Who killed more in the bible..

[komnaes]

.. God wins by a mile.

Strangely, it's somewhat assuring.. 

[GSOgymrat]

By my logic God is responsible for every death. If God didn't want you to die you wouldn't die, Satan or not, as clearly demonstrated by resurrections in the Bible.

[Matty the Damned]

By my logic God is responsible for every death. If God didn't want you to die you wouldn't die, Satan or not, as clearly demonstrated by resurrections in the Bible.

Logic?

No wonder this forum has been offline if queers are talking about God and Logic in the same puff.

That shit just doesn't make no sense.

But neither does the Word of our Saviour and that's why we fall on our knees and suck from the bountiful offerings of his Horn.

Or somesuch.

 

In any event, I think it's time we prayed:

Heavenly Father,

Whilst that big ole' butch dyke who runs the "When Will I Get AIDS?" forum isn't lookin' we thank you for letting us live just that bit longer so that we might see the Final Days.

You'd think she'd shave, what with Jesus comin' back so soon and all.

I guess there's no accounting for taste.

OH GOD NO ANN, PLEASE DON'T HIT ME ON THE FACE!!

In Jesus Name we pray.

MtD

[spacebarsux]

"It's not God that is the problem, it's his fan club."
                                                    
                                                 -Someone on Youtube.

[Matty the Damned]

"It's not God that is the problem, it's his fan club."
                                                    
                                                 -Someone on Youtube.

Heh.

Why doesn't is surprise me that it's a Brown Person who's attempting to put words in the Mouth of the Almighty?

As clever as you might attempt to be the fires of Hell await you, and Jesus won't be fooled.

Well not again.

MtD

[spacebarsux]

Heh.

Why doesn't is surprise me that it's a Brown Person who's attempting to put words in the Mouth of the Almighty?

As clever as you might attempt to be the fires of Hell await you, and Jesus won't be fooled.

Well not again.

MtD

The various factions of God's fanclub find it hard to get along in this country.  They already splintered it into 3 pieces.

[Matty the Damned]

The various factions of God's fanclub find it hard to get along in this country.  They already splintered it into 3 pieces.

And isn't this how Jesus loves it? Heathens squabbling amongst themselves when the rest of us aren't looking.

Don't get me wrong, if I want my internets brought back online so I can give praises to the Almighty, I'm gonna look to India.

And a good deal on off peak calls? Well call me Ravi!

But that doesn't mean you're not gonna languish in the Lake of Fire!

Because y'all are idol worshippers and it doesn't matter a lick how decent you are.

You've rejected Jesus and you're gonna burn in Heck (I don't like to use the other word too much) and that's just fine by me.

MtD

[spacebarsux]

LOL .

I hope Christ is pleased by this:-  "Although, the exact origins of Christianity in India remain unclear, it is generally agreed upon that Christianity in India is almost as old as Christianity itself and spread in India even before it spread to many predominantly Christian nations of Europe." - Off Wiki

[Matty the Damned]

LOL .

I hope Christ is pleased by this:-  "Although, the exact origins of Christianity in India remain unclear, it is generally agreed upon that Christianity in India is almost as old as Christianity itself and spread in India even before it spread to many predominantly Christian nations of Europe." - Off Wiki

You can make cheap words about Christianity all you want but unless you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour (convenience permitting) as well as providing you have about USD$1350 in liquid tithes per month you might as well consign yourself to an eternity in fire.

Unless of course you can make good on the cash. When it comes to money, Jesus isn't fussy. He doesn't care if it comes from a white man's wallet or an Indian's sandal.

It's all green to God.

MtD

[spacebarsux]

He doesn't care if it comes from a white man's wallet or an Indian's sandal.

Much more money in Indian scandals . My life is too boring to partake in those, sadly.

[Matty the Damned]

Much more money in Indian scandals . My life is too boring to partake in those, sadly.

Well, whatever. So long as the minimum tithe comes in, Jesus will be content.

For an extra $450USD per month, I'm pretty sure we can locate Mrs Ghandi.

That's if Mr Singh wants her back.

MtD

[Joe K]

.. God wins by a mile.

Strangely, it's somewhat assuring.. 

I'm confused.  Who kept the tally of those killed by God and why has he not been tried for crimes against humanity?  Then again, if he doesn't exist, he could not have killed anyone and this is just another smear campaign.  The only way to solve this is by requiring that God show his/her long form creation certificate.

[Matty the Damned]

I'm confused.  Who kept the tally of those killed by God and why has he not been tried for crimes against humanity?  Then again, if he doesn't exist, he could not have killed anyone and this is just another smear campaign.  The only way to solve this is by requiring that God show his/her long form creation certificate.

Well of course you're confused.

You think that Christianity is some big box of chocolates where you can just pick and choose the bits you like and leave the nasty tasting ones to the fat trollop who was your best friend at school.

The LORD doesn't work like that Joe. You either take the ENTIRE WORD or you BURN IN HELL.

Man kilt or otherwise.

MtD

[spacebarsux]

You think that Christianity is some big box of chocolates where you can just pick and choose the bits you like and leave the nasty tasting ones to the fat trollop who was your best friend at school.

I have a close Catholic friend who is a big whore but uses condoms every time without fail. 

[GSOgymrat]

I'm confused.  Who kept the tally of those killed by God and why has he not been tried for crimes against humanity?  Then again, if he doesn't exist, he could not have killed anyone and this is just another smear campaign.  The only way to solve this is by requiring that God show his/her long form creation certificate.

Fortunately, we do have the tally. It is a fascinating list. With all the violence, how this hasn't been made into a big budget Hollywood action CGI, 3-D blockbuster is baffling.

http://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.com/2010/04/drunk-with-blood-gods-killings-in-bible.html

I kill ... I wound ... I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh. -- Deuteronomy 32:39-42

[denb45]

Well over here in the US, your not a very good christian if you don't give up @ least 15 to 20% of your income wel the whole problem w/ this is most people wouldn't have anything left to live, so, I guess that leaves me out in the cold, cuz I guess I'm just to queer and not rich enough  

[Matty the Damned]

I have a close Catholic friend who is a big whore but uses condoms every time without fail. 

Dear, we've been through this before. Cathylicks ain't Christians. Frankly they're worse than y'alls people. It doesn't matter if a Mary Worshipper uses a condom or not; he will burn for an eternity.

Such are the perfect ways of the LORD.

Fortunately, we do have the tally.

http://dwindlinginunbelief.blogspot.com/2010/04/drunk-with-blood-gods-killings-in-bible.html

I kill ... I wound ... I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh. -- Deuteronomy 32:39-42

Quote the Good Book all you want, you should know you're next on His list of Persons To Be Killed. 

MtD

[GSOgymrat]

Quote the Good Book all you want, you should know you're next on His list of Persons To Be Killed. 

MtD

Not killed, smote. It has a classier ring to it.

God is just keeping me around because my life is a cautionary tale.

[spacebarsux]

God is just keeping me around because my life is a cautionary tale.

I think he just likes your arms. 

[denb45]

Well I know I'm going to hell, and it is what it is, and I really couldn't do anything about @ this point nor would I even want to so in the mean time life is good for me  

[Matty the Damned]

Not killed, smote. It has a classier ring to it.

God is just keeping me around because my life is a cautionary tale.

Killed, smote, whatever. There's nuffink classy about your ring.

Cautionary or otherwise.

And just because you have an Indian (red dot not casino) and some sort of Mexirican police defending your fabulously contoured upper body dosen't mean a thing.

You're still gonna burn.

MtD

[spacebarsux]

And just because you have an Indian (red dot not casino) and some sort of Mexirican police defending your fabulously contoured upper body dosen't mean a thing.

You're still gonna burn.

MtD

Ford, don't pay attention to the Kangaroo boy. My Elephant God's trunk will come to your rescue and pull you out before you are devoured by the wrathful biblical flames. 

[Matty the Damned]

Ford, don't pay attention to the Kangaroo boy. My Elephant God's trunk will come to your rescue and pull you out before you are devoured by the wrathful biblical flames. 

All done as he rides on teh back of a rat, right?



MtD

[spacebarsux]

All done as he rides on teh back of a rat, right?


MtD

Yes. Far back in the story of evolution, rats were the Elephants. There's been a bit of a role reversal. But only we pagans understand such matters. 

[Matty the Damned]

Yes. Far back in the story of evolution, rats were the Elephants. There's been a bit of a role reversal. But only we pagans understand such matters. 

Well of course. But you Hindoos are so caught up with Elephants riding Rats and dames with more arms than is decent for Godly Woman to Have that you fail to see the convenience of Christianity,

So sure, you have to take the Bible literally and you can't do as Killfoile does, giving an A+ to this verse of scripture and a B- to another simply because his enormous whore of a husband has run out of Crisco.

But you can tailor Christianity to suit your life if you know what you're about.

Consider Matthew 26:11

The poor you will always have with you

Now if we go about giving away welfare to the poor we won't always have them with us, will we? So to be charitable would be unChristian.

Now I know that people are going to point out that tiresome verse from the Gospel about giving away everything you own but back in those days it was no lick of nothin' for a man to give up his donkey or camel or whatever and follow whatever lunatic came along promising all manner of crazy things.

I have no doubt that if Jesus had envisioned stock portfolios and BMW's and the like He wouldn't have been so quick for decent folk to give their stuff away.

So with just a bit of effort, it's not that hard to fit the Bible to your lifestyle.

It's just a shame that Ford can't make the effort.

MtD