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Author Topic: How has HIV affected your long-term relationships?  (Read 11646 times)

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Offline CallingAllAngels

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  • Posts: 14
How has HIV affected your long-term relationships?
« on: July 17, 2007, 01:38:34 pm »
I'm curious. This fall I'll have been with the same person for 3 years, and although my HIV status hasn't affected us YET, I'm really hoping it won't -- at least, not in a negative way. We're best friends as well as partners, but part of me feels like we'll both have to adjust to TOO much, almost... especially him. He wasn't the one who gave me the HIV, but he's the one that has to deal with my having it. Yes, we can be safe and absolutely, we can go forward and have a great time.... and we love each other like crazy... but really, what am I setting him up for? A future fiancee/wife who won't be with him for decades on end like he wants? I've always wanted kids, but now I don't think I'd have them biologically...

I don't know.

My thoughts are a mish-mosh.

I realize that people can live a LONG time with this, some people for 20 or 30 years, even.... and I realize I shouldn't live in fear of what MIGHT happen.... but I think a LITTLE planning and considering the possibilities is wise, too.

How do you ladies deal with your own long term relationships? Did you ever have to crack the news to your HIV- partner? That was about the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I'll never forget the look on his face. (And in case anyone's wondering, he isn't at risk. Call me old-fashioned, but when I got into this relationship, I decided I'd wait...thankfully...)
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Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: How has HIV affected your long-term relationships?
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2007, 03:23:54 pm »
My exBF just dumped me in Dec 2006, after 2-1/2 years together.  He couldn't imagine going through life with protected sex.  CAA you should read the dating posts, lol.  All I have done is complain about not having romantic love in my life.  I'm ready to join the nunnery! 

Cindy
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HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline CallingAllAngels

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Re: How has HIV affected your long-term relationships?
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2007, 03:31:59 pm »
 ;D You know, some days, the nunnery looks pretty darned amazing. You have a place to live, you can do community work, you get food.... hmm.... if there's internet access at the nunnery, I'll keep it in my list of options *JUST* in case....  :D
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Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: How has HIV affected your long-term relationships?
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2007, 06:00:53 pm »
LTR, what is that? The last one I was in was over 2 years ago. One is a lonely number and I have been feeling it lately. You need to check out part2 of the dating thread...
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Offline Lovinglife

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  • Life is too short for fussing & fighting my friend
How has HIV affected your long-term relationships?
« Reply #4 on: July 18, 2007, 10:17:34 am »
I have been very blessed to have dated some very caring men.  I am currently engaged to a man that is negative.  We have been together 3 years.  Before him I was single for 2 years, and before that I was in a six year relationship wtih another man that was negative.  I ended the six year relationship and was very happy being alone.  Then I met my current guy.  He asked a lot of people about me and they told him "you don't want to date her, she has the bug".  Well, he educated himself about the virus and asked me out.  We have been together ever since.  He is the most wonderful person I have ever known and he treats me like a queen.  I am so blessed to have such a loving relationship.  Because I have been positive for 22 years I have a lot of complications; I am currently resistant to 90% of the medication, but I know in my heart that whatever happens my guy will be right there next to me.
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Offline BT65

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Re: How has HIV affected your long-term relationships?
« Reply #5 on: July 19, 2007, 08:43:48 pm »
I haven't had a LTR with someone in the romantic sense in a few years.  Right now, with all the school I have, I'm glad.  Too much work.  But, as for my family, I had to tell them. The hardest to tell was my daughter, who is negative.  But she (and other members of my family) educated herself (themselves) so they wouldn't have constant fear.  The ones that count are the ones who stick around, I believe. 
Betty
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tendai

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Re: How has HIV affected your long-term relationships?
« Reply #6 on: July 20, 2007, 05:34:16 am »
my last LTR was ended in May of 2006 and since then i havent been in one. the whole disclosure thing is such a big hurdle for me and when guys ask me out and if i like him we go out and all but i dont let it get too serious.
 i suppose i even sabotage myself (or make things easier) by going out with guys who its obvious will not be around in the long-term. but then again i may be hiding behind the HIV coz relationships have always been a problem for me.
 i'm 28 and the thought of settling down sometimes makes me shudder. or maybe the right man just hasnt come along. or he doesnt exist...
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Offline tigger2376

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  • too bad to die youngish!
Re: How has HIV affected your long-term relationships?
« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2007, 10:24:27 pm »
Dear 'calling'. My long term boyfriend has decided that I'm WHO I am, not what I've got. Whilst we may have extra things to talk about, we cope.Yes, he'd  (I quote) 'rather be negative', he knows the risks he takes (minimal, never unprotected) and accepts thats its part of me. Dont get me wrong, we row, mostly due to my insecurities, but I consider myself very lucky in that if he needs a way to deal with it he ASKS. I think as long as you set ground rules..no guilt, no blame , you will be OK.
After all, he fell in love with YOU
xx
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Offline momoftwo

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Re: How has HIV affected your long-term relationships?
« Reply #8 on: July 22, 2007, 06:22:34 pm »
I have been with my partner for two years. We are actually going to therapy with a HIV relationship specialist next monday. It has been a stressfull year for us, I found out I was positive, his mother died and we had a baby all since October so we are pretty stressed out.
Everything is great otherwise. He loves me no matter what and has taken the HIV in stride. He will be getting tested every six months and we have had several condom mishaps and still he is negative but I am on HAART with no viral load and CD4 counts of 900 so I think that helps.
Here is the funny thing not to get too personal but he had a problem orgasming inside me, no complaint from me because he lasted forever and then I would help him, but the female condom makes him orgasm no problem everytime and he loves it because he said it gives him even more sensation.
I am glad that I am with him because last month while talking with my ex husband he informed me that he would have left me so that he would not get AIDS. The jerk. Thank god I left first and screwed him over finacially.  ;D
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Offline Rasheen

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  • Posts: 36
Re: How has HIV affected your long-term relationships?
« Reply #9 on: July 22, 2007, 09:26:02 pm »
I am right there with you Moonlight. LTRs scare the hell out of me. My last relationship turned out to be a total flop so I keep to myself. I have a desire but I am still not ready to deal with having to tell someone that I have HIV and then being rejected, especially if I already have feelings for him.
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Offline MOONLIGHT1114

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Re: How has HIV affected your long-term relationships?
« Reply #10 on: July 25, 2007, 06:55:57 pm »
I am turning into a serial dater, but I am like Jekyl and Hyde.  People think I am doing great, no probs, because I have this "sunny exterior."  On the inside I am absolutely dying.  The loneliness of not having someone special is really, REALLY bugging me this year.  I have been single 7 months, have been on dozens of dates and I am lonely as all hell.  I figured out that I was holding myself back in most situations for fear of disclosure (there's that damn word again).  Most of you ladies know that I am really trying hard to meet people and get myself out there. ** News Flash ** There are NO straight pos guys in the DC Metro area!  LOL, its a never-ending battle, so I date neggies, and I have disclosed a few times each week to new people online.  Trying to get those damn feelers out there.  I might have to hop over and start Dating: Part 3...........

Damn soap opera life and so damn lonely   >:(

Cindy

P.S. - Almost forgot, CAA, did you know that a bit of your initial post is on the home page here today?  Way to go, girl!!!   ;D
« Last Edit: July 25, 2007, 07:00:43 pm by MOONLIGHT1114 »
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HIV+ since '93, 1/12 - CD4 785 and undet.   WOO-HOO!!

Offline camille07

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Re: How has HIV affected your long-term relationships?
« Reply #11 on: July 25, 2007, 07:25:36 pm »
Quote from: MOONLIGHT1114 on July 17, 2007, 03:23:54 pm
My exBF just dumped me in Dec 2006, after 2-1/2 years together.  He couldn't imagine going through life with protected sex.  CAA you should read the dating posts, lol.  All I have done is complain about not having romantic love in my life.  I'm ready to join the nunnery! 

Cindy

I swear just when I thought I heard everything.  I just ended my LTR this past week.  It wasn't the Hiv that affected it, it was his drinking.  We were on again off again for the last couple of months.  BTw-  I'm going on my first date tomorrow with a poz guy.  Guess I will post on the 50 page thread LOL.
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