Defective condom?

[MadHatter]

Dear Ann and Andy,

First of all, I am not a native speaker so please apologize if something is not pure, correct English. I thank you for your honest, adequate and often heartfelt answers although questions and remarks by some users left the polite way. I am very happy that I found this forum and I feel I can post my story/fears here just as they are. My text may be a bit longer as usual but I would be honoured if you care.

Direct question about transmission risk: We did heavily kissing, protected vaginal intercourse and I had unprotected inserting oral sex. As far as I am informed these were of no risks, right? A national organization here already confirmed this. However, I am permanently thinking about whether condom failures/breaks are always visible. There is one situation which I am actually worrying about: She was on top of me and when I pulled out after ejaculation, I saw a drop of liquid definitely outside of the condom which looked like semen. Hell, I cannot remember if it was directly on the condom or below on my penis close to the penile root. My first interpretation was that I pulled out too late (I think I definitely did, I have to work on it) and that some semen was following the rules of gravity getting out of the condom. I was a bit panic but only for pregnancy reasons. Now I think different….I am well trained in putting on condoms. However, I trust the quality criteria of the manufacturer and just use them without excessive check for holes, scratches etc. During the intercourse I usually check the secure position from time to time but again no big deal about holes as I always thought that condoms are either intact or break completely and it is impossible not to notice it because the whole thing is shredded. Today I am (or at least the little voice in me is) not sure about it. Unfortunately, I did not pay attention to the condom after the mentioned intercourse so I am not sure about its condition. Do you think it is possible that it was damaged or broke just enough that a portion of semen could get out and enough vaginal fluid and possibly blood (she had her menstruation 2 days later) could get into the condom to be a risk during intercourse? I mean, possibly right at the beginning or the intercourse? The upper side of the condom (my point of view) looked fine but I didn't pay any attention to the underside (from the scrotum's POV). What do you think? Was there a risk?

Last Sunday (3 weeks after the intercourse) I woke up with a swollen and hurting lymph node in the neck, a mild sore throat and muscle pain in my thighs. I cannot recapitulate the whole day but all of the sudden the idea of HIV was present and I hate myself for investigating the WWW about transmission risk and testing procedure. I just wanted to make sure that everything was safe. And from that day on every day was getting worse. I have the feeling that more lymph nodes are swollen but I got no cold which could get me some release that it has nothing to do with HIV. As a consequence, I sleep only 4 hours the night with heavily sweating (I guess from anxiety) and at the moment I eat only one meal a day if at all. Heat waves all the time. How about an ELISA 4. gen. (antigen and antibody) after 4 weeks? Thank you so much for any help…

[Ann]

Mad,

You have not had a risk for hiv infection.

As you already know, a broken condom is very obvious. What you saw on the outside of the condom would have been vaginal fluids, which can vary in colour and consistency throughout the monthly cycle. Her fluids being whitish and somewhat thick in the days leading up to her monthly period is totally normal.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST OVER THIS SPECIFIC INCIDENT, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

[MadHatter]

Dear Ann,

thank you so much! Vaginal fluid was also in my mind but I did not know that its variable regarding color and flow characteristics. Now I hope that the 'symptoms' vanish and I can get back to normal life. I will definitely stop searching for further information in the WWW. There is too much unreliable shit out there. I will talk to her about testing. 'Together' could be a problem as we have a long distance relationship. We will see...

Thanks again for your fast and comforting answer!
I wish you a nice weekend.