What I did on my birthday, and some family dramas

[komnaes]

Just thought I would share.. or letting it out.. 

After a busy week I was looking forward to my b-day (last Friday), and had plans to have brunch on the following Sunday with some of my best friends. Reservation was made, etc, and then last Wednesday the back of jaw began to hurt really badly - the wisdom tooth on the left side was acting up. My dentist had warned me about it some months ago, but since he saw no urgency for an extraction we decided to wait until my next scheduled visit (end of September). I was hoping it would just go away so didn't do anything - then it was back to back meetings, all important, on Thursday. I had to do a presentation and a lot of talking while the tooth was hurting like hell.

An appointment was immediately made for Friday (yes, on my b-day) and then I got a call from my HIV clinic telling me that they had to reschedule my regular blood test too. They had urgently moved me also to the same day. So I woke up extra early on my birthday, lined up to have my blood taken and then rushed to my dentist to have my wisdom tooth taken out too. Sunday brunch was canceled because I was told to stay away from solid and hard foods at least for the weekend so the wound could heal.

So I ended up having a quiet weekend at home, spending time with mum. And on Sunday afternoon my uncle came "visiting", looking rather disoriented and angry. To cut a long story short, my mum's siblings were at a nasty fight with us and this uncle over one of my aunt's estate - she died of breast cancer 2 years ago and in her will she left everything to this uncle and my mum, including two houses. My mum didn't get along with this aunt when she was alive, so the rest of the family immediately started pointing fingers at her and me (as the lawyer handling her will is a friend of mind and recommended by me). We ended up equally distributing all my aunt's liquid assets among the surviving siblings (and we don't talk to any of them anymore), and my mum assigned her halve of the properties to my uncle as "a gift", a normal procedure for tax exemption.

Now my uncle is trying to sell one of the houses so his son can have the money for a down payment for a new apartment, but only to be told that no bank would finance a mortgage on that house for the buyer because, legally, if my mum goes bankrupt within the next 3 years or so the debtors can still claim her halve. Now, the gift transaction was done with his consent and he knew that would happen if he tried to sell it within the limitation period. But still he came on Sunday, accusing us for setting this "legal trap", and threatening to sue the lawyer for negligence.

His wife came 2 minutes later, trying to hold him back. It seems since all the legal problems and family dramas 2 years ago his bipolar has become more serious. He started yelling at my mum just as I came back from lunch, and I was thinking, if all went well I should have been having brunch with friends in the city. Instead, I came home to see my uncle yelling abuses at my mother, and his wife crying and bagging him to calm down. Having gone through his bipolar tantrums before my mum looked rather detached, just sitting on the sofa and staring back at him blankly.

I went straight out to the balcony, took the broom and sticked it right in front of his face and told my uncle to get out or I would hurt him. I also told him if he ever came back again like this we would get a restrain order, and on top of that we would not cooperate anymore no anything to fix his problem. He backed down and his wife eventually dragged him out of our house. My mum still seemed ok for a while but when my uncle's wife came back half an hour later to apologize, she started to really cry.

In any case we can't change anything to fix this mortgage problem, as my uncle's changed his mind and decided to sell one of the houses for my good-for-nothing 32-yr-old cousin who's still counting on handouts from his dad to finance his own place. Oddly, for me, all I can say is that it felt good to hold that kung-fu position of pointing a broom like a weapon at this uncle who, because of his bipolar and refusal to deal with it, had made our lives more miserable during the estate fight.. it would have felt better if I actually hit him.

That's how I spent my birthday and the following weekend..

(modified later for my grammatical mistakes)

(modified again to change a typo - bunch to brunch, silly me..)

[weasel]

  SORRY TO HEAR YOUR BRUNCH WAS A WASH .

  MAYBE YOU CAN HAVE A LATE BIRTHDAY BASH !

 I HOPE YOUR UNCLE GETS WHAT HE DESERVES , i DO HOPE HE GETS HELP  , i AM BI-POLAR AND IT IS AN AWFUL
THING TO DEAL WITH .
 BUT TRYING TO SCAM YOUR MUM IS JUST NOT RIGHT !

I HOPE SHE IS DOING WELL AND YOU TOO !

SOMETIMES FAMILY IS JUST A PAIN ! 

GLAD YOU WERE FREE TO LET US KNOW , VENTING IS GOOD 

                                                    HAPPY BIRTHDAY , KARL

[bear60]

Hi
Well first...Happy Birthday .  I hope you have the brunch you wanted as soon as your mouth heals.

Joel

[Robert]

like bear says, first, happy birthday.

That's quite a story about your uncle and the broom.  So why doesn't that good-for-nothing kid just live in one of the houses?  Problem solved.

Now about that tooth.   I hope this is it for your wisdom teeth.  Get those mothers taken care of right away so next time 'bunch' comes up  you can go and not worry about it.

robert

[Oceanbeach]

Dear Shaun,

Happy Birthday! Just guessing, you must be in your early 20's cause it was a hundred years ago when I had a wisdom taken out and I must be a hundred and twenty now    Have the best day
Michael

[AlanBama]

Shaun,

Wel honey, what a big mess.   I wish you a happy birthday anyway and you are added to the "list" and will be included with next year's August b'days.

I just hate family drama.  It is so sad to me.   I would no more fight with one of my brothers or my parents (if either was alive) than I would walk around backwards.  It's pointless and it makes you feel stupid.   Hope your uncle can get help.

hugs,
Alan

[BT65]

Wow Shaun, what a present, aye?

I had my wisdom teeth out when I was like 19.  All four were extracted at the same time; they were "under" the teeth right next to them.  How's yours healing?

I'm so sorry for the family drama.  Untreated mental illness is hard to deal with.  I'm sorry your uncle yelled at your mum.  She didn't deserve that.  I hope things improve for you guys. 

Oh, and happy belated birthday.
   Luv,
Betty

[Longislander]

Happy Belated Birthday!

Get that brunch set up for next week!

Glad you and your mom came out of this ok. Part of me was thinking she should look into taking her gift back!!!!!

Some people are too ungrateful~

Paul

[komnaes]

Thanks folks,

At the end we just feel very sorry his wife. We also tried to help intervene in the past, but now (me at least) just couldn't be bothered..

So why doesn't that good-for-nothing kid just live in one of the houses?

We live in the country side, a fishing village of an island half an hour by ferry to the city. Both houses are near to ours and his kids don't want to live here anymore. They have all moved to the city some years ago.

Just guessing, you must be in your early 20's cause it was a hundred years ago when I had a wisdom taken out

I just turned 38...

[marc11864]

We live in the country side, a fishing village of an island half an hour by ferry to the city. Both houses are near to ours and his kids don't want to live here anymore. They have all moved to the city some years ago.

All the drama aside, this location sounds heavenly! I'm a rural boy myself and while cities can be fun and exciting in moderation, I like my space and peace an quiet.

Edited to wish a belated happy birthday to Shaun!

[komnaes]

Thanks Marc, the name's Cheung Chau - it's my hometown and a loverly place.. I grew up here til 10 and then got sent away to study in Canada and US. When I came back to Hong Kong I didn't want to live anywhere else, and still enjoying it.

[aliveinla]

Happy birthday Shaun. Your hometown is so beautiful! Next time when you are in LA let's go to empress pavilion for a branch. I am turning 38 myself in 2 months.

One more thing about the family drama. Somehow I think it's a blessing to be poor: communist party took everything away from my family so when my grandparents died, there was nothing to be left to anybody so there was no fight between my father and all my aunts. I myself have told my only brother million times, when our parents passed away, whatever they have left will be all his. They have a house worth about $50K I guess, that's all.

Thanks Marc, the name's Cheung Chau - it's my hometown and a loverly place.. I grew up here til 10 and then got sent away to student in Canada and US. When I came back to Hong Kong I didn't want to live anywhere else, and still enjoying it.

[Miss Philicia]

God bless those communists.

[marc11864]

WOW You are so lucky! That looks awesome! Oh to be a beach bunny again. I spoiled myself these past few months when I visited Koh Chang and Phuket. Now I'm back home in Tucson and what a contrast. 

[komnaes]

Somehow I think it's a blessing to be poor: communist party took everything away from my family so when my grandparents died, ..

Thanks Alive! I hope to be back in LA soon, hopefully around your b-day.

My mum's family is native to Hong Kong, which is not something many people can say, as her family can trace back to before the British came. We're not exactly rich - this aunt who passed away was a, er, spinster and worked as a teacher in a local primarily school all her life. So she'd saved up a lot and with the pension the sum was not exactly small. So the flight was mostly about settling scores, and how to hurt each other most out of this ordeal, as if their own lives were not messy enough.

What can I say, I am from a gene pool of borderline psychotics, functioning alcoholics and, yes, lots of gays.

As for the communists taking away stuff - it happened on my father side. Apparently the great grand father was a smalltime landlord in Zhongshan, though they managed to escape to Macau and then Hong Kong before the mods could kill them during the Great Land Reform in the late 1940s.

[komnaes]

WOW You are so lucky! That looks awesome! Oh to be a beach bunny again. I spoiled myself these past few months when I visited Koh Chang and Phuket. Now I'm back home in Tucson and what a contrast. 

The beaches here are not exactly Phuket quality.. the water in Hong Kong is still rather polluted. But I love it.. Our house is just 2 mins walk from the spot where this photo was taken.

[weasel]

Hey komnaes  ,
                          After seeing those pictures , I am quite sure you need an old house BOY 

                         I am available   

                         What a great  place to live .

                                                                    Karl
                                     

[komnaes]

Thanks Karl.. it does look good, doesn't it..

[Dragonette]

Happy Birthday Shaun, sorry I wasnt around to congratulate you in real time.

IMO you did the right thing and you & your mom have gone over the top to help the family.

[Iggy]

Shaun,

I'm sorry you had such a rotten birthday. 

I've twice experienced similar family drama over estate issues and their aftermath.  I'm not sure what bothers me the most though, the way people turn into animals in regards to money and property or the way they want to pretend that everything can go back to normal after the fact.

I hope this year turns out better then the birthday.

[komnaes]

Thanks Dragonlady and Iggy!

I think the whole ordeal was unnecessary IF only they knew how to talk to each other. It's funny though to yell and point a broom at a relative who watched you growing up. Somehow I think we all turn back to children when we get older. Frankly from our families I have yet to see anyone who gets older and wiser. Such a myth.

[aliveinla]

Shaun, when are you going to Beijing for the Olympics? I heard you need to be at the stadium 5 hours ahead to get in.

[komnaes]

Shaun, when are you going to Beijing for the Olympics? I heard you need to be at the stadium 5 hours ahead to get in.

Isn't that a bit off topic...

I have GIVEN up the tickets.. seriously. I am still in Hong Kong and if luck has it go on a short vacation later next week. I will give you the details in a PM...

[aliveinla]

Sorry that's about the only thing on my mind right now. thought that would be a good vacation for you to celebrate your birthday and to get away for a while. Now I am back on the topic.

Isn't that a bit off topic...