When to Disclose

[LivingFree1989]

When do you ladies disclose your status?

I was talking to one guy for about 2 months and was scared to disclose and then I found out he had kids and he was still with the mother of his children. I was glad I didnt tell him. I have a thing about others telling my personal business its a big fear of mine. 

Now I started to focus on another potential. My gut tells me to tell him.  {with the previous guy my gut told me not to tell him}. We went to school together and if he doesn't take it well he may tell others he is well known in my area. But we really like each other. I dont want to fall for him or vice versa without giving him the option to choose and frankly im tired of running when I have feelings because Im scared of the consequences.

Just frustrating all the things i have to do in order to date. 

[Ann]

I ALWAYS tell straight up front, before even so much as a kiss or a cup of coffee has happened. It's a great way to weed out assholes.

See, that's one of the great things about being out of the hiv closet - you don't care if you tell someone and they go and tell someone else. So what? As far as I'm concerned it's yesterday's news and if there are people who can't handle my hiv status, that's their problem, not mine.

I live in a small island community that is generally on the conservative side, yet I've not had any problems being out about having hiv. Most people realise I'm the same person I've always been and go gossip talk about someone else - usually someone who's trying to hide something. It's no fun talking about someone when there are no secrets to gasp over.

Good luck which ever way you play it. Just don't EVER be ashamed of having hiv. Pretty much every adult on the planet has had unprotected intercourse at some point in their lives, so they've got no room to talk about anyone with hiv. It could be them - and for all most of them know, it really COULD be them unless they test regularly and actually know their hiv status.