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Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

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Recent Posts

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 ... 10
I had all my numbers checked at the hospital on Sunday. They said everything looked great. still undetectable and great CD4s. I've actually been really fortunate to never have bad numbers. Not even when we first caught it. I'm not sure what an OI is or IRIS. is it possible for me to become drug resistant without my numbers ever going out of wack?
Off Topic Forum / Re: Florida Transgender Bathroom Bill
« Last post by tednlou2 on Today at 12:45:08 AM »
Kentucky repubs are trying to get this passed here, too. 
I Just Tested Poz / Re: Newly diagnosed and just want some hugs
« Last post by AlreadyTired on Today at 12:38:15 AM »
...Second, I met my HIV doctor, and she is so NICE! I cried like a baby everytime I opened my mouth in her office, but she just let me (even though, she was so extremely busy)...I, also got my numbers, I have a CD4 of 64 with a VL of 45000. I guess I do have AIDS...Hopefully , after 6 weeks, I will be see better numbers. But, for now, just being able to breath is enough! My doctor had reassured me that I wont suddeny drop dead...And, I truly and deeply am indebted...

Most of us have been where you are. I also cried at my doctor's office then sat numbly while she gave me the same assurances that you were given. Best thing is that they are true. After six weeks my VL was undetectable and I started about where you are. My CD4 made a better than expected jump which boosted my morale. I now understand that my CD4 is a steady upwards climb measured over time. Believe that it gets better. Your physical and mental health will improve. Believe, believe, believe....
Living With HIV / Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Last post by zach on Today at 12:05:23 AM »
how did you even stumble on this old thread?

i have wondered how jk is doin, when i first joined he and tim were the ATLiens that reached out to me

why do you feel like a ghost? do you see yourself in what jk wrote? like everything else about this virus/disease, it gets better in time.
Living With HIV / Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Last post by Almost2late on Yesterday at 11:15:22 PM »
This really got to me especially this quote.. yeah, I know its old, I don't care, so what.. at least they're keeping it real..

Sadly, this is the divide between those of us who have experienced the reality of AIDS and those who have not. And there will ALWAYS be a divide.


Because those infected now stand a great chance of responding better to the revised meds than those infected ten, twenty years ago who are limping along.

Those with severe illnesses are prone to being more crabby and less tolerant, especially when they see themselves as marginalized by the healthier crowd. The sick are an embarrassment. They are proof that the BS often doled out by doctors is simply that. AIDS, as I mentioned in another thread, has become a character flaw.

Sick? You must have done something wrong, or bad. Like not being adherent to the meds, or eating the wrong food, or not taking whatever vitamin is currently the hottest thing. Whatever.

At best, there seems to be a pseudo-tolerant pity towards those ravaged by the illness.  So long as they keep their place.

The sad part is, the tragic thing is, when all that sunshine and bubblegum rhetoric turns out to be utter crap, when med regimens fail, when side effects are disfiguring and life-eroding, those who glibly and easily dismissed AIDS as "over" on the advice of their doctors and the media have no where to turn.

Having alienated those with real working knowledge of the healthcare system, of the opportunistic infections and how/when to treat them, of the legal and insurance and poilitical minefields which still carpet the HIV landscape, people are forced to unnecessarily put themselves through agony, rediscovering the truth of their condition and their circumstances.

I can only speak for myself. I don't forget insults as quickly as I used to. I don't forget the personal attacks or the insinuations about my character. And maybe that's my incipient character flaw. I can forgive, because I have to. But I am not as big a person as others here, who offer a hand in help even after it has been savagely bitten. Dementia? The crankiness of cynicism? The crabbiness of dying? Who knows. That's just me.

And no, it's not everybody, or even anybody all the time. I won't paint all newly diagnosed with such a broad brush. But it's a trend I noticed since the POZ merger, where suddenly HIV is "sexy," whereas AIDS is not.

It's a glossification of what should essentially be a forum for those who need it.  And the problem with the glossy, nothing sticks to it.

I know how gut wrenching it is to get a technical AIDS diagnosis. I do. Been there, if anyone cares.

I know how scary it is to be poor, and thrust in a system where I am not allowed to STOP being poor, because my medications alone run several thousand dollars a month. And the only way to get the medical care I need is to remain on the system - or miraculously land a six figure job and transition out. All this without knowing from month to month whether I am going to pull through.

I know the shame of food stamps.

I know the frustration of inept ASOs who can't help me any more than I, armed with Google, can. I know the fury of calling a social worker and telling HER where a person with AIDS can get a reduced price on an eye exam, since she is too incompetant to research this herself. I also know the helplessness of relying on that SAME social worker to sign forms that allow me to continue to survive.

If that's not powerlessness, I don't know what is.

So yes, I am quite familiar with the quotes mentioned in the first post of this thread.I have seen those quotes stated with certainty and no irony here on these forums. And each time, it hurts. Because I know it's a lie. And, like the Greek character Cassandra, I know my predictions will not ever be believed. So I quit making them.

Quit offering a reality based research-substantiated support because it just opens me up to flamebaiting and personal attacks. And frankly, I'm done with that.

Today I feel as though the bullies have won. That could just be the AIDS talking.

and yeah, I know a lot of these statements are simply the equivalent of walking through a graveyard, whistling. People don't want to face the overwhelming fearo f being diagnosed with, frankly, one of the worst pandemics from a medical, stigmatic, societally isolating, financially devestating standpoint to hit modern times.

It was mentioned in another thread that I contribute to this divide by pointing it out. By stating my perspective on it. Sorry about that. And for anyone who hates my postings, the ignore button works pretty well.

But I feel I am justified, and correct in my assumptions. That part of my brain, at least, is not so riddled with holes that it cannot process information.

Thing is, one by one you will see those quotes, those illusions shattered. And people will be heartbroken when they receive an AIDS diagnosis, or get an OI despite having great numbers. Or fail to find love and acceptance, or find themselves suddenly and desperately poor. Or in terrible pain. And suddenly those of us who were considered "downers" will find ourselves suddenly valuable, albeit briefly.

And the sad truth is, more of us than not will lend a hand to help, from our sick beds and our wheelchairs, from our own isolation.  Because that's what people do.

AIDS is not a character flaw. Marginalizing others, is.

Zeb, if you are worried, than you are smart. You question blanket statements. You see the reality around you, and understand that neither the rosiest nor the bleakest pictures are truth. One is meant to distract you, the other is meant to undermine all hope.

Despair and denial are both atmospheres which we cannot breathe for long. Not without significant damage. Somewhere between the two, we can find our own way. Your journey with HIV will be different than my own. And mine is different than anyone else's. A virus which depends so much onthe genetic structure of the host and random mutations would have it no other way.

As long as you question paradigms, both positive and negative, you will be able to maneuver this rocky landscape.

You mention suicide, you mention despair. Your posts have been unilaterally full of pain and rage and hopelessness. Despite what anyone has told you. Despite pleas to find some help, some professional help in coping.

You are newly diagnosed. You are, currently, healthy. Stress, of course, can change all that in shockingly little time.

That part, at least, is up to you.

No one should sugarcoat this illness. It's serious. It's rough on a lot of levels.

But it will not kill you today.

You can decide whether or not today is worth living. And then, tomorrow, you can make that choice again. Because the only way out is through.

You are not a dead man walking.

 If nothing else, I hope that piece of information someday sinks in.

I feel like I'm becoming a ghost
Off Topic Forum / Re: Cucumber Banana Tofu - UK Series
« Last post by buginme2 on Yesterday at 11:04:58 PM »
The series just premiered on Logo after Ru Paul's Drag Race for the blokes in America. 

So far, it's kinda boring
I Just Tested Poz / Re: Newly diagnosed and just want some hugs
« Last post by zach on Yesterday at 10:57:29 PM »
((((Ice))))  look for that viral load to start dropping in 6, be patient  with your cd4 it'll need time... cry when you feel.. it passes

Stay vigilant with all your meds... I'm on same... great meds
Am I Infected? / Re: Re much stress
« Last post by Jeff G on Yesterday at 10:56:13 PM »
Thank in advance Doctor

Thank ! Im not a doctor but I have lived with HIV for over 30 years and am authorized to answer questions in this forum .
Am I Infected? / Re: Re much stress
« Last post by Rongrith on Yesterday at 10:54:34 PM »
Thank in advance Doctor
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