Realizations are sometimes scary

[HopeandCope]

I was talking to my husband the other night and he asked me how I was doing emotionally regarding my son's HIV and all the issues and I stopped and gathered my thoughts into how I was really feeling.

I am afraid.  Afraid of the meds, of the OIs, the fatique, the Blech feelings and most of all the depression that my child is going through.  I feel my hands are tied with manacles that there is no key to.  I have been sick, Christ, I AM sick.  Knowing what treatment, intrusive tests and Doctor after Doctor is like personally, I am afraid for my son.  I don't want him to go through what I have been through and face today but I also have to stop myself.

I have to stop and realize that my son is of me.  I am strong, he is too.  He will pervail, he will stay strong.  A few years back when I was hospitalized, my boy came into my room and laid down and wrapped his arms around me and said "Mom I'm Here"

I don't have to fear his pain or future but to embrace him every day and let him know I'm here.

Jude

[amm]

Wow. I don't know how your son came to be positive, but I have been considering having a child and know that life doesn't have to be terrible just because you are positive. I am not so far, but my husband is and we want another child and your post scares me a bit. But thank you, nonetheless.

[motherinneed]

My son is HIV positive.. sometimes it feels like my heart is about to burst with fear and saddness. I look at him and look in his eyes and would do anything to take that virus out of  his body. But then I see he is being strong and having courage..he even jokes about not having to pay his school loan back as he will be dead...and I must not break down..I must respect his courage.But it  still hurts. I know somewhere inside he is scared. HIV is being treated a bit better than before..it is treated more like a chronic condition. We need to get the stigma off the disease, but that will take a long time. People are still too judgmental, and that is sad. It is a disease not a sentence... God bless you.This site is what keeps my thoughts a bit more rational.  I hope it helps you also.

[richva]

...he even jokes about not having to pay his school loan back as he will be dead...

I don't know you or your son; his situation may be quite different than mine.  That said, I learned of my HIV+ status during my senior year of college.  That was 16 1/2 years ago.  Today, I'm doing very well... and all of my student loans have been paid in full (for quite some time now, actually.)

I wish your son many, many years in which to repay his student loans. 

Rich

[HopeandCope]

Thanks for your posts everyone!  I appreciate it!  I have been going through a set back with my illness but all is good now.  For those that asked my son was infected a year ago so this is very new.  I think with my post here, I was expressing what many Moms and Dads may feel about their child's illness but my boy is strong and beautiful!!!

I saw him over Thanksgiving and he looked great!!!

[dragonrainsd]

I wish you and your son the best! I know i am not really saying much but as a kid of a single mother. I know i would appriciate the courage you have for me as well. I am Negative and my partner is Poz, Haven't told my mom that but i am terrified to do so, but when the time is right i guess i will know.   . Again i wish you and your son the best, he has a awesome loving mom!

Dragonrainsd