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Recent Posts

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Hi Ann, Andy, Jeff, Todd..

I am really scared of one incident recently happenned to me, Can you pls acess my risk and let me know if i need to be tested.

I had been to a massage parlour in South India. I wore condom from the beginning.
One hour before I went to meet the lady I used a trimmer to trim my pubic area which caused some cuts in my genital.
There was no blood but I sensed a burning sensation there when I used aftershave lotion after trimming

during the massage, at some point we were sitting face to face on the table. she put my penis with the condom beneath her underwear for a few seconds
and rubbed, I said no but she said it was just rubbing. I am not sure if the head of my penis  entered her vagina or just rubbed outside as she was wearing her panties always

Anyway after 10, 15 seconds I removed my penis from there..

I believe some vaginal fluid should have there in the condom due to this. after that she tried to give me  a handjob with condom on and latter she removed condom
and gave me a handjob util i came away from her. she rubbed  my urethra a few  times while she gave me HJ.

(The condom was intact, always there on me until she removed it for HJ and I checked it with water method and there was no leak)

these are my concerns now, off which I dying out of fear and guilt

1) Is it a big risk that she had Vaginal fluid on her hand and she rubbed my Urethra..?
(I do not think she had lot of it while giving me a HJ as she already tried to give me HJ with condom on and some of it would have dried due to that)

2) immediately after i came I became paranoid and i applied soap and shaving lotion on my penis.. Then I found another small cut with no blood by the burning sensation of the lotion which is close to the head of my penis on the foreskin which I am not sure if came from the lady's nail while giving HJ or from the trimmer.

given the fact that she might have touched that cut too.. Am I having  great risk..?

3) will your answer change due to the fact that I am from South india (Asia) and where the type of Virus is different ( C Type) and the hiv transmission science (which you gave in the welcome thread) could be different due to this ?

I was very careful to use condom from the beginning and i did not penetrate her  other than what I said above (she putting my penis with condom on inside her panties)
but I am feeling really sorry that all this happened to me after taking lots of such  precuation...

I did a HIV test after 24days it came negative, did an STD test and came negative. I just wanted to add that I am not at all a sexually active person who is
un circumcised.

pls say if I  need any test for this, I talked some guys running medical lab and they say  I should do PCR as this is very risky.
but the price for the test is too high so I thought to wait for your feedback..

Good suggestion Jeff.
2014 - so are you alone in Ecuador? How old are you?

It sounds to me like you have a very particular and not easy relationship to medical care - physical and mental.  All the ASOs were "pretty shitty" hmm?

Maybe the psychologist wants you to continue because he sees you have some risk...  What do you have to lose by continuing?  Is it financially hurting you?

Also, the psychologist, in a hospital no less, might be an access point or a reference point to get doctors on the case to figure out why you feel so crappy.

The more you speak, the more it seems like a complex of challenges and also it does read a bit between the lines like you are hurting yourself with too much control over things that you are not a specialist in....   Maybe I am just talking about my own experience - I mean I am not a doctor or medical specialist so when I got HIV, or other serious health challenges in the past, I tried to get doctors to diagnose and treat and I followed their suggestions. If one doc wasn't helping me feel better, I might go to another.  But I never walked away saying they are all shitty or feeling that pills were not the answer....   The same with shrinks.  I have had therapy a few times when I have been overwhelmed. I had depression and anxiety a few times.  The shrinks HELPED me sort it out, and I pretty much followed their expertise. 

I mean not blindly, of couse. We are masters of our own experience and destiny.  But maybe you are resisting giving up a bit of power and control, and thus not getting some expertise that could benefit you.   
Living With HIV / Re: My brother won't eat my food.
« Last post by Miss Philicia on Today at 12:12:32 PM »
It really boggles my mind that this happens in 2014. All of these people go out to restaurants I assume and never question if they chef and waitstaff have HIV?
Forgive me if this has been discussed already but have you been checked out for a parasite or something you may have picked up ? I'm not assuming that the water is dirty or food quality is poor in Ecuador and would be asking the same question no matter where you live .

I had a rough time once with a stomach bug I picked up and it wasn't your normal throwing up and shits kind of thing at the start of it, I felt lousy for a whole month before the worst .
Living With HIV / Re: Undetectable! From Irisheyes
« Last post by tryingtostay on Today at 12:07:33 PM »
Hey Great news absopozilutely!
Living With HIV / Re: My brother won't eat my food.
« Last post by YellowFever on Today at 12:01:33 PM »
The relatives who know I have HIV used to avoid sharing utensils and food. But that was until they saw how I shared food and utensils with the other relatives that didn't know about my HIV. The penny finally dropped then.

Of course, hopefully your brother has enough brain cells to deduce that if HIV could be passed that way, we'd ALL have been infected.
The SSRI's simply dont work for me. I've tried them, i've had some minor success with CBT but the hospital's psychologist seems to be more into freud. On thursday when i see him im gonna tell him i'm not interested in talking with him anymore. Although here i feel pressured to continue with him, almost threatened. Ill figure that out though.
Well im in the process of Ecuadorian citizenship but i am a US citizen. I went to a few ASOs but they were all pretty shitty. They would forget things and there treatment was usually very limited in things related too but not directly being HIV. As far as i know theyre are really no ASOs in Ecuador.
As for how i feel, i still feel tired, my body aches, etc. Its driving me nuts, its hard just to get out of bed from the fatigue.
Off Topic Forum / Re: 16 down, 34 to go...
« Last post by Miss Philicia on Today at 11:32:11 AM »
What exactly are you confused about, dearie?
Well thats good to hear that you are a fighter.
So are you a citizen of Ecuador?  And were you also a citizen in the US?
Why did you find no options in the US?  If you are a citizen in the us, I would guess you could go though a AIDS service organisation and find some options.
Are there ASOs in Ecuador?
Anyway in the immediate next days, its always going to come down to how sick do you feel.  And where you can go if you need a doctor's assessment.
Going forward for the long haul, some things to keep in mind - might reassure you
1) Medicine has effective HIV treatment pretty mastered. There are plenty of drugs and treatment is effective. Its all about dealing with access and affordability and staying adherent.  Then of course, all the social, affective, and legal downsides..
2) You'll want to get some mental health treatment.  Far as I know, the 2 things that work are talk therapy and/or SSRIs.  You didn't find effective treatment yet, but don't believe that its not out there, it is!  Anxiety is another issue and there are effective therapies - cognitive - and also pills.
I encourage you to give up whatever resistance you have to pills, overall.

HIV+ people need pills.  Sooner or later. No quibbling there.  Also mental illness can be treated with pills and therapy. 

What about social emotional financial support where you are now? Are you alone?

Living With HIV / Re: My brother won't eat my food.
« Last post by Miss Philicia on Today at 11:15:00 AM »
Does your brother bleach the toilet seats in the house on an hourly basis?
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