I can't tell you how happy I am to find this thread. I have been looking for someone to talk to who will understand. I am a negative female with a positive male
We will be celebrating our 8 year anniversary in july. He was diagnosed almost 3 years ago. We didn't know he had it till he had full blown aids and they didn't think he would make it out of the hospital. I got tested a week after he was put in the hospital. We were there a month.
When I first found out I was negative I was so relieved. We had been having unprotected sex for 5 years sometimes multiple times a day. I'm not going to lie I thought about leaving. I honestly find it hard to believe people when they say they never considered it. Obviously we were having other problems too, but mostly I am almost 30 and have no kids and his diagnosis came about a month after we decided it was time to try.
All I could think was there goes my chances of ever being a mom.
We didn't have sex for almost a full year after his diagnosis. We were scared and thinking about the fact that it could kill me ruined the urge for both of us. The first time we did he went so slow and carefully like the condom was made of tissue lol. However things are good again. He's undetectable. We use coitus interrupted. Yes that carries risk but with him being undetectable, and me not getting it the first 5 years it seems low risk (not no risk!!) When he misses a doctors appointment or doesn't take his meds on time a few days in a row we go without or use protection. My question is, there anyone else on here who wants kids and doesn't have any? Do you feel cheated? Do you ever want to leave? How do you deal?
Wow this ended up being longer than I wanted lol. This has been building up since his diagnosis. Does anyone else feel there's not enough resources for the partner?
Also he won't talk about it ever!! He never shows emotion about it. Even when he was diagnosed he just said ok..it is what it is. When I bring up my fears he either makes it sound like I'm a crazy person for thinking about death and or infection, or gets mad and says "then maybe you should go" I know that is not what he wants but it hurts. Sorry about the length. I look forward to having someone who understands
This is quite interesting and very well. I am same situation and working to get baby. I got dating with my wife 14 years ago. I am poz and she is negative. When i stated dating with her i did not know my status and later on i found out that i m positive. That time she wanted to get married with me but how can i tell my status. It is very difficult to tell anyone in my community or relative. I took eight months to inform and i used many different ways to tell about my status. I was afraid that if i tell her my status then she would tell to anybody. but she didnot. May be i was worry about it a lot. But finally she decided to get married with me. On that time i told her that we won't have child cuz of my status. she said as long as we together, she will be fine with that. But today it is different story. We are working on for having kids.
Now i am coming to your main point about having kids. It is absolutely fine having kids for serodiscordant couples. There are some steps that you have to go through. Now a days there are many mads and option available about it. And so far i know one couple who had gone through this process and their child is (-) and mom too (-).
IF you really want to know about this process then let me know. I can go over with that.