helpmesoonplease:
Hello everyone. Thank you for your help in advance. It is very much appreciated.
I am an HIV - gay man in his mid-forties new to dating. I went on a date with another man who is HIV +. I did not brush my teeth before I went on the date because my gums can bleed on occassion when I brush. During the date after dinner, we made out/open mouth kissed a lot. During a break in kissing, I was chewing gum. I slightly nipped the inside of my cheek. It was mildly painul, caused a very tiny piece of my cheek to feel a little loose and in a short amount of time I could barely notice it. I used my tongue to press against it after I nipped the inside of my cheek. After that point, we closed mouth kissed a little. Then a half hour or so later, we open mouth kissed for a few minutes when we said good night. I did not taste blood in his mouth nor did I taste blood in my mouth. I am worried because I extensively open mouth kissed an HIV + man with a non-intact mouth.
Here is my question: Does this pose any risk for me becoming HIV +?
Here are my additional questions: I know that wearing a condom for anal sex is a must. Is wearing a condom when receiving oral sex from an HIV + person also a must? Is wearing a condom when performing oral sex on a HIV + person also a must? Lastly, is wearing a dental damn a must when rimming a HIV + person? Is wearing a dental dam a must when getting rimmed by an HIV+ person?
Thanks for all of your help.
Andy Velez:
The bottom line is that you are worrying needlessly.
Kissing with whatever details thrown in is not a risk for HIV transmission. In the entire epidemic no guy has ever been confirmed to have been infected through being rimmed or receiving oral. As far as HIV is concerned neither of those require using a condom.
However as far as performing rimming is concerned, the anus is the germiest opening in the body so other STDs can be transmitted in that manner. With regard to that you just have to decide with what level of risk you are comfortable.
If you haven't already done so you might read our lesson on Transmission. There's a link to it in the Welcome thread which opens this section.
Cheers.
helpmesoonplease:
Hi Andy.
Thanks so much for yourresponse. One question I didn't see answered was regarding performing oral sex on an hiv + person. There seems to be a lot of differing opinions out there regarding the risks and or non-risks of this activity. In my case, I have occassional bleeding gums, so I am not sure if that impacts risk level or not. Your opinion, Andy?
Thanks so much for helping guide me through this new and intimidating jungle called dating. I just want to maintain my negative status, behave responsibly and not hurt others, too.
Andy Velez:
You've got the right plan about protecting your health as well as that of others.
We do from time to time hear of someone insisting they became infected through giving oral. And theoretically it is possible. But under careful scrutiny those claims never seem to hold up. I will say that of course if you have really poor oral care or a fresh wound in your mouth for any reason, then that is not the moment to be giving someone oral.
But such things are pretty common and if oral was a serious risk for transmission we'd have known it long before today since it's one of the most common of sexual acts.
Could it happen? Yes. But does it happen? Only so rarely as to not be a serious threat. More importantly, your saliva has over a dozen elements and proteins which very effectively prevent the transmission of viable HIV. And no less important are the longterm studies of sero-discordant couples, both gay and straight. They have had lots of mutual unprotected oral and only protected vaginal and anal intercourse. To date not a single sero-negative partner has become infected.
Ultimately of course as with all sexual acts, you have to decide what you are comfortable with and act accordingly. Given that you're just "starting out," I especially urge you to do only what you are comfortable with.
Cheers.
helpmesoonplease:
Thanks in advance for your help. I hope I do not sound rediculous. This just has me thrown.
I was with another guy and afterwards when I went home I noticed I had a pimple on my back that was ready to be popped and also a pimple on my chest that was not ready to be popped both of which I did not know was there before. During our time together he did rub my back a lot and my chest with my shirt on and underneath my shirt, too. I do not think it bled and I did not feel any pain when he was rubbing my back in the area where the pimple was at. I proceeded to pop it after I got home. Then, I thought about him saying how he was really wet (we just closed mouthed kissed and rubbed each other and then simulated sex with each other but with clothes on), and I believe at one point he adjusted himself in his pants. My concern is that if his hands had precum on them from adjusting himself, and then he massaged me including on my pimple that was ready to be popped or on teh chest pimple that was not ready to be popped, is that a portal(s) for hiv to enter my body.