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Off Topic Forums => Off Topic Forum => Topic started by: mecch on January 04, 2011, 06:20:54 pm

Title: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: mecch on January 04, 2011, 06:20:54 pm
Did they put something in the water?  I had a good time over the holidays.  But also discovered three marriages teetering on collapse.  Children in each one.  What a disaster.

Thoughts?
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Matty the Damned on January 04, 2011, 06:30:11 pm
It is always in the best interests of children to be kept in families where the parents hate each other.

MtD
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: woodshere on January 04, 2011, 06:35:07 pm
Did they put something in the water?  I had a good time over the holidays.  But also discovered three marriages teetering on collapse.  Children in each one.  What a disaster.

Thoughts?


Perhaps a disaster, perhaps not.  I only wished my parents had divorced when i was a kid as opposed to staying married 20 years in a horrible marriage that left my mom, sister and me scarred for life.  Verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional turmoil, mistresses to numerous to count and several half siblings.  Great childhood huh?
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: mecch on January 04, 2011, 06:40:18 pm
Oh yeah, thats exactly what I saw at my friends chalet - two parents who can't stand each other and these adorable kids kind of shell shocked by the crappy vibe.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: mecch on January 04, 2011, 06:42:40 pm
I don't get how that happens so much. I know people fall in and out of love.  But will the next lover, spouse, be all that different?  I worry about such things. There were not all that many divorces in my suburb when I was growing up.  Seemed like a fair amount of successful marriages.  Well, I guess thats just through the picture window. We don't really know. 
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: buginme2 on January 04, 2011, 06:46:08 pm
People fall in and out of love.  Thats the nature of living.

When I was with my last partner I couldnt imagine life with out him.  Funny how 10 years later I feel the same about my current partner.  I wonder what I will be feeling ten years from now (god willing).

Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: GSOgymrat on January 04, 2011, 06:53:26 pm
One of our best friends told us last week she is thinking of divorcing her husband of 30 years. She finally admitted to us that he has been physically abusive their entire marriage. He had a traumatic brain injury 20 years ago and will have to go into a nursing home if she follows through. Her oldest son is a heroin addict and can't hold a job and her younger son is depressed, 380 pounds, agoraphobic and has never worked. She has been caring for all of them, the sons are well into adulthood, and she has decided she wants her life back.
 
Last year another two friends who have a child divorced. She told me recently that financially it is so difficult that she should have never left the marriage. Meanwhile he has shacked up with his best friend's wife.

My younger brother also divorced last year.

On the other hand my other siblings are all in what appear to be successfull long-term marriages/relationships. My older brother and his partner got together in 1974 I think.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: mecch on January 04, 2011, 06:58:59 pm
It seems like buyers remorse in the case of these couples. I mean the kids are YOUNG. Two each in each couple.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Hoover on January 04, 2011, 07:02:36 pm
Sometimes a divorce is a good thing.
My partner divorced his alcoholic wife so he and I could raise the kids.
They were never happy and the kids deserved two loving parents.
Sixteen years later we all are happy productive people.
With that said, last week my partner asked me to fly to DC with him and get married in the spring.
After 16 years of living in sin, I hope it is still fun when it is legal...

Hoover and Dr T
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: GSOgymrat on January 04, 2011, 07:02:59 pm
It seems like buyers remorse in the case of these couples. I mean the kids are YOUNG. Two each in each couple.

Do you mean the couples are young or the children are young?
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: mecch on January 04, 2011, 07:05:02 pm
The couples late 30's. First marriages. The kids young. Two of the guys told me they really want to fuck other women. One said he was jealous of his gay friends cause it seemed to him we can have open relationships and he can't.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: GSOgymrat on January 04, 2011, 07:12:08 pm
With that said, last week my partner asked me to fly to DC with him and get married in the spring.
After 16 years of living in sin, I hope it is still fun when it is legal...

Hoover and Dr T

Congratulations! I thought you had to be residents of D.C. to get married there but I haven't really looked into it.

My partner and I were having lunch recently and something came on the television about gay marriage. He said "We're not getting married until it is legal and they get everything worked out." I was pretty stunned because in 18 years we have never talked about marriage. I'm not sure I want to be married but since it isn't possible anyway I just agreed that we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

The couples late 30's. First marriages. The kids young. Two of the guys told me they really want to fuck other women. One said he was jealous of his gay friends cause it seemed to him we can have open relationships and he can't.

Are open marriages still around or did they die along with key parties and disco? ;)

Wait a minute, you live in Europe. Isn't that supposed to be the land of mistresses kept in secret love nests where the wife turns a blind eye... or am I a victim of stereotypes and bad cinema?
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Joe K on January 04, 2011, 07:16:42 pm
I think a lot of people are far too conditioned for instant gratification and when they get married, they find out that relationships are damn hard work.  They want everything now, so let's get married and have kids in the first month or whatever.  They do not give the relationship any time to really build a foundation and when the kids come, they are no longer a couple, but a family and everything changes.  They never develop the skills to be a good partner and when the going gets rough, far too many head for the hills.

Society certainly does not help, now that you have baby-momma's and baby-daddy's.  I am absolutely dumbfounded by the number of women who have multiple children, by multiple fathers, with no marriage and often no commitment at all, from the fathers.  It just feeds this endless cycle of poverty and inequality and nobody seems to care.  So in an age, where a two year old phone is considered a "relic", does it really surprise anyone that marriage is now viewed as "disposable"?  Forget the spoken commitment to each other, when it's over, it's over and I'm outta here.  Saddest of all, is what do we expect our children to learn from such behavior.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: mecch on January 04, 2011, 07:25:08 pm
Open marriages dont really seem to be that easily discussed among friends.  We know the randy married guys but everything seems to be don't ask, don't tell.
To be gender neutral, however, it seems that the wife in one of these couples is the one who wants to stray. And, of course, to make it messy, she wants to stray with the husband from one of the other couples!
At least money is not an issue for two of these couples, I mean they don't face any sort of material privation if they divorce.
I dunno.  Its an interesting enough topic though, isn't it?
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Jeff G on January 04, 2011, 07:31:22 pm
I believe economic stress has much to do with divorce . The poor and the working poor or what used to be called middle class has so many things stacked against them for the very start .

If you are a young adult saddled with student loans and are trying to start a family just keeping your head above water is more than some can do . How can a family believe in family when you cant even afford to take care of one even if you are working 60 hours a week .
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: mecch on January 04, 2011, 07:35:22 pm
I could see tough finances contributing to stress in a marriage but it doesnt add up that the poor would divorce because of it - that would only seem to make it worse. Two incomes are better than one after all.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Rev. Moon on January 04, 2011, 07:48:12 pm
I could see tough finances contributing to stress in a marriage but it doesnt add up that the poor would divorce because of it - that would only seem to make it worse. Two incomes are better than one after all.

That is not the logic, Mecch.  Financial difficulties create more stress and kill any remnants of happiness that there may be in the relationship.  The whole "through the good times and the bad times" (or whatever that vow may be) doesn't seem to be followed much these days.  People just don't have much patience, resilience, or sense of loyalty these days.  It goes back to what Joe said; people jump/rushinto marriages (in many cases without being truly prepared or committed).
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Cliff on January 04, 2011, 08:03:55 pm
Divorce being bad for kids or a sign that we are morally bankrupt today, I think, is an exaggeration.  Kids are pretty reliant.  Maybe people today just don't tolerate shit (well being unhappy) anymore.  Do people jump into marriage nowadays? Seems like on average, people are waiting until they are much older to get married.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: mecch on January 04, 2011, 08:06:48 pm
I think you meant resilient.  Obviously they are "reliant" on the love and care of their parents.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Cliff on January 04, 2011, 08:14:03 pm
Indeed I did.  Thanks.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: mecch on January 04, 2011, 08:18:32 pm
Surely the kids would be better off with happy but divorced parents, if the finances arent so awful that is. But I guess what shocked me is that a couple loves each other enough to make children and yet not maintain the spark of love to keep the couple going.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Dachshund on January 04, 2011, 09:45:50 pm
It has to be the chalet.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Jeff G on January 04, 2011, 09:52:55 pm
It has to be the chalet.

Love can also die if one smiles with caviar stuck in the teeth  ;)
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: mecch on January 04, 2011, 10:17:03 pm
Sustainable Love
The Happy Marriage Is the ‘Me’ Marriage
By TARA PARKER-POPE
Published: December 31, 2010
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/weekinreview/02parkerpope.html?src=me&ref=general
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: GSOgymrat on January 04, 2011, 10:19:41 pm
A report came out recently which seems to indicate that a marriage gap is developing between couples who have a college degree or higher and middle class Americans. It appears that middle-class Americans are not getting married as often and are having more children out of wedlock.

http://stateofourunions.org/2010/when-marriage-disappears.php

(CNN) -- Over the past 40 years, marriage has foundered among the poor, with the nation's attention especially focused on the decline of marriage in poor black communities. But an important new report finds that "the retreat from marriage has now clearly moved into the precincts of [both] black and white Middle America."
The report, "When Marriage Disappears: The Retreat from Marriage in Middle America," was released by the National Marriage Project, a nonpartisan initiative at the University of Virginia directed by family scholar W. Bradford Wilcox.

Wilcox's study finds that over the last 30 years, among what the report calls "Middle Americans" (the 58% of moderately educated Americans who have a high school degree), the proportion of children born outside of marriage skyrocketed from 13% to 44% while the portion of adults in an intact first marriage dropped from 73% to 45%.
Meanwhile, among financially well-off Americans (the 30% who have a college degree or higher), the proportion of children born outside of marriage climbed only slightly from 2% to 6%, the divorce rate dropped from 15% to 11%, and intact first marriages dropped from 73% to 56%.

In sum, the relationships of Middle Americans increasingly resemble those of the poor, while marriages among upscale Americans are getting better in many respects.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: GSOgymrat on January 04, 2011, 10:24:25 pm
Sustainable Love
The Happy Marriage Is the ‘Me’ Marriage
By TARA PARKER-POPE
Published: December 31, 2010
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/weekinreview/02parkerpope.html?src=me&ref=general


Interesting article. I can see elements of that in my relationship.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Basquo on January 04, 2011, 10:31:49 pm
100% of today's divorces start with marriage. Just something to think about  ;)
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: bocker3 on January 04, 2011, 10:34:30 pm
Surely the kids would be better off with happy but divorced parents, if the finances arent so awful that is. But I guess what shocked me is that a couple loves each other enough to make children and yet not maintain the spark of love to keep the couple going.

One needn't "love enough" to make a child -- they simply have to have sex.  I think you'd agree, judging from your past posts, that love isn't a necessary ingredient for having sex.

I am with Cliff on this -- I think the effect of divorce on children is overblown in the media today.  Would children have better outcomes with intact, happy families?  Perhaps.  Will they have a poor outcome if in a "broken" home?  Perhaps.  Can one grow up poor, in a divorced home and turn out "alright" -- absolutely -- I did it.  Did I have issues, sure -- but not any all that different from friends and cousins in "intact" families with money.

So -- yes, if one makes a committment, one should work at maintaining it (Joe is so right, relationships take lots of work), however, if that work doesn't solve the problems, then divorce is a good thing.  It can help remove the bitterness and hurt that can happen from maintain a charade of a marriage.  

Personally, I think divorce is caused from the media portraying love as some easy and "perfect" thing.  Folks get horribly disillusioned when the glow fades.  Add to that the change in the last generation or so of putting the needs of the children first and foremost.  I don't mean basic needs, like food, love, shelter -- I mean letting them rule the roost.  This paradigm completely removes any time for a couple to be a couple (not too mention creating a whole slew of kids who feel entitled to everything.  So, you can't put "work" into your marriage when all your time is taken up giving into every whim of your children.

My 2 cents anyway.

Mike
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Ann on January 05, 2011, 12:18:52 am
Surely the kids would be better off with happy but divorced parents, if the finances arent so awful that is. But I guess what shocked me is that a couple loves each other enough to make children and yet not maintain the spark of love to keep the couple going.

You don't have to "love each other" in order to produce children, you only have to fuck (without condoms). Kinda like getting infected with hiv.

Yeah, Mike beat me to it, but I had to reiterate.

I grew up with two parents who hated each other's guts. If they had split when I was a baby, I most likely would have been happier. They didn't, but I still refused to let them fuck with my head to the extent that I visited their sins on my child. We are the masters of our own destiny, despite what horrors our parents may be.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: jkinatl2 on January 05, 2011, 12:24:14 am
It's the time of year. It's a dreadful thing, and I always end up in the position to shout a teary "I told you people" at the end of it.

People whose nerves have been frayed to the breaking point trying to work extra hard because of the holiday, buy shit they cannot afford for people they only know through blood (and then, barely) and end up cooped together in houses full of strangers while their own struggling relationships go off the deep end.

Duh.

All I can say is, to the people whose relationships did NOT go up in flames over the holidays, you folks have a solid fucking relationship.



Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: mecch on January 05, 2011, 04:13:10 am
Ah that's another good perspective - the stress of the holidays gives a special view.

As a side, it was pretty shocking when I arrived here for the level of consumer reserve - presents are few, modest, and far between, compared to my American upbringing. 

Had a talk other day with a Swiss woman who was an au pair 15 years ago in Larchmont (swanky ny suburb). She had culture shock when she arrived about all the consumption combined with the two parents working so hard to afford their lifestyle. And she blown away by the piles of gifts at Christmas.  They dont go in for that sort of thing here.

There was a young woman on Suzy Orman's last show.  (I love this show. I love this lesbian. Suze and Rachel Maddow are the two shows that seem the most reel and oddly entertaining on TV these days!)
She was in tears and falling apart because of the hock and her bf were putting themselves in for their wedding and honeymoon.  Plus, she had gained 15 pounds from the stress.  Hmmm. Bad start, eh?
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: GSOgymrat on January 05, 2011, 09:15:46 am
The average cost of a US wedding is $19,581! That to me is ridiculous. If I'm forced to get married we are having a hippy theme: naked on the beach with a pot luck reception to follow.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Miss Philicia on January 05, 2011, 09:53:02 am
I picked out the location of my wedding (http://longwoodgardens.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/poinsettia-baskets1.jpg) yesterday. Now I must settle on a dress.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: woodshere on January 05, 2011, 10:20:07 am
The average cost of a US wedding is $19,581! That to me is ridiculous. If I'm forced to get married we are having a hippy theme: naked on the beach with a pot luck reception to follow.

Now watch it there ford!  As a person who makes 20-25% of my annual income from a sideline wedding business, I say the more the better....:)

Seriously my philosophy on this is that if a family has the money to do a large lavish wedding then by all means go for it.  Most of my wedding parties are families who can afford the event and whose weddings are probably double the average cost stated above.  Where I really have a concern is when I see families that obviously cannot afford to spend a great deal of of money on the wedding.  The family or the new couple end up with huge credit card debt or use money that could have been used for a down payment on a home.

And Miss P when you do go dress shopping make sure you make it on the television show, "Say Yes to the Dress".
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Rev. Moon on January 05, 2011, 10:20:38 am
I picked out the location of my wedding (http://longwoodgardens.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/poinsettia-baskets1.jpg) yesterday. Now I must settle on a dress.

And who will be the WONDERFUL groom?  I seriously HOPE that you signed a pre-nup.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Hoover on January 05, 2011, 10:25:17 am
Thus far our wedding in DC this spring will cost us airfare, $80.00 for two tungsten rings,a few bucks for the person to perform the ceremony, certificates and food for 5 days.
My partner found free lodging from fellow members of homesacrosstheworld.com.
No need to waste money stupidly, but then again we are gay men.
When will straights learn?

Hoover
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: mecch on January 05, 2011, 12:19:49 pm
 Where I really have a concern is when I see families that obviously cannot afford to spend a great deal of of money on the wedding.  The family or the new couple end up with huge credit card debt or use money that could have been used for a down payment on a home.

Oh, I agree. If you got the cash, FLAUNT IT!  What do you do for parties? Food? Flowers?
The Clintons shelled out big for Rhinebeck!
But there should be no HOCK for a wedding if there is not cash.  Suze is really clear on this - and home ownership should NOT be considered the American Dream.  She has a formula for security that makes sense to me.  Oops, but I just spent 100 bucks today I guess I didnt have!
One of these couples on the rocks I referred to had the most miraculous wedding. And, they've built a contemporary home to die for.  Money doesn't fix everything, unfortunately.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Rev. Moon on January 05, 2011, 12:44:54 pm
Oh, I agree. If you got the cash, FLAUNT IT!  What do you do for parties? Food? Flowers?

I'd spend it on a honeymoon full of Central American rent-a-boys and exercise equipment.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Jeff G on January 05, 2011, 12:49:27 pm
I'd spend it on a honeymoon full of Central American rent-a-boys and exercise equipment.

I think I know of some one who used your wedding planner  ;)
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: GSOgymrat on January 05, 2011, 02:16:21 pm
And who will be the WONDERFUL groom?  I seriously HOPE that you signed a pre-nup.

The burning question is whether she will wear white.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Rev. Moon on January 05, 2011, 02:40:50 pm
The burning question is whether she will wear white.

You know she will; she is defiant like that.  Vera Wang I suppose.

And since both of us will probably be maids of "honor" I'm sure that we'll be given some fantastic couture to wear.  No pastels for me please.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: woodshere on January 05, 2011, 02:42:46 pm
actually i see the bridesmaids in something of leather. :D
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: GSOgymrat on January 05, 2011, 02:56:05 pm
actually i see the bridesmaids in something of leather. :D

For the sake of the guests, please don't put me in assless chaps otherwise I need to fly back to Brazil for more PMMA. How about something with a bustle?
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Oceanbeach on January 05, 2011, 03:12:18 pm
I picked out the location of my wedding (http://longwoodgardens.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/poinsettia-baskets1.jpg) yesterday. Now I must settle on a dress.

I am using the National Guard Armory in San Pedro near Sharon Tate's childhood home.  My brides dress will be made from camo and combat boots with fishnet stockings.  The 5 & 10 cent store on Pacific Ave where the young Miss Tate worked as a teen will provide all the glitz for the San Pedro Social Event of the year.  The music for the first dance of the newly married couple... Six of my former boyfriends will sing from the Beatles White Album  and the cake... The Grooms ex will jump out of the cake wearing a black sequined g-string singing in Portuguese.
 ;D  Have the best day
Michael
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Dachshund on January 05, 2011, 03:20:16 pm
I lost my dog (gay substitute children) in a deevorce once and she turned out just fine. Bet most of us don't have enough fingers or toes to count our one and only forever-evers.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: GSOgymrat on January 05, 2011, 04:00:56 pm
Six of my former boyfriends will sing from the Beatles White Album  and the cake... The Grooms ex will jump out of the cake wearing a black sequined g-string singing in Portuguese.
 ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Inviting the ex-boyfriends? That would certainly make for a memorable reception!
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Jeff G on January 05, 2011, 04:05:28 pm
I lost my dog (gay substitute children) in a deevorce once and she turned out just fine. Bet most of us don't have enough fingers or toes to count our one and only forever-evers.

If my ex had tried to keep my dog I would be a widow instead of a divorcee . 
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: woodshere on January 05, 2011, 04:13:15 pm
Inviting the ex-boyfriends? That would certainly make for a memorable reception!

Well mine would be a very very small boring reception if i invited the ex boyfriends....now if we are talking ex tricks, that would be very memorable!!!
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: phildinftlaudy on January 05, 2011, 04:19:30 pm
....now if we are talking ex tricks, that would be very memorable!!!

Wow, if I did that, it would have to be an extremely large reception hall or, perhaps, closed circuit television screens for the overflow -- or maybe just rent Giant Stadium (because phildinftlaudy has been with just a few too many people; phildinftlaudy would love to have that kind of reception)
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Rev. Moon on January 05, 2011, 05:24:07 pm
Wow, if I did that, it would have to be an extremely large reception hall or, perhaps, closed circuit television screens for the overflow -- or maybe just rent Giant Stadium (because phildinftlaudy has been with just a few too many people; phildinftlaudy would love to have that kind of reception)

Since teh Rev is an immaculate body his wedding will be held somewhere holy.  A choir of angels will sing at the reception.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: phildinftlaudy on January 05, 2011, 05:39:59 pm
Since teh Rev is an immaculate body his wedding will be held somewhere holy.  A choir of angels will sing at the reception.
I would love to be at your reception - I'm sure the choir of angels would probably sing selections such as "Like A Prayer" and perhaps, some classy R. Kelly tune...

If you wouldn't mind, I could perhaps design their performance outfits - something on the Bob Mackie side - maybe sequined speedos, with studded leather shawls, and for footwear, a Gucci styled, Snookie-ish boot.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Rev. Moon on January 05, 2011, 06:18:02 pm
If you wouldn't mind, I could perhaps design their performance outfits - something on the Bob Mackie side - maybe sequined speedos, with studded leather shawls, and for footwear, a Gucci styled, Snookie-ish boot.

Don't forget to accessorize.  Some tacky puke shell necklaces would be lovely.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: GSOgymrat on January 05, 2011, 06:40:21 pm
Since Ms. P is going to land either Geronimo or some other Latin hunk...

(http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l6v0gk6Sff1qzs0kqo1_400.jpg)

may I suggest something a Catholic boy might find appealing for the wedding and the wedding night.

(http://quotulatiousness.ca/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/DitavonTeese_HarpersBazaarRussia.jpg)

The dress is Christian Lacroix, dahling.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Oceanbeach on January 05, 2011, 06:49:06 pm
Inviting the ex-boyfriends? That would certainly make for a memorable reception!

Oh No Ford,

The ex boyfriends wouldn't be invited, they would be the entertainment.  In a Long Beach bar, my evil twin mentioned, "don't look now face but 5 of your boyfriends just walked in." Well actually, there were 6 and they were together.  They could be dressed as Elvis impersonators and singing, Elvis Costello.

I could move the wedding theme from the Charles Manson mass murder special in Los Angeles to a cute drive-thru wedding chapel in Lovelock Nevada where Butch, plain Butch(my brother) and Little Doll (the 360 pounds of pork in a tube top, sporting a bible and a bad attitude) my sister were married-  It was my brothers third marriage and my sisters second marriage on Valentines Day during different years.  They didn't really marry each other.  There would be a vending machine with rice, rings, Vail and witnesses and the Elvis Costellos could perform there wearing their Buddy Holly glasses!

I could do the drunken trailer trash family wedding with early morning cheap champagne in a city park while the brother of the groom jumps up on a table yelling, "The Bride is a Slut and I'll Fight anyone who denies it!" Get some rocky mountain oysters on the grill and a good time will be had in California.   ;D  Have the best day
Michael
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: David_CA on January 06, 2011, 01:43:13 pm
I've had two 'loves of my life' - my ex-wife (total of 14 years together) and my current husband (going on 12 years).  Things have obviously not always been easy, but I've never wished that I was not with that person or thought my life would be better without them. 

Attraction, feelings of love, etc are obviously part of a functioning relationship, but so many don't seem to have what I consider three key ingredients - friendship, dedication, and respect.  I see relationships where spouses try to actually hurt and manipulate the other.  By that, I mean feelings, physically, emotionally, etc.  Friends wouldn't do that to each other.  People who respect each other wouldn't likely, either.  Friends, if they're to remain close, don't smother each other.  A certain amount of freedom goes a long way to an individual being happy; when both partners are happy themselves, they're much more likely to be happy together.   
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: skeebo1969 on January 06, 2011, 03:24:54 pm
I've had two 'loves of my life' - my ex-wife (total of 14 years together) and my current husband (going on 12 years).  Things have obviously not always been easy, but I've never wished that I was not with that person or thought my life would be better without them. 

Attraction, feelings of love, etc are obviously part of a functioning relationship, but so many don't seem to have what I consider three key ingredients - friendship, dedication, and respect.  I see relationships where spouses try to actually hurt and manipulate the other.  By that, I mean feelings, physically, emotionally, etc.  Friends wouldn't do that to each other.  People who respect each other wouldn't likely, either.  Friends, if they're to remain close, don't smother each other.  A certain amount of freedom goes a long way to an individual being happy; when both partners are happy themselves, they're much more likely to be happy together.   

David that is so true.  One of my sincere beliefs, and a thought that comes to mind ever so often when I view things my wife does, is that I am not her father, nor did she get into a relationship to be told what to do.  We both have understandable boundaries...  but other than that are free to do whatever it is we want to do.  She has her "girl days" and I have my football Sundays, works out great.


"I consider three key ingredients - friendship, dedication, and respect.

had to quote that again for greater emphasis.




Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: mecch on January 06, 2011, 03:39:39 pm
Thanks for the last two thoughtful posts, bringing this thread back on track!   :D

I thought I had all that with my last bf, until I didn't after about 10 years.
Onwards and.... upwards? (he was short!)
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: bocker3 on January 06, 2011, 10:28:42 pm
I thought I had all that with my last bf, until I didn't after about 10 years.
Onwards and.... upwards? (he was short!)

Maybe you DID have it with your last boyfriend.  People change.  I've always found it interesting that people will end a relationship and negate any good times.  Sometimes things do just run their course.

David -- I do believe you hit the nail on the head!  My partner is my best friend, he is who I want to tell a story to first, when something happens or I see something interesting -- BUT......  I have my other interests too.  We would not have lasted 20 years if we were together 24x7.  I can't imagine my life without him, but neither could I stand being together constantly.
I think another thing is that you must be willing to "let the little things go".  I used to go crazy because he doesn't do the dishes or the laundry "right".  I realized that he only does them differently -- but rather than go nuts over it, I just do the laundry and the dishes myself. 

Mike
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: GSOgymrat on January 06, 2011, 11:10:04 pm
David -- I do believe you hit the nail on the head!  My partner is my best friend, he is who I want to tell a story to first, when something happens or I see something interesting -- BUT......  I have my other interests too.  We would not have lasted 20 years if we were together 24x7.  I can't imagine my life without him, but neither could I stand being together constantly.

I agree. Because my partner is a flight attendant he is gone for days or weeks at a time. When he returns we both have interesting things to share. It keeps things fresh. Also I have a lot of things that I enjoy doing that he doesn't. When he is gone I can watch a sci-fi marathon, eat moo goo gai pan and run the dishwasher with impunity. (He thought sci-fi was pronounced "sky-fi", moo goo gai pan is too bland and washing dishes by hands somehow saves water-- although how well water that comes out of the front yard and eventually ends up in the back yard is "saved" is beyond my reasoning).
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Miss Philicia on January 06, 2011, 11:23:00 pm
When he is gone I can watch a sci-fi marathon, eat moo goo gai pan and run the dishwasher with impunity.

Gee sweetheart -- which whip does he use on you when he's home and you order the wrong thing from the take out menu?
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: GSOgymrat on January 07, 2011, 12:36:26 am
Gee sweetheart -- which whip does he use on you when he's home and you order the wrong thing from the take out menu?

This is North Carolina. We ain't got no fancy whips. You go out back to the pawpaw and get a switch.
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Ravhyn on January 07, 2011, 01:00:50 am
I'm not sure about the civilian world, but I know here with the military lifestyle Divorce rates are really high. I've been married 3 times myself and I'm only 28 years old.  I think in part its because we rush a lot in the army life.  Or guys come home from overseas and marry the first girl they can.  Deployments cause a lot of divorces too. The divorce rate is so high though that the military does a lot of free counseling and marriage retreats.  It doesn't do much to counter the divorce rate.  Me and my husband dated for a few weeks before we were married.  But honestly, with  most couples I know that is common or typical.  Life just really seems even shorter too us, and the guys are only home a year in between deployments.

I've seen a lot of women think they can handle it, and then during the first deployment they break down.  My mom was one of those, she couldn't handle my dad always being away in the field or gone to other countries so she ran off with a guy who was getting out of the army.  The military has an old saying though "If the army wanted you to have a wife, they would have issued you one"
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Ann on January 07, 2011, 01:25:54 am
Ouch, Ravhyn. Did it ever occur to you that if the military wanted you to have a husband, YOU would have been issued with one? Damn. What's good for the goose...
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Oceanbeach on January 07, 2011, 02:12:05 pm
We were at the Legion of Honor museum yesterday,  There is an 18th Century painting on permanent exhibit on the main level.  He has been drawing me to that painting for over 2 years, the theme of this work is the bridal party before the wedding showing every human emotion possible.  I had thought of getting on my knee, taking his hand and asking him to be my wife. 

This thread ruined that for me, oh well...  In the parking lot, he wanted to show me something in his car, a new LCD HDTV set for me.  Then, instead of going to the non-member entrance of the museum, we went to the member entrance where he bought a 1 year membership for us, to be used at both the Legion and the DeYoung museums for unlimited entrance of all exhibitions...

I can't propose because, I am already "married."  I can expect our first "child" a 4 legged furry one which we will name "Little Milton," whose grandparents are GlaxoSmithKline ( the makers of Sustiva).  Little Milton will go on to enter and win the International Haiku Contest with his entry, "Do not tell me, I am responsible for your throw-up."  With an audience of drug reps cooing from around the world, there will not be a dry seat in the house   ;D  Have the best day
Michael
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: skeebo1969 on January 07, 2011, 02:58:31 pm



    Michael that amnesia haze is working good today, I get it.  I'm right there with you man.....
Title: Re: Too many unhappy couples, too many divorces?
Post by: Oceanbeach on January 07, 2011, 03:33:20 pm
  A choir of angels will sing at the reception.

My reception, let me tell you about my reception...

In the late 1960's there was a stunning blond, with a sultry voice who adorned the stages of Winterland, Lydia Pense fronted for a band called COLD BLOOD.  Cold Blood had a horn section which included a set of identical twins on saxophones who could easily be mistaken for the Tower of Power Horn Section.  Ms. Pense and her band disappeared in the early 1970's, a record retailer said she got married.  The final performance in black sequined, bare midriff was set in front of the wind power electric generators at Altamont.  The students who would become the CEO's of the dot com world would no longer melt on the floor of the auditoriums as she sang, "I just want to make love to you."

Well, she has made a comeback and for MY reception, I am going to have Lydia Pense, a 65 year old grandmother in black sequined bare midriff singing, "I just want to make love to you."   ;D  Have the best day
Michael