I was going to an Oncologist when I found out. We did routine blood test to see how my liver and kidneys were functioning. I was set to move to Florida on October 26th, 2004 and my last appointment with him was the day before that. In this last set of labs, he also told me that I should be tested for HIV.
When I was called to the exam room, it seemed to be longer then usual until he came in. I can still see everything clearly in my mind... the door opening slower then usual and the look on his face. I immediately lowed my head and started sobbing.
When I first started visiting this site, I was a mental wreck. I have learned that everyone here has been affected by this disease somehow and this is a great place to unload, learn and give support.
There is a song on the radio by Tim Mcgraw called Live like you were dying I love this song and it has so much meaning to me. I try to live my life to the fullest these days.
He said,
"I was in my early forties
With a lot of life before me
And a moment came that stopped me on a dime
I spent most of the next days
Looking at the x-rays
Talkin 'bout the options
And talkin 'bout sweet time..."
I asked him,
"When it sank in
That this might really be the real end
How's it hit you
When you get that kind of news?
Man, what'd you do?"
He said:
"I went skydiving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing,
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
And he said,
"Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying."
He said,
"I was finally the husband
That most of the time I wasn't
And I became a friend a friend would like to have
And all of a sudden going fishin'
Wasn't such an imposition
And I went three times that year I lost my dad
I finally read the Good Book, and I
Took a good, long, hard look
At what I'd do if I could do it all again
And then...
I went skydiving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
And he said,
"Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying...
Like tomorrow was a gift
And you've got eternity
To think about
What you'd do with it
What could you do with it
What did I do with it?
What would I do with it?
Skydiving
I went Rocky mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I watched an eagle as it was flying."
And he said,
"Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying."
I wish you well, Angel. Remember that we are all here for each other. It will get easier to deal with as time goes by.
Love ya!
Patrick