POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: penguin on September 23, 2006, 04:32:08 pm
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Now - ex girl comes over earlier, ostensibly to sort out something with a bank account. Me, stupid, stupid, asks the “why” question, which I think, in my defence, I really do deserve a proper honest answer to at some point
apparently, the answer is:
I am too much responsibility, the being with me anyway; too much to worry about, too many excuses to be made to people and times when I can’t keep up; she would have done this before now, “but you were so unwell last year..”; T-20 et al makes her uncomfortable (join the club, mrs) & after all, long term health issues are terribly boring;
I am silver, she is gold; I like kerala, she, new york;
i think too quickly, about too many things at once, in bright, bright colours, with sound;
(usually) know the answer, and the question, before its been asked or thought of, & as such, don’t function all that well in polite company;
I wear jeans to funerals, am too tactile; like people-watching; duffle coats; enjoy finding out what noise things make when dropped, or better still, banged together; am searingly honest, about anything/ everything within my life experience; wear wellies to the supermarket, eat strange food combinations, dislike commercial radio; write on the walls n draw chalk pictures on the patio slabs
In short, I need to: grow up, act my age, be more normal; stop embarrassing people with mismatched socks/ tree climbing/ strange collections/ etc; stop caring so much; get a “proper” job & stop wasting time with people whom everyone gave up on long ago; stop being so calm, so enthusiastic, so independent; realise that fairtrade/ recycling/activism/socialism/A.N.Other Principle is ultimately pointless, useless, naive…
just need to stop being me, really, as this is obviously wherein the major flaw lies
Strange, very strange, the things people tell themselves, the cards they choose to play, even when the game is already over
Kate
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Kate,
Don't you dare change. You sound like a breath of fresh air!
Like Alain said..her loss.
Big Hugs
Teresa
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Hello Kate, it is Eldon.
You know Teresa has a very valid point. actually, I was going to same the same thing. Live your life as it has been laid out before you. BE YOURSELF, it makes life run so much smoothly. I wish you the BEST in all of your endevors.
Have the BEST Day!
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Kate honey, she ain't gold, she's pyrite.
Hugs,
Ann
(who also climbs trees)
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Kate, you sound like the kind of lady I would love to have as a friend.
I met a lady here in NZ about a year ago, at first I thought she was rather "different" but when I got to know her I remember thinking to myself "God I hope she never change's" she lightens my day, she is fun, makes me laugh and I love it when she comes to visits...she is you, wellie and all.
Don't change who you are..it's who you are that makes you special.
Hugs
Jan :-*
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I believe you have been saved, perhaps, from a sensible, slow living death, endless appropriate social dos, workable but only slightly stylish shoes, M&S business hosiery in the fridge*, and 3 hrs a year hand-signing Stonewall Christmas cards to all the partners at Peter Jones bedding department*, like, perhaps, being in Groundhog Day x Shawn of the Dead without the jokes.
"it takes courage to enjoy it
the hardcore and the gentle
big time sensuality"
Never change, never give up your wonderful self, never give up the burning stars in your eyes
- matt
Now playing: Massive Attack, What Your Soul Sings (and, er, wearing unmatched socks again, but at least they's both Diesel)
* Soz, people, some of this is very UK.
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I think people generally don't tell the truth, at least not the full truth, when they decide to leave a relationship. People say silly things to justify a break-up, many times not really addressing the real reasons why they left. I guess they do it to spare our feelings or maybe because people are generally cowards.
So we got her list. It would also be nice to get your list of the things you love about yourself.
For me, I find that I don't get over someone until after I've gotten angry at them and angry at the situation. She has lost you and will not meet anyone like you again. That's her loss, not yours.
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Here's a question for you..... If you changed yourself so someone else could love you would you love the person that you have changed into? If the answer is "No" then I suspect that would not make for a very good relationship.
Billy
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Thank you, people.
Only person I have ever, will ever change for is me. Life, bit like ribena, I think most choose to dilute it far too much for my liking.
today, her list of my bads = (mostly) my list of my goods. Plus, I have better hair.
teaching myself to fall out of love is like unlearning my own name/
the trick is to properly judge how much of yourself you have to lose/
how far you can be whittled down until you are nothing enough to start again
(M&S hosiery etc, matt, you don’t know how true)
Kate