Dont want to worry, regards from Turkey

[Kapudan]

Dear Friends, All the best from Turkey.
I have been reading you for sometime and  I do like the way you all approach to problems and respect your knowladge.
I read all your lessons and many forum topics similar to my situation and would not write my worry as i know that it will waste your valuable time however I need your opinion.
I am a married guy since 2004 and been with my wife since 1997. No extramarrital affair. No drugs. We both are thalassemia carriers and we will have that artificial insemination thing for a baby next week. We will have the Hep C, Hep B and HIV tests again following the protocols of this.
We both tested before and the tests were negative.
However, 1 month ago when i was at the gym and as I was adjusting a weight of a machine, I suddenly saw a brownish thing on the knob of the weight. I pulled my hand back, a very brief contact with my finger tips with what was like dry blood happened. I checked my hands and nothing i could see. However as a precaution I went to the toilet and washed my hands immediately. I continued my routine. Next day back to gym..checked the knob. That brown thing was still there. Although it was less. I let this go.
After 3 weeks i got sick. Almost every year during season changes I have upper respiratory infection and it was the same. Some antibiotics, some pus coming out. Coughs and yellow sputum. And during that all of a sudden my fears of HIV appeared, being afraid that it can be the acute phase of HIV infection.
Obsessively I remembered the psoriasis on my hands. Yes it sometimes cracks and bleeds but never on finger tips and palm. And at the time of the touch, as always nothing like open wound (I mean nothing like a crack..no bleeding) was on my finger tips. (remember i touched the knob of weight with finger tips.)
Anyway my question..you understood already friends Could i be infected from a such scenario, HIV from dried blood to seemingly intact skin of index and mid finger tips with little dead skin.(dead skin means, some very outer layer of skin getting of, no pain, no itches and no blood) . Can psoriasis with no crack, no bleeding be considered as a non-intact skin just because some dead skin peels off and say makes the skin thinner.
The clock is ticking through the menadatory HIV test  before that artifical insem. thing but the days arent passing. Unfortunatelly i am very worried. I hate to ask u such a question but ..ohhh i dont wanna be a documented case. Thanks in advance and wish u all the best.
Sinan

[Ann]

Kapudan,

You are worrying needlessly. Hiv is NOT transmitted through objects in the environment. Hiv is a fragile, difficult to transmit virus that is mainly transmitted INSIDE the human body, as in unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse.

You did NOT have a risk in touching whatever was on the gym equipment. Your upper respiratory infection was just that, just like you say you get every year.

Don't worry about your hiv test and good luck with the baby.

Ann

[Kapudan]

Thank you Ann for your very quick and warm reply.
If you say so..I will try not to worry:)
May be the fear of artificial insemination makes me worry with such irrational things.
I have a history of OCD and afraid that it will pop up again.
Anyway. Thanks again and best regards to you and the team there.

[Kapudan]

Just one more question and i will not bother you again.
For my future peace of mind. I know my psoriasis wont heal and i know i should be careful by not touching any fresh blood if my hands have bleeding sores/wounds/cuts whatever.
Is there a possibility of transmission if i touch blood with my non-bleeding hands?
I mean does non-bleeding patchy psoriasis with some peeling off skin make my skin non-intact or vulnarable to HIV?
Thanks in advance again.

[RapidRod]

No there is no risk if you touched blood with your had. Wash it off.

[Kapudan]

Thanks Rod. Ann was very warm, u gave a very clear cut answer as always...
Who is missing is Andy Velez.
What do you think on that psoriatic issue Andy?

[Andy Velez]

How many answers do you need before you can sttop shopping for more of them. Both Ann & Rod have given you spot on responses. No, your psoriasis doesn't put you at risk for transmission. Period.

Get on with your life is my suggestion.

Cheers,

[Kapudan]

OK Andy, never wanna bother you. And I wont make it long. Thank you all for your assistance...and good luck with that great work.

[Kapudan]

Dear all,
This is my second question to you. Please don't get pissed off with me.
I have written down before, me and my wife are trying for a baby with IVF since we both have thalassamia trait. A lot of medical procedures made me obsessive and sensitive to things that normally I wouldn’t care.
In my 1st post I asked you if i had HIV from dried blood and you said no way. I had my HIV test and negative.
Now another worry. Last week, a guy walking on the street who polishes the shoes came by me and asked a cigarette, i gave.
He chatted with me a little and gave me his hand. I shaked. (How can i not shake a hand that someone gives.)
Again the psoriasis in my hands, not in the palms. In cold days the top of my fingers crack and sometimes bleed.
That day on the top of my little finger there was a crack and it was not bleeding, although i am not sure.
I didnt see any blood on his hands also but I worry if he had.
I directly find a bathroom in say 3 mins after the handshake and i washed my hands with soap and water.
Is there a posibility for me to be infected if my crack bleeds or say clear fluid naturally found in cracks (I am not sure that exist also) got in touch with some blood from the guy’s hand?  I know its just a handshake but my crack makes me worry a lot.
I am sorry to take your time. I am waiting for your response.
Be safe and all my best.
Sinan.

[Ann]

Kap,

No way was this a risk for hiv infection. You've already been told that hiv is transmitted through unprotected intercourse. Unless you also had unprotected intercourse with this guy, then you weren't at risk.

It sound to me that perhaps it's time you talked to a mental health care professional about this new-found hiv phobia of yours. We cannot help you with that here.

Ann

[Kapudan]

Thank you Ann, I wish u and your family all the best. Be safe. Sinan

[Kapudan]

Friends,
I can't get rid of my HIV phobia.
I know you don't deal with people like me however I will kindly ask you to make a final assessment for me.
I have been educating myself, reading many documents (online, books, paid subscriptions,assays, etc etc), taking the opinions of credible experts, discussing in aidsmeds, medhelp and thebody.
Been seeing a psychiatrist (MD) for almost 2 years for therapy and taking medications for the sole purpose to get rid of my HIV phobia.
I am at a point where I can give advise to some cases. But unfortunately yet I cant advise myself
You will recall from my posts, we are passing through the IVF procedure.
We don't have any known risks for HIV. We are monogamous. Been tested negative.
Just the handshake issue I wrote u before. Handshaked with a shoe polishing guy. I have psoriasis with cracks on my hands. I worry if I can get HIV from that contact.
Yesterday we were at the hospital, I gave sperm and eggs are harvested from my wife.
I couldn't stop myself and asked the senior nurse about the incident and she said “move on” . I went far and asked the same thing to the head of IVF department. A very busy, very serious, very rational, globally renowned professor lady. She really didn't care and just said “not from that incident, lets focus on the procedure pls.”
However those are not enough. I plan to have another bunch of tests tomorrow for Hep B-C and HIV before the embryo are transferred to my wife. although no one warrents medically and I am well aware that's a waste of money. (My only concern is to harm my wife, if it was just me I would not really care)
I will now cut the drama and will finally ask you.
“Is there a chance that I can get HIV from a handshake with my cracked hands (not bleeding, just 2mm long and some clear fluid on it) ? I have no idea if the hands of the guy is bleeding.
Thanks for baring me.
Regards from Turkey again.
Sinan.

[RapidRod]

Seek professional mental help to deal with your phobias.

[Kapudan]

Rapidrod, thank you for your comment.
I am getting professional help for 2 years: Therapy and medication. And still I am unfortunately in this situation.
Ohhh..Okay. I  guess I need to change my psychiatrist (MD)..
I will take your reply as another way of saying "Stop bullshitting and move on" 
Be safe.
Sinan.

[RapidRod]

Rapidrod, thank you for your comment.
I am getting professional help for 2 years: Therapy and medication. And still I am unfortunately in this situation.
Ohhh..Okay. I  guess I need to change my psychiatrist (MD)..
I will take your reply as another way of saying "Stop bullshitting and move on" 
Be safe.
Sinan.

I didn't actually say those words but yes, stop bullshitting and move on and lay off searching this forum or any other forum for HIV. You might look into OCD help, which cannot be done on any Internet forum.

[Kapudan]

Allright Rod. Thank you

[Kapudan]

Hello friends,

Its a shame I am still around however my fears are once again taking control of me.

I read many queries in the forum and you may say why the hell are you still writing to us but...i am sorry.

Just a a brief history once again…

Since 1996 I have that fear of HIV.

I had many incidents that i perceived as exposure and you know perception is reality.

I married in 2004 and it was a hell to have the pre-marriage HIV test. It was neg.

In the beginning of 2007 we plan to have a baby and my HIV fear popped up immediately and I got stuck with these non sexual risks. I know now that this was an obsession due to the stress.

We can only make a baby with IVF (we both have thallasamia threat) and my psychology was no good. That period was horrible. I was officially diagnosed as OCD and heavy depression. Threated with 200mg lustral/day, risperdal and xanax when needed..

During last days of 2008 my fear popped up again.I wrote you about a handshake thing above. 2 elisas after that, all neg.

Our attempts of IVF failed last time.

We gave a break. Because of my OCD our marriage was almost over.

We managed to restore.

Now we plan another IVF but unfortunatelly my anxiety popped up again and I remembered an incident 1 year ago.

I was at the car park and the vallet brought me my car keys.

While he was delivering me the keys his fingernail touched the place my fingernail meets my thumb.It was just a blink of the eye long touch.

I have psoriasis and at the time of the touch, it was a bit irritated with no open wounds or bleeding. Just red irritation (2,5X2mm).

I didn't see if the guy's fingernails/fingers had any sort of blood or not.

I immediately wiped it with those hygenic wipes, checked if any blood smeared on the white tissue and none.

2 mins later I took pictures of my thumb in case i will need later. I knew one day i would need that. (Uhhh and the time came)

My obsession continued after photo shoot, i wiped hard enough for around 5 mins and i could see some almost nonvisible red dots after that.

When i am back home I washed hands with soap and water, squeezed it hard to see if it bleeds. and after squeezing very hard for sometime again it hardly bled.

Now, if he had blood on fingers, is this incident an exposure or not..or thats pure casual contact and classifies as a f*** fear of HIV again?

Tomorrow is the day I will have another elisa since its always mandatory before IVF here. My anxiety realy elevated …Even now, i am really scared if i am clear enough to explain you the things or not....

Please tell me I am being an idiot and turn back to me. Give me a direction.

Thanks a lot. Sinan

[RapidRod]

   Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

[Andy Velez]

You are worrying needlessly. Getting tested for HIV always raises anxiety even when there hasn't been a risk.

As Rod has warned you, you cannot continue to return here over non-risk situations or you are going to find yourself getting a Time Out from the site.

You need to apply the information which you have received previously to evaluating new situations in your life.

[Kapudan]

Friends,

I had the pre-IVF tests and all clear.

It was a great relief although not a surprise since I went to the hospital with all the reassurance you gave me in hand.

Now I am seriously asking you one more thing for the last time on this subject.

I am really confused, frustrated and dissapointed.

After taking the negative result, I went back home at 5pm fixed something and scratched exactly the same spot on my thumb where the nail meets the finger. It bled a little but in 4-5 mins bleeding stopped. Its ok.

After that around 10pm at night i ordered something from the market nearby and the guy delivered my order.

I took the nylon bag from his hand in a way i do for the last 10 years..

However almost instantly my OCD kicked back.

If the guy has blood on his hand, if he is bleeding the same time I was taking the bag....If Blood from his hand came on my thumb...

I washed my hand hysterically and checked with a white cloth if my scratch is bleeding..i could see nothing red.

I even dont know if i touched his hand.

I know thats a big bullshit to think such a transmission route but my problem is the IVF.

In 3 weeks time we are going to start the IVF and no time for another test since after 3 weeks I will still be in the window period and not enough for a conclusive result.

If i tell my wife to postpone it because of this incidence, this will be the moment our marriage will end.

I am really confused, how can an OCD play such a game almost 3-4 hrs after  the negative result, if thats the OCD.

What should I do?

I cant live if i miss something and infect my wife and the embryo.

I know i am in danger of a time out.

I am a pain in the ass for you guys but i am really sorry.

Be well...

Sinan

[Ann]

Sinan,

You need to go back to your therapist and continue your OCD treatment.

Of course you didn't have a risk and you certainly don't need to test.

Keep posting over this latest no risk incident and you'll be given a time out.

Ann

[Kapudan]

Thank you very much Ann.

I am trying to get rid of this f*** mental hysteria and definetely i will go on with my OCD treatment.

I hope i win the fight with my innerself before it totally destroys me.

Stay well...