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Author Topic: Friend Murdered In Philly Area; Grindr Hookup Suspected  (Read 4066 times)

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Offline tednlou2

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We weren't close friends.  I knew him through mutual friends.  We would chat, when we happened to be at the same place or in interactions on Facebook.  That was the extent.  I say that, because I don't want to give the impression we were close friends.  I don't need condolences; his family and close friends do.  The most we talked in any one time was probably 20 minutes.  We had a conversation about how his family moved here to KY, after fleeing his home country of Bosnia. 

He was due to be back home here in Louisville for Derby.  He moved to Philly last August, for an engineering job.  From what I hear, his sister went to pick him up from the airport, but he wasn't there.  She checked all other airlines, in case he changed for some reason.  His body was found in the Chester area of Philly, which I hear is pretty rough?  From what I've read, police have not gotten access to his phone or computer, due to the password.  But, they believe the murder was committed by someone he met on Grindr.  I'm not sure how they know that.  There's a lot of confusion about what his partner told police.  Some say he told them they had an open relationship and he was going to meet someone from Grindr.  His partner is still living here, from my understanding, even though an article says he moved there, too.  From what I have heard, he was beaten beyond recognition.  I have always heard that kind of assault/murder means the murderer knew the victim or it is indicative of a hate crime, because he was gay.  It does seem different from other murders, where social sites were used.  Those are often shootings or stabbings and not beating someone so severely. 

Back when I hooked up, I always thought how dangerous it could be.  I worried more about being robbed.  Of course, millions hook up without an issue.  But, you never know who you're dealing with.  There was a murder a few years ago here in Louisville, where a young guy hooked up with a man from a social site.  The man raped and then murdered him.  He said he dumped the body in the dumpster.  Investigators searched through the landfill for weeks, but never found his body.  And, there was the case of a Louisville gay couple using social media to get a guy to their house.  They murdered him, dismembered his body so it would fit in a plastic tub, and buried it in their basement.  They were on meth and other drugs and that murder was said to be about jealousy.   

Even though I didn't know him well, he seemed like a very nice guy.  Many of my close friends knew him much better and they are all shocked and grieving. 

http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/html5/video?id=9528482&pid=9528414&section=

http://www.queerty.com/philadelphia-man-murdered-dumped-in-alley-following-alleged-grindr-hookup-20140506/


Offline Theyer

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Re: Friend Murdered In Philly Area; Grindr Hookup Suspected
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2014, 02:46:55 am »
Its still tragic, shocking, brutal what ever degree off closeness .His poor family with the recent history off there Homeland and now this. As the best therapist I had often said life ain,t fair it,s random.
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline mecch

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Re: Friend Murdered In Philly Area; Grindr Hookup Suspected
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2014, 06:19:56 am »
Wow Ted, ick. And thats a lot of different info from the first article I read yesterday.

As a gruesome aside, I remember the Louisville murder. Didn't we talk about it in this forum when the house was put up for sale again. It was  nice house, priced low.  :(
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Friend Murdered In Philly Area; Grindr Hookup Suspected
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2014, 07:48:23 am »
I saw a short piece about this on last night 's news but it did not include these horrific details. Tragic.

Offline mitch777

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Re: Friend Murdered In Philly Area; Grindr Hookup Suspected
« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2014, 09:48:07 am »
How awful.  :(
33 years hiv+ with a curtsy.

Offline Dan0

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Re: Friend Murdered In Philly Area; Grindr Hookup Suspected
« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2014, 09:54:39 am »
How anyone can inflict such horror on someone is just beyond me. Senseless and gut wrenching.
"Honey, you should never ask advice from a drunk drag queen who has a show to do." - JG

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Offline Jody

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Re: Friend Murdered In Philly Area; Grindr Hookup Suspected
« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2014, 08:11:06 pm »
Very terrible and frightening news.  I told a friend of mine some years back to not bring guys home so readily and to be more careful.  I wasn't trying to remove spontaneous excitement and fun from his life by any means, just trying to get him to be more careful and mindful of the fact that unfortunately not everyone can be trusted.  He can be a bit naive sometimes and too trusting and that is not always prudent.  Predators who intend to do harm can often seem very nice at first.  Sorry to hear this sad and awful news.

Jody :(
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
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Offline vertigo

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Re: Friend Murdered In Philly Area; Grindr Hookup Suspected
« Reply #7 on: May 07, 2014, 11:22:29 pm »
Well that's very sad and quite sobering.  I saw the Queerty article earlier but didn't know anything more than that.  If it really was a Grindr hookup, won't the police be able to obtain the IP address of whoever he was chatting with?  I'm sure Grindr has server logs that record that data.

Offline tednlou2

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Re: Friend Murdered In Philly Area; Grindr Hookup Suspected
« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2014, 12:29:06 am »
Mecch, yes we did discuss that murder here.  I would think if this was someone he met from Grindr, police will be able search IP addresses and hopefully find this person or persons.  Of course, many can get cell phones without their name on the account and use the browser on the phone to log in. 

I just can't imagine what he endured.  I can only imagine what that would be like-- hoping someone would come to aid, hoping the person would stop and I would be injured, but able to get help.  I wonder if he was still alive for awhile, but died because he laid there without help. 

I've read some comments on news sites, even the Advocate and Queerty.  Many asking why he was hooking up while in a relationship.  Some asking why be in a relationship, if you still want sex with others.  People saying gay men are never sexually satisfied and put their lives in danger for anonymous sex.  Blame the victim comments.  I actually think it was pretty mature to have an honest situation with your partner, instead of lying about it and cheating when your partner thinks you're in a monogamous relationship. 

Offline BT65

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Re: Friend Murdered In Philly Area; Grindr Hookup Suspected
« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2014, 02:58:25 am »
What a senseless crime. 

I've told friends who use different sites, that I believe it's really important to meet in a public place, even if it's only for casual sex.  Spend time talking with the person to try to get a good indication of the person's nature.  Even though one can never be 100% sure of what someone else's actions will be once alone with the person, sometimes there can be a good enough indication to know the person is not safe.

I feel so bad for the guy's partner, family and friends.  The world can be such a brutal place.

Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

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Offline vertigo

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Re: Friend Murdered In Philly Area; Grindr Hookup Suspected
« Reply #10 on: May 08, 2014, 03:24:29 am »
Here's another story on the murder:

http://www.delcotimes.com/general-news/20140505/refugee-from-bosnia-idd-as-chester-murder-victim

It sounds like he might just have been so new to town that he didn't realize he was going to a bad area.  I don't visit Philly often, but have heard that Camden NJ (right across the river) is another spot to avoid.

Obviously bad things can happen with bar hookups also, i.e. Jeffrey Dahmer.  But this story emphasizes the dangers of going to meet someone you might never have set eyes on.

Offline mecch

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Re: Friend Murdered In Philly Area; Grindr Hookup Suspected
« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2014, 03:57:38 am »
Nobody "asks" to be a victim of violent crime.  A rape. A beating.  How about getting beaten to death?! 
Slut shaming in relation to violent crime is the sign of a weak intellect AND its disgraceful timing and mean-spirited.

_____

A lot of people can not bear the cognitive dissonance to think for very long about open relationships. Heteros or LGBTQ etc.  In some cultures more than others, too.

Open relationships are a mixed bag.  Fun. Sad. There are rewards, and costs.  There can be fantastic sex especially if people don't get adventurous with their beloved partner.  People get what they need, and want, and also people get hurt.  There are always more than 2 involved. Often, there are 4 involved parties.  Often there is one among the parties who will feel it at least sometimes as painful infidelity, not something joyous or neutral.
« Last Edit: May 08, 2014, 04:00:08 am by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline vertigo

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Re: Friend Murdered In Philly Area; Grindr Hookup Suspected
« Reply #12 on: May 08, 2014, 01:59:40 pm »
mecch, good and perceptive comments regarding open relationships.

Fully agree that the slut shaming "he was asking for it" reactions are horrid.

 


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