Em here. We've chatted a bit in the past. I'm glad you posted today.
I'm going to talk with you as if you were my little sister because that is what feels right at this moment.
My first reaction, after seeing your post about giving him money, was WOW, this guy's got two bank accounts with her...one is financial and the other is emotional and they're both active accounts.
So, let's continue with the notion that you're a bank. If you give him money, or even if it's considered " a loan for which you'll be paid back" you do not get to control where, when or upon whom he spends it. Got it? IzPoz is right, any other woman you see him with has no blame in this...she doesn't necessarily know you even exist. Got that, too?
Remember, you ended the relationship. Regardless of the reason why, you ended it which meant he was free to move on.
The second account is emotional (which also helps keep the financial account open) and he knows it's open or he would not ask you for dough.
I would like to suggest that you put a CLOSED sign in front of your teller w indow. Close both accounts and start spending your heart and your money only on you for the next couple of months. Get some counseling. Take a class. Buy yourself a nice dinner--whatever you can afford and want. You might consider a course on money management or a Suze Orman (sp?) book---VERY helpful in gaining insight about your money attitudes and how to fix them.
That's all for now. Looking forward to more of your posts.
And, while you feel INVISIBLE, you're not. And, he knows it---that's why it's so easy for him to reach into your vulnerable bank accounts...plural, remember, you've got two for him. Based on some of his reacti ons and actions, I'm thinking you did a very smart thing by letting him go and my view has nothing to do with keeping him infection-free.
Time to spend time on you, Afraid.
Em
Queen Tokelove:
Dang, I'm always missing something. Asaint's post is gone. I must agree with the others and also say you can't blame the other woman. It would seem like your ex didn't have a problem moving on but at the same time, what made you think he was going to wait? I also agree with you, the money you gave him was more than likely spent on the new lady. I would not expect to see that money again if I was you, take it as a loss. But now that you know what he is about, why bother even talking to him? And with his family reporting things back to him, what is the point since they know you broke up? Sounds to me like they just want to keep things stirred up. Move on, GF, move on. You're better than that. ;)
Afraid:
Alright!
I have read all your post and I must admit that you ladies were so right, however it was just me venting and not thinking this through all the way.
Funny thing is how he was been calling my phone all day leaving different messages, and I am very proud of myself, because I haven't responded to him.
I don't have any intentions on doing so. He hurt me really bad. I only asked him for respect, and I don't think that was asking for much. if you know the we just ended our relationship, Why would you bring the next female where I live???
I told him that I didn't have problem with seeing someone else. but just respect my space and not bring it around me.
Maybe I am over reacting, but I am only a human with a heart.
Time heals all things..But Em I love the way you broke it down to me...I took everything into perspective..Love you all
Thick713:
Do you dare let him see you sweat ! You are a beautiful person, and there is someone out there for you .. just be patient .. and keep your head up .. have you tried the POZ Personals ... or even Positive Dating ... there are nice positive men everywhere ... and of course there are some assholes ... both positive & negative .. just pray on it .. it will be ok ...