two weeks ago, but the book
When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron has been helping calm me and put my situation into a spiritual perspective. Also good in that way is Eckhart Tolle's, The Power of Now.

I'm not a religious person, but as one who has a tendency toward depression and negative thinking, both of these books help me see some of my destructive thought patterns and provide tips on how to bring myself back into the peace of the present moment.
Hi all,

I come to the forum periodically when I need some guidance and some support. To feel like I'm not alone. Well, its been two and a half years since I've been positive. I take my meds pretty consistently.  I was undetectable a month after diagnosis and have been undetectable ever since.  In fact, I don't think I've been healthier.  I work out consistently and get my check ups every three months. 

Although on the surface nothing has changed, everything about me has changed quite drastically.  I find myself in low dips quite frequently and depressed a lot.  My career isn't going so well (freelance) and at the age of 32, I've never even been in a relationship.  I think all this, add HIV in, and it's, well, quite depressing. I don't know if I've ever quite let it sink in because If I did, I wouldn't be able to get out of bed (which I do sometimes). 

I tried going to a therapist (whom is also positive) but I don't think it's helping.  I try to go to groups, I try positive reinforcement, I try to hang out with friends, but now I think drinking is the only bit of relief.  And maybe sleep.

It's agonizing to think sometimes how this will be me in the future and how much I've changed for the worse.  It's sad that I threw my life away for such a stupid decision (or lack of action).  I don't know how to handle being positive, or how to be myself anymore.  I'm angry a lot.  I sense myself being a selfish individual.  I don't like who I'm becoming.  I just don't care about things anymore because I don't see the point.  What's the point?  I used to think I could do anything, accomplish anything, change anything, be anything.  I don't know where that person is anymore.  And the frustrating thing is I don't know how to fix it.  How do you fix this?  Happiness is becoming a distant idea.  Harder and harder to get.  It's a sad thought to think nothing will ever be better.

How do you get through the hard times? 

In Memoriam / Re: A moving tribute to Joe Killfoile
« Last post by Lis on Yesterday at 11:16:07 PM »
I will never forget all of his love and honesty
Am I Infected? / Re: Acute HIV Common Symptoms timeline
« Last post by sanjkalp on Yesterday at 10:25:22 PM »
Thanks for the reply. Anyway I went to physician and told him the chilling story. He took a full urine report and a blood report from me and said that I have some infection in the bladder.
Even it is not HIV, i dont know may be it can relate to some other  STD related issue. I am going to check my HIV and other STD status from 5 weeks mark.
Estoy infectado? / Re: Estoy infectado? ayuda!!
« Last post by Andy Velez on Yesterday at 10:07:26 PM »
Cualquier los detalles besando no es un  riesgo por el VIH. No tiene que probar.
Living With HIV / Re: would you disclose to a probation officer?
« Last post by zach on Yesterday at 09:23:01 PM »
no no, same probation company, they have a contract with the city.

in fact i stood next to the same PO, he was the one that petitioned the court to revoke my probation. i zinged him a couple times.

in the end, the solution i offered the judge was what she chose. actually, i damn sure didn't make a friend of him, oh well...


Estoy infectado? / Re: Estoy infectado? ayuda!!
« Last post by violeta8766 on Yesterday at 09:18:17 PM »
Hola por sexo oral yo a un hombre por un beso con herida en la boca es riesgo gracias
Living With HIV / Re: Nutrition and HIV
« Last post by Lightfighter on Yesterday at 09:10:26 PM »
i just stopped eating them, period

weigh the pros and cons... hiv meds save your life and health, grapefruit messes with the efficacy of those meds

it was never a debate for me

what are you doing with your life? wanna roll the dice over a grapefruit?

But it's grapefruit.  :-* ;D

Guess I won't be buying any anytime soon then. I'll follow up with my doc at my next appointment.
Pre-HAART Long-Term Survivors / Re: Happy Harley - New Job
« Last post by BT65 on Yesterday at 08:45:55 PM »
Congrats Harley!

Living With HIV / Re: Nutrition and HIV
« Last post by BT65 on Yesterday at 08:44:05 PM »
I still eat a red grapefruit every once in a while, and I'm on 6 different HIV meds. I used to take Stribild, had to quit because of bone and kidney issues.  Anyway, once every few months I will eat one grapefruit for breakfast and it hasn't bothered me. I don't drink grapefruit juice. As always, check with your physician.  That's my behavior, and my advice lol.

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